AN: THANKS FOR READING. THANKS SPACEKITTEN2700 FOR KEEP READING AND REVIEWING SINCE DAY ONE.
D: LAW AND ORDER SVU AND ALL ITS CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE.
CHAPTER 70 ON THE ROAD
I walk around my room wrapped in my robe filling a small suitcase while I take my phone with my left hand and wait for him to answer me.
—Cragen.—he finally does.
—Hello Don, this is Olivia.— I greet him knowing that he probably already knows is me.
—Is everything okay?— A tone of concern in his voice.
—Yes, ahm ... I just wanted to... well ask you for a few days off.—
—Are you feeling bad?—
—No, not at all, I just need to go to New Jersey to... get some fresh air.— I'm not lying to him. I mean, I do need some fresh air...
—That will be good. I think we can manage to have you gone a couple of days.— I know they can. I haven't really been of much help lately.
—Thank you. It will only be two days.— I assure him. —If you need me I'll be on the phone.—
—Take your time, Liv.— It's nice to know that he supports me, but I am pretty sure he wouldn't be that permissive if the circumstances were different. During the years that I have worked under his command he has taken care of me but he has always been a strict. Either way he is like the father I never had.
—Thanks Don.— I say really grateful. —See you.—
—Are you taking the train?He asks before I can hang the phone. I think for a couple of seconds.
—No. I'll take my car.— It's a decision I've just taken.
—The Mustang, huh? You will take it out for a ride.—I can imagine his smile. He loved the car the moment he saw it.
—Yes. It deserves it.—
—Very well. Drive safe. Anything you need, call me.—
—Sure. Thanks.— He says goodbye to me and I hang up the phone.
I walk to my bathroom to take my toothbrush and my makeup. I hope to find a good hotel near the house. I don't want to have to drive a lot. I put everything in the suitcase and do a quick mental check of the things I carry. I would not like to forget something important; pajamas, underwear, a pair of blouses loose enough to hide my little belly, shorts, sandals, a skirt, the necessary for my personal hygiene. Ok. I think everything is ready.
I rummage through my closet in search of something comfortable for the road, because it is not a very long trip but not a short one, a couple of hours at most. I do not want to be uncomfortable. I take a light lilac dress that is hanging at the bottom of the closet. The same dress for which we returned to 45th street at Alexandra's request the day we went shopping. I do like it, it is simple and spacious, perfect for the spring weather. I slide into it, it's not very long, it reaches above my knees, and it's loose enough to feel comfortable.
I look for my sandals, put them on, and walk to the mirror. My skin is paler than ever, although I must be grateful that I no longer look like a zombie ... but what really catches my attention is how long my hair is. It falls below my shoulders in tousled curls and I like the way it looks, so much so that I don't plan on brushing it this time. I take the suitcase, a thin fabric sweater, and I prepare to leave, but not before taking my Frank Sinatra album with me.
I see the city in my rear-view mirror as I drive away from it. I appreciate having lowered the top of the car before leaving because for the first time in a long time I can feel the warm sun against my skin, a little vitamin D is good. I'm not going at high speed but even so the air is responsible for ruffling my hair. I suppose that those curls will disappear inside the knot that will be formed. I look in my bag for a rubber band to tie it and without taking my eyes off the road I make a not-so-perfect ponytail. Some hairs manage to scape and fall on my face but soon the air moves them backwards.
I think for a bit and I can't help but remember Bernie's gaze on me at his funeral. I don't know if arriving at her house without warning is the most prudent thing to do. I must not forget that I am not the only person who lost him, and I cannot imagine what a mother suffers when losing a child. The bare thought of it makes my hand fly to my belly. I can't. I lose focus of my thoughts when I turn the curve and the bright sun hits me.
—Shit.— I slow down a bit and look for my sunglasses among my things. I put them on and it helps a lot.
Well, I'm on my way. I turn on my radio trying not to let my mind get lost again. I remember Fin saying "a modern radio is what you need" as he installed it himself. Well thanks to him I can now listen to my CD. I put it on and let myself be carried away by Frank's music as I make my way to Long Beach.
I stop the car right in front of the house. I close my eyes and breathe deeply, letting my lungs fill with the salty sea breeze. I look towards the house, the wind slightly moves the pots that are hanging and some bells that are next to the open door. I feel the fear running down my spine. I know that my visit is not expected and that it is untimely. Maybe I should have came earlier to pay my condolences. Maybe now she thinks I am a selfish bitch. In fact, now that I'm here I think better of it. How the hell am I planning to ask her what I want. With what explanation? How can a tell her I am pregnant? Maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all...
—Kyle and his big mouth.— I say remembering this was somehow all his idea. I drop my head against the wheel trying to control my nerves. I think it would be better to leave. I can find a hotel and stay here for the same couple of days and give her a call just to see how would she react. She does not have to know that I am already here.
—Silly ... silly ... silly— I let go of my hair and try to comb it back with my hands, more like an act of nerves than actually trying for it to look good. What if she already notice that I have arrived? Why did I have to arrive with the music at full volume? If she already saw me and I leave it will be even more strange than if I just get off and knock the open door. But if she haven't seen me I can run right now. Maybe she already saw the car but you didn't recognize me. I'm not that close to home.
—Damn.— I complain again without knowing what to do.
—Nice car.— I hear a voice from behind me.
TO BE CONTINUED...
AN: THANKS FOR READING. STAY SAFE.
