The Substitute Teacher
Chapter 5
xXx
Weeks passed since Ichigo got into a fight with Oshino and in that time, he'd been at Renji's apartment a couple of times more. He didn't have any chances to sniff around but as the time passed, he became less enthusiastic about finding out anything. He felt stupid to constantly think that Renji might eventually leave Karakura, or Japan for that matter.
If that happens, he won't be able to stop it.
He read those three books he'd borrowed and almost got depressed from all those love poems. Do people really feel that bad when they're in love? What's the point then? At first he really couldn't get the pain and longing depicted in certain poems. He liked when he'd stumble upon a fresh, lively one that was celebrating love. That made more sense to him than moping around feeling sorry for oneself.
When he went through every poem in that book, he began to wonder why his feelings about losing a close friend like his sensei were so similar to those in the poems. It surely wasn't anything close to love, was it? Ichigo had never been in love, so he'd know when he would start to feel something new... Right?
xXx
"Hey, you brought my books back!" Renji greeted the teen as he opened the door and let him inside. "Liked them?"
"Yeah," Ichigo smirked, not wanting to confess he didn't really like half of the poems he'd read.
"Huh," the redhead scratched the back of his head, "I'm surprised. I don't care much about at least half of the poetry in there," he pointed at the black leather encased book that Ichigo had already put down on the coffee table.
The teen's eyes went round with surprise, while his cheeks flushed a tint of pink. "W-well, uh..."
"It's okay," Renji laughed, "You can be honest, you know. It wasn't an assignment or anythin'."
"Okay," Ichigo managed a bashful smile.
"I bet you liked those fantasy novels better, yeah?"
The teen nodded and shifted his weight awkwardly. Renji eyed him while putting the books back to their place. "What's the matter with you?"
"Nothing," Ichigo sighed. He felt he didn't have the right to ask, but he did anyway. "What happens when you stop substituting?"
The redhead paused, as if to think what would indeed happen. "Well, I guess I might stay in school as a regular teacher if I'll be needed. Or I'll go about my business and try with that youth center I told you about."
"But you'll stay in Karakura?"
"I'm planning to, yeah."
Ichigo visibly relaxed before suddenly remembering. What about... What about that mystery lover of his? What if he decides to really go to Paris? Ichigo couldn't possibly ask about that, even though the most obvious evidence was on the first page of the book, plain as day.
"So..." The teen murmured insecurely, "we'll continue to hang out... like this?"
"Of course! Oh, wait," the redhead snatched his vibrating cell phone from the coffee table, flipping it open in front of Ichigo. "Sorry, I gotta answer this."
Ichigo shrugged and sat down on the sofa, waiting for Renji, but he didn't expect him to answer the phone while in the same room. It felt nice that he was so opened to him. Just as that thought formed, an alarm went off in his head, hearing howRenji answered the call.
"Hey sweetheart," Renji drawled into the phone. "What's up?" His lips stretched into an honest smile.
Ichigo could hear a woman's voice on the other end of the line.
"So, how's Paris?"
Ichigo's eyes went wide. 'Sweetheart? Paris? That must be her! Dammit, why am I so intrigued?' He continued to listen while pretending to leaf through that day's newspaper.
"Wha'? You're coming back? When?" Renji sounded pretty excited. "Next week? Aw, I knew you'd miss me too much," he chuckled. "Okay then, start packing. Love you too, bye."
Renji grinned to himself as he put the phone away. He then turned to Ichigo but couldn't wipe the happy look on his face. "Sorry," he smirked. "So how 'bout that movie?"
"Oh, sure," Ichigo smirked back. Well, if she was coming back, there was really no reason for Renji to leave, right? That made the teen happy, but... He wished that he too could make him smile like that. He had no idea where this feeling came from, but it was there, nagging in the back of his head.
xXx
A few days into next week, Ichigo noticed that Abarai-sensei's mood was rapidly dropping. He didn't dare to ask what was going on, but when one of the teachers stormed in during a class and whispered something to Renji, Ichigo got really worried. Renji hurried out with a pained look on his face, not even excusing himself to the students.
After school, Ichigo decided to visit Unohana-san. It was a Wednesday anyway – the day when he had to come and talk to her.
"Good day, Unohana-san," he bowed after entering her office.
"Hello, Ichigo-kun. How are you today?"
"I'm fine," Ichigo went to the chair on the other side of her desk and sat down, heaving a sigh. "I'm worried about Abarai-sensei. What happened today?"
"He had an emergency phone call, but I don't know the details." The woman smiled gently. "You always worry about others, ne?"
"Well yeah... He's been a real good friend to me... Of course I'm worried."
"Did you talk to him? I thought it might be easier for you to bond with him and talk about yourself... The age difference isn't that big and he's a very nice young man."
Ichigo shrugged. "I talked a bit... After that fight... you know?"
"I know. Oh, I wish you didn't fight... You are such a good boy, and you have good grades... Why react to the empty words of bullies who don't know better?"
The teen turned his gaze to the window, anger flashing in his eyes. "He deserved it."
"I am aware that he should have thought it through before insulting you, but please, try to restrain yourself in the future. Alright?"
"Yeah," Ichigo sighed, slouching down in his place.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing... I should be meeting Abarai-sensei in half an hour but I don't know if he's gone somewhere or whatever..."
"And you are disappointed?"
"Yeah... I really, um... I really like him."
"Well, that's good. I hope you'll be able to confide to him when you feel the time is right. Do you want to talk about anything else?"
"No," Ichigo smiled. "You know how it works with me... But thanks, Unohana-san. May I be excused?"
"You may," she sighed. Another day without any result. She hoped that Abarai-sensei will be able to bring something out of Ichigo. "Have a good day, Ichigo-kun."
xXx
Despite knowing he might not show up, Ichigo waited for his sensei by the riverside for at least half an hour. That's when his cell phone beeped a sound for a new message.
'I'm really sorry but I can't see you right now. I don't feel so good.'
What? Why? Ichigo felt kinda betrayed. Renji wanted him to talk about his problems as to a friend, but he never knew a thing that happened in Renji's life. What made Renji feel so bad?
He began walking before allowing himself to think it through. He wanted to show his sensei that he was there for him too, whatever his problem may be.
After several minutes of nearly running to Renji's apartment, he was there, pressing the button on the door-phone at the main entrance to the building.
"Yeah," Renji's voice crackled out from the device.
"It's me," Ichigo said and waited. There was a short pause before Renji buzzed him in, not saying anything more.
As he arrived to Renji's floor, the redhead was already waiting for him with an open door. "Hey kid," he said tiredly, "I'm sorry 'bout today."
Ichigo waved it off, approaching Renji. "What's happening?" He paused, noticing how pale his sensei was and how his eyes were reddened as if he's been crying. "Are you okay?"
"Hah," the redhead chuckled, barely making a smirk, "Unohana-san told me you'd be like this. Come in," he stepped aside and put a hand on Ichigo's back to gently guide him inside. "I've got some fresh tea... Want a cup?"
"No, thanks," Ichigo stopped in the middle of the room and turned to his teacher. "Tell me what's happening? Why are you so sad?"
Renji sighed and went to the sofa, motioning for Ichigo to follow. The teen noticed how there was a pack of tissues on the coffee table, a block of paper with scribbled numbers on the front page and Renji's cell phone. Raising his gaze back to Renji's face, he waited for the older man to start talking.
"You remember Miss Saiko, right? " When Ichigo nodded, Renji continued. "Well, the thing is... She's been living with cancer for years now and... Despite all the treatments, she's getting worse..." Renji's voice wavered a bit.
"She's in the hospital, here in Karakura because she can't be at home anymore... She needs morphine for the pain and constant care," the redhead made a face, trying to smile. "Can you believe, Karakura is her home town so she wants to be here when she..." Renji couldn't finish the sentence.
Ichigo didn't know where to look. He knew the feeling all too well. "I'm sorry," he managed to whisper out.
"And today," Renji went on like the teen didn't say a thing, forcing the words out of his mouth, "today, they nearly lost her... she was clinically dead for a minute but they managed to get her back... That's why I got that phone call... The doctors said it could happen any day now."
"I don't know what to say... How can I help you?" Ichigo asked, desperate to console him.
"Just... Talk to me... I don't know..." Renji leaned forward to put his face in his hands.
But what could Ichigo say? He's a seventeen year old kid, trying to comfort a grown man, his teacher for that matter. But, Ichigo did know at least one thing.
"W-well, you know, at least you have more time to get in peace with it... You know, say goodbye to her... I didn't have that opportunity..."
"I know," Renji whispered, not moving from his position. He felt a hesitant hand on his shoulder.
"You are able to accept things and let them go... You can tell her how much she means for you and tell her how happy you are. How she made you happy cause she loved you like her own child..." The boy's breath hitched, making Renji lift his head up.
"Ichigo..."
"I never had the chance to say goodbye to my mom... There were so many things I wanted to tell her after that happened... I still catch myself thinking how she would smile when I get a good grade, or how she'd laugh when I do something silly... I still wanna tell her things... I wanna tell her that we're managing somehow... I wanna tell her about dad's crazy ways to make us all laugh again, about how Yuzu is more and more like her as days pass by, how Karin is doing great in her soccer practice... I wanna tell her about you..."
Hot tears blurred his vision and trickled down his cheeks. It was the first time he cried in front of someone since his mother died and the fact that it was Renji made it somehow easier. He feared it turned out selfish because of the monologue about himself, but Renji didn't seem to be upset.
Ichigo felt a warm arm around his back, a big hand comfortingly squeezing his shoulder. "You gotta talk about it, Ichigo... It will hurt less every time," Renji murmured softly.
"I miss her," the boy finally cried.
"I know... I know..." Not knowing what else to do, Renji embraced him tightly, shushing when Ichigo sobbed into his shoulder, clutching at his shirt as if he was drowning. He waited until the miserable sobs diminished, just holding the teen tightly against himself and petting his hair.
"You're right," the redhead said softly, rocking him back and forth. "I have to tell her, even though she already knows. It's nice to hear those things right?" He only felt a nod as an answer.
No more words were needed at the moment, just a comforting touch and warmth of the embrace. Renji kept holding the boy until he felt him relax and sag against him when he fell asleep. Slowly maneuvering him to lie on the sofa, Renji managed to pull free and then went to fetch a blanket from his bedroom. He laid it over the sleeping teen and stroked the fluffy orange hair once more before going to the kitchen to see what he could make for dinner. It will obviously be for two.
xXx
To be continued...
