AN: THANKS FOR READING AND REVIEWING.
D: LAW AND ORDER SVU AND ALL ITS CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE.
CHAPTER 69 LITTLE CARROT
—Now the task of shaping the structures of the body has been completed, it is time for these organs to function.— I listen to Kyle explaining the progress of the pregnancy but, honestly, I am more aware of the cold gel that he places on my skin. —The liver secretes bile, the pancreas produces insulin, and the kidneys produce urine to remove waste from the body. Urine is eliminated in the amniotic fluid. The intestines until now were located in the umbilical cord are already in the abdomen, now that there is enough space inside.—
—Is it still a bean shaped thing?— I ask anxious for him to start using the device.
—No. Liv, aren't you listening to me? The structure of the body must be complete already.— She tells me in a repressive tone.
—I'm sorry... no... it's that... I'm nervous.— I admit without giving much thought to the matter. I don't feel uncomfortable just anxious. Actually, as time has passed I have gotten used to his presence. To share a little more with him, already. I'm not ashamed to tell him that I feel nervous. Not like I could hide it. I'm sure my hands are shaking noticeably.
—Don't you say.— He says sarcastically with his warm smile on his face. I try to smile back but I think I only manage to make a strange grimace. —The bean has already grown, Livia. Let's find it.— He turns on the device and approaches me to place it on my skin. I tremble a little at the touch of the cold metal but that does not matter to me now, my eyes remain fixed on the monitor while he slides it down my bulging little belly.
—And here you are.— He says stopping the device, brings the monitor a little closer and raises his hand. —Here is his head, which represents half the size of his body thanks to the rapid development of the brain. You see Livia, at this moment, the eyes are already in the appropriate place, and the ears have been located on the sides of the head, thus leaving the neck, where they were in the past weeks. The jaw has been completed, and the palate is closing from the beginning to the end.—
I see that image in amazement. It is really tiny but it is already little person. I find its little face on the monitor. I feel the lump in my throat while the tears flood my eyes that are still paralyzed before such beauty. There is no burning. It is rather as if something inside me is beating ... as if my heart has suddenly returned to its place ... and this time it does not hurt.
—The esophagus, trachea, larynx, and vocal cords are in place.— I keep hearing Kyle's voice even further away, trying to distract me from that moment, really annoying me. —Clearly, the vocal cords cannot make any sound while your baby is floating in the amniotic fluid. But these ropes are being prepared for the first cry at birth.—
—Kyle!—I yell at him, jerking my hair taking my eye to him with what is surely an expression of great annoyance.
—What?—
—Can you stop speaking as a doctor ... please?— My voice breaks because of the huge lump that remains in my throat. I try to clear my voice and loosen my hair. He just begins to laugh slightly and turns to see the monitor. I follow his gaze to meet again with that tiny little person.
—Livie, every week that your fetus passes, it will look more like the little human being that you are going to meet on the day of its birth.— He says staring at me. Are going to meet?... I already feel like I've known that tiny little person all my life. —I'll take a picture so you can keep it, okay?— He moves a couple of things and finally separates the device from my belly. I observe how the image on the monitor disappears and without further ado, that feeling of happiness is overshadowed by the haze of his memory, by that thought that haunts in my mind every day. His absence has to affect not only me but also that little one who is inside me.
—It's not fair.— I unconsciously say, looking down.
—Isn't what fair?— Kyle asks, handing me the wet towel to remove the gel from my skin. —Livie?—
—He will never meet it.— The tears slowly slide down my cheeks. I feel Kyle's hand on mine.
—Livie, you can't let yourself be carried away by those thoughts.— He speaks to me as if he knows perfectly well how I feel; knowing what it is about immediately.
—It's not that simple.— I explain and let out my thoughts into words. —I know what it is to grow up without a father.— The burning in my chest makes an appearance and the cold invades me again.
—Hey, it's not the same. This baby can get to know its father through you.— I look up to meet his warm eyes. —You will have the opportunity to talk to it about him, everything you lived with him, how he was, his qualities, his flaws, what he liked, what he didn't like. All of it, Olivia, you were his partner after all. You can take this time to collect all the information you can remember, photographs, special moments, go with his friends and family, they will surely have millions of anecdotes to tell you about him. Livie, he lives in you.— The phrase resonates strongly in my mind. That phrase that I have heard during the last months within my memories and dreams is now so clear and different coming from another voice.
I do nothing but hug him tightly, he responds by caressing my back. I don't think I can hold back crying so I hide my face on his shoulder. I focus on the heat that radiates from his body and the cold begins to fade and within it the strong burning inside my chest. I manage to take a breath and stabilize myself. I manage to control the pain.
—You're not alone.— He tells me with a slight smile as soon as our eyes connect again.
—Thank you.— He shakes his head slightly and takes something from the device, handing it to me. And there it is, the picture of my little ... bean.
—I mean, you are NOT alone.— He repeats with emphasis pointing to the photo. I see it and nod with an attempt to smile understanding exactly what he means.
I sit on my couch while I eat my apple and I take the time to reflect about everything Kyle told me. Collecting information does not seem like a bad idea. I remember each and every moment I was with him. I know to perfection his strengths and weaknesses. I have a couple of photographs of him and I have his badge. But all that doesn't seem enough. I indeed could ask more people for help, at the station they will surely have several memories of him. And as I try to make a mental list the people that can help me with my new task a memory flies into my mind. The memory of a little boy disguised as carrot. There is one person in this word that can actually help me more than anyone. I can use a trip to the beach.
TO BE CONTINUED...
AN: THANKS FOR READING. SO... LET'S GET OLIVIA TO LONG ISLAND ALREADY!
STAY SAFE!
