AN: THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR READING.

D: LAW AND ORDER SVU ADN ITS CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE.

CHAPTER 35 TAKE MY HAND

—Over a month.— she takes my hand in between hers. — I think. —

The burning in my chest begins to be unbearable. I feel like crying again, just like last night. But I don't have that fortune to be able to let it out today. I start to get short of breath, and my lungs hurt because they desperately seek to breathe.

—Ey honey, everything will be fine. —Alex tries to calm me.

—Time flies. — I try to speak, which really helps me regain some air. She just nods, stroking my hand in support.

—Sometimes it seems to me that ... it takes forever to get through a day. Other times it goes very quickly. — I try to continue speaking calmly.

—Yes Liv, I know it is not easy. — She says without letting my hand go. — I am here. You are not alone. — the tears begin to flow from her eyes and I can feel mine fall too.

—Thank you.— I say trying to smile.

—Don't thank me. I know that you would do the same for me. — Of course I would. We remain silent. I try to accommodate my feelings again, to keep the burning in the limit, so that it doesn't defeat me again. As soon as I feel strong enough I let go of her hand.

I make an effort on finishing what is left of the food. And I manage to leave the dishes completely empty. I can't help but smile at the evidence of my crime. I am a guzzler.

A memory invades my mind as it is not the first time that I have eaten this way. But unlike now I was not pregnant that time. I was been just a guzzler.

"It was a year ago, I remember it was Christmas Eve, and we had just finished a very difficult case so none of us could be home since we had to finish the paperwork that same day. I really had no one to spend the holidays with, so I really didn't mind. But Elliot had planned to spend it with her mother since the kids would be with Kathy's family. But now we are stuck here.

—This really is a good dinner for Christmas, right?— Munch says taking another big bite from his small box of Chinese food.

—Yes ... and for New Years and Easter, for Valentine and my birthday too.— I say sarcastically remembering the number of holidays we had to spend working and, just like today, we had eaten fast food.

—It is better than my mother's delicious especial turkey.— Elliot says sarcastically as he finishes his last bite.

—Did you tell her that we would not be able to arrive?— I ask worried.

—Yes. She went to her sister's house.—

—Well I think we should continue.— Fin says with the bite still in his mouth and throwing his garbage in the container. I hurried to finish and continue with my part of the paperwork and in silence we all continued. Until seven o'clock the morning.

—Done.—I celebrate when as soon as I finish.

—You're fast!— Munch complains.

—I'm finished too. Maybe you are the slow one?— Elliot says with a slightly twisted smile. Fin turns to look at him and laughs a little. They share an accomplice look which I know perfectly well. But I just get up and rush to leave our papers in Cragen's office. When I returned to my desk Elliot was already offering me my coat.

—Let's go Benson.— He says still smiling, as if rubbing in the face of the other two that we could finally go to rest. I decide to play along.

—Let's go Stabler.— He smiles and mockingly says goodbye to the other two as we walk to the elevator.

—Fin had already finished, hadn't he?—I ask knowing that was the reason for the accomplice look the shared.

—Yes ... but he always likes to wait for his partner. I do not like to leave you alone either.— I smile. I know these people.

Soon we are in the parking lot. I am silent because to tell the truth the only thing I can focus on is not falling asleep.

—Breakfast?— he says opening the car door for me.

— What?—

—A Christmas breakfast.— He smiles at me. I nod. We get in the car and I can't help but fell asleep on the way to his new apartment. It is not far from the station but it seemed to me that I had slept enough.

—Merry Christmas detectives.— the doorman of the building greets us.

—Merry Christmas John.— We answer in unison.

—You got a package this morning.— He takes out a big plastic bag to give it to Elliot. He thanks him and we went up to his apartment.

— I have messages.— He says seeing his answering machine blink. — From the children, I suppose.— He leaves the big bag on the kitchen counter and opens it to find out the content.

— Oh good! Mom sent us her delicious food! Turkey a la Bernie.— He says with great joy taking out the piles of food containers. I rush to help him.

—There is like enough food for a month!— I tell him noting the amount of food and the diversity. She sent him from the turkey to the salads everything really. A whole Christmas Eve dinner. Breakfast.

— Wait till you try it. You will see that it is not enough for a month.— he decided to pour everything in big dishes. A little bit of everything. He quickly heats it up and takes out a bottle of wine with a couple of glasses. We sit in his living room.

—I will not finish all this.— I say seeing the huge mountain of food that was in front of me. But he was already eating ... with great joy I must say. So I decide to start. Everything, absolutely everything, is delicious. I had never tried such a delicious dinner- breakfast. I went crazy and kept eating without stopping until I finish all my food. I even have the need to undo the belt of my pants just like him.

—Delicious huh?— He says leaning on the sofa completely satisfied. I only manage to nod ... a terrible dream invades me.

—Now to sleep.— he says. We have always been so connected. I don't know why but when something is going through my mind it doesn't take a minute for him to say it out loud. Without more to say each one chose a sofa and we began to talk, but when I least expect it I fell asleep soundly."

—Liv, where did you go?—Alexandra's voice brings me back from the memory.

—What? ... I'm sorry I was... having a flashback.— I say to Alex who is looking at me with concern.

—Do you want something else?— She asks me in a funny way.

—No thanks.— I say, although my mind really answers "yes a turkey a la Bernie".

TO BE CONTINUED ...

AN: THANKS FOR READING AND REVIEWING. SORRY FOR SPELLING AND OR GRAMMAR MISTAKES. STAY SAFE.