AN: THANKS FOR READING!
D: LAW AND ORDER SVU AND ITS CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE.
CAP: 19 – Live
There is nothing, just an empty endless maze of moss-covered trees. This is so quiet that the silence becomes a terrible pressure in my ears. I run through the darkness without direction, looking for something. I begin to feel more and more frantic as time passes so I try to move faster. Despite my speed I keep running awkwardly, until I notice that there is nothing to seek, nothing to look for... there has never been anything more than an empty park. I arrive to an empty, wet street, and slow down just to walk around. When I recognize some way to take me back home I ignore it and continue by the same lonely avenue. Anyway, I know that there is nothing to find there either.
"Liv." I hear his voice next to me but I don't want to turn to face him. I just keep walking. "Where are you going?"
I really don´t know where I'm going. I'm so exhausted that I can´t answer. At the end of the day this is the same nightmare in which he is not really by my side and I know that at some point I will awake with the pain in my chest.
"You have to go back." I keep walking. "You can´t give up. You need to be strong." His voice is so serious but yet lovely. The cold runs through me and I can feel my whole body is wet ... but there is no rain.
"Olivia." I hear another voice and I try to clarify my view. "You are ok Olivia. Wake up." A blond man is looking at me just waiting for an answer. This feels like a dejavu; it´s just like that cold night.
"Olivia, can you hear me? I'm Dr. Beresford." I turn around to see my surroundings. I'm not in the same room I woke up the last time, nor in my own room. I'm in another place. I turn back to see him.
"Where am I?" I manage to say and my lungs burn intensely, but it´s not the same burning I´ve been used to, this is different.
"You are in Mercy Hospital, Olivia." He tells me in a calm tone. The burning in my longs keeps going and it´s hard to breathe; my hand flies to my chest unconsciously.
"How do you feel?" He asks.
"Cold." I answer with a tremble voice.
"Well, you´re sick Olivia. After your night in the park flu was obvious. And now here we are again." I stop to think for a second. Was I found out of house again? Was I in the park? I try to think what´s the last thing I can remember. Alexandra was with me, going all crazy about the mess of my apartment. "It is the second time I see you in a month." Doctor´s voice takes me out of my memories. I focus on his eyes. He has a warmth glance. He is not complaining, he looks authentically concerned.
"What happened?" I manage to ask not remembering much more.
"Your friends found you unconscious in the tub." His words help me remember.
"Liv." Alex voice is suddenly heard so my eyes flies towards the entrance to the room and there she is with all her mascara ruined and the sadness in her eyes so present. She walks towards me.
"You scared the hell out of me!" She says hugging mi with euphoria. I don´t understand much.
"What happened?" I ask her now. Her eyes drop down and then turns to see the doctor with sadness. I can´t fucking understand and she is not helping me. At what moment was I taken out of my time capsule? How the hell did I get here?
"You don´t remember?" She asks.
"No." I answer the obvious.
"You got into the tub and tried to… you were drowning and…" Her voice broke trying to explain me. I keep quiet and think about her words. Had I try to kill myself? Is she crazy?! That I´m still alive is the only thing left for me to know that he´s real. Honestly if I had wanted to kill myself I would have done it long ago. But I don´t want to die. That's the last thing he would allow me to do. His last words echo in my head every second of the day. I have to be strong. If there is something I´m more sure of is that I won´t take away my own life!
"Alex I didn´t…"
"Calm down Liv, Huang will come to talk to you."
"What?!" I exclaim in surprise and frustration.
"I´m sorry Liv. I should have…"
"Shut up Alexandra! I didn´t try to kill myself!" For the first time in a while my voice is strong despite the pain in my lungs.
"I know it's hard to face reality. I know he is gone Liv, but you should…."
"Shut up!" The pain in my chest starts appearing in answer to her words. I remember each awful second he hadn´t been with him. That he had gone forever and he is not coming back. Why would she take me out of my haze? Who allows her to confront me with this? I feel the tears falling down my cheeks. I take a deep breath. I remember being in the tub and feeling exhausted. I remember being in there and letting sleep take over me.
"I didn´t attempt to kill myself Alexandra. I fell asleep. I was tired." I try to explain her without exaltation this time. The last thing I need is to fight with her. She sits beside me and takes my hand. "You think I´m lying." I assure with sadness. I can´t blame her.
"I don´t know what to think Liv ... You're the strongest woman I've met in my entire life. When I saw you so depressed ... I got scared ... I call you every day with fear that you wouldn´t answer. I talked with caution afraid to say something that might upset you. You would thrill by the smallest things and although I always hoped that you accepted to go out with me or invite me to your house you never did." I feel how she shudders and it makes me shake at the memory of her calls. I let out a sigh. I never achieved to make her believe I was ok. "I wasn´t sure if it was in your nature to recover from such a thing." I look at her and nod. "And when I saw you unconscious immersed in the water the fear gripped me. If you from all people give up then… I don´t want to lose you. I'm sorry."
"I just fall asleep." I can only repeat, more for me than for her. My own pain has harmed other people.
"I believe you. And I'm sorry if left you alone all this time."
"I needed to be alone." I say without much encouragement. Despite everything, I know that all this time alone had helped me. I needed it. And, just maybe, now I'm ready to face my reality. Keep going without him.
"But now you are not alone Liv. You will never be alone again." She says with the beginning of a smile. "Now you have to be the strong Olivia I know. For you and for your baby."
TO BE CONTINUE ...
AN: THANKS FOR READING...
NEXT: HOW WILL OLIVIA REACT TO ALEXANDRA´S WORDS?
