Again I do not own The twilight Saga! Let me know what you think please! Same warning still all apply
Tears were rolling fast down my face now; my breathing was jumping because I was crying so much. "I'm so sorry" I stared down at my arm as Carlisle started stitched me up with ease.
"You have nothing to apologise for Bella. We can get you help. It doesn't have to be this way"
"No one can help me now" I said in such a voice that humans' ears would have missed it but not them.
"What do you mean?" Carlisle stopped working and stared into my eyes "Talk to me" he sympathetically rubbed my leg and I winced. They were sore from multiple cuts.
There was something warming about his face, I wanted to tell him everything but how.
Alice spoke for the first time in a while "Bella wants to end her life" I wasn't angry at her. I knew she was doing this because she loved me.
"Is that true Bella? Don't be afraid" Carlisle stroked my arm noticing the discomfort I had when my leg was touched and didn't realise my gaze.
"The truth is I haven't decided. I wish I were dead but I don't know if I could do it to all my family. Even though I know they would be better off without me" I manage to get the sentence out before a new flood gate of tears was opened.
Esme was by my other side now and pulling me in for a hug, ignoring Carlisle trying to continue to stitch up my arm.
"Bella, honey, our hearts would never heal if you were no longer in them. I know how helpless you fell but it will get better" This was the first time Esme had spoken and it was so soft, so quiet and yet full of understanding, there was no judgement. Then it dawned on me, she had been here too. Esme just sat and hugged me, as Carlisle started to stitch the other arm.
It was silent for a while until Carlisle spoke tenderly again "Do you have more cuts on your legs?" I knew it hadn't gone unnoticed. I nodded my head
"Can I see?"
"Are you going to tell Edward?" My voice was shaking
"Bella, even if I wanted to I couldn't. He can hear our thoughts" Carlisle spoke gently to me.
"Can't you just not think about it?"
"Not with ease. You need support Bella and I think it is the right decision to tell him. Do you want me too?"
I buried my head into Esme's shoulders and let the tears flow free. I couldn't answer him. I just sobbed. Edward will never take his eyes off of me again. How was I meant to control my anxiety if I was never alone to realise it? About 20 minutes must have pasted while we all sat in silence, apart from my cries. Carlisle had finished my arms and was now watching me with a deep sadness.
"All done" Alice announced as she elegantly sat the other side of me. I hadn't noticed she was gone.
"Where did you go? You didn't call Edward, did you?" Panic was taking over again
"No, relax please Bella. I went to clean up at your house. That would have given Charlie a shock" I hadn't even thought about the pool of blood that was on the bathroom floor. I nodded at her.
"On that thought. I do think Charlie has a right to know about this" Carlisle cautious suggested
"No, no, no. He won't cope. Carlisle no please"
"I will have to see what Edward thinks. If it were one of my other children and I didn't know, I would be very hurt Bella. Now can I see your legs?"
"They aren't as deep as the ones on her arm" Alice spoke for me and I was grateful "but there are much more than on her arms"
The thought of Edward knowing caused darkness to sweep over me. My vision went dark and I felt like I was in a swimming pool. My heart was racing and the sweat was starting to drip down my back. I heard some strange noises and it took me a few seconds to work out they were coming from me. I felt pain in the palm of my hands and the familiar feeling of warm liquid dripping down them. It bought me back to reality. Carlisle was crouched in front of me and Esme was whispering in my ear.
"Calm down Bella, breathe. It will all be fine, this is not your fault" I looked down at my hands and realised they were in tight fists and I had dug my nails so hard into my palms they were bleeding. It helped, I was a lot calmer. Carlisle prised my fingers open and wiped the blood away.
"I need to go home. Please can I go now?" They all exchanged anxious looks.
"I don't think that's a good idea. Alice can phone Charlie and tell him you are staying over whilst Edward is away"
"Please, I just want to be alone"
"Given the situation I would rather Edward be informed first. Let us help you Bella" It was so hard to resist Carlisle, he was too good, and pure.
"Ok, I will stay but can I have some time to myself" I needed to get control on myself
Esme kissed my head and made to get up. I let myself lay down on my side and bought my knees up to my chest and continued to weep. I wondered when I would run out of tears.
Carlisle
How could we not have noticed? How did we see through all the pain that Bella was suffering? We had to do something.
"Alice, tell me what I don't know" All three of us were upstairs, listening for Bella, but giving her space.
"I went through her window and she was crying, but she wouldn't tell me why. Then I smelt the blood and lifted her night shirt sleeve up, I just thought she had knocked herself, I had no idea what I was about to see. After I checked her out and calmed her down, she told me she needed some human minutes and I packed her a bag. I knew she wouldn't be going home tonight. But then I caught the smell again. At first, I thought it was the old wounds weeping but then it got stronger and I burst the door open. She had broken a razor to get the blade out. She looked so helpless sat on the floor bleeding Carlisle. I panicked. I don't think I handled it well. She begged me not to tell you. Did I do the right thing?"
Poor Alice, she looks so traumatised.
"Absolutely, you did just fine Alice. What about her legs, are they all old?"
"No, I think it was an everyday habit. There are so many Carlisle" The desperation in Alice's voice was evident. I wish Bella could see how much we all care.
"It's ok Alice, we are going to help her" I crossed the room to embrace her. I have had many dealings with this sort of thing, but luckily, I am alone in this. Although this is much worse than stitching someone up in the emergency department, this is someone I love. I have to help her. "I am going to get Edward back. Her anxiety is only going to get worse if she knows, while she is sleeping I can fill him in. If you can I would appreciate you controlling your thoughts, so I can explain this properly to him"
"Maybe we should leave for a while dear?"
"No Esme, Edward will want to hear it first hand from Alice, I can imagine. I just want to break the news to him. Perhaps you can speak to Bella, you have been in that place, maybe she will open up to you" I knew my wife didn't like reminding of her suicidal past. It must be so hard for her to be part of this.
"Yes, I can try" Her face was full of hurt
"Are you ok darling? This must be very tough for you"
"I am so worried Carlisle. I just know how hopeless she feels. I wish I had known sooner, I could have helped her"
"It's not too late to help her" I rubbed my wife's arm. I took my phone from my pocket and dialled for Edward
"Edward, can you please cut your trip short and come home?"
"Why?" Panic radiating through his voice
"All is fine Edward, don't worry. But if you could come home, I will explain when you get here"
"Ok, we are on our way. Two hours tops"
"See you soon" I had two hours to decide what to say to my son. This was going to break his heart, not that I would admit that to Bella. Hopefully she will sleep until he had calmed, to put on a brave face so we can actually start helping her.
