AN: Thanks for reading. I remember been craving Chinese food back when I wrote this chapter...

Sorry for grammar or spelling mistakes.

D: law and order svu and its characters are not mine.

CHAPTER 34 HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN?

—Your other partner is gone. — I feel the pain appear furiously in my chest. My vision is blurred and I feel a tear slipping down my skin. I find it difficult to breathe and I try to keep my mind from deepening the meaning of his harsh words.

—ahm.. I'm sorry. I didn't mean…— he comes up to me trying to apologize. I take a step back and look at him trying to let him know he can't come any closer. I am surprised by how a couple of words from a complete stranger have managed to get me to the edge of that terrible abyss. I try not to fall but I feel like I'm losing my balance to the great gravitational force that pulls me back.

—That wasn't necessary.— I manage to tell him while trying to regain some air inside my longs.

—What's wrong with you? — I hear a loud growl and I identify Fin's voice from the hallway. I turn around and try to clean the tears that keep coming out. I hear a couple of steps getting closer and closer.

—Hey I ... —

— What? Are you wrong on your head? —

—I did not want to…— They begin to argue while I look for that force that had appeared from somewhere this morning. I turn to try to intervene, but Cragen is already stopping that fight.

—Detective Ramírez, please withdraw. — he asks with that demanding voice. Samuel just looks down and takes his jacket grumbling out of the office.

—Liv ... are you okay? — Fin asks me worried with a tone of anger still present in his voice. I can only nod as I continue to focus on keeping my breath steady so I don't fall apart in front of them. —He is an idiot.—

—Enough. Liv you will work with Fin this case. — Cragen tells me. — If you feel good to continue. — Something in his voice bothers me. It is not really the case that has affected me but rather the words said by Samuel. They have managed to confront me to a reality that, although I know exists, I've been trying to ignore.

— Yes, I can continue. — I assure him, being able to speak more calmly. He just nods.

—Liv. — a familiar voice makes me turn around and I see Alexandra coming inside with an expression of doubt. —Is everything ok? —

—Yes. — I say immediately to prevent her from finding out what happened.

—I juts saw that new detective storm out of here. —

—He doesn't know how to work with victims and we had a fight. — I say with annoyance.

— You don't have to work with him anymore. — Fin says taking his hand to my shoulder. —It will be Munch's problem now. — Alexandra only watches me making a face of understatement.

Silence fills the room until out of nowhere my stomach growls like an animal. Everyone turns to look at me with a smile and I can feel how the color has lodged in my cheeks.

—I think I'm hungry. — I say a little embarrassed.

—I think you are. Let me invite you dinner. — Alexandra says while giving Fin the folder she had in her hands. —The sentence from Robinson's case you asked for. — She explains him to then return her blue gaze towards me. —And later I'm taking you home. — I just rush to take my coat and the file of the new case and say goodbye to Fin and Cragen. I won't turn down a dinner invitation. Some food will help me focus.

We arrive at a Chinese food restaurant in time square where I had never been before. It all scream Alexandra Cabot all around. Elegant and fancy. A young man attends us at the entrance taking us to a table and bringing us the menu. My stomach roars once again just from looking at the menu.

—Girl! are you hungry.—Alex says smiling at me.

—I spent all day with the victim. I haven't eat a thing. — I explain while I continue reading the menu. Everything seems delicious to me. I am also thirsty. Terribly. Luckily, as soon as the waiter approaches Alex calls him to ask for the drinks .

—A Martini for me please and for you? — I start to read the drinks menu but before I can decide I stop ... I can't drink alcohol. Right? The last few hours I've been so busy at work that I really had forgotten about ... about my pregnancy. Which reminds me that, If Casey hasn't open her mouth, Alexandra still doesn't know.

I remember her been more excited about the pregnancy test been positive than myself. I think this is a good time to tell her about the hospital tests. But it is a better idea to order my drink before she thinks I am shocked again.

—Cold milk please. — I say without even thinking. That is what my brain wants, I guess. Both, Alexandra and the waiter, look at me with doubt in their faces. I nod and the waiter writes the order in his notebook trying not to laugh. — And I'm going to order menu 3 and 6 please. — I say trying to avoid the awkward moment, but I think it has become even more awkward because the waiter is not able to stop his laugh anymore. Alexandra's eyes pop out in surprise but she still doesn't say a word.

— And for you? — I ask her trying to look normal. She just smiles and turns to see the waiter.

—Number 4, thank you. — she says giving him the pair of cards.

—Right away. — he walks away still trying not to laugh, Alex turns her eyes to me.

—Are you feeling ok?... Is this some kind of zombie diet or something? — She asks trying to hide her smile under a fake serious expresión.

—What? Why? — I try to evade the question with another question.

—Well, let's see you ordered a glass of milk to accompany some salad rolls and fried rice with sweet and sour chicken and berbiquí ribs. — She repeats my order from memory with a disgusted face.

— Yes I did. — I say as if it was the most normal thing in the world, and to tell the truth it doesn't sound disgusting to me. Maybe it should, but it doesn't . I really crave cold milk and Chinese food ... What's the problem?

—I repeat, are you feeling ok? —

— And I repeat that I am ok. — My stomach roars again, and my hand flies to my abdomen.

—Okay ... if you want to take advantage that I'm buying go ahead. But I want you eating it all.— I just nod and as soon as the food is on the table I start devouring it.

I try to avoid any topic related to Elliot, although everything in my life reminds me of him. Catching up with the new case, trying to start tying up the ends, is an easier way to avoid the other topic. I manage to make her do all the talking while I focus about how to tell her the news. I'm not sure how will she react. I guess she would jump with happiness but ... I also know that she will start asking questions just as Casey did. That won't help me much. Just a few words from Casey's mouth and I fell apart. Just remembering it makes me feel a strong knot in my stomach.

The image of the hospital results with the words that had changed my world reaches my mind: "Test 4: Pregnancy. Positive. Six weeks of gestation." Six weeks?

—How long has it been? — I ask Alex who is already watching me with concern.

—What? — She asks obviously noticing my words have nothing to do with our conversation.

—How long has it been since… since he… died? — Saying the word affects me so much that the burning intensifies.

—Oh. — Her eyes reflect the pain the question causes her too. —Over a month.— she takes my hand in between hers. — I think. —

TO BE CONTINUED…

AN: thanks for reading. Let me know you opinions. Stay safe!