"A party?"
Shiho looked up at the starlit sky. There was a beautiful full moon tonight, encircled by numerous stars. Too many to count.
She looked down at the quiet street that was occasionally disturbed by the sound of a moving vehicle.
Other than that, it was a very peaceful night.
She was leaning against the railing of her balcony on the 10th floor of the apartment complex, clad in her white nightgown that barely reached her knees. Her soft short strands flew gently in the wind. She brought up a hand to tuck some behind her ears, while the other hand was holding a phone.
"Yes," Shinichi's voice said on the other end. "Suzy wanted to do something to celebrate my promotion."
"Congratulations again," Shiho said smiling knowing he couldn't see it. Her voice was as monotonous and bland as ever, so she knew the happy message wouldn't carry through.
"So Chief Superintendent Kudo, I just want you to know that if Higo came, there would be a lot of camera presence around your house, and he might steal your spotlight. Are you okay with that?" she asked looking toward the peacefully sleeping Higo in their bed. His soft brown strands fell messily across his forehead. His dark, long lashes obscured the brilliant green orbs underneath and she smiled.
Shinichi laughed. "Of course! I'm sick of all those cameras in my face all day long at work. They're like vultures. I don't know how Higo does it."
Shiho chuckled. "Me neither."
"So you two are down? It's at 6:00 P.M. so I think both of you should be out of work by then?"
Shiho played with her short hair. "I know I am. Higo sometimes has to stay late to practice, but I'll check with him and let you know the final answer."
"Sounds good."
A pause.
"It's getting sort of late-"
"I've missed you."
Shiho blinked. Her heart picked up speed.
"It's been a really long time since we've talked like this, heh?" Shinichi went on. "Six months? Before you got a boyfriend, we used to text but now that's like nonexistent. It's just like we are strangers now."
Shiho turned around so her back was leaning against the railing with her elbows supporting her. Her eyes fixed onto Higo's sleeping, handsome face.
"Life happens," she spoke quietly. "We both get so caught up with work and our own issues that other things just take a sideline."
"Other things? Are we other things now?"
"That's not what I meant." She sighed. "We're just all so busy now."
"We were never this busy before."
She started noticing how Higo's eyelashes fluttered briefly.
"Shiho?"
She realized with a start that she hadn't said anything.
"What do you want me to say, Shinichi?" she spoke quietly.
"We've been through so much, but recently I feel like we've drifted apart."
Higo stirred slightly.
"For starters, I'm not sure how Suzy feels every time I text you-"
"She's put that all behind her."
Has she really?
"Just because she said she did doesn't mean she did, Shinichi." Shiho sighed. You really don't know how a woman's heart works, do you?
"What do you mean?" he said sounding confused. "Clearly, she's moved on. That's why she wanted to invite both of you to the party."
"Are you sure it's not because she has to?" Shiho smirked wryly.
A pause.
"What?"
"Never mind," she said coolly. "Higo and I should be able to make it."
Another pause.
"Alright." He sounded defeated. "I'll see you then."
"Yes, goodnight, Shinichi."
"Goodnight, Shiho." And the line went dead.
Shinichi ruffled his dark, unruly hair with his free hand; the other hand held his cellphone. He didn't quite understand what Shiho was trying to say. Obviously, Suzy had moved on. She decided the past was past, and she wanted to get to know Shiho.
He glanced inside the bedroom. He was standing on the balcony overlooking the empty street. The sky above was starlit. The moon was out tonight, unhidden by clouds.
He still heard the sounds of running water; Suzy was still taking her shower. He lifted his head up and stared at the beautiful sky. A dark curtain littered with tiny, countless bright, white dots. Tilting his head this side and that, he was curious as to what shape could be made from these stars.
The water's turned off.
Suzy stepped out of the bathroom clad in only a bathrobe. She was drying her long locks, oblivious to Shinichi standing on the balcony. The young detective pushed himself off the railing and went inside, sliding the door closed behind him.
She looked at him and smiled.
ii.
Shinichi looked down at the commotion going on in front of his house.
A black limousine pulled up right outside his tall, metal gates, followed closely by a herd of paparazzi. Flashlights flashed; he had to blink to get the white dots out of his eyes. Then the driver got out, walked to the side and opened the door. Out stepped Higo clad in dark trousers and a white shirt. He shielded his eyes briefly from the bombarding blinding lights. He then bent slightly and offered his hand to someone inside.
Shinichi didn't need to guess who it was.
Shiho took her boyfriend's hand and stepped out. Shinichi didn't know why but he felt his breath hitched in his throat.
She looked beautiful.
Clad in a casual red dress that fell neatly to slightly above her knees, and hugged her slender figure nicely, complementing her curves, she wore her signature short reddish-brown hair in subtle waves. There was a jade hairpin keeping her stylishly messy hair in place.
A jade hairpin… Shinichi let a small smile cross his face. He remembered how he used to help her with it back then, ages ago. Or at least it felt ages ago to him. He briefly wondered if it was Higo who helped put the pin in place this time, or did she do it herself?
The dress was sleeveless and the cut wasn't too low, just slightly underneath her defined collarbones. And it was lace.
Shinichi closed his eyes for a second, temporarily allowing his mind to run back to that fantasy place. The place he had once shared with Shiho where he got to explore all parts of her body, as she got to do his.
When he opened his eyes again, Higo and Shiho were walking toward his house's entrance. The paparazzi were still following them closely like vultures, but the moment the couple crossed the gates, said gates closed shut behind them, leaving those hungry vultures outside to fend for themselves.
Shinichi turned on his heels and walked away from the window.
Shiho paused briefly at the threshold to the house. All of the memories came flooding back to her. All of the times they had spent together. All the times he had made her laugh. All the times he had made her upset and almost cry. All the times she felt they were going somewhere, though that was only a childish fantasy of hers.
All the times they had made love. She glanced at the grand staircase leading to the second floor, and a memory crawled back to her.
Ages ago, she was upset at him for standing her up at dinner. He didn't call or leave a message. Then she found out he had gone out drinking with his coworkers, male and female equally. There was lipstick on his collar.
As cliché as that was, she knew something happened, but it wasn't her place to say anything. She was so upset though she didn't know why only that one time irritated her so much, she actually slapped him. And before she could run up to their bedroom, he grasped her wrist and pinned her down just right next to that staircase.
She remembered writhing underneath him, but his strength oh his strength even in that drunken stupor was overwhelming. He kissed her hungrily and all her anger evaporated and before she knew it, their clothes were off and he was inside her and-
"Shiho?"
Higo was calling her name. She looked at him, startled at the fact that she wasn't moving. She wondered how long she merely stood there.
"Are you okay?" he asked, concerned.
She cleared her throat and offered him a smile. "Yes. Sorry if I seem spaced out. Those flashing cameras earlier kind of did a number on my vision."
He laughed, pulling her gently along with him into the house. "That's why you need to appear with me more often during those meets and awards so you can get used to them," he said.
She pressed herself closer to him. "Maybe I do."
As they walked into the living room, they spotted the hostess right away.
Suzy had her long, dark locks wound up in a tall ponytail. In fact, her hair was so long that it fell right down to the small of her back, and twirled about in sync with her movements. She was dressed in a beautiful royal blue, sleeveless dress that fell right by her knees. There were glitters on it so the dress was practically sparkling under the light. But it wasn't the kind of sparkle that would hurt your eyes; in fact, it was very pleasant.
As if noticing their arrival, Suzy looked away from a woman with whom she was chatting and her eyes locked with Shiho's.
"Ah, welcome!" she said, breaking out a broad smile that Shiho had never seen directed toward her before. Suzy excused herself and went to greet the couple. "Glad you could make it," she said, hugging Higo first then Shiho.
"It was terrible out there," Higo said. "Those flashlights almost killed our visions."
Suzy chuckled. "I can imagine."
"There you are. I see the vultures finally left you two alone."
Higo turned around first, grinning widely, and extended his hand. "Shinichi! Congratulations!"
The dark-haired man smiled, took the soccer star's hand and squeezed it tightly. "Thanks! Glad you guys made it."
Then his eyes fell on Shiho and his smile widened a bit. "You look beautiful tonight, Shiho."
She suddenly felt a dagger look from Suzy and hoped she wasn't blushing. "Thank you," she said softly. "Congratulations, Chief Superintendent Kudo." Then, that familiar smirk was back on her pretty face, and Shinichi's eyes softened.
He didn't realize he had missed it. Or her.
"We have a wide range of wine collections," Suzy said. "So who's in the mood for what?"
i.
Shiho tilted her glass of rosé wine slightly this way and that, studying the small bubbles in her tall, slim glass. They had been here for almost an hour. Higo was stolen from her side by other people who wanted to discuss soccer with him. She assumed they're all fans, and by nodding her head and smiling at him, she gave him a green light to go, letting him know that she's okay by herself.
Maybe that's why he loved her, Shiho thought, taking sips of her wine. She was very understanding and easy-going. He could go anywhere he wanted, with whoever he wanted, as long as he stayed faithful to her. And she knew he was incredibly faithful, because whenever he's out, he would send her messages here and there, letting her know he was thinking of her.
Those messages made her smile and set her heart aflutter.
He was the one who said I love you to her first.
"I suppose we're the only two people here who don't really care about partying."
Shiho looked to her left and saw Shinichi approaching her. He had in his hand a bottle of beer. His other hand dug casually in his dark trousers. They were in the kitchen, and she was leaning against the counter. He stopped a few feet short of her and mimicked her position. They were both facing forward and watching the revelers.
"Shouldn't you be out there?" she asked. "Since you're the star and all that? They're probably going to wonder where you went."
He waved his hand- the one holding the beer- dismissively. "Nah, they won't miss me. I've been gone for almost twenty minutes and no one's sounded the alarm yet. Suzy is totally capable of entertaining them."
She turned and studied his profile.
He looked the same as before. Even though six months had passed in which she hadn't seen him, a couple of texts here and there mainly asking how the other's day went, she realized that he still looked as handsome as ever.
Shiho smiled softly. "Do you have a secret to staying young forever or something? Share with me."
He turned his head and looked at her. The gaze was held longer than she expected, and then he spoke, "You really look beautiful tonight, Shiho."
"Heh." She smirked. "I thought I looked beautiful every day."
He chuckled. "More so tonight."
That was their thing, their banter. He would say something and she would counter it, and he would end up with "More so…"
She suddenly felt her heart tightened.
"How are you?" he asked.
"I'm fine. Just busying myself with work and spending time with Higo." She didn't know why she had to specify that last part.
"I see."
"How are you, Shinichi?"
"Same," he answered. She studied him. There was an air of melancholy around him tonight. Had it always been there? She hadn't seen him in months, so she didn't know when that started.
One thing was for certain though. The melancholy wasn't there six months ago.
She returned her gaze to the guests in the living room.
"You must be thrilled. Being promoted to Chief Superintendent at such a young age is a big accomplishment," she said, taking a sip of her wine.
"I just worked very hard for it," he replied, taking a sip of his own beer. "I'm glad I got to where I am now, though. A lot of people have struggled to no avail."
"Well, you've always been a great and incomparable detective."
He chuckled. "You're forgetting Heiji here."
She started. Heiji… "Are you guys… still keeping in touch?" she asked slowly.
Shaking his head, he said simply, "No."
"I suppose the end of the Syndicate really did drive everyone away from us."
Shinichi was staring into the distance. She wasn't sure if he were really looking at the guests or through them.
"How did we get here, Shiho?" he spoke after a short minute of silence.
She looked at him curiously. "What do you mean?"
He still had that faraway gaze in his eyes. "How come we never officially got together?"
Shiho never thought that question would ever be brought up in this lifetime.
She merely stared at him, completely speechless. The wine glass held loosely in her hand. Other sounds and images drowned away, leaving just him in the completely white backdrop.
"I've been thinking," he went on when she didn't respond. "We've been through so much, since Conan days till the moment the Syndicate was brought down. Then we lived together. We did things together. We were practically a couple, but how come…" Then he looked at her and her chest tightened to the point that it hurt.
That melancholy look was so evident in his dark azure eyes.
"How come we never officially got together?" he finished softly. "What's stopping us?"
"Stopping us?" Shiho was surprised at her ability to find her voice at this point. "It's you who's stopping us." Where is this bravery coming from, Shiho? "There was never anything more because you couldn't move past her."
Then, pushing herself off the counter, she put down the glass on the marble counter. His gaze followed her every movement, and she made sure to hold his gaze as she said her next words.
"Shinichi, you never loved me. You're holding onto me because I am a fragment of your past, of your bygone days. Those days that you shared with her. You see in me a happiness you once experienced with her. But I'm not her, Shinichi. I will never be her. And I can't just be here to keep reminding you of your past and what-could-have-been." She reached out her hand and tenderly placed it on his chest where his heart was. "You need to forgive yourself and move on. Don't put your happiness on hold like this. Don't torture Suzy like this anymore." And me. "We all deserve a second chance."
He gripped her hand in his lightly for a second while their eyes melted into each other. It was a very fleeting moment before the gaze was broken off, and he let go of her hand.
Pushing himself off the counter, he took a big gulp of the beer, wiped his mouth on his sleeve, turned to her and smiled. "Come on, Shiho. I think it's time we remade our entrance."
ii.
It was a week after the party. Shiho was sitting in her kitchen, typing away at the computer while Higo was lounging on the couch in the living room, watching a movie. He occasionally came into the kitchen to get a drink and to give her a quick kiss.
The report she was typing seemed impossible to finish tonight, and as she was about to call it a night, her cell phone rang.
It was Shinichi.
She picked up on the third ring. "Hello?" she said.
"Shiho?"
"Yes? Shinichi?" There was something strange in his voice, yet she couldn't place it.
"Shiho." He sounded kind of frantic. "Suzy hasn't been home for the past few days."
She slowly let in sink it. "What do you mean?" she said at last. "Like missing? Is she missing?" Her heart started racing.
"I-I don't know." He also sounded exasperated. "She left work three nights ago, called me to let me know she had a lead on this case she's working on, and that she'd be home late. She wouldn't tell me more about it, and that was the last time I talked to her."
"Last time you talked to her… So it's been three days since you've had any contact with Suzy?"
"Five days now."
Now she understood why he's so frantic. Suzy wouldn't just disappear like this without a reason, without letting him know. She loved him. And also, she's a detective…
The worst scenario popped up in Shiho's head and she had to physically shake her head to get the image out of her mind.
She wondered if this same scenario had occurred to Shinichi as well. She didn't want to poke.
Shiho got up from her chair, walked to the living room. Higo stole a look at her. He looked about to fall asleep but the moment his eyes detected a concerned look on her face, they became alert immediately, and he turned off the TV.
She sat down next to him, the phone still pressed against her ear.
"Have you contacted her supervisors?" she asked already knowing the answer.
"Of course! I contacted everyone, but no one told me a damn thing! I understand it's procedure but this is my girlfriend we're talking about here. I even went straight up to her boss and demanded answers, but he said it's on need-to-know basis only. Bullshit."
Higo was looking at her worriedly. She shook her head.
"What are you going to do now?"
"I am going to find the answers myself," he replied with resolution.
She curled her fingers into a tight fist. "Shinichi, please promise me you'll be careful. Please?"
"I promise. I'll keep you up to date." Then the line went dead.
"What's going on?" Higo asked concernedly, and Shiho relay the story to her boyfriend.
ii.
Shiho kept checking her phone relentlessly. At work, at home. Even when she's with Higo, her eyes constantly glanced at the phone's screen, hoping that it would light up.
It never did.
Almost a week from that night went by and she heard nothing from Shinichi.
She stopped by his house occasionally, but the structure itself seemed dark and gloomy. As if the owners hadn't been home for the longest of time. She could detect no light, no live activity in that house. She sighed, tried the doorbell for the umpteenth time. No luck. Again. Then she went on her way.
She tried calling his cell phone as well. It always went straight to voicemail. She didn't want to go to his workplace or contact his supervisors in fear that it might get him into trouble, because who knows if what he's doing right now were even legal?
So the best thing she could do was trying to stay calm, hoping for the best, praying for the best and awaiting his call desperately.
Two weeks passed by. Shinichi was still on the front of her mind. She still prayed every night for his and Suzy's safe return.
She was making dinner one night when her doorbell rang.
Shiho knew it couldn't be Higo, because he said he would be staying with the boys at a hotel over the weekend to prep for this big game that was coming up, so she approached the door cautiously.
Looking into the peephole, her heart almost skipped a beat. She hurriedly took off the chain and yanked the door open.
Shinichi was standing there, at her threshold.
And he looked like a ghost.
"Shi-"
That's as far as she got because he had fallen into her arms, almost sending her crashing to the floor.
"Shinichi!"
There was blood on his white shirt. Dry blood. His face was sweaty. His wet hair was matted against his forehead, and he truly looked terrible.
She hugged him tightly in her arms. He was breathing shallowly. She didn't know she was sobbing into his raven locks.
Thank God you came back to me…
"Shinichi's back? At your place?" Higo said into the phone.
She glanced at the figure lying on her couch. "Yes," she said. "He looks horrible. He's sleeping now. I tried my best to clean him up without waking him."
"Should we call someone?"
She had thought about that. "Not at this moment," she answered. "We don't know what kind of trouble he's gotten himself into, so I don't want to escalate that further. Besides, we don't know what happened. I'll talk to him when he wakes up and is in a better state of mind."
"Fair enough," Higo said after a brief pause. "Do you want me back home? I don't need to stay with the guys over the weekend. I can tell them-"
"It's okay. I can take care of this myself. You have an important game coming up and you need to practice. Your team needs you more than I do."
"Shiho…"
"It's okay, really," she said smiling into the phone. She knew he couldn't see it but hopefully he could hear it in her voice. "I'll call you if anything happens."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
"Love you."
"Love you, too."
There was someone calling Higo's name in the background, so Shiho said, "Alright, off you go. I'll talk to you later."
"Okay, goodnight, love."
"Goodnight." Then she hung up.
"She's dead."
Shiho almost jumped out of her skin and dropped her phone.
She spun around and saw Shinichi sitting up on the couch. His elbows rested on his knees. His unruly hair fell to his eyes, obscuring the usually bright azure orbs. He was leaning slightly forward. His hands clasped together.
She didn't know when he'd woken up and whether he'd heard the entire conversation between her and Higo.
Swallowing, she slowly approached him.
"She's dead," he repeated. Completely void of emotions.
She sat down next to him and carefully reached out a hand to place on his shoulder. When he didn't respond to her touch, she gripped his shoulder lightly.
"Shinichi, are you sure?" she asked.
He had on a blank face, complemented by a blank stare in his eyes. He just kept looking straight ahead, as if the white wall in front of him was incredibly enchanting. Then, he said, "Yes."
"What… What happened?"
"I did everything I could. I looked at every possible clue, outcome, resource. At the end, there's only one truth, and it's that she's dead. She's dead the moment she started following the lead."
"Did you tell anyone?"
"No. Not yet."
"But you will, right?"
"I will."
It felt like she was talking to a robot.
"Shinichi, I am so very sorry," she said softly. "I'm so sorry." Then she spun him around gently and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into an embrace and burying her face in his thick, dark hair.
He leaned into her without resistance, burying his face in her neck. She could feel his shallow breathing tickling her ear. Strangely, it felt comfortable and easy.
Then, he brought up his arms and encircled her back, pulling her closer.
That was when she should've pulled away, but she didn't.
His hand travelled lower and when it reached the waist of her pants, it slowly slid inside.
She sucked in a breath. Her mind was screaming at her to pull away, to tell him to stop, to push him away.
She did none of those things.
Then slowly, he pushed her back onto her back and before she knew it, she was under him. Her eyes bore into his and for a split second she almost didn't recognize the man staring back at her.
You need to stop this! NOW!
He bent down and kissed her neck. She uttered a soft moan. Her mind wanted to resist. It was screaming at her, and her body was fighting against it. Her arms reached up, wrapped around his neck and drew him in closer, closing the final gap between them.
Then, her mind won.
"Wait, Shinichi…" she said breathlessly. "We… We can't… I-I can't…"
Higo…
He looked at her and suddenly, she recognized the man in those blue orbs after all. The man she had fallen in love with. The man she had dedicated her life to for so long. The man she knew she could never have.
Then he leaned down and pressed his moist lips against hers, drowning out her moans, her rational thoughts.
At the end, her body claimed the final victory.
At the end, he was inside her, and she remembered thinking about nothing at all.
She knew before she even woke up, before she even reached out to confirm her suspicion.
Shinichi was gone. The spot next to her was cold and empty.
She opened her eyes and it was true. Her clothes were on the floor. She had a jacket over her naked frame. His maybe. Or hers. Who knows anymore?
Some dim rays of sunlight were trying to get through the cracks in her curtain, and she could tell even without looking at the clock that dawn was breaking. Another day was coming.
And for the first time ever in regards to this unhealthy relationship between her and Shinichi, Shiho allowed herself to be completely vulnerable and to cry. She curled herself into a fetus position and pulled the jacket closer.
Tears streamed down her rosy cheeks endlessly, and she made no effort to wipe them. Her sobs echoed throughout the empty, dark apartment.
Her phone on the table made a ding! sound, signaling an incoming of a message.
It was Higo and it read:
"Good morning, gorgeous."
