D: LAW AND ORDER SVU AND ITS CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE.
CH 29 CRY
"Who's the father?" My breath stops and the burning in my chest appears again. I know who the answer but I can't say it aloud.
"I'm not sure." I lie. And surprisingly I do it better than I expected because her expression turns into a doubtful one.
"Olivia. With how many men did you slept a month ago?" she asks with skepticism in her voice. Well, I didn't lie that well after all.
"I don't know." It's the only thing I can say while she doesn't separate her eyes from me.
"Liv, do you really want me to believe you've been bringing strange men into your bed because of your depression?" she knows I'm lying.
"Case." I say in a tired voice. I don't really have the strength to debate with her right now. I let myself back down in the couch trying to suppress the pain. Of course I haven't been with anyone else in months before that night. Before him.
"You know who the father is." Casey says as she moves trying to look me straight to the eyes but I evade her.
"I'm not sure." I say again this time with my voice even more haltingly. "I need you to keep it a secret." I decide to ask before she tries to figure out more. "I don't want anyone knowing yet."
"About what?" She asks. "About you been pregnant or about him been the father?" Her voice strong and full of security. I sit up again in order to face her.
"Him?" I ask her wanting to know who she is talking about. Maybe she is just trying to take the information out of me.
"Elliot." She isn't. She says his name with all the security she has making my wound burn as hell. My tears escape once again burning my eyes. The knot in my throat forming again and the air escaping from my longs. I try to take more air inside but I only manage to sob. Casey takes me in her arms. "I won't say a word." She promises trying to calm me down. The feelings attacking me harshly.
"Why?" I manage to say as Casey hugs me strongly. "Why it has to be like this?" The anger taking control of my brain, separating from all the other feelings. I need to complain. To take it out. "Why did this had to happen? Why now?!" I have the need to punch something.
"Oh Liv. Cry… cry." The compassion in her voice helps as she snuggles me. I can listen to my crying as I have never listen to it before. A cry full with anger and sadness.
The time passed faster than I thought. I look at my hand watch… a quarter to two am. I'm lying in bed with my eyes all swollen for the cry. My throat aches for the sobbing and the chest wound beating constantly. Casey promised not to reveal my secret, she stayed with me until night waiting for me to gain some control. She made me dinner and made sure I ate it all. Finally I could convince her to go back home. I promised her I was better. A fake promise but necessary to make her leave me alone.
I wander inside my head trying to understand how those this happened. Well, I do know how it happened but it wasn't really planned. Forcing myself not to go to deep into the memory of that night I try to find out when did us made the "mistake". I don't think that is the correct word to use, because this doesn't feel like a mistake for me. I've always been really careful about it, since I started my sexual life. I remember we used protection. I was the one to ask for it. As I keep looking inside my memories my stomach has that familiar feeling once again. I wake up as fast as I can and run towards the bathroom where I just let myself down in the floor in front the toilet.
I concentrate on my breathing trying to control the nausea. The dinner was too much but Casey wouldn't let me leave it. I soon gain control of my stomach again and I stay down in the floor for a while trying to breath slowly. I close the toilet and stretch to flush it away. I manage to stand up and reach the sink making sure to fill my mouth with fresh cold water. I look up towards the mirror and look at my reflection. I have a horrible semblance. My hair and my skin looks awful. I have two big dark circles in my eyes. I don't want to see myself like that so I turn around on my heels and face the shower. And it all came back. Elliot and I in the shower. The kissing. The soft touches. The love making. The wound in my chest burns immediately as I try to force the memory away from my mind. I turn around once again just to find my brown eyes filled with tears once again. He had hugged me so warmly that night. He promised me he was going to stay for me forever. The night I felt so linked to him, so complete. The moment we were so perfectly happy and full of joy that neither of us stop to think on protection.
I step out of the bathroom trying not to revive the beautiful memory. I feel dizzy and confused. I let myself down in the bed and hug my ribs trying to suffocate the burn in my chest.
"I'll always be with you babe; in body or spirit… but I'll be here with you always." I listen to his voice as clear as that day. A breeze runs up my spine and for first time in what seems forever I can actually feel him beside me. My eyes give up closing slowly. My body is tired. I can't stay up much more time. I'm scared of the dreams, the nightmares or the memories that may hunt me tonight. I don't really know what to expect now.
TO BE CONTINUE
AN: SO... WHAT WILL HAPPEN NOW?
