Again, I do not own The twilight Saga! Let me know what you think please, even if you don't like it! Same warning still all apply

"Alice, I need a few human minutes"

"Ok, five minutes. I will wait right here. Don't try anything Bella" She was eyeing me suspiciously

"What do you think I am going to do, jump out my bathroom window?" I didn't wait for her to answer and crossed the hallway to the bathroom.

I sat on the toilet, in absolute despair. This was the worst thing that could possible happen. Hiding this from everyone had been the most important thing to me and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt powerless, out of control and I could not see anyway out.

The tears started streaming down my face and my breathing quicken. I rocked back and forth trying to sooth myself. No one would ever look at me in the same way again. I have managed to ruin my life, my future life. How could I look at them in the eye? I started rummaging around in the bathroom, for anything I could find that was sharp. It's too late to hid now, there was no changing Alice's mind. Fuck it, I am going to release some tension before this most hideous situation plays out. Then I know exactly what I am going to do.

I was trying not to think about my future plan too much, so Alice didn't see my life vanish from her vision. I suddenly thought about the razor I had in the shower cubicle. I hurried now, I had been in here too long and I would not put it past Alice to break down the door. I furiously broke the plastic off the razor to free a blade from its structure.

I tugged up my night shirt and rested the blade on my arm, took a deep breath, and with force, ran it across my skin. I saw the edges of the wound part and the blood flowed in large amounts, warm and down to my hand. I felt instantly calmer. It was the worst cut I had ever given myself, I could see the fatty layers of tissue, not that I regretted it. Who cared now. It felt so good to be free. Better than good, it was comforting.

The blood flew in a steady stream, and I wondered to myself if I could die this way. I gave myself one more cut on the opposite arm, and watched as the blood drop onto the bathroom floor and took a deep calming breath. The stinging was helpful too.

The door slammed open. Alice didn't knock, she must have known what I was doing, could most likely smell it.

"Shit Bella, what the hell?!" She looked absolutely helpless and it was obvious she didn't know what to do. I felt a pang of guilt which automatically made me want to do it again. Before I even thought of this, the blade was out of my hand and a towel wrapped around each of the gashes tightly.

The next thing I knew I was being carried like a small child, and flying out of my window. This was it, everything was about to change. I started to hyperventilate again. "Please Alice please don't, please" I was screaming, trying to break free, not that there was much point in this.

"Shhh" Alice whispered into my ear, but didn't slow down. Her voice was broken when she spoke again "It will be ok Bella, just relax"

I took deep calming breaths but I was still violently shaking. I had to convince Carlisle to keep this between us three, being out of control wasn't going to help my case. The pain in Alice's eyes was exactly the reason I didn't want anyone to know. It's my issue, it should not turn into hurt for anyone else. All too soon we arrived at the familiar large white house. I used to love coming here, but todays visit would not be enjoyable.

Alice stopped before the front door "Do you want me to talk Bella?" All I could manage was a nod and I buried my head into her chest and started bawling again. I heard the front door open.

"Bring her in here Alice" Carlisle's voice was so gentle and soft. Alice put me on their sofa and sat next to me. She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and held me tightly against her. I was staring at the floor, I couldn't look at his perfect face.

"I thought you said she wasn't hurt Alice?"

"It wasn't a conversation for the phone. Where is Esme?" I was listening to every word, but keeping silent.

"She is upstairs Alice, but she is very worried" He was obviously asking for permission to include Esme.

"It's fine Carlisle. This is totally unnecessary, Alice is overacting" I made to stand up, one last ditched attempted. Of course, I couldn't stand, Alice held me even tighter and stroked me hair.

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that Bella. What happened?" Carlisle's eyes flickered upstairs, I was sure Esme would be listening. And I am 100% sure that he would tell her just as soon as I was gone. I think I would rather see her reaction then be spoken about behind my back.

"Esme can join us" I sighed with a massive exhale. Alice looked at me puzzled. "I am sure she can hear me anyway, and I can't ask you to keep secrets from your wife Carlisle" It sounded like I was being self-less, but I wasn't. I couldn't handle the thought of Carlisle filling her in later, and wondering how much she hated me now. I would rather just know.

No louder than we were already talking Carlisle said "Esme will you join us" I wasn't wrong when I thought she could hear us anyway.

Esme floated down the stairs and was sat next to her husband on the opposite sofa to us, in less than a heartbeat. Her expression was so concerned, it hurt to look at.

"Bella dear, are you ok?" I ignored Esme and stared at Alice, waiting for the words to come from her mouth.

Alice took a depth breath "Bella has been hiding something from everyone and today I found out. I didn't know what to do so I bought her here" The couple stayed silent watching me.

This was it. Shit. I felt the panic in my chest rising again "Alice, no please, please don't" I was getting frantic again.

"Bella, whatever it is, we will be here for you" Carlisle had left his seat to kneel in front of me and his hand was placed on my leg. "Please go on Alice"

Alice was stroking me hair again. "I am sorry Bella, I have too" Carlisle returned to sit next to Esme and sat with a neutral expression but you could see the worry behind his old eyes.

I watched them closely as Alice began to speak "Bella has been very ill. She won't tell me why, or what she is thinking. But I walked in to her room today and found that she has been hurting herself"

Esme gasped and put her hand slowly to her mouth, her eyes widening in shock. Carlisle left his seat immediately and was holding my hand, in front of me once again.

"Bella, can I see" Tears ran down my face silently and I just stared at him. Concern etched in every corner of his face. He didn't wait for me to respond. He slowly pulled up my sleeves and unwrapped the towels that Alice had secured.

"Alice, get my bag" She was gone and back before I could blink. "Bella, what did you use, was it clean"

"Those are a razor blade, I don't know what did those other ones" Alice replied for me.

"Bella?" He stared at me, no sign of hate in his eyes. Just absolute concern, searching to understand.

"Scissors" I choked out.

"Ok, that should be clean then. I can just stitch you up"

"I don't need stitches, its fine" I protested

"Bella, this is not fine. These two deep ones need stitches. The others we can just clean-up" He put his hand against my cheek "It will be ok"

He got to work on my arms. Esme still hadn't said a word. She sat there looking horrified.