CHAPTER 87 MY JOB IS DONE

I have never liked being in the hospital, and less being the patient myself. The strange smell in these places makes me nauseous, the people in the hall running from one side to the other make me nervous, the noise in the middle of the silence takes me out of place, the annoying needle embedded in my skin... everything. But right now what bothers me the most are the nurses walking in and out of the room, with a big smile on their face, as if that would help ease the pain. I've been here for what seemed like an eternity. I've already gotten their shift change twice, and this doesn't seem to advance.

The baby moves inside me frequently, but the contractions have been taking longer and longer. Casey and Alexandra's company helps me a little, though. We have already talked about so many things. Always trying to divert attention to something other than childbirth.

Samuel, Fin, and Munch took time out during their investigation of the case to stop by to make me laugh a little. Cragen and Melinda arrived not long ago and have joined our conversation.

—I thought about going to Paris.— I hear Casey trying to remember where we had left the conversation before my last contraction.

—Paris, me too, we should go together.— Melinda continues while eating her cookies leaning on a wall near me.

—And what about us?— Alexandra complains from her place on a sofa.

—You can join us if you want.— Casey answers mockingly.

—What do you say Liv, are we going to Paris?— Alexandra asks me with a huge smile.

—Sure, let me put on my clothes and we'll get on the next flight.— I say sarcastically from the bed which makes everybody laugh together. I am glad my sense of humor has been coming back to me and I still find a laugh inside me. It makes the little one start kicking inside me.

—Its moving!— I warn them and immediately Alexandra's hand is placed on my belly.

—Won't you miss this feeling?— She asks me attentive to the movement. I keep thinking about how much I like to carefully caress my skin and feel it move. I usually imagine what it would be like to actually touch him, hold him in my arms and feel his skin instead of mine. Surely I will miss the feeling, but it cannot be compared with the anxiety that the idea of finally having him in front of me gives me.

—Yes, a little.— I answer without explaining much.

Cragen approaches the bed doubtfully. I reach out to take his hand and bring it to the top of my belly. He smiles when he feels the kicks of my little man.

—Do you have a name already?— He asks me without separating his hand from my belly.

—Well, I've thought about it but I am not sure yet.—

—Maybe after his father.— Alex says calmly and I can immediately feel the gazes of Cragen, Casey and Melinda fixed on me. —Elliot isn't such an ugly name after all.— and apparently she hasn't realized her mistake. The silence bothers me and I have no choice but to face Cragen who just gives me a nice smile as his eyes start filling with tears.

—Sorry for not telling you.— is the only thing I can tell.

—Don't be. You didn't have to.— He says with a comprehensive look in his eyes. —Do you know how happy that makes me?— I can see how his tears slide down his cheek and mine are soon to follow.

The moment is interrupted by the nurse on duty who enters the room with her silly smile, Donald just moves away letting her do her job trying to give me some privacy.

—Hello Olivia, how's everything going?— She approaches me moving the thin sheet of my legs.

—Wonderful.— I reply repeating my sarcastic tone. She only lets out a slight smile.

—The contractions continue to be every half hour.— Melinda answers, looking at me with a repressive look.

—Okay, let me check you.— I settle on the bed spreading my legs to let the nurse do her job.

—The dilation has hardly advanced, Olivia.— Is she actually scolding me for that? —We will have to wait more.—

—How much more? I've been here for hours.— I complain not minding Melindas warning look.

—You are right. We will wait and see if you progress and, if your do, then you can choose to have the epidural. But if you we don't have a progress by the time I return, you must be thinking about having cesarean section.— The idea of getting opened with a sharp scalpel does not please me at all, so I hope this stubborn little one will hurry up.

—That won't be necessary.— I assure her a little nervous, really hoping that this advances.


8:13 pm

—uuuhmmmmmmm— I complain when I feel the pain of another strong contraction.

—Oh, seeing you like this, I thank once again for being a man.— Munch says from his corner in the room. He and Fin arrived an hour ago hopping to finally meet the baby.

—You are not helping, John.— I complain trying to control the pain. —Why don't you want to be born already?— I say aloud looking towards my belly.

—You have made a really comfortable house in there for him. He doesn't want to leave it.—

—Look at you, Fin.—I say surprised by this warm side of him he hardly ever lets out. —Making up nonsense for me.—

—Well, he spends so much time with Munch that I'm not surprised.— Alexandra scoffs entering the room again. —Guys why don't you bring something for dinner.— She asks politely, touching her abdomen.

—Sure.— Fin accepts kindly. Munch makes a strange grimace but follows him almost dragging his feet.

—How are you doing?— Alex approaches me sitting on the same sofa that she has been occupying all these time.

—I do not know. The nurse says that the dilation is not enough yet but the contractions are more and more often.— I can hear the fatigue in my own voice, which does not help much in keeping the tears in place.

—Oh, don't you worry. It will end soon.— She tries to encourage me.

—Hope so.— I try to relax in bed, hoping I can rest a bit before another contraction attacks me.

—Ahm ... by the way.— She speaks with a little fear. —I'm sorry I spell the beans earlier.—

—Don't worry. I was going to tell him anyway.— I assure her, giving her a smile which she answers back.

—Oh no.— I feel the pressure begins in the lower part of my abdomen and I try to prepare for the pain. I was hoping I would have more minutes to relax but apparently the little one doesn't want it that way.

—Another one? I'll call the nurse.— Alexandra says with a little panic in her voice before disappearing through the door. I try to move to a different position in the bed in a failed attempt to stop the pain. It begins and an uncomfortable pressure feeling adds to it.

—Let me check her myself.— I hear Adriana's voice and I see her at the entrance of the room. I'm glad it's her this time, because something tells me I can't wait any longer. I try to settle in but I only manage to intensify the uncomfortable feeling.

—Liv, I think you should have a C-section. Dilatation hasn't progress in the past three hours.— She says while she crunches to check me.

—No.— I understand what the pressure is. —I need to push!— I complain feeling the uncomfortable sensation getting worst.

—Your body is not ready.— But her expression doesn't follow her words.

—Tell that to the baby!— I try to keep immobile and follow her suggestion but it is very uncomfortable and the pain is intensifying.

—I need nurses here!— I can hear the alert tone in her voice, which I really don't like at all. I hear the hurried footsteps approaching and the movement around me begins to scare me.

—Liv, we don't have much of a choice. It's too late for the epidural and the baby decided it's time. Are you ready?—

—Yes.— I try to sound convinced but hearing my voice tremble doesn't help much.

—Do you need help around here?— An extremely familiar voice is heard from the door. I look up and I feel my body freeze when I see him enter the room.

—Kyle, the baby doesn't want to wait any longer.— Maybe I should be alarmed by the panic tone in Adriana's voice, but I can't take my eyes off him.

—Oh, he doesn't?— He approaches me with that warm smile that I missed so much, managing to give me the calm that he has always given me. —Hi Liv.— He greets me so normal and calm. I could swear that he manages to neutralize even the physical pain, as if it he was really some kind of antidote just for me.

—Hello.— I don't know what else to say. I would love to be able to take out the anger that his untimely disappearance caused me but it is, rather, his timely return that makes me forget all that anger.

—Liv, can you wait a little longer?— He asks me, bending down to see me in the eye. And in response, another contraction begins to attack me. I bring my hands up to my huge belly trying to stay calm, but I can't hide it.

—Uuhhmmm I don't think so.— I accept.

—Okay.— He turns to see Adriana who is getting ready on the feet of the bed. —I want you to breathe calmly.— I can only nod my head trying to stay calm.

—Let's get you settled.— One of the nurses takes me by the back making me sit down, which only makes the discomfort greater.

—Put your hands behind your knees.— Kyle makes me release my belly by slightly pulling my arms and guiding them to the position he needs me in. —When you push you will pull them towards you okay?—

—Please.— I unconsciously beg for them to hurry. Kyle smiles at me and makes some hands gestures trying to pair my breathing to his, so I focus on imitating him, controlling my breathing slowly. The looks he shares with Adriana begin to annoy me, although he tries to hide his concern, I can see it. I know him enough to see he is worried. —Another one is coming.— I warn them when I feel the pressure again.

—Olivia, as soon as you feel the pain you are going to push during ten seconds. Ana will count for you.— The nurse is beside me helping me stay in position.

—Inhale.— Kyle guides me without letting go of my arm. As soon as the pain starts I take in enough air and start to push. It gives me a strange relief but at the same time an intense pain. I feel Kyle's hand on mine which reminds me to pull my legs.

—1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10, let go.— A moan comes from the back of my throat even though I try to avoid it and I inhale desperately for some air. I watch Adriana waiting for her instructions but she just shakes her head at Kyle.

—What is it ?!— I demand to know feeling the fear invading me.

—Nothing honey, you're doing an excellent job.— Kyle leans down to kiss my forehead and that's when I notice how the sweat has made an appearance.

—Can you leave please.— Adriana asks looking towards a wall where Alexandra is frozen with a panic face. She just walks towards the exit trying badly to seem calm.

—Olivia, I need you to do it with more strength, nothing is happening.—Adriana's words bother me but I try to keep my breathing calm.

—You can do it.— Kyle keeps his smile while encouraging me. —Ready?—

—Yes.— I inhale again and start to push trying to do it with more strength, but it only makes the pain intensify and the air leave my longs quicker.

—1,2,3,4,5,6...—

—ahhh!— I stop doing it exhausted and sores. It is impossible for me to continue and the tears come out of my uncontrollable eyes.

—Olivia don't stop.— Adriana scolds me.

—I can't do it.— I cry trying to get back on a lying position.

—You can do it, Livie.— I have to accept that Kyle's presence helps me but I didn't expect so much pain. I didn't know it would be like this. I am so exhausted. Its been hours.

—Again Olivia. This time twenty seconds, please try.—

—I'm trying!— I answer annoyed.

—Yes you are. You can do this.— Kyle tries to keep my attention on him.

—Now, push!— I do it putting all my effort on it. I know that I am achieving something because the pain intensifies more.

—Very good. I see the head Liv don't stop.—

—...9,10,11,12,13,14.—

— aaaaaahhh!— The pain intensifies but the pressure is getting the relief I needed.

—That's it Liv, Very good!— Kyle's voice is full of excitement and joy as he keeps helping me stay in position.

—I need help here.— The nurse approaches quickly to help Adriana. Then I stop pushing and flop onto the bed exhausted, breathing heavily as I feel a pressure forming on my back.

—Ah.— I complain when I feel a stabbing pain.

—I'm sorry Olivia, we have to help the little one.— Adriana says. —One more push Liv.—

—I can't... I can't breathe.— Kyle looks at me scared and urges me to sit back down again.

—Inhale please.— He commands as I try to fill my longs with air. Returning to the sitting position helps.

—Bring an oxygen please.— Kyle commands one of the nurses.

—He is almost out Liv. Can you push one more time?— Adriana asks with real doubt.

—I don't...— I can't even speak.

"Olivia, you are strong." Elliot's voice comes to my ears so clear that he might be right next to me. It enters my ears and gives me the strength I need. I take my legs and inhale before starting again.

—Aaaaahhhggggg.—

—Good job, good job, he's here Liv.— And in an instant the relief overwhelms me, letting me rest immediately. My exhausted body falls on the bed as I hear him cry loudly which lets me know that my job is done. I don't have to fight anymore...

—Here you are little man.— I listen to Kyle's voice getting far from me. —Here is your little man, Liv. Liv. Olivia. Olivia.— And all went dark.

TO BE CONTINUED...