AN: THANKS FOR READING. I JOINED WHAT ORIGINALLY WERE 2 CHAPTERS ON THIS ONE SO IT ISS LARGER AND WE CAN MOVE ALONG FASTER.
D: LAW AND ORDER SVU AND ALL ITS CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE.
CHAPTER 78 YOU CAN'T
—Liv!— My heart beats desperate. My breathing is agitated. I look around me and everything is calm. The waves continue with their movement, the sun is going down at a slow pace, and he is not here. —Livia!— I turn towards the house to see Bernie who is yelling my name and walking towards me. I raise my hand to let her know that I have heard her. I appreciate that she woke me up.
—Elizabeth and her silly vampire movies.— I whisper waiting for reality to consume me completely. Apparently, although I have not paid much attention to the film, my subconscious captured it very well and it played a very bad joke on me.
—You have been asleep for a long time.— Bernie tells me, already by my side.
—Really? What time is it?—
—Almost six o'clock.— I inspect the view and, indeed, the sun seems to be about to set. I observe how Bernie closes the umbrella which I don't remember being there before.
—You would be all burned if it weren't for Dickie.— She says with a laugh. I smile and let out a huge yawn and take the opportunity to stretch and get the terrifying image of a vampire Elliot out of my mind.
—Let's go inside. I prepared more lemonade.— I get up and walk after her still a bit sleepy. I had not slept enough the night before so I guess that is the reason why I have fallen asleep so easily and for so long.
—Hey Liv! I'm already watching the third movie. Want to join?— I listen to Lizzie and find her in the same place where I left her. I turn to the TV to watch a scene with wolf fighting vampires.
—No thanks.— I express, fixing my attention on something else around me to avoid another nightmare.
—I don't know what you see in those movies, Elizabeth.— Dick says from the dining room table drinking a glass of lemonade. I sneak into the kitchen and grab one for myself.
—Do you want to go out to dinner?— Bernie asks trying to get the attention of her distracted grandchildren.
—Yes, we can go to the coast today, is Sunday's 2x1.— Dick says taking the initiative.
—Lizzie, put a pause on it and let's go. It will be dark soon.— Bernie tries again, the young woman sighs but does as told. She stretches a little and gets up from the sofa.
—You'll love it, Livie?— Liz says with a smile. I honestly feel a bit fatigued and to make matters worse the nausea has returned.
—Can I drop out?— I say without much encouragement.
—Are you feeling bad?— She asks worriedly walking to my side.
—I am just tired.— I assure her not wanting for her to worry.
—You must eat well.— Bernie tells me with a reproachful tone.
—I know, but I have no appetite. Go, I'll sleep a little more. I'll go back to the city tomorrow and I don't want to drive tired.— Lizzie makes a face of displeasure but doesn't insist. I surely look tired.
—Well my dear, we will bring you dinner. Rest. You are at home.— She says with a friendly smile.
—Thanks. Dick, you can the car.— The young man smiles immediately. —The keys are in my bag.— I point to my room, he hesitates a bit so I walk over to him and take the keys out myself to give them to him. He cannot hide his smile what manages to make me laugh.
—We won't be long.— Lizzie assures me as she approaches, gives me a tender kiss on the cheek and follows her brother and grandmother to leave the house.
The sudden silence makes me feel a bit lonely, but I better not focus on that and I slip into the room. I take my suitcase and look for the huge "I 3 NY" shirt that I brought to use as my pajamas. I go to the bathroom and have one refreshing shower trying to get all the sand off my body. I comb my hair a bit, turn on the fan, open the curtains and settle into bed alone under the sheets. I focus my gaze on the sunset and the reddish color on the sea. I cling to some of the anecdotes that they have told me this day and I let myself be overcome by sleep until the day after my cell phone ringing wakes me up.
—Do you have to go now?— Elizabeth asks as I finish packing my clothes.
—Yes, I have to go back to work.—I explain because Cragen called early to ask me to come back. He was a bit sorry but I understand because Samuel has not been able to go to the precinct because his newborn daughter hasn't been discharged from the hospital. Apparently she had problems at birth, so we are short staffed, and it would be very selfish of me to leave them like that.
—When will we see you again?—
—Ahm... Call me when you are back to the city. I'll take you to eat hot dogs.—I answer smiling. I try to comb my hair so I go in front of the mirror.
—Oh.— I am surprised to see my skin color. So different from the paleness to which I have become used to seeing. —I'm tanned.— I say touching my face and I can feel a little burning on my skin.
—Sure, you fell asleep under the sun.— Lizzie teases seeing my surprised expression. Dick laughs at the door. I look at him by the reflection and I start laughing with him.
Driving home has not been as heavy as I had thought it would be. I kept the top closed this time as my skin is a bit sensitive and I don't want to burn anymore. What really bothers me is the traffic that greets me as I try to get into the city. I'm used to it and normally I'd play my music and wait for the cars to keep moving, but it turns out that today I have to have the urge to go to the restroom and the cars won't move one bit. I try to focus on Frank's songs singing it while keeping my car in neutral. I hope this progresses a little, I need to move a just a little forward to get off the bridge. I know the NYC streets very well to avoid the main avenue and get to the precinct quicker. But stucked in the bridge I can't do much!
—I peed before leaving Bernie's, for god's sake.— I complain aloud to myself, trying to claim my anxiety. I hum NEW YORK NEW YORK without much encouragement. Suddenly the cars in front of me start to move so I shift back to first gear and start slowly. I manage to see a couple of patrol lights and some uniformed guys taking an entire lane and letting the cars pass slowly by the free one. A couple of horns complain and even a few insults are carried away. I finally get off the bridge and take my little shortcut through the side streets. I don't think I can get to my apartment without wetting my car so I stop at the station building and rush down. I recognize uniformed Ramirez having a cigarette right outside so I rush to him. —Park it please?— I beg throwing the keys which fall to the pavement. I don[t really wait for an answer, I just run inside hopping to get to the ladies' room on time.
Don't you enjoy the feeling of relief when you get to the restroom after an hour of waiting? Well, I do. Actually, I love it. The problem is that this elevator seems to go slower than normal with all the intention for an accident to happen.
—Are you okay, detective?— The man who waits patiently next to me asks. Surely I must have such a terrible expression that it has led him to ask aloud.
—Yes.— I answer trying to concentrate on the numbers that the screen shows. Just one more and I will be closer to my goal.
—You are very tanned.— Is he really trying to make conversation. I don't mean to be rude but this is not the best time. At last I hear the bell that announces that we have arrived, as soon as the doors begin to slide I run out.
—Excuse me!— I hear a couple of complaints behind me as I run over some people but I don't stop. I slide through the corridors impatiently until I reach the ladies' room door. I open it perhaps with more force than necessary and I take refuge at last in the first free cabinet I find.
—Liv?— I'm thankful for having put on the dress because it makes my work easier. I definitely adore the relief. I can swear that I have let out a sigh. I hear a giggle outside, but I don't even remember who the person was. —You really needed to go, don't you?— I recognize Casey's voice even with a mocking tone in it.
—Yes.— I admit concentrating on my task.
—You scared the hell out of me when you entered.— She complains.
—I'm sorry.— I say getting out of the cabinet. —I was stuck for more than an hour on the bridge.— I complain washing my hands.
—Where did you go?— She asks with great doubt looking at me through the reflection. Her expression of surprise causes me a smile. I know she already noticed my tanned skin tone.
—Long island.—
—Vacation, huh?—
—Kind of. Ahm, I went to see...— I don't think Casey knows Bernie's name so I better be more specific. —Elliot's mother.— Her surprise is even more evident now as she widen her eyes.
—Liv, did you tell her?— She doesn't beat around the bush and asks right away.
—Well, she rather guessed.— I say hoping not to have to give a big explanation.
—How come?—
—Well, just like that, some things that happened before he... ahm... can I tell you later?— I ask her in all sincerity. I don't feel like opening that topic, right now. My emotions are controlled and I want to keep them that way at least to be able to work.
—Okay.— She says without much encouragement —But everything is okay, right?—
—Yes.— I don't want her to be worried. —Can you put me up to date with the case?— But I close the subject as I dry my hands.
—Yes, we have a suspect but he went crying for his lawyer so we're waiting for Trevor to arrive.— She says without much encouragement, a bit upset in fact. Now that she mentions that last name I realize he was the man in the elevator, well I didn't miss out on a great conversation. —And, they found another victim on the George Washington Bridge so John and Fin left leaving me alone.— She complains.
—So is they who I have to thank about the bridge's traffic.— I remember the patrol cars and the uniformed people diverting cars. I breathe trying not to lose focus. —Okey, let's go deal with Langan.— I say reluctantly, it's not that I don't like the man but what he does is what bothers me. What kind of person can he be if he doesn't mind leaving free rapists and murderers?
I walk with Casey out the room and find him waiting for us leaning between my desk and Elliot's. I recognize the frame he is holding in his hands.
—I'm sorry.— I apologize for my previous behavior as soon as we are near him.
—No problem.— He says without even looking at me. —Where is my client?— He questions Casey. I wait for her to answer as I wait impenitent for him to put the frame back in its place.
—Waiting at the interrogation room.— Casey answers making a hand gesture to show him the way, but he is now concentrated on me. Maybe my fixated gaze has something to do with that.
—Thank you.— He approaches me still with the picture frame in hand. —With you on vacation, I really hope that your partner has not broken the rules yet again.— He tells me as making sure it is evident I have been out. I guess the skin and the sunny dress makes it obvious. —A complaint from my client and I will get Stabler's badge.—
I try to keep my feelings well hidden as I understand who he is referring to. I find it difficult to ignore the burning growing in my chest and the lump lodged in my throat.
—You can't do that.— I say showing my anger and taking the picture frame from his hand.
—Do you want to bet?— Apparently he takes it as a challenge and not as its true meaning. He doesn't know.
—Detective Stabler passed away, counselor.— I hear Don's voice and find him behind Trevor with a really serious face. Langan's expression changes immediately. I can read surprise and then a bit of shame at his attitude.
—I'm sorry.— He immediately says, changing his gaze to a slightly softer one.
—Shut up.— Casey says annoyed putting her hand on my shoulder defensibly. I touch her hand trying to calm her.
—It's fine. You didn't know.— I answer him unable to prevent tears from blurring my vision. His expression becomes even softer, guilty is evident. I try to smile at him but I don't achieve much, so I better walk around him and sit at my desk.
I know Don is watching me but he knows me well enough to give me a little space by disappearing into the corridor with Casey and Langan. I try to control my feelings by taking deep breaths. I look at the photo in my hands. I know it by heart. Elliot carrying little Dickie with his huge smile on his face. It always made him happy to be a father, and then I realize that this time it would not have been the exception. I know it would have made him as happy as ever. I let out a sigh and place the photo back on my desk. Its new place. I wipe my eyes and decide to walk to the locker room to get more suitable clothes. I need to focus to be able to work on what appears to be a complicated case.
TO BE CONTINUED...
AN: OF COURSE PETERS CHARACTER HAD TO APPEARED.
