A/N: Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews! I really do appreciate it!
I published this chapter earlier in the day and was acting sort of glitchy so I don't know what happened. Thank you to eyeon for alerting me that something weird was going on!
For readers who are dying to know what is going on with Tom, I completely share your pain. When I was coming up with the idea for this story in Mary's POV, I was just as confused as you (and her!) with the way he has been handling things. I had to take a moment to really figure out what was going on inside his head before I could really go forward! Even though I'm the one writing the story, it sometimes seems like the characters have a minds of their own. The good news is that we'll finally get some insight on what's going on with him... but probably not in a way you are expecting!
Sorry for the length of this and the earlier error, I hope you enjoy!
New Normal
Chapter Seventeen
Mary didn't notice anything strange at first. Everything was normal... well, as normal as they could be during a pandemic and now that she was in love and sleeping with her dead sister's almost husband.
Maybe she should stop thinking of him as that, Mary mused as she helped him chop up vegetables for dinner. The pieces of carrot and celery were much too large, abnormally shaped, but still edible so that counted as a success in her books. No... maybe she just ought to simply think of him as her best friend? That starved away the illicit nature of it all, didn't it? And didn't everyone say your partner should be your best friend...?
"Dammit!" Mary cursed, dropping the knife and clutching her middle finger.
"What's wrong?" Tom sound frantic.
"I cut my fucking finger, that's what's wrong!" hissed Mary, bent over. She continued swearing, even when Tom wrapped an arm around her and lead her to a chair.
"Let me see it," he said. Mary held up her bloody finger, somehow managing to smirk in spite of the pain when she realized the rude gesture she was making. Tom let out a small laugh to himself, even as he took her bleeding hand in his, inspecting it carefully. "Well, it's a mess now, but it doesn't look like it's too serious. Just put some pressure on it. Here." He pressed a dish towel on her finger. She winced but couldn't deny that, even now, she liked the feeling of his hand holding hers.
"I suppose the vegetables are going to need to be thrown away now," sighed Mary, the pain still pulsating in her finger but nowhere near as intense. So much for edible food for once...
"Unless you want our children to ingest your blood, I'll say we have to," Tom agreed with good humor. He rose back to his full height, walking back over to the counter.
"I'm sorry. I don't mean to make such a mess." She stared down at the dishcloth, stained with scarlet.
"Mary, it's okay. Accidents happen. I'm just glad it's not serious." Tom scraped the vegetables into the trash and sat the cutting board and knife into the sink. "It won't take me that long to chop up some more."
Still, Mary felt like such a nuisance to him, watching mutely as he did the cooking all of his own. Once Mary was confident the bleeding stopped, she went upstairs to the bathroom to wash her finger and place a bandage and some antibacterial cream on it. Now that it had stopped, she could see it wasn't terribly deep, though it still hurt. She wondered if it would leave a mark on her, a scar to remind her of eternity of her folly.
When she came down, Tom was sautéing the vegetables in a pan... only the scent made her feel nauseated. Knowing he hadn't seen her reentering the kitchen, Mary ducked out, practically staggering to the back door and onto the back porch, gulping in the cool air to make her mouth stop watering. George and Sybbie took no notice of her appearance and Mary sat on one of chairs on the deck, staring out at the sunset. It was a beautiful sight, but Mary couldn't bring herself to think about it.
Maybe it was the blood loss, she told herself to excuse her momentary nausea, though logically Mary knew it wasn't substantial enough to induce that kind of reaction. She frantically googled symptoms of COVID-19, double checking to make sure nothing lined up. She was calmed once she determined it likely wasn't but still left reeling until Tom called them in for dinner.
"Is your finger alright?" He asked, eyes drifting down to said finger, lingering outside on the patio as the children raced into the house.
Mary nodded. "I just— Well, I didn't want to be a bother. I thought I'd keep an eye on George and Sybbie."
"You could never be that." Mary was disarmed by the quickness of his statement but had no time to process it before Tom was saying, "But at least you got to watch the sunset. It's probably a prettier sight than me in the kitchen."
Mary smiled but found she couldn't agree. There was no point in pretending now that she wasn't wildly attracted to him. He had slowly went from just being Tom to one of the world's most handsome men. Even harmless celebrity crushes like Chris Evans had started paling in comparison. She would take him over the most gorgeous sunset any day.
Perhaps it was selfish, but she didn't tell Tom about feeling ill, even as she pulled him close to her that night, wrapping her legs around his hips. He was like a drug, something she had become addicted to. The thought of not kissing him, not touching him for one night, was too much bear... and she wasn't alone in her urgency. She needed him and she needed him to know she needed him, even though she could never say it with words.
Sybbie's birthday was celebrated in the middle of quarantine with cake, ice cream, gifts ordered from Amazon, and a drawing from George. Many of her presents were for her new room, which she was having fun decorating. She was delighted by the celebration, only sad that she couldn't be with all the others she loved. Mama and Papa (finally) figured out how to use Zoom and gave her special birthday greeting. Granny called, promising that Isobel would drop off their gifts on the doorsteps, which turned out to be some sweets (baked by Isobel) and an antique music box from Granny that Mary was certain had been in the family for generations. Edith texted Tom and said that a gift would be coming in the mail in a few days and asked him to tell her happy birthday.
It wasn't until Mary was glancing through her calendar on her phone to determine the date of the delivery that the dots connected. Start of period? was on May 10— five days ago.
She tried not to panic. Her reproductive system was nothing if not unreliable and it wasn't the first time she had been late. They had been careful, using protection every time... It was probably nothing and she would feel silly for overthinking things in a couple days time. Nevertheless, after a day or so of internally panicking when her period still hadn't arrived and she couldn't remember one for last month, either, Mary volunteered to do the grocery shopping on Saturday. "You did it last time," she reminded Tom, much to his surprise, and it was settled.
Mask on, sunglasses covering her eyes, and a trolley full of food, Mary made her way into the pharmaceutical area. There they were... next to the condoms, ironically enough. Mary grabbed three pregnancy tests, dumped them in with the rest of her things, and went to check out.
Knowing Tom would insist upon helping her, Mary bagged the tests separately from the groceries and shoved them into her purse as she loaded the groceries into the car. She tried to act as normal as possible, pretending nothing was amiss even though she was beside herself with worry. As she drove home, Mary tried to remind herself to keep calm. There no sense in getting worked up when she didn't even know what was going on. Besides, it was an infinitesimal chance anyway... they had been taking the necessary precautions and knowing her luck, she would get her period in a couple days and feel like the idiot she was.
Tom helped her bring the groceries in (just as she knew he would), telling her about what George and Sybbie had done while she was away. Mary tried to pay attention, really she did, but she was so worried about thoughts of a possible third child that she couldn't concentrate on the ones she already had. At any rate, she knew she couldn't handle the suspense for much longer, so she got herself a massive glass of water and proceeded to chug it. When Tom gave her a strange glance, she smiled and said, "All that shopping made me rather parched."
It sounded flimsy to her ears, but he grinned. "You're out of practice. You'll have to stretch your legs before all the shops reopen."
Mary smiled wanly, drinking more of her water. When the first glass wasn't enough, she refilled it, drinking with much less enthusiasm. Tom joked, "At least you're staying hydrated."
It wasn't until the glass was three fourths empty that Mary finally felt the urge to go. She dismissed herself, saying something about taking a nap (which lead to another joke from Tom about the groceries wearing her out) before hurrying up the stairs, purse grasped in her hands.
Mary was practically dancing as she tore open the packaging. Her hands shook as she took the test out of the box, wondering why she thought it had been a good idea to drink two large cups of water...
The waiting was by far the worst part. Mary sat on the edge of the tub, checking her phone idly while her eyes kept checking the timer she had set. Once it went off, Mary let out a sigh of relief and crossed the bathroom, picking up the test from its perch on the sink.
It clattered to the floor. Her hand flew to her mouth. No... no, this couldn't be... Mary fell to the floor, legs too shaky to support herself any longer. The test sat inches away. Mary leaned over, trembling hands picking it up again. Two lines stared back at her.
"Fuck," whispered Mary. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" She was fairly certain this wasn't the reaction she should be having when learning she was pregnant with the child of the man she loved, but she doubted anyone would protest that this was inopportune timing and less than ideal circumstances. "Oh my God... oh shit."
After a minute of sitting on the floor, silent save for a few whispered curses, Mary pulled out her phone again. Her finger hovered and shook over Anna's contact information... she couldn't begin to think of who else she could tell, besides Tom, but she wasn't sure she could handle that at present.
She pressed the phone to her ear as it rang. How far along was she? It couldn't be that much... this hadn't been going on for long at all... they hadn't even been sleeping together a full two months...
Tears burned in her eyes. How was she going to tell Tom? Would he even want a baby with her? She was certain this hadn't been what he had signed up for... He didn't even want her, so why would he want her baby? This only a purely physical thing to him...
"Hello?" Anna's voice said on the other end.
"Anna?" Her voice was thick. There was a lump in her throat.
"Mary, what is it? Is something the matter?"
"I— I'm—" I'm pregnant, she thought but all that came out were heaving sobs. It was as if all the stress, all her fears from the past couple of days had erupted in this moment. What was she supposed to do?
"Mary? Mary, please tell me what's wrong?"
Mary tried to choke the words out but they were unintelligible. All she could think about was how distant the future seemed... what would Tom do? Would he want to stay here with her? Live with her and George? Or would they only see each other every other week, passing their child off back and forth to one another? She doubted he'd leave them high and dry like Michael Gregson had done to Edith, but there was no guarantee he would wish to be as involved as he was now. This has succeeded in making their already complicated entanglement all the more complex.
Mary didn't even realize Anna had hung up, not until her phone fell onto her lap. She supposed she must have given her poor friend a fright— hopefully she could explain later, once the tears had died down...
There was pounding on the door. "Mary? Mary, what's wrong?"
Oh, God... it was Tom! She wasn't ready to see him right now, she was in no fit state to explain things to him. "No," she cried out, the only word she could form. "No, please—"
But the door opened anyway. Mary didn't have enough time to hide the pregnancy test, merely staring up his blurry figure, vision clouded by unshed tears. She was sure looked a fright. Tom dropped down the floor, concerned. He took her face in his hands gently, staring into her eyes. She realized this was the most intimate thing they had done outside of bed since their relationship had progressed. "Mary, what's wrong? Anna called— she was worried about you. Please tell me," he whispered.
There was no sense in hiding it from him... not now. Mary managed to control her sobs, just for a moment, before reaching for the test, which had landed a few inches from her. She held it up wordlessly, letting his hands leave her face and take it from her. She couldn't bear to look...
"Oh, Mary," he finally said, letting it fall back onto the floor as he pulled her into a crushing hug. Mary continued to cry, but she felt so much better as he murmured, "It's okay. It'll be okay, I promise. It's alright."
Once her tears subsided, Mary didn't dare let herself leave his grasp— and blessedly, Tom didn't seem to want to let her go. His hands were stroking her hair, rubbing her back, her head tucked under his chin.
It took a long while before Mary said, "There's false positives sometimes. I— I might not be..." She couldn't say it.
"I've heard of that before," said Tom. "Do— do you need me to buy some more? Or did you get enough at the store?" When Mary shook her head, his grip on her tightened. "I suppose I should have guessed something was up when you volunteered to go grocery shopping. Normally I have to force you into the car."
"I thought adding pregnancy test to the shopping list might arouse suspicion," she said, amazed they could still joke like this even though things had changed irrevocably between them. Then again, things had already changed before this... though now there was to be a living, breathing reminder of this period in their lives.
Tom laughed weakly before drawing away from her. "How about we go somewhere a little more comfortable than the bathroom floor?" Mary mourned his loss of touch instantly, but when he held out his hand, she took it, rising to her feet. She wondered where he would lead her, relieved that it was only to the bed. She didn't want to deal with questions from the children, who would be too young to understand any of this. Tom folded her into his embrace again and she gladly let him hold her. There was little fight left in her now; she was too exhausted and still reeling from her discovery.
"Why did you call Anna?" He finally asked.
Mary tensed up. "To tell her."
"Why not me?" There was no accusation in his voice. "Didn't you think I'd want to be the first to know?"
"Not really," admitted Mary, eyes clenching shut. She wasn't surprised when he pulled away from her. She supposed she deserved it.
"Why would you say that?" She felt his hands cup her jaw, the callused fingers brushing against her smooth skin. She dared to open up her eye, regretting saying it when she saw the hurt look on his face. "Mary... we're going to have a baby..."
A baby. She didn't bother pointing out about the false positives again. "Yes, but I doubt this is what you wanted."
Tom didn't say anything. She let her eyes fall shut again. He couldn't even deny it... "Well, it's happened."
Mary nodded mutely. If it weren't for the fact she was confident she had no tears left to cry, she was certain this would have been enough to set her off again. She stared down at the grey duvet, her long pale fingers, her rounded cuticles.
His hand rested on top of hers. Mary looked up in surprise. "I'll be here for you. You don't have to worry about that." He lifted up her hand, bringing it to his mouth and kissing her knuckles. "We've raised two kids together already. This won't be any different."
What do you mean it won't be any different? Mary wanted to scream. It's already different! She didn't voice these thoughts aloud, instead resorting to humor. "Don't count your chickens... they're still young yet. If George is anything like me, we're going to have a very moody teenager on our hands." Probably two, she thought, the hand Tom wasn't holding subconsciously falling to her still flat stomach.
Tom chuckled. "And the less said of my teenage years, the better. Hopefully Sybbie'll take after her mother."
"I don't know if that's much better," said Mary, wryly raising an eyebrow. "She was sneaking out late at night to get drunk with her friends and vandalizing public property, remember?" As lovely and sweet as her little sister had been, she had also given Mama and Papa a run for their money. If she disagreed with the rules, she had no qualms breaking them.
"So the only chance we might have is thanks to Matthew, then?" asked Tom, grinning ear to ear. When Mary nodded, he laughed. Mary wondered what sort of hellraiser was in her stomach right now... a combination of hers and Tom's genetics didn't exactly bode well for the peace and serenity they had enjoyed thus far with George and Sybbie, who had thus far taken after their less fiery parents. Still, the idea didn't frighten nearly as much as it had a short while ago. Squeezing her hand before he dropped it, Tom rose to his feet. "Speaking of those two, I'd better check on them. Make sure they haven't set fire to anything." When all Mary could manage was a weak smile, he promised, "I'll be back soon," before leaving the room.
Mary collapsed onto her pillows, no longer able to bear the weight of her own body. On the one hand, this wasn't going as poorly as she had feared... but on the other hand, it was hardly the stuff of her dreams. There had been no talk of what they were to one another, of his feelings for her, of what this would be like in the future when there was no pandemic trapping them together. She had no idea what she would tell her parents, their friends...
Anna! Mary picked up her phone hurriedly, now certain she wouldn't bawl her eyes out, calling her friend back. She was sure Tom was supposed to let her know what was going on but had forgotten to tell her.
"Mary? Is everything alright?" Poor Anna sounded absolutely frantic when she picked up.
"Oh, Anna, I'm so sorry. I must have scared you."
"As long as I know you're alright, that's all I care about."
"It— it is." She wasn't sure if things really were alright or if it would always be alright... but Tom had promised her it would be. She would have to trust him. "I... I don't know how to say this."
"Say what?" Anna sounded near frantic.
Mary's eyes flickered to the door. "I... I'm pregnant."
There was a gasp on the other end. "Oh my God!"
"Yeah," said Mary awkwardly. Things weren't this way when she learned she was pregnant with George... probably because at the time it was a planned pregnancy with her husband and not the result of an affair with her brother-in— no, her best friend.
"I— Congratulations!"
"Thanks," Mary managed with a weak laugh, relaxing slightly. As sweet as Anna was, she hadn't been anticipating such a welcoming response. All her fears regarding the direction of this conversation faded away.
"Does Tom know?" Before Mary could clarify about exactly what Anna was talking about, she asked, "About the baby?"
"He does now. He didn't know until he barged into the bathroom and found me crying on the floor with a pregnancy test, but—"
"Mary, I'm so sorry! I thought— well, you sounded so upset and I wanted to make sure you weren't hurt or—"
"It's fine, Anna. More than fine," assured Mary. "In fact, I'm willing to bet I'd still be crying if he hadn't showed up." His comfort had meant more than words could describe. At least now there weren't a million what-ifs bouncing around in her head, speculating how he would react. In fact, she felt somewhat poorly for even doubting him for a second.
Anna let out what Mary assumed was a relieved sigh on the other end of the phone. "So... did he take it well?"
"He took it far better than I did." Her legs dangled off the edge of the bed. "I was such a mess... I was too shocked to be embarrassed about crying."
"I'm sure... I mean, you weren't— that is, you weren't trying..."
"God, no!" exclaimed Mary, sitting up now. "I'm not sure how it happened... we were so careful."
"Well, it's never 100% effective," said Anna. "But... are you happy?"
Mary blinked. "I don't know. I mean... I suppose I am." Much to her surprise, tears were already welling her eyes again. "This isn't how I would have wanted it but... I'm happy. In a way."
"Well, then I'm pleased for you." She could hear Anna's smile on the other end. "I hope you don't mind me taking over the call but... I'm actually pregnant, too."
Mary's jaw fell open. "Oh, don't apologize! Anna, that's wonderful!" Suddenly her problems went away. "How long have you known?"
"A few weeks now."
"And you didn't tell me?" Mary teased.
"I haven't told anyone. Well, except for John. But he doesn't count." They both laughed. "I probably wouldn't have told you so soon, but... well, it seemed like the right time. They'll be the same age!"
"I'm so pleased for you!" Something moved in the doorway and Mary saw Tom, lingering in the hall. She motioned him to come in.
"I'm happy for you! And I hope things work out for you... have you told him how you feel?"
Mary was seized by icy fear. He couldn't have possibly overheard her... "Not yet!" said Mary brightly, determined to act as if everything was alright. "Actually, Tom's in the room right now! Do you want to speak to him?"
"Oh my God! Uh, no, that's fine! I'll let you go now!" Poor Anna sounded panicked. "It was great talking to you and congratulations— again!"
"Thank you, Anna," said Mary not taking her eyes off Tom, who was now settling down on his side of the bed. "And congratulations to you, too."
There was a slight hesitation. "Do you mind if I tell John?"
Mary sighed. They would have to tell everyone eventually... and Anna didn't like keeping secrets from her husband. Besides, John was hardly a blabbermouth. "Go ahead. I was already going to tell Tom."
Anna let out a relieved laugh. "Thanks, Mary. Love you!"
"Love you, too." She hung up the phone, turning to Tom. "Anna," she informed him.
"Ah. I take it you've told her our news?" His eyes fell to her stomach.
Mary nodded before asking, "You don't mind, do you? I was going to tell her anyway... and I didn't want her worrying about me."
There was a silence. Mary turned to Tom, who looked pensive. When he saw her imploring look, he said quickly, "I don't mind. Anna's your best friend. Apart from me." He paused before asking, "Did she know? About us?" Mary nodded. "So she wasn't surprised?"
"Oh, she was surprised," clarified Mary, certain Anna had been flustered. "But John's in for a hell of a shock." Tom blinked. "You know she can't keep a secret from him for too long... and I figured it was only fair, since I was going to tell you that Anna's pregnant, too."
Tom's eyes widened. "Oh. Oh wow." He blinked twice before saying, "Maybe there's something in the village water supply."
"Or maybe it's just a coincidence," countered Mary, leaning back on the pillows. "They've been trying for awhile. They've always wanted a big family."
He seemed to ruminate on this for a moment or two. "How did it happen?" Tom asked, gazing down at her stomach.
Mary turned and gave him a look. "I'm sorry sex ed has failed you."
"I didn't mean that," Tom said, blushing fiercely. It was rather cute, in a way, watching his cheeks and ear turn pink. She was surprised, after all that had occurred between them, that he would still be bashful about this. "I meant... well, we were using protection."
"Obviously it didn't quite work. It's only 99% effective, remember?"
"I've seen that episode of Friends enough times to remember that," he said, smirking slightly before it faded. "I just never thought it would happen to us."
"Well, it had to happen to somebody." Mary looked up at the ceiling, hands resting now on her stomach. She still wasn't quite sure how to process things yet. A part of her was still shocked by how well he was handling this.
"Why did you tell Anna? About us?"
This was dangerous territory... and given that today was enough an emotional rollercoaster without her complicated emotions, Mary didn't want to rock the boat too much more. "It slipped out. I didn't mean it to," she lied.
"It slipped out?"
"Yes." She rolled over on her side. "I somehow never mentioned our... unorthodox sleeping arrangements until I went to see her the other day... and when she asked if there was anything more, I felt like I couldn't lie. Not really." She shrugged.
Tom didn't seem wholly convinced but let it go... and for that she was grateful.
A couple hours passed. Tom stayed with her, only getting up once or twice to check on Sybbie and George and once to bring her up some lunch. "I've told them you're having a rest and that they aren't to disturb you," he explained. "They've built themselves some kind of a fort downstairs, so I think it's safe to say they'll be entertained for a while."
Mary nodded. "Thank you." As much as she loved and adored them, Mary was too overwhelmed to deal with the children at present. She supposed if this was really happening, as it seemed to be, then they would have to be told at some point, but she didn't want to think about that. Not yet.
For the most part, Tom remained quiet, a silent support. Mary was grateful for it, not quite ready to sit and talk any longer. It was a relief to not put on a show or to try and think of what to say, allow to simply absorb things at her own pace. Finally, Mary rose to her feet once again, walking into the bathroom without a word to Tom. When she opened the second box, it was with much less urgency and significantly less fear.
When she reappeared, Tom was sitting upright. "Well?"
"Well what?"
"What did the second test say?"
"I don't know yet. I took them both, just to save ourself some suspense. It takes a few minutes," said Mary, setting another timer on her phone. "We'll have to wait."
When the the timer went off, Tom followed her into the bathroom, trailing after her. Now that they would get their confirmation— their real confirmation— she was afraid... not that she really would be having his baby, but that it hadn't been real. That she wasn't pregnant after all. It was a stupid thing to hope for, considering their circumstances, but Mary wanted this baby... she wanted Tom's baby.
She held up the tests. Two lines.
"Well," said Tom, taking them from her, inspecting it, and setting them down, "there we have it."
"Yes," murmured Mary. Their fate was sealed. "I guess we do."
As they wished George and Sybbie a good night, it really seemed to hit Mary. There would soon be another child in this house, one that was hers and Tom's. George and Sybbie would have a brother or sister...
Dwelling too deeply on that only starting a slow accumulation of worries about the addition to the house and all of it, so Mary pushed it to the back of her mind. She supposed it was a good thing they hadn't started building yet. They would have never planned for this.
Tom was thinking about it, too, though he didn't say as much. She could tell by the way he was carrying himself, the fleeting moments when he would glance over at her. She wondered if he was nervous too... if he was, he hadn't really shown it. Mostly he had been the one keeping her sane all day when she got too much into her own head.
It was strange, going to bed without even wondering if something might happen. Mary felt rather uncertain about where things stood between the two of them. It wasn't as if they would make another baby but she didn't feel quite like doing anything tonight. Neither did Tom, apparently, as they laid down in bed just to... well, sleep.
Mary wondered when he would find out how she felt since it seemed almost inevitable now. They would spend at least another eighteen years together and at some point, her secret wouldn't be so secret anymore... not if they were supposed to live in such close proximity. She knew how to keep ironclad control over her own emotions, but she was also not very patient and likely to blurt things out, even at her own detriment.
It took ages for Mary to finally fall asleep but once she did, she was awake again only two hours later, the sky still dark. She blinked, unable to see anything... but she felt a hand, resting on her stomach. She smiled softly before laying her own hand across it.
