AN: THANKS FOR READING.

D: LAW AND ORDER SVU AND ALL ITS CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE.

CHAPTER 90 YOU ARE BACK

It didn't take long for the room to fill up, soon everyone was present, cautiously hugging me in their arms; and waiting their turn to take the little one on arms. The first to take Phillip in her arms was Bernie who keeps a warm smile on her face. As me, she can't take her eyes off the little baby... my little baby. He moves a little and opens his little eyes again. Bernie's face lights up and her cheeks are wet with the tears that slide down them. I know exactly what she sees, her son's eyes exactly copied in that perfect little face. The twins approach their grandmother, leaning cautiously towards Phillip.

—oh my god. Daddy's eyes.— Elizabeth's sweet voice rang out loudly in the room and soon she began to cry along with her siblings. Even when I try to hold myself I can't control it. The mixture of feelings and hormones are not a great combination and my tears are soon joining theirs.

I let each one of those present take their time with Phillip, although inside I am dying to have him back in my arms and never let go of him again, but I wait patiently. Alexandra trembles a little when taking him on her arms and is sure to give put him into Melinda's safe arms. She looks more confident than Alexandra. She has practice. Casey on the other hand decides to sit down so she can take him in her arms not trusting herself. Fin and Munch take advantage of that and get closer to them so they can take a better look of the baby but they both decide not to carry him. Cragen holds back the tears as he holds him to his chest but they soon manage to flee his eyes. Maureen holds him up with a huge smile taking his little hand allowing him to hold onto her finger.

Kyle is aware at all times. He takes care of passing him from arm to arm with caution and shows them how they should do it. Until the little one begins to pout in discomfort so Kyle takes him and lulls him calmly.

—I think we should let them rest.— Adriana (who has been kind enough to have let them all in at once)announces somewhere in the room but I don't even bother to look for her. I'm just waiting for Kyle to give my baby back to me.

—I agree.— Melinda seconds the doctor. I can sense how everyone starts to move and they come near to say goodbye. I try to be grateful for the beautiful words that they dedicate to me and the fact that they are here, but nobody allows me to say even three words without interrupting me. So I just smile and I watch them disappear out the door after saying goodbye to Phillip without even daring to touch him again.

—No baby, don't cry.— I turn around immediately when I hear him complain in Kyle's arms, Adriana approaches to take him and tries to calm him down but he begins to cry out load strongly closing his eyes and his little hands tightly.

—What's wrong?— I ask scared and, despite the muscle pain, I try to get up from the bed to get closer to him but Adriana moves quickly to put him in my arms. I just cradle him feeling him fit in perfectly, relieved by how beautiful it feels to have him against me again.

—Here I am sweet boy.— I try to console him, not knowing much what to do. I am mesmerized by his sudden calm. He stops crying and snuggles his tiny head into my chest.

—I think he's hungry.— Adriana says with the calm that characterizes her.

—Oh... You haven't eaten.— I talk to him keeping my eyes on him.

—No. He hasn't protested either, but I think it's time you fed him, Liv. Many babies don't want to breastfeed the first time so we may need to try several times.—

—Okay.— I'll do whatever it takes to keep him safe and sound. I move in the bed cautiously trying to get into a better position not really knowing what I am doing. —How should I ...—

—Let me help you.— I settle onto the bed cautiously trying not to move Phillip too much and I settle down as Adriana indicates me. She helps me remove the robe from my chest and shows me how to accommodate the little one.

—mmm— I complain when I feel him cling to my chest.

—He is as determined as her mother.— I hear Kyle's voice somewhere. But I don't even bother to turn to look for him. Tears wet my cheeks again as I feel a strange and new connection with this little creature, as if the connection I had with him during the last months of my life was strengthened even more, as if it were made of stainless steel. Unbreakable. This little baby boy is mine... my son.

—Welcome to the world sweet boy. I love you so much.— I say with an almost inaudible tone. I close my eyes and sigh an almost inaudible —Thank you.—

KYLE'S POV:

I hurried to deliver and receive the necessary paper work, put the baby seat in my car, and soon they are both discharged so I took them home.

I take care of buying the necessary batteries for the small baby intercom. I put them in both devices and walk to Olivia's room to find the perfect place for the baby's one. I walk over and open the door, trying not to make too much noise, and pause on the doorframe as I find Liv sat on the edge of the bed as she slightly bents over the crib. I listen to her soft breathing and how she sighs quietly. I watch her carefully; her long hair is held up with a clip, letting a couple of strands fall over her face, she has put on her huge "I 3 NY" T-shirt and some thin pants. She looks tired, and I'm sure she is, but it is surprising that above her exhausted countenance a huge smile lingers on her face. She has not stopped smiling since she held little Phillip for the first time, and, despite the fact that her eyes are adorned with dark circles, her beautiful chocolate eyes have a magnificent shine on them.

—Hello.— Her voice takes me out of my analysis, so I decide to enter the room and go to the crib where the little one sleeps peacefully. We have not spoken much the whole way from the hospital. I only dared to asking her how she felt and informing her of the boy's perfect health. But I know we have a pending talk, one that I may not want to have soon.

—Hello.— I reply trying to find the perfect place to place the second device. Out of nowhere I hear her stomach growl loudly and I can't help but laugh silently as I remember how many times it has given her away when she's hungry. I turn to see her and she avoids my gaze seeing the little one. I can notice her flushed cheeks which makes me laugh even more.

—shh ... you're going to wake him up.— She scolds me.

—Your stomach is going to wake him up.— I say trying to joke a bit. Although I don't think it is a very good idea to joke about her lack of food. I have tied to make everything to be perfectly handled from their hospital realize to the arriving home task and I managed to forget to cover her primary needs.

—Don't you want to take a shower?— I ask her trying to speak in a low voice.

—No.— She says without taking her eyes off her baby.

—You must rest.— I recommend her.

—I'm fine.— Of course I didn't expect to have it easy with this stubborn woman.

—Livie, he will be asleep for hours. You must take the chance to satisfy your needs.— I explain calmly, just to earn a withering look from her. But soon she gives in into logic. She lets out a sigh and slowly stands up from her position on the bed's corner. She grabs a towel, and goes into the bathroom after snatching the little device from my hand without saying a single word to me. I approach the crib and sit where she was before. I stare at the little baby. He is really beautiful, his skin has a very unique glow, his fractions are very similar to his mother's but his eyes... they are simply Elliot's. He moves slightly by stretching his limbs and closing his little hands. The onesie we have placed on his is huge, and I wonder if some of the clothes he has are smaller.

—You really are a little man.— I say caressing his little hand. I am surprised that he reacts immediately to my voice by squeezing my finger and yawning forming a little perfect circle with his little lips. —Can you sleep tight baby boy? Mommy should rest.— I feel a bit ridiculous trying to negotiate with him.

—Did he wake up?— Soon Liv is back in the room wrapped in her robe. That was a flash bath.

—No, he just moved.— I express, getting up again to leave the bed free. She didn't believe me because she made sure by leaning towards the crib.

—Here.— I hand her a set of pajamas she has already put on the bed. She takes it but doesn't make any attempt on getting into motion. She just stays looking at the baby sleep. —I'll give you some privacy.— I tell her hoping she actually listening. —Can you lie down and try to sleep?— She finally gives me a look of annoyance but does not fights back. She lies down and settles on her side to keep her gaze on the little one still on her robe. I am not planing on insisting on her putting her pajamas. I now that is a fight I can't win right now.

I concentrate on unpacking her hospital bag and, before long, even though she struggles not to, her eyes begin to close little by little. I walk over and sit next to her to brush the wet hair off her face trying to put it away from her back.

—Livie.— I call her in a whisper hoping that she is not asleep yet.

—mm?— She answers silently.

—I'm sorry.— She opens her eyes looking up to see mine and a look of doubt is drawn on her face. Maybe this was not the perfect moment for this but I just need to let it out. —I shouldn't have abandoned you like that.— I dare to apologize for a broken promise, perhaps taking advantage of her fatigue a bit to avoid having to talk a lot. She lets out a heavy sigh and takes my hand in her.

—The important thing is that you came back.— She says giving into her fatigue.


OLIVIA'S POV:

I unconsciously move a little until my eyes slowly open. I stretch my body and I can't help feeling the muscle pain that invades practically my entire body. I turn towards Phillip's crib and watch him breathe peacefully. I try to get up as fast as I can to get closer to him. I guess I haven't slept much, but it has served me well.

I think about what Kyle told me for a few seconds. He has apologized for leaving me, and the truth is that, even though I know I should be upset by his total act of ignoring me the last few weeks, I can only remember the enormous relief it brought me to see him walk into the hospital room and have him by my side during childbirth. The anger has just disappeared.

And, besides, I can't ignore the fact that most of my acts with him have been pure selfishness and yet he has came back to me having nothing in return but the company of a damaged woman. Well... I don't really feel damaged anymore? Can I now reward so much time that I have monopolized him in some way? I can start with a sorry too, right?

I inhale and immediately my stomach roars loudly as I catch the delicious aroma that comes from outside my room. I stay silent to listen as someone moves through my kitchen opening and closing the cabinets. I hurry as much as I can silently put my pajamas on and grab the intercom before silently leaving the room.

Perhaps my presence would have gone unnoticed if it hasn't been for the roar of my guts. He immediately turns from the stove and smiles at me with real joy.

—Did you get some sleep?—

—Yes.— I say without thinking much. —What are you doing?—

—I make sure you get something to eat. I prepare your favorite.— He says with an air of pride as he removes the pan from the fire.

—My favorite?— Me myself don't know which my favorite is. I get closer to take a peek.

—Alfredo pasta.— I know that a smile has been drawn on my face just by remembering the delicious pasta that we prepare on Christmas Eve.

Dinner was extremely delicious, just as I remember. It really is the best pasta I have ever had. And, once again, I have eaten two whole plates.

—Thanks. It was delicious.— I say taking my last drink of juice.

—I am glad you liked it.— He says taking the dishes to the sink.

—Kyle, leave them. I'll wash them later.— I complain walking after him, but his hand stops me as he flashes a smile.

—You should be resting Olivia. And I do not plan to argue with you, so go to the sofa while I take care of the kitchen.—

—But...—

—Doctors others.- He stops my complaining. I take a deep breath and how my lungs complain instantly. Which reminds me of the pain in my legs and back so I immediately follow Kyle's orders. I walk into the living room without much encouragement, keeping the small intercom with me at all times. I flop onto the sofa, putting my ear to the device so I can listen to Phillip's calm breathing.

I still can't believe that just a few steps from here, crossing that door is my little bean asleep peacefully in his crib. I immediately have the urge to see him again so I propose to get up, but something catches my eye before I achieve it.

—Kyle?— I turn to see him with enormous doubt.

—What?— He asks from the kitchen. I bend down to take the picture frame from the coffee table in my hands.

—Where is the photo?— I ask somewhat alarmed. My picture frame is empty and there is no sign of the photo that I remember perfectly well been there. Elliot and me... Our photo.

—Oh. I took it when I went out for batteries. Come.— I'm sure a wrinkle has formed on my forehead with the face I'm making, I don't understand what he is talking about. He dries his hands on a dry cloth and walks toward me with a sneaky smile. He takes me by the hand and makes me follow him. Before reaching my room, he deviates to the other side, and opens the door to Phillip's nursery.

—Look.— He says pointing to the wall. My heart leaps a little when I see the photo framed right above the crib.

—I took it so the guys of the photoshop around the corner could enlarge it and frame it as a gift for Phillip.— He explains. I can feel the lump form in my throat and tears fill my eyes. I look closely at the image, his eyes full of light, his smile so confident, his arm around my shoulder. I myself look so happy on that image. So complete by his side. Without thinking twice I cling to Kyle, burying my face on his chest, he snuggles me into his arms and I feel the tears fall down my cheeks, but this time they are not burning tears, they are not of pain; in fact they are of happiness.

—Thanks.— I say without letting go.

TO BE CONTINUED...

AN: STAY SAFE.