Anyone notice the chapter titles? How the odd numbered ones are things that Aziraphale says and the even numbered ones things that Crowley says?
Also: this is going to be the last chapter. Plot/structure wise, it makes sense. Here's hoping I make it count.
"Ah, yes, here we are," Aziraphale announced after miracling him and Newt to the hospital.
Newt looked around hoping to see Anathema. "You couldn't miracle us into the room with her?"
"And just appear in front of others as if out of nowhere? Of course not, Dear Boy, that would be rude. I do believe we are on the correct floor though. If we can find someone to ask…" as fate would have it, a nurse was making their way down the hall. "They'll do! Yes, hello!" he went to get their attention. "If it isn't too much trouble, could you help us find a Miss Anathema Device or her companion?"
"Follow me," they beckoned for Aziraphale and Newt to go with them to the nurses' station.
"Everything appears to be on computers, Newton; you may want to retain some distance." Newt backed away as the nurse did their search via computer.
"It says she was admitted to labor room eight when she arrived. Only I just came from room nine and the room across from it is empty."
"Empty?" Newt ran up to the desk. "It says she's in room eight, but room eight is empty? It can't be empty! Why is it empty?"
"I'm guessing she moved from the labor room to a delivery room."
"A delivery room!?"
Aziraphale placed his hands on Newt's shoulders. "Calm yourself, Newton; the last thing we need is for you to end up a patient here too." He helped guide Newton to take some breaths before turning back to the nurse. "Which way to the delivery rooms?"
"Down the hall and to the right," they answered back.
"Thank you, you've been most helpful. Come along, Newton."
"You can't get back there without clearance!" the warning seemed to go unheard as the angel led the former witchfinder down the hall and to the right.
"Did they say something just now?" Newton questioned.
"If so, I didn't hear it," Aziraphale replied as he opened the delivery room admittance doors with a snap of his fingers. They continued to make their way down hoping to find someone to help.
"…just hurry and get it to four," someone was around while instructing another staff member. Thankfully, they noticed Aziraphale and Newt before making an official collision. "Gentlemen, this is a restricted area, you cannot be here."
"My girlfriend's having a baby," Newt was trying not to lose it. "Anathema Device, she was in room eight."
"Do you know what delivery room she's in?"
"Ah…that may have been helpful to know."
"Perhaps you've seen her?" Aziraphale inquired. "Young Latina woman, long black hair, most likely came in here with a redheaded male in sunglasses."
"Oh, them? Just down there, room four."
"Room four?" Newt recalled something. "That's where you said for someone to hurry!" He himself hurried in that direction with Aziraphale keeping up as best he could. His speed seemed to increase as he saw an orderly exit the fourth door with a figure blanketed on a stretcher. "Anathema! Anathema, I'm here and I'm-"
With a weary moan, the figure on the stretcher nearly threw back their blankets. "—not Anathema, Disaster Boy."
"Crowley?" Aziraphale was just as confused. "Darling, what on Earth is going on?"
"Why in Satan's name would you even put a mirror on the ceiling to begin with?"
"I'm afraid I don't-"
"Mr. Crowley fainted in the delivery room," the orderly informed them. "We couldn't find a wheelchair, so we were going to wheel him to the waiting room on the stretcher."
Newt pointed to the room. "Is Anathema Device still in there?"
"Wait, are you Newt?"
"Newt! Yes! Newton Pulsifer, I'm her father. Well, not her father, but I really don't have time to be correcting myself."
"Newton? Newt is a person! This suddenly makes more sense. She's in there calling for 'Newt'."
"Not half as loud as I was," the demon groused.
"She's about to start pushing. If we're gonna get you in there, we gotta get you scrubbed up and now."
"Here," Crowley ripped off his scrubs and threw it at Newt, "he can have mine." The redhead nearly jumped off the stretcher and wrapped his arm around Aziraphale's shoulder. "Mind where you go, Newt. Come on, Angel: let's you and I get the Hell out of here." He led his partner to the exit. "You think this place has a bar or alcohol dispensary of some sort?"
"I very much doubt so," Aziraphale admonished. "It's also unwise to consume alcohol after fainting."
"I never claimed to be a wise man. 'Sides, I need to drink to forget."
"Was it really so ghastly?"
"Yes! Yes, it was. Though one good thing came out of it."
"Anathema having the baby?"
"No. No, the good thing is I've learned so many Spanish curse words."
"Crowley, you were in Spain during the Spanish Inquisition."
"Was I?" He pondered that. "Ah, well, easy to forget; I've done a little of this and that through every major era in history. Could've also drank through the Inquisition. Just really want some wine right now, I think I deserve it."
"I suppose you do; being there with Anathema in her time of need…despite the fainting."
"Can we never mention that part?"
"At least Newton arrived on time to witness the birth.
"Thank God. I mean, he won't last in there either."
"You underestimate the boy."
"I'm a demon: I've perfected some of the worst tortures and seen some of the most unholy imagery you will ever see, but even I couldn't last in a delivery room."
"Former demon," when the two made it to the waiting room, they were surprised to find a small group of people and a dog awaiting them. "Oh my Heavens, in all the excitement I had forgotten to miracle you over!"
"That's alright," Tracy assured him. "I had figured that was the case. However, the oddest thing happened when I went back to my flat to get out my motor scooter and drive it to the hospital. I start it up, it rises into the air and Mr. Shadwell and I are traveling at the speed of light."
"Witchcraft," Shadwell deduced.
Aziraphale gave a nervous chuckle and tugged on his collar. So that was something he forgot to do after the Armageddon-That-Wasn't. "Yes, well, how about that."
Crowley nodded toward Adam. "Wha' 'bout you? How'd you get here so fast?"
Adam shrugged. "I just got on my bike, turned a corner, and then I'm here."
"Right, former Antichrist."
"Never mind all that," Tracy veered off topics. "Has Anathema had the baby?"
"Not yet, but it should be arriving soon," Aziraphale informed them before turning to Crowley. "Wouldn't you agree, Crowley Dear?"
"It better be," this was Crowley's way of agreeing. "I mean: It's not like the baby's got that far to travel."
"So it'll be born today?" Adam asked for confirmation.
"That's the idea, yes." Adam made some sort of noise to the demon's response and took out his phone. "Oy, whaddya think you're doin'."
"I think I'm going to make a video," he started to record. "Hello, I'm Adam Young; I'm a friend of your mum and dad. Today is Friday, March 13th 2020 and you are about to be born." He held his phone away and started to film the waiting room. "All these grownups, they're friends of your mum and dad too. We're all here because we can't wait to meet you." He closed in on Shadwell and Tracy. "This is Madame Tracy and her husband, Mr. Shadwell."
"Witchfinder Sergeant Shadwell," Shadwell corrected.
"Former," Tracy addended.
"I'll have ya know tha' we wouldna be here if I hadna sent Private Pulsifer off to find the witch. He goes off and lays wi' the witch and here we are now."
"That is Mr. Shadwell's way of saying that your parents met when he sent your father off to Tadfield and your mother just happened to be in Tadfield. Mr. Shadwell is also under the impression that your mother is a witch."
"Ye best hope ya only have two nipples by the way."
"Really, Mr. S!" Tracy rolled her eyes and continued on. "Your father has told me on more than one occasion that he can't wait to introduce you to Disney films. When you watch one called Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, you'll find the one called Grumpy is a lot like Mr. Shadwell. A cranky old thing, who secretly means well—especially in regards to those he cares about. Isn't that right, Darling?" Shadwell grumbled some incoherent mutters. "Anyway: I do hope you'll consider us like an honorary aunt or uncle."
"Oor like grandparents." He looked at his wife. "Ya couldna ask for a more lovin' nana than this woman righ' here."
Tracy swooned. "Oh, Mr. Shadwell." She snuggled in close to him.
In response, Mr. Shadwell kissed the top of his wife's head. "I love ya, Jezebel."
"And I love you Douglas," she reciprocated this with a kiss on the lips.
An astonished Crowley leaned toward Aziraphale. "Douglas?"
"I'm just as surprised as you are," Aziraphale confessed.
"Oh," Shadwell turned to the camera after his smooch, "come ta me ta learn useful things. I can show ya how ta properly pop a shoulder back in place."
His wife nodded in agreement. "It really is quite a useful skill."
"I still need ta teach ya, Lad."
"Maybe later," Adam didn't exactly say "no" as he panned the camera to the other couple. "And over here are two very special…people?"
"Entities?" Aziraphale offered.
"Beings?" Crowley suggested.
"I don't know if I can explain it here, but Mr. Aziraphale and Mr. Crowley were an angel and a demon. Now they're here on earth and your mum chose them to be your godfathers."
"But I'm your favorite Godfather."
This made Aziraphale giggle. "Crowley, don't be such a silly."
"Aziraphale, please say something from this century."
This made Adam chuckle a bit before continuing on. "They may not live close by—Mr. Aziraphale has a wicked awesome bookshop in Soho—but they'll always be there for you when you need them. Plus they'll usually come together because they're always together."
"Have been for 6000 years, will be for 6000 more."
Aziraphale looked at Crowley and asked, "Do you mean that?"
"'Course I do, Angel."
"Well, we may have known and worked with each other for 6000 years, but we've only been together for a little over a year."
"I don't see it that way. Granted we made our relationship official not that long ago, but I've been with you and loved you for 6000 years. Nothing's gonna change that."
"Wait," Adam began to interject, "I thought you guys were married."
"They ain't married?" even Shadwell was surprised.
"What does it matter?" Crowley questioned back. "We're not even technically human!"
"But you have been trying to be more like humans," Tracy reminded.
"I agree with Crowley!" Aziraphale spoke up. "We are in our relationship for the 'long haul' as they say, but we are still our own…whatever we are. We don't need any legally binding contract or license to indicate otherwise."
"If we did, we could easily forge one," Crowley noted.
"If one wants to say Crowley and I are married, then let them. I will not dispute them because I do consider him to be like a husband and I love him," the pair made eye contact with each other, "I love you very much, Crowley."
Crowley diverted his attention to Adam. "Adam, tell me you got that on camera!"
Aziraphale was flabbergasted. "After all that, that's what you have to say?"
Crowley, meanwhile, had a smug look about him. "You don't get it."
"Apparently not."
"Aziraphale, that's the first time you've ever said you loved me out loud."
"What? No! Surely I've…" Aziraphale trailed off in thought, and then gasped, "…good lord, you're right."
"Been together all this time and we've never once told each other we loved one another."
"No, I suppose we haven't. Though I have signed my notes with 'love'."
"And I always jest 'but you love me'."
"But I never answer back that I do."
"And I never really considered the meaning behind the 'love' in the written word."
"It seems it's long overdue, but I do love you, Crowley."
Crowley responded by taking Aziraphale's hand in his and kissing it. "And I love you, Angel."
A loud sniffling broke the moment. "Is someone crying?" Adam turned the camera toward the Shadwells. There, a misty-eyed Mr. Shadwell sat with his hands crossed against his chest trying to look as though he hadn't been crying. "Mr. Shadwell?"
"'Tis me allergies," the old man grumbled. His wife swooned at him and cuddled up close. "Ach," he tried to free herself from her embrace, "off wi' ya, Harlot."
"I do feel a lot of love in this room," Aziraphale expressed his sentiment. "If only the whole world could feel the way that we do in this moment."
"Then demons'd be out of a job," Crowley remarked.
Adam turned the camera to the forgotten member of the party. "How about you, Dog? Do you have anything to say to the baby?" Without so much as a bark, Dog made his way over to the double doors, wagging his tail in excitement.
"Wha's gotten inta the mutt?" Shadwell questioned.
"Dunno." Adam followed his canine companion (while keeping the camera on). "Whatcha doin'?" He noticed something on the other side of the double doors. "I think someone's coming."
And that someone was Newt. No sooner had he stepped into the waiting area was he bombarded with five people and a dog requesting answers. "It's nice to see all of you too," Newt managed to speak up.
"Well?" Tracy prompted.
"Anathema and I are the proud parents of a little girl; six pounds, eight ounces. Mother and daughter in perfect health." His entourage burst into cheers.
"How marvelous." (Tracy)
"Congratulations Private Pulsifer." (Shadwell)
"This is absolutely wonderful; a true miracle." (Aziraphale)
"Does she have a name?" (Crowley)
"Wicked cool!" (Adam)
"Woof!" (Dog)
"Thank you all," Newt thanked. "And after some deliberation, we've decided we're going to call her Agnes. Seems only fair, Agnes Nutter being the reason we met and all."
"Did you faint?" Crowley followed up.
"Surprisingly no, Mr. Crowley; I didn't even throw up."
"Damn."
"They've actually taken Agnes to the nursery if you want to see her. After that, Anathema should be ready for visitors if you want to go and see her too." He opened the doors as an invitation for them to follow. Most of the group had done so with a former demon lagging behind.
"Crowley?" Aziraphale had stayed behind for him.
"She'll just be behind the window, right?" Crowley questioned. "The baby, I mean. I won't have to touch her or anything?"
"Are you really that uncomfortable with babies?"
"To be fair: babies never liked me either." He noticed the look Aziraphale was giving him and sighed. "I'm going to have to get used to this one eventually, aren't I?"
"There is a bright side to this. For one thing, the baby won't be staying with us. We will be going back to the city after all."
"But what if I start to like this baby? Then what?"
"Well, then we'll make visits to Tadfield more often. Or Malibu if they choose to travel to be near Anathema's family."
"I do like the beach."
"Or Surrey if they opt to be close to Newton's mother."
"Can give or take that place."
"We don't have to be there for all the stuff one doesn't like. Not that it will last long, babies do grow up."
"And eventually become kids."
"Yes."
"I'm great with kids."
"So I've been told."
"I mean I do like Anathema. I s'pose I like Newt too. I'm sure this means I'll really like Agnes."
"I'm sure you will."
"But uh, you'll be with me, won't you? In case everything goes pear-shaped with the baby; you'll be there for me?"
"Aren't I always?"
Crowley caught up to Aziraphale and put his hand in his. "What would I do without you, Angel?" they shared a smooch.
"Come on, Crowley: let's go meet our Goddaughter." Hand in hand they made their way down the hall.
"Seeing as our little Agnes is part witch, you think a black cat would make a nice gift?"
"I suppose…though it's probably not wise to give it to her today."
"It is her birthday."
"It's also Friday the thirteenth."
"Is it?" Crowley considered this. "Huh, so it is." He looked at Aziraphale. "Don't tell me you're that superstitious?"
"One can never be too careful."
"I s'pose."
"Why do you sound as if you're trying to hide something?"
"You know me too well, Angel."
"What did you do?"
"You remember earlier in the kitchen? When I tried to reach for a dessert and you struck my hand?"
"Yes."
"Well when I recoiled, I may have knocked over the salt with my elbow."
"You didn't!"
"I cleaned it up! Even threw it over my shoulder when you were distracted by Shadwell's thing."
"I suppose spilling the salt isn't that big of a deal."
"I mean I did shut down mobile service for Tadfield after all, so maybe that counts as creating bad luck for everyone. Though my own personal bad luck may have started after I dropped the little mirror onto the bathroom floor this morning."
"YOU WHAT!?"
"Ah, that's what I forgot to tell you. You need a new little mirror."
"You broke a mirror on today of all days!?"
"On accident!"
A flummoxed Aziraphale didn't know what to say, so he took a deep breath. "Given everything else that happened, I am willing to overlook this."
"Because you love me?"
"Because I love you."
"I love you too, Angel."
Thanks for reading. Peace out!
