AN: Thanks for reading and reviewing. This is a short chapter but I will update another one tonight. Hope you are healthy and safe.

I have been watching SVU season 16 to be updated for the new season and I come with an idea on how Elliot will make his first appearance now that he is coming back. I am trying to write it down but I still want to watch more so I can picture Olivia correctly because I am noticing how she is changing over the years. I am not sure how will she react because she seems to be so mature.

AN2: I saw a clip on instagram about Amanda and Olivia talking about abortion and I was surprised with this new information. (Well, knew for me that haven't seen that season) Olivia had an abortion when she was younger? She talks about the regret it causes. Is there a fan out there that can kindly explain? :)

D: Law and order SVU and all its characters are not mine.

CHAPTER 43 BUSY

I haven't been back to my apartment for three days. Closing this case has kept us busy. We've been investigating for almost three weeks but, finally, it seems that we will finish.

For me, time passes in different ways. Sometimes, when I am alone at home it seems slow and eternal. I try to distract myself with work, reading something, cooking and of course... eating.

But those moments are inevitable. The wound in my chest burns again with great force when the memories attack me. I've already found myself several times on the floor, hugging my ribs trying to avoid breaking apart into a thousand pieces. But only at those times is when I feel him closer. Only at those times I manage to hear his voice. And he gives me strength to continue. He stops my fall.

When the times goes quicker, the pain is not so terrible. Specially when I am working at the station because I am more focused on the different problems that I have to face there. Samuel has been working with us for a whole week by now. Things have not turned out well, he is a very difficult person to understand and very stubborn. And honestly, I don't feel like teaching him. Well, I don't feel like teaching anyone, nor I have the ability to do it. How can I teach anyone to fill an empty space?

So of course I am not able to accept any new partner. And I appreciate that they have respected my decision. Nobody took his desk. It just stayed empty there, in front of mine. It may seem masochist, but it is not that I like the pain I feel to see that piece of furniture, but rather that that desk is one more element that assures me that everything is real. It does not allow me to conceive any hope of happiness that I should not have. It allows me to remember that everything we lived was real. So now Fin, Munch and Samuel are a perfect trio, while I work sitting in my place in front of his empty desk. They are talking together in a small room that we have on the second floor. And I am ok with that.

—Olivia.— a familiar voice calls me, I turn quickly to see Alexandra enter the station, even though she is exhausted as everyone here, she arrives with a huge smile.

—Hello.— I greet her noticing the tiredness in my voice.

—How are you?— It doesn't take long to her to get to my place. I stand up to receive her warm hug.

—Can't complain.— I answer with a bad try of a smile. I watch her turn around, as if making sure that no one is around, she takes a chair and sits next to me at the same time that she takes my hands to sit me down.

—We have not been able to talk much.— she tells me trying to open a conversation, which I am not really ready to have.

—Don't worry. We have a lot of work.— I try to avoid it taking the case file, but she stops me by taking it from my hands and looking for my gaze.

—Liv, have you been to the doctor?— She asks me once she has been able to look direct into my eyes.

—No.— I answer quickly.

—Why?— She asks me annoyed.

—At what moment, Alex?— I say letting out a sigh. —I'm busy with work, I really don't have time for that.—

—It's not anything Olivia. You must have priorities and I think that...— she says pointing to my belly. —...that is more important than your job.— I don't say anything. I just look down.

It's not like I had never thought of going, in the last week especially THAT has been going around in my head. It's something that I can't easily ignore. Even if I wanted to, my body does not allow me. Beginning with the hunger I have, followed by the horrible nausea and...well... it is not that my body has changed much. I really don't think anyone at the station has noticed it yet, I have tried to eat in secret because they became suspicious. But my body still does not have big changes. Only until a few days ago while I was taking a shower in the station I noticed my swollen hips, and I could swear that I perceived a small lump between them but, it is not a big thing.

—I'll go as soon as I can.— I try to assure her. She just lets a big sight out again before making sure no one is nearby yet.

—Do they know?— She asks me with intrigue.

—No.— Well if I think about it, a person up there does know.

—When will you tell them?—

—I still don't know.— I answer indifferently. She looks annoyed, but finally drops it and changes the subject.

—I'm going to talk to the captain, the trial is about to end and I need Samuel and Fin's witnesses... and yours.— I just nod my head as I watch her get up and disappear behind the door of Don's office.

I settle into my chair and take the remaining piece of hamburger. I look at it. Samuel brought it to me a few hours ago, he went out for something to eat and was polite enough to ask if I wanted something and of course my body craved for a good hamburger. Although we have had our differences, he has behaved decently with me. I still fight with him for details on which we do not agree, but I cannot deny that I bow to him. It is not that he intimidates me. It is just that it still affects me knowing he was that policeman who took me out of the cold rain that night. He has seen me in the most terrible way that you can see someone ... dying.

—It is good, isn't it?— A familiar voice makes me come back. Munch is in front of me with a pleasant smile without really taking his eyes off my piece of hamburger.

—Do you want it?— I ask him.

—Yes.— it does not take long for him to answer. I'm not hungry anymore, in fact I'm starting to feel nauseous again, so I prefer to give it to him and of course he accepts it with joy.

—Fin, Sam and Liv. They need you in court in an hour." Don says leaving his office with Alex.

TO BE CONTINUED.

AN: thanks for reading and please let me know your opinions. Are you ok with the EO flashbacks? Stay safe. XOXO