The Substitute Teacher
Chapter 8
Is this love that I'm feeling? Is this the love that I've been searching for?
Is this love or am I dreaming?
This must be love,
'Cos it's really got a hold on me...
Whitesnake, "Is this Love"
xXx
After walking Rukia to her apartment, Renji slowly walked home, replaying the conversation they had in the fast food restaurant after Ichigo had left. Rukia demanded answers which he didn't know he had. She saw, and she knew, after only one hour of sitting with him and Ichigo in that restaurant.
The redhead came to a stop when he was on the riverbank, just watching the sunset. He wished he had company to put his arm around, to share the moment. It was his own choice to be alone. Well, it was better this way, without the constant regret and misery.
He had the option to move to Paris. He had it, and he refused it after realizing it would be too much for him. Not knowing the language, he wouldn't be anything more than a tourist there. Byakuya had the best intentions inviting him there, so they could resume being together, but he didn't seem to understand that Renji wanted and needed more than just a life on his family's expense.
It was his decision to let him go. Did he question his choice? Of course he did, at first.
Of course, the fact that Byakuya still called him and sent him invitations didn't help much and he was getting annoyed at the man for not understanding that it was making things harder. He'd already told him that it was for the best if they broke off for real, but Byakuya refused it, didn't take it seriously. It made Renji feel like a toy. Like his opinion didn't matter at all. And he slowly began to realize that Byakuya was more of a pretty face than a considerate person.
Even with the occasional memory bursts, now he could finally say he was over Byakuya. So far, it was going well.
xXx
Today, Rukia told him that he was having that look on his face while watching Ichigo. He wondered if she was so good at reading his facial expressions or he was getting rusty with acknowledging his own feelings. 'In denial' was maybe more accurate.
So, when he was wishing for someone to hold tight and watch the sunset together, the first picture that came to his mind wasn't made of ivory white or raven black anymore. It was a bright, sunny orange. Bright, crazy hair, peach skin and warm brandy eyes on the sweetest person he knew.
When it had started? He had no idea. Would he still want to spend every minute of his time with Ichigo, trying to get closer to him, if he had known the things would go this way? ... Yes, he would... But that was all it could be. He was a teacher and even though the kid might have a thing for him as well, it would be too wrong and could possibly end up with him in prison for seducing a minor.
His mind decided to go back to 'the kid might have a thing for him' and Renji cursed his childhood friend for emphasizing it.
"He keeps looking at you with those big puppy-dog eyes and every time you talk to him, he's all smiley and flushed. An idiot would be able to notice."
Nice. Now she was implying he was being an idiot, as well. Of course he noticed. Who wouldn't? The kid was stunning. Renji believed that half of Ichigo's class would kill to get such a look from him.
He didn't even realize that his hand reached into his jeans pocket and toyed with his cell phone. He was considering texting Ichigo to ask him... No, to tell him... What exactly? That he wanted to hang out? But the kid just got home. He stared at the little screen and then nearly dropped the phone when it suddenly vibrated in his hands.
He smirked. It was like telepathy. The message was from Ichigo.
"I apologize for being the third wheel. I know you haven't seen each other for a long time."
Renji sighed. What third wheel? His fingers started typing. "Don't apologize. We invited you, remember? Whatcha doin' now? If you wanna hang out, you can drop by."
Okay, so he did invite him in the end. Oh well, it wasn't that Ichigo's house was so far away from his apartment, so Renji hoped it wouldn't be too big a trouble if he did decide to come over.
His cell beeped again.
"I'd like to, but I already have plans with Chad and Ishida. Tomorrow?"
Chad? Oh, that's right – Sado, Renji remembered, smirking. "Yeah, tomorrow, after hospital."
xXx
The next day, Renji didn't come to school. Instead of having a substitute for a substitute, the literature class was dismissed and the kids were allowed to do what they wanted, as long as they stayed in school and around it.
Ichigo was sitting on a bench in the schoolyard with Chad and Keigo, nervously checking his cell phone every few minutes. He wasn't sure if it would be okay to text Renji... He didn't want to bother him, while worrying at the same time. He felt awful.
"I wonder why Abarai-sensei didn't come today," Keigo started the conversation, eyeing Ichigo. "Do you know?"
Ichigo sighed. "U-huh..." He toyed with his mobile some more, avoiding the inquiring look from his friend.
"You hang out with him pretty often. What do you do anyway?"
"We run, or go to the gym. Or hang out at his place and eat pizza, whatever."
"Haaaa, I knew it" Keigo wailed, "I bet you're doing it for the grades, nerd boy! You'll turn into Ishida!"
"I'm not doing it for the grades," Ichigo muttered. "He's been a real friend to me..."
"Are ya sure it's not just a way to make you talk?"
"What? No!" Ichigo nearly jumped, suddenly very annoyed at his friend. "Maybe that was one of the reasons he always tried to talk to me in the beginning, but I know it's not like that now!"
"Suit yourself," Keigo shrugged. "But don't be disappointed when he leaves and you never hear from him again."
"He won't," Ichigo had enough of the conversation. He knew that Renji would never do something like that, but then again, hearing those words from Keigo made him feel a bit doubtful. What if he really...? No. Would he leave? Really leave?
"Screw you, Keigo," he spat and got up, deciding to get inside the classroom. The girls would at least leave him alone if he scowled hard enough.
xXx
When the school day was over, Ichigo hurried in the direction of his sensei's apartment. He didn't really believe he'd find him there, but he could wait for a half an hour or a bit longer for Renji to show up.
He got lucky and slipped into the building just as one of the neighbors was getting out. It looked like it might start raining so he was glad he managed to get inside, at least into the hallway. As he suspected, there was no answer when he pressed Renji's doorbell.
Ichigo sighed and slid down against the wall. He hoped no one would think he's a burglar, waiting there on the floor. Oh well. This was more important. He took a notebook from his school bag and scribbled down his homework while he waited.
It passed more than an hour and he was still there. He felt like he waited for long enough and that he should leave, but then again, since he was waiting for so long, he might as well stay longer... He looked towards the window at the end of the corridor and saw that the sky was darkening menacingly. In the distance, he could hear a low rumble. It's definitely going to rain.
His stomach twisted when he heard footsteps on the nearby stairs. He got up on his feet and waited as the footsteps got closer. A tall figure with a hoodie hiding his face came around the corner and for a moment, Ichigo wasn't sure if that was his sensei.
"You're here," the man murmured, approaching him. A slightly trembling hand pulled the hood off, revealing a tired face.
"I... I wanted to..." Ichigo stuttered, pulling the bag strap on his shoulder, not sure if he should leave or wait and maybe talk to Renji. "H-how are you?"
"Not too well," Renji shrugged, jingling his keys as he unlocked the front door. "Come in." He stepped inside his apartment and held the door for the teen.
"Sensei..."
"It's over," Renji said in a flat voice. "It's... it's over. She's gone." He dropped his keys on the coffee table as he passed by it and went to the window. "They called me in the morning... It was bad. I, uh... I managed to tell her but I don't know if she heard me," Renji rambled on and on, making Ichigo want to cry.
The teen was standing in the middle of the living room, staring at the redhead's back, just listening to him talk until he heard a change in his voice. Ichigo's throat closed up in empathy and he made those few steps to stand by Renji's side.
"I think she heard you," he said quietly, gazing up at his sensei.
Renji's tired eyes focused on the teen and as he wanted to respond, the first tear rolled down his cheek.
Ichigo watched it slide down and drip onto Renji's hoodie and as an instant reaction, he stretched his arms and embraced the tall man around his neck, offering him comfort. His heart ached as Renji's arms slipped around his waist, holding him tight against himself. He felt how the redhead's whole body shook with emotions and could only hold him tighter.
Unconsciously, his fingers slid gently up and down the nape of Renji's neck, feeling the warm skin. He remembered how the redhead comforted him when he broke down a few days ago, how nice it felt to be in his tight embrace. It was nice to know that someone cared. Someone other than his family. He couldn't describe it, but he felt it was important, too.
He could feel Renji's chin digging into his shoulder and his warm breath on his neck. It almost made him shiver, but knowing the situation, he kept holding on wordlessly, closing his eyes and readjusting his embrace around the other man's neck.
Ichigo had no idea how long they just stayed that way, but eventually, Renji gave a deep sigh and straightened up slowly. His hands slid up to the boy's shoulders and squeezed them.
"Thank you," he rasped.
Ichigo shook his head and gave a faint smile, glad that Renji seemed better. He looked up at his sensei and again felt his heart skip a beat. They were so close to each other. Renji's eyes held his as the hands on his shoulders slid even further up and cupped his face. The redhead's thumbs slowly caressed his cheekbones and then he felt a gentle bump as their foreheads came together.
Renji was looking at him with his eyes half-closed and never in his life did he notice that a man could be that breathtaking.
xXx
To be continued...
