AN: THANK YOU FOR READING, I HOPE YOU ARE ENJOYING.

D: LAW AND ORDER SVU AND ITS CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE.

CHAPTER 66 WINTER'S END

JANUARY

FEBRUARY

I hurriedly walk out of the subway and into the trees, trying not to fall. I am grateful that there is no snow to interfere with my path. I hope he is there waiting for me as always. Impatience invades me and I speed up my pace to an unnatural one.

—Olivia.— I listen to his voice getting closer. I abruptly stop and turn to find myself at Alice's statue.

—Elliot?— I call as I try to find him.

—Here I am.— I turn quickly to meet his gaze in front of mine. Without thinking twice I hurry and wrap my arms around him.

—I thought you wouldn't be here.— I say trying to catch his scent in my longs.

—I'll always be here, Liv. Until you no longer need me.— He says kissing my forehead and hugging me back.

—I will always need you.— I open my eyes and snuggle into his chest without separating. I can listen to the wind blowing around us and the trees shaking their leaves free. I take a peek to air surroundings finding out that the ground is already covered with yellow leaves.

—Fall.— I affirm.

—So it seems.— When I move away a little to see his eyes I notice that we are no longer next to the statue. Now we are sitting on a bench away from it. I know it's a dream. It's obvious. A dream that I've grown used to having. I have shaken the nightmares and manage to have this dreams... they are better but I still pay the price when I wake up.

—You are eating better right?—

—Yes. I've followed my diet correctly.— I take his hand and play with his fingers while I try to tell him everything I can remember from my wake up life.

—That makes me happy.— even though I keep my eyes on him I am conscious on how the trees have became gradually leafless. The air tearing the last brown leaves.

—I don't want to wake up.— I express, turning my gaze to his blue eyes.

—You never want to wake up.— he says with a smile.

—Can't blame me.— I answer back as I listen to the last leave falling heavily on the ground. Everything begins to blur. Again. No matter how much I cling to his body, little by little I fall into reality.

I open my eyes and wait a bit. I'm lying on my bed, curled up and hugging my pillow tightly. I let out a sigh as the sensation finishes dissipating. I look up to my window and notice there are not yellow leaves on the trees.

They are, indeed leafless. The end of the winter. Time passes by and now I am not able to ignore it. The changes in my body won't allow that to happen. I stand up and stretch my limbs listening to my neck crack and feeling my spine slowly align.

The burning in my chest is present, always, but it is bearable. It is not that it has diminished, but rather, I have strengthened... and I am grateful for it. There are fewer times that I wake up scared or crying while hugging myself to diminish the strong pain. It still happens to me, but less.

I walk to my window and open it wanting to get some fresh air. The snow has almost completely disappeared and I look forward to spring, because honestly this ice on the sidewalk is not my thing and seeing the city so monochromatic is an awful thing for my depression. I hope that a little color in the environment can cheer me up more.

I take a warm shower enjoying the feeling of the hot water fall down my back. I turn around to feel it slide down my face and down my torso direct to my belly. I look down and see the bulge that is formed between my hips, it's a little bigger now, and when I place my hands on it I feel a strange hardness under the softness of my skin. I can't believe my first trimester is coming to an end, according to Kyle the...fetus... is barely 7 to 10 cm long. It's impressive to have a slightly bulging belly if it's still so small. Sometimes I feel like I am fuller of fluids than a camel. The ailments have continued to bother me, nausea and dizziness... I hate them. But they help as reminders. And now, in addition, I have the urge to use the restroom every half hour. No matter how hard I try, I can't quite get used to this.

I feel my guts roar so I rush to wipe off the rest of the soap left on my body and get out of the shower wrapping myself in a towel. I look for something comfortable to wear among my clothes. I appreciate having the day off today. I can take my time. The last trial was very harsh and Casey could not win it . Although I hate to admit it, Langan is very good at his job. It is a pity that he is not working for the right side.

I end up choosing a loose shirt and baggy pants. I dress and take my brush from the dressing table. I look in the mirror while I comb my hair and I can notice something different. I no longer see that terrible face that I was used to find in the other side of the mirror. I look better now. My hair has grown faster than it usually does, already falling a little below my shoulders. My cheeks are slightly pink and my skin has taken on a softer tone.

However, I still feel that it is not me. I try to look in the reflection for a trace of me, and I find it in the shape of the mouth, the upper lip is somewhat unbalanced and kind of full to fit perfectly in the lower lip. Finding this family trait makes me feel a little better. Maybe the rest of the person I used to be is still somewhere in there.

I lift my long hair and hold it with a tweezers, yet some strands fall loose on my face. I try to remove them hiding them behind my ear. I put on a brown sweater before going straight to my kitchen. I open my refrigerator in search of some food. I take a couple of things and take out the pan. I turn on the fire, I put a little of organic oil cautiously and I start cooking. The delicious aroma quickly fills my apartment and my guts are rumbling again, so I decide to scoop out the peanut butter and take a spoon filling it and put it right in my mouth while I continue to move the food in the pan. The sound of the door distracts me from the bouncing oil. I hold my spoon with my hand and walk to the door. I peek through the peephole to see who has decided to interrupt my day off.

TO BE CONTINUED...

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