AN: I HOPE YOU ARE STILL ENJOYING THIS. THANKS TO THOSE WHO READ :)

D: LAW AND ORDER SVU AND ITS CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE.

Chapter 23 the awake.

I listen to the wind blowing in between the cars that we pass by. Fin is driving with caution because it's difficult to see through the snow. I keep my gaze in the window just looking at my reflection in the lateral mirror. I am different. Somehow I look like a total stranger. It is like everything around me is full of color and I am just black-and-white. I can't acoid the guilt this makes me feel. All this is so difficult.

"Are you all right?" Fin asks me without taking his eyes from the road.

"I'm not sure."

"Olivia, you know that we are here for you righ?"

"Yes I know thank you. It's just that I feel alone without him." I manage to say the words without thinking that much. I know that if I think to much, they would find a way to hurt me.

"Look I don't want to be rude with you. I know that it's more difficult for you than it is for us. But we also lost him, Liv. We lost a good friend and we don't want to loseyou too." His words are strong ones but I have to admit they are real. I've let my pain and my selfishness hurt others. But how can I get out of this? It's not like I've decided to, have I? Did I prefer to stay in my zombie state? "I'm sorry Liv. It's just did you have to find the strength in you. You have to go on. I mean that life will keep going for us that stay here." Odafin keeps talking. "Olivia, do you think he would like to see you like this. The truth is that he never liked to see you sad."

The silence comes back until we arrive to my building. I just let out of big sight and I open the car's door.

"Fin, I didn't decide to be like this. I'm sorry." And I get out of the car.

"No Liv..." I close the door and walk carefully on the ice that's left on the sidewalk, as I listen how he gets off the car. "Liv, wait. I didn't want to... I'm sorry I know this wasn't your decision but. I also know how strong you are. I know that you can deal with this. You can." I just look at him with my eyes full of tears but I fight them back.

"I'll be fine." I say.

"I trust you will." He says with a warm smile and I try to smile back but I don't achieve anything.

" I just need some sleep. Ahm... I'll call you tomorrow."

"I'll be waiting for that call." He says with a serious look I just nod and see him as he walks back to the car and I just wait there until he goes. I turned to face the building's door and I look into my pocket for the keys but there's nothing there. I don't have them! I don't have anything! I let out a big sigh and lean against the door. The very closed door. Then a memory arrives to my mind. This is not the first time i've locked myself out of my own building.

"Dammit!" I say as I notice I don't have my keys with me. Perhaps I forgot them at the karaoke bar. I lean against the door and look at my wrist clock. "Who is going to open you at 3 AM in the morning Olivia?" I scold myself.

Resigned that I had to go back to the station by taxi to go and get my copy key I begin to walk.

"hey stranger!" I listen to his voice so I just turn around to try and find him. There he is, leaned into a near street lamp post, playing with my keys in his hand and giving me his cocky smile. "Did you lose something?" I just walk towards him.

"How come you always appear out of nowhere when I'm in trouble?" I ask him.

"Well I'm supposed to have your back, partner." He answers back handling me the keys. "You shall give a copy to one of your neighbors. I won't be always here to rescue you."

A car that passes by with an unusual high speed brings me back to the present. I look up to the sky and let out a big sight.

"Where are you now?" I'm not sure if I am actually talking out loud or if I'm just thinking. The only thing I'm sure is that I am talking to him.

"No keys?" I hear a voice that makes me turn around immediately somehow scared. I recognize the boy in front of me. My neighbor's son who is nearly 17 years old. She looks at me with a time smile and I just managed to nod a little bit embarrassed.

"Oh come in. I'm sure my mom has your copy." He opens the main entrance of the building and let me get in first. We walk in silence until we are arrive to the fourth floor and I wait in the hall until he appears again with my key, which I thanks.

"Here you go." He handles me the keys while looking at me with doubt. "Ahm.. are you OK?" He asks cautiously. "Well it's just that we have been listening some screams coming from your apartment lately." I know what he's talking about. I remember how I wake up in between creams because of the nightmare. At least the nights that I can afford to sleep. I never thought about the neighbors.

"Oh that... Nightmares. Sorry." I explain without actually lying to him.

"Sure. Well if there's anything we can help with." I just try to smile and say goodbye with my hand while opening the door to my apartment and get in kind of quickly. I stay standing up in the entrance noticing how everything smells clean.

"Thanks." I say looking to my ceiling. "I guess you are still hear to rescue me." I work with insecurity. I don't know If I want to go into my room. I don't know what I want to find in there. Maybe I'll find a whole cleanup room where the time has been freed through the window. Or maybe the room I remember, The one where the time has been held and everything has been frozen. The worst is that I don't know what I want to find. So I just walk towards the room's door and for my surprise, unlike the rest of the apartment, my room is just as I left it... as we left it.

It's hard to read again I don't know what to do so I just begin to walk. Maybe I will just start to walk around like a zombie again. I take his blue shirt and I let myself down on the bed. I take it against my chest and I'm capable of smell his lotion. I really need him. Dammit this doesn't help at all. I accept that the pain is going to come again and I let the burn in my chest apear. My throat gets closed as I fight to bring the mist back to protect me, but it won't come back. The pain invades me and I don't have any protection.

However, I notice that I will survive. I'm alert. I know that I'm suffering. I recognize the pain that is running through all my veins. And I can handle it. I can live with it. It hasn't gotten any weaker. The time hasn't make it disappear. By the contrary feels like it's me who is getting stronger. At least strong enough to handle it.

Whatever it is that keeps me alive tonight, may be the memories or my nearly death experience, or Odafin's strong words... Or maybe the possibility of new life growing up in me. Whatever it is, I'm sure of something: today I've waken up.

To be continue...

AN: I'll BE WORKING ON ALL MY STORIES NOW THAT I'M ON VACATIONS. LET ME KNOW YOUR OPINIONS.