AN: THANKS FOR READING AND REVIEWING. SO, ALEXANDRA GETS HELP TO MAKE OLIVIA GO TO THE DOCTOR ALREADY.
D: LAW AND ORDER SVU AND ALL ITS CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE.
CHAPTER 49 DECIDE
—Who wants a donut?— My eyes fly to the huge box in Munch's hands, who is just walking into the squad.
—Me!— I say smiling and getting up from my seat.
—Of course you do.— He says walking away from me. —I'm sorry Olivia, but I just received strict orders from the lawyer here not to give you another donut.— I turn and observe Alexandra leaning on Fin's desk with a mocking smile. I give dedicate her a glare.
—She is not the boss.— I protest.
—I'm sorry Liv, but she's right, it's for your health ... and if you don't go to the doctor I'll never give you one again.—
—Seriously?— He nods making sure everyone gets one donut except me. I let out a low snarl and decide to sit back down in my chair to keep studying the forensic analysis Melinda's substitute worked on before she came back. My stomach roars loudly, which bothers me even more, because I'm sure everyone could hear it.
It is not that I do not want to go to the doctor, but not yet. Besides, this is a personal issue they shouldn't be getting into. I take a deep breath only to recognize the scent of the warm frosting donuts. So I get up annoyed, take the papers and walk out of the office. I will not stay there to see them enjoy without giving me one.
I get to the fourth floor and walk listening to yet another roar from my inside. I focus on forgetting about the donuts. I enter the forensic office and a terrible smell of doctor's office and formaldehyde invades me, making my stomach protest immediately. I bring my hands to my mouth in a reflex act and feel the bile rise up my throat.
—Liv, are you okay?—Melinda asks me looking concern. I just manage to shake my head, throw the papers on the floor and run to the nearest sink.
—Oh God!— I hear Melinda say while I throw up concentrating on not breathing in. She is quick to hold my forehead helping me to stabilize myself. When I finally do it she hands me a couple of tissues and takes a bottle of water from her bag.
—Here.— I take it relieved to get rid of that terrible taste.
—I'm sorry.— I try to apologize while I turn on the tap so the water can take away everything in the sink.
—Don't worry.— She says kindly. —You've never been disgusted by my office.— She says strangely. I only manage to wince as I try to drink more water to clear the burning in my throat.
—Pregnancy stuff.— I hear Alexandra say. I turn around more annoyed than before.
—Pregnant? Liv are you pregnant?— Melinda asks happily. I try to put the anger aside, after all I didn't plan to hide it from her, but I didn't plan her to find out by Alexandra.
—Yes.— I answer with a half smile.
—Congratulations!— She says hugging me with euphoria. I look over her shoulder and give Alexandra a withering look. She just gives me a smile in return. —How long are you?— Melinda asks me with her huge smile. I keep thinking but to tell the truth I don't even know in what day I live.
—More than a month.— I answer, taking the day I was sure it had past a month already like a reference.
—You don't know exactly how many weeks?.— She asks as if it was a crime.
—Well... not exactly.— I have no choice but to answer with the truth.
—Can I?— Melinda asks me, taking her hand towards my belly, without touching it until I nod my head. She lifts the big shirt and sticks her warm hand to my skin. She applies some pressure on several points of the small bulge.
—I don't think you're even two months.— She says returning my shirt to its place. Sure, she knows enough about human anatomy and medicine. —What has your doctor told you?—
—Ahm...— I listen a slight laugh coming from Alexandra's place.
—She hasn't go to any doctor.— She decides to answer for me. —Can you recommend her someone?— Now it makes sense why she is down here. She hardly ever comes to the forensic. She is not giving up until I finish stuck in a doctor's office. First her no-Donut-for-liv tactic and now she gets Melinda on her side. Lawyer.
—Liv.— Melinda speaks with a repressive tone I know very well. —Why haven't you gone to see anyone? It is extremely important that you do so. There are numerous things to check. Vitamins, proteins, someone has to tell you what you need to take, how many weeks you carry... if the fetus is developing correctly. Liv, there are millions of things that can happen and of which you should be aware. You do not even know how long you have been pregnant or more importantly if the fetus continues to grow or if it will not continue to grow.— She explains.
—Believe me, it's growing.— I tell her, remembering the mountain of blouses on the floor of my bedroom.
—You may only be gaining weight from food and the fetus might have stoped developing.— I feel a small fear growing in my chest. What if this is true? What if it all had stopped already? Maybe I still don't fully understand what this means because I've made sure to lock it in that deep drawer of my mind, but I have allowed hope to grow. A little bit. A hope that I do not want to fade away.
—I don't mean to be rude.— Melinda says with a softer tone. —I just know you shouldn't be taking this so lightly.— She says touching my shoulder. I try to wipe away the couple of tears that have lodged in my eyes, and let out a big sigh.
—I will.— I say trying to get that terrible thought out of my mind. —Promise.—
—Finally.— I hear Alex say. —Now on another matter. Why are you wearing that?— She asks me pointing to my shirt.
—My blouses doesn't fit me anymore.— I explain.
—It is not that big yet, Olivia.— Melinda intervenes lifting the papers that were still on the floor.
—I know, but I feel uncomfortably tight in my blouses.—
—Well. We'll have to go shopping then.— Alex says happily. —I'll let Casey know so that we can go out together to find you "comfortable" and beautiful clothes.— if I know two people who really love shopping, those are Alexandra and Casey.
—Here, this is my friend's number, she can check you. She's a very good doctor.—
—Thank you.— I take the little card that Melinda offers me —I'm going to get out of here because the smell is giving me nausea again.— I walk quickly towards the door and go out to the hall. I get a little dizzy so I lean against the nearest wall. Melinda comes out after me, leaving Alexandra on the phone with Casey.
—Everything will be fine.— she says with a smile. —It was not my intention to...—
—Don't worry.— I say trying to take the guilt off her.
—Are you doing this alone?— I was so focused on my nausea and dizziness that I did not prevent that she would also ask.
—Ahm... Yes.— I answer. I know she is trying to ask who the father is but her literal question is way easier to answer. Kind of.
—Well, it is good to know both genes to know the diseases to which the fetus may be prone and others ... but it is fine if you do not want to say it.—
—Yea, well. I was born and grew up without knowing half of my genes and, here I am.— I answer. —Do you think like a doctor all the time?— I ask.
—Yes.— She accepts with a smile. —More when I was pregnant. I took good care of myself and believe me I enjoyed it as much as I could. It is a beautiful moment.— she tells me, looking at the void as if remembering things.
—That's what they say.— I let out a sigh. —I don't see how beautiful nausea and vomiting can be.—
—Don't worry, it's only the first trimester. Your body is barely processing the information.—
—Not only my body... believe me.— Me myself hasn't process it yet either.
—Liv, you are scared. And I can't blame you. But let that illusion be born and you will see how wonderful it is.— she tells me with an impressive tenderness. I see a very peculiar sparkle in her eyes.
—It's not that easy.— she just sighs. I don't think she can really understand me, because I know that if I let that illusion be born, my risk of falling back as before will be greater. If something goes wrong, if something unexpected happens again I know I would simply die.
—Where are you spending the holidays?— She change the subject trying to make the environment less heavy.
—Oh... I still don't know. The boys made a bet but, I still can't decide.—
—Well, Add me to that.— She says kindly. I have a decision to make as Christmas Eve is tonight.
—Thank you Melinda. I'll go up to finish some paperwork. I hope that helps for you to catch up with us.— I say referring to the file I came to give her. She smiles and nods. I return to the elevator, which with its movement manages to make me even more dizzy. As soon as I leave that small space I try to control my balance for a few seconds and return to the office.
I observe how everyone is concentrating on their job, so I try to walk unseen to the box of donuts lying alone on the coffee table. Once close enough and knowing that they haven't seen me, I carefully open it, only to find out that not a single one remains. I sigh annoyed. Whatever, after all these nausea I did not want anything anyways. I return to my desk to resume the paperwork. I know it will be a long night because it has been quite heavy to close this last case.
—Ey. Psst.— I hear someone chirp. I look up and turn to my left to figure out where that sound comes from. I find Samuel at his desk making sure no one sees him.
—Come.— He mouths me, getting up from his desk and going out into the hall. Curiosity makes me get up behind him. He carefully pulls me by the arm until he leads me to a lonely corner.
—What is it?- I ask, starting to get bother.
—I Save one for you.— he says taking a donut out of a small plastic bag. Just watching it makes my stomach growl again. My appetite has returned.
—Take it.— He insists, covering it with his jacket. I only observe it with doubt but it does not take me long to take it and put it under my great shirt. It came handy.
—Do not think that with this you earn my sympathy.— I say, really faking my disdain.
—I know. I didn't do it because of that.— He explains faking cockiness. —My girlfriend is pregnant and I know what cravings are about.— Girlfriend? ... I didn't know he had a girlfriend. A pregnant girlfriend. One finds out about something every day, right? —Keep your sympathy.— he says as he walks away from me. I notice that in the same way he is faking his disinterest because a slight smile is drawn on his face.
Without thinking twice, and noticing that no one is looking at me, I take the donut out of the bag and put it in my mouth. I enjoy being able to bite into that smooth and creamy consistency ... it is simply delicious. I rush to eat it to prevent someone from discovering me. If they go blabbing to Alexandra she won't let me eat anything else for the rest of the day.
—Olivia.— I hear Fin calling me from the office so, trying to swallow the last bite of donut, I go back inside.
—What happened?— I ask when I see him.
—Did I already win the bet?— He says with a smile. I look at Munch with an angry face in his seat.
—What?—
—Well, Munch plotted with Alexandra in all that donut thing, so, obviously you are not spending holidays with any of them. By disqualification I win.— He explains his logic.
—What about me?— Cragen complains behind me.
—No disrespect but, you did not enter the bet.— Fin defends himself.
—But, I also want Liv to pass it with me so get me in.—
—And I invited her too.- I hear Melinda entering the discussion, and Alexandra wasted no time in debating. Thus she began to give her arguments and fight to win her silly bet, I just sigh and dropped into my seat watching them. Samuel laughs and shakes his head.
—Just decide already, Olivia.— everyone is silent and turn to see me waiting for an answer. I really have not made a decision yet. It has always been such a simple date for me that this much fuss drives me out of control. It is not the first time that this happens, every year they have gotten used to inviting me and every year I have gotten used to saying no. I have only agreed a couple of times to accompany Elliot when the kids were little or whenever they decided to spend it with Kathy's sister at California and Elliot was stuck at work. Those times we ended up in my apartment having pizza for dinner ... and even though they were never a big deal, they're the only good Christmases that I keep in my memory.
—Get me in too.— We all turn around surprised to see Samuel adding himself to the bet.
TO BE CONTINUED...
AN: TOMORROW I AM ORDERING SOME DONUTS MYSELF. SO, WHERE WILL OLIVIA SPEND THE HOLIDAYS? ANY GUESSES? SHOULD SHE BE ALONE?
STAY SAFE.
