AN: THANKS FOR READING. JUST A REMINDER THAT IN THIS STORY'S UNIVERSE ELLIOT AND KATHY GOT DIVORCED AND ELLI NEVER EXISTED.

D: LAW AND ORDER SVU AND ALL ITS CHARACTER RE NOT MINE

CHAPTER 83 HONESTY

I turn to look at Elizabeth instinctively trying to find some kind of reaction to help me get an answer. Does her mother know? A small smile appears on her face, but nothing else. I take a deep breath so I can relax and try to act as normal as possible.

—Hello, Liv!— Richard says leaving her mother behind to approach and greet me with an affectionate hug.

—Hello.— I hear my voice less trembling than I expected. I am still grateful to keep this gift of being able to keep my expression serene and my nerves hidden. It has really helped me on many occasions, especially on the job, with suspects and victims both. No matter how long I've been on this job, facing the victims' stories is never, and never will be, an easy task. And once again here I am trying to diverse my thought into my job trying to ignore reality. The downside is that this reality is right in front of me.

—Hello Liv.— Kathy greets me with a smile on her face.

—Hi Kathy.— She comes over to me and lets her arms go around my neck, so I hug her back. I become more aware of my belly the moment it hits her abdomen, and the nerves takes over me. I take my eyes to Dickie trying to read something on his expression but he is only watching us with a slight smile.

—How have you been?— Kathy asks with a friendly tone as she let go off me.

—Fine.— I can notice how her blue eyes drift to my belly but she quickly returns them to my gaze.

—Congratulations, Liv. The children told me.— She says still with a smile.

Okay, they told her, but did they tell her everything? I can't read much in her face or in theirs. I feel powerless not knowing what to do.

—Thank you.— What else can I say?

—Well, I just came to drop these two.— She explains.

—So are we getting those hot dogs or what?— Elizabeth complains with a pout on her face.

—Yes, it's not far from here.— I say pointing towards the direction of the hot dogs location.

—If you want I can go get them, so you don't have to walk there, Liv.— Richard says with that chivalry that he has formed over the years.

—I'm not sick, Richard.— I scold him already walking towards the exit of the park. It's really not far and I feel energized.

—Men.— Lizzie complains rolling her eyes at her brother's attitude and walking behind me. I stop my walk and turn around to face Kathy.

—Wanna join us?— I ask her kindly. She smiles and nods her head walking behind us. Something in her energy keeps me calm as we walk. The twins rush ahead of us talking about a television show. Kathy remains silent until she reaches the street stall.

—Detective!— The owner greets me when he recognizes me.

—Hello.—

—I haven't seen you around for a while.— He lets everyone know. —Oh and look at that! You are expecting a baby.— He points to my belly with a huge smile. —Congratulations!—

—Thanks. Cravings have brought me here.— I joke a bit with him.

—I see. And where's your partner?— I can feel the immediate tension in the environment. Everyone's gazes are suddenly on me. It lasts mere seconds but it feels longer to me.

—Ahm. Detective Stabler... passed away a few months ago.— I can't help my voice to break and my eyes cloud by tears. It's the first time I have to break the news myself. I had never planned to do it, but I think from now on those words will come out of my mouth frequently.

—Oh, I'm so sorry.— The man says embarrassed. I can only nod and unconsciously let out a sigh.

—Sir, we've been told he loved eating your hot dogs so we came to eat them in his honor.— Elizabeth says with a tone of joy in her voice. It is fascinating to see the positive energy that this young woman discharges, her way of seeing life is so different from what I am used to.

—Well, I'm very glad you're here. The bill goes on the house, please.— The man, infected by Lizzies energy, says starting to take out the bread and sausages.

I slightly turn to see Kathy to find out I am not the only one struggling with tears. She looks up to meet my eyes and an empathic smile appears on my face as my hand flies straight to her arm. She returns the smile and takes my hand with hers.

—I'm fine.— She says, breathing deeply.

We head back to the park, each one of us holding our hot dog on hand ready to eat. I try to take a couple of deep breaths before the statue of Alice in Wonderland comes to my vision. The wave of feeling attacks me even when I try my best to avoid it. Fear, pain, sadness, loneliness. I name them all on my head.

But this place is totally different from the one in my nightmares. The couple of children playing around the statue and the color that spring gives it make the whole place different. This is more like the one on my few good dreams.

—There's a good shade here.— Kathy tells us pointing to one of the empty benches that is covered by a big tree shadow. I sit next to her while Dick and Lizzie sit opposite us right on the floor.

—So this was his favorite place?— Dickie asks, remembering the story I told them on the beach a few months ago.

—For hot dog eating, yes.— I answer with a smile.

—I don't know about you but I'm already hungry.— Young Elizabeth takes her hot dog and lifts it —for dad.— She says waiting for her brother to follow her actions. The young man does with a smile on his face and tears on his eyes. Soon Kathy and I followed.

—For dad.— Richard repeats before we all take our hot dogs to our mouths.

—Oh... delicious.— Elizabeth seats with a surprised expression on her face.

—They are.— Kathy seconds her daughter.

—He was right. The best hot dogs in Manhattan.— Richard says with his mouth full of his second bite.

I eat it more calmly that them as I remember the first time I was here with him, and also the last time.

I remember his words so clear "the day you don't find me I'll surely be here, it's my favorite spot." His voice rang out somewhere inside my mind and I can't help the tears from gathering in my eyes. The feeling of helplessness invades me. He is nowhere to be found now. At least not physically, cause as soon as I look at Richard and Elizabeth I can find him in them. In Lizzie's smile and Richard's body language. In both their eyes and the way they talk. He is there.

—Shall we rent scale boats in "Conservatory water"?— Dickie asks, finishing his food and pointing to the small lake in front of the statue. I observe the sailboats in the water and the people having fun with them.

—You go ahead kids.— Kathy says taking the garbage from their hands. I can see the silent conversation shared between their eyes making the twins disappear from the place. She wanted to be alone with me.

—It must be very difficult.— She says, coming back to my side.

—What?— I ask trying to get as much information as possible and not draw my own conclusions.

—Losing your best friend and being pregnant.— I still can't say much I don't know if she knows the whole truth. Perhaps the doubt is expressed on my face as she smiles and explains herself. —I mean, been so sad and so happy at the same time.—

—It's not easy.— I accept understanding very well what she's talking about. Of course it is terrible to have such a strong shock of feelings. How can I be happy but sad at the same time? Well... I already know that. —But, it did helped. When I found out I was very happy.— She nods but stay silent as she takes her attention to the kids playing on the statue. So I decide to take the lead of the conversation trying to get more information. —Did the kids tell you?— I ask vaguely to see if she spells the beans on how much does she know.

—No.— She answers and keeps talking. —Bernie called me.— Okay that I wasn't expecting. I feel my body tense immediately. —She said you passed by her house.—

—Yes, I... I didn't get a chance to give my condolences to her at the funeral.— I try to explain. —Well, to anyone. I just...—

—I know.— Kathy says trying to avoid a further explanation. —Well, Bernie just suggested to reach you.—

—I see.— Bernie didn't tell her, she just made her come and face me for some reason I don't understand at all.

—Olivia...— The doubt in her voice scares me a little. —Is it Elliot's?— she finally asks. With difference on how Bernie actually affirmed it, Kathy's voice is genuinely asking. I am not evading the question or even trying to lie to her. There is no sense on doing it.

—Kathy, I'm not going to lie to you. It is Elliot's son. But you have to know that he was never unfaithful to you. We never even thought that something would happen until...—

—Olivia.— She interrupts me nodding her head. —You don't have to give me any explanation.— She gets up and turns to face me. —Thanks for being honest with me.— I nod but don't know what else to say so I just let her walk away towards the park's exit. I think she needs to process the information and, maybe, I need to as well.

I get up and walk to the statue and lean against one of the huge mushrooms that the kids have left alone. I look round and try to guess where exactly I ended up lying down that night. I try to remember the vague image of the statue in the rain and guess where it was. I can almost hear the thunder and the rain falling; feel it cold sliding down my skin, and the daze enveloping me ... I can feel it all.

—Hey. Is everything okay?— Elizabeth approaches distracting me from my awful thoughts.

—Yes— I say.

—Don't worry about her.— She says talking about her mother. I guess she has been looking at us. —She just needs space.— She tries to explain. I look up to see her beautiful eyes full of light and she gives me a nice smile.

—I know.— She leans down a little, lifting my blouse and sticking her lips to my belly.

—You are a beautiful miracle.— She says in an almost inaudible whisper. —I love you very much already.— I can feel her smile against my skin. I stand still watching Dickie walk towards us. He looks more like Elliot every day, his way of walking, his expression, his height, his voice. He approaches quickly and cautiously drops at his sister height to touch my belly as well.

—A boy uh?— He turns to see me with a smile. —Finally a brother.— I guess Elizabeth has already confess her losing the bet.

—Have you thought of a name?— Lizzie asks with her sweet voice. I haven't really thought about any name. Or Any other matter. Accordingly to Melinda's book I should be thinking on a lot of stuff already.

—Not yet.— I accept.

—Which ones do you like? Like, generally.— Richard seconds the conversation.

—Men names. Ahm... I don't know.—

—Richard Stabler is taken.— He says playfully.

—I know.— I make him sure of that. —What name do you think your dad would like?— Both remain silent and turn to see each other. I am intrigued by the way they communicate without saying a single word. I once had that ability with a person... with Elliot.

—Well, He always argued with mom about how they planned to put me on if I'd been a boy.— Lizzie says with a grimace. I think the idea that she could have been a man does not please her very much.

—He said he wanted a Richard, a Philip and an Andrew in the family.— Richard continues the explanation.

—But I was born a girl so they couldn't call me Philipaa, or something, and mom was against Andrea.— She manages to make me laugh with her logic.

—Mom chose Elizabeth after her grandmother and let dad have the boy named Richard.—

—OMMg, I was eleven years old already and they kept arguing about how they would have made me!— She complains turning towards the sky.

—Mom said that if they had had another boy they would have called him Elliot Jr., but Dad wasn't that sure.—

—Another Elliot Stabler?... I don't know how good that would have been.—

—He would have preferred a Philip.— Richard clarifies.

—Grandma told us that his childhood best friend was called Philip. I guess that's why he liked it.— Elizabeth explains as she sits back on the floor. I try to remember the stories at Bernie's house and then I remember.

—The kid who passed away?— I say aloud trying to know if what I remember is true.

—Yes. The one that Granny told us about...— She lets out a sigh —How awful it must have been for him to lose his best friend.—She says nostalgically. The words reach the bottom of my soul. I know exactly what it is to lose your best friend. I do know.

—Horrible.—I admit.

—Oh... no, Liv.— She is soon up hugging me. —I'm sorry.— Richard joins us putting his hand on my belly right beside her sister's.

-

—He is here with us.— And if he was indeed listening I can feel the baby moving and them getting paralyzed.

—Did you feel that!?— Lizzie excitedly asks her brother, clinging to my skin a bit more.

—Yes I did!—He turns to see me with the same emotion on his face. I can't help but laugh which causes my little man to move again, harder this time.

—Hello baby. We are your siblings. Can you hear me in there?— Elizabeth says with enthusiasm waiting for another movement in answer. I can notice the tears that have accumulated in her blue eyes starting to spill down her cheeks.

—I am sure he can hear you loud and clear.— I tell her based on the information Kyle has given me.

—It's beautiful. Move again little guy.—

—You both are going to make me cry.— Richard complains as we both girls are already letting the tears out.

It does feel like He is with us.

TO BE CONTINUED...

AN: WHAT NAME WOULD YOU LIKE FOR THE LITTLE BOY?