AN: I KNOW I'VE BEEN SAYING THIS FOR SOME CHAPTERS BY NOW... IT IS ALMOST OVER. NOW I THINK ONE MORE CHAPTER AND WE HAVE FINALY COME TO THE END OF THIS STORY. THANKS FOR ACCOMPANY ME FOR SO LONG.

D: LAW AND ORDER SVU AND ALL ITS CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE.

CHAPTER 95 I AM SURE

I wake up at a slow pace. I close my eyes tightly trying to get more sleep and focus on my soft breathing to lull myself. The corner of my mouth lifts slightly into a small smile as I hear a second breath in sync with mine. I can't help but remember vague details of the night and then my smile grows even bigger.

I cautiously open my eyes expecting to see my window and the daylight peeking through it, but I was surprised to find myself all covered by the white sheet. I stretch my arms upwards letting them escape from under our cover. I drape and stretch my legs at the same time. A small noise comes from the back of my throat unconsciously complaining of the slight pain I feel in my limbs. Another smile is drawn on my lips.

I remove the sheet from my face, moving cautiously until I can see my room. I keep my eyes fixed on the window to realize that the sun has not risen yet. I stretch until I can take my watch from the nightstand. I lift it carefully and adjust my eyes so I can see that it's not even seven in the morning yet. It's before seven and I am up grinning from ear to ear.

I remain almost immobile, inspecting my being, trying to understand this new feeling that is debated within me. A feeling that makes me... joy. So I fix my gaze on the ceiling and remain silent for a few minutes. But before I can get deeper on my thoughts I hear Phillip's silent noise through the small intercom, he is waking up and I know he will soon cry.

I sneak up to sit on the bed and feel the fabric slide down the bare skin of my legs. I take the sheet against my chest before trying to sit up but something stops me. His arm is around my waist keeping my skin warm to the touch of his. I don't want to wake him up, so little by little I slide so I can separate without waking him up. I stand up and stretch automatically feeling the cold taking hold of me. I am completely naked. I turn quickly from one side to the other looking for something that works for me and I hasten to take his shirt off the floor. I soon find my panties and put them back on as flashbacks of the night attacks my mind. It seems that this smile is now attached to my face forever. I walk down the hall while buttoning thee shirt and quietly walk out to my child's room. Just in time because when I lean over the crib I can see the cute pouts of my Phillip.

—Shhh, don't cry baby. I am here.— I say softly bringing my hands to his body to assure him of my presence. He immediately opens his beautiful eyes and fixes his gaze on mine at the same time that he stretches his arms in the air. —Morning my son. Come here.— I snuggle him against my chest letting him submerge his sleepy face between the hair that falls disheveled from my shoulders. I take a couple of steps back, dropping onto the small sofa. I put my legs up and make a perfect cradle for him with my arms so that he fits perfectly. I watch his little hand move until he finds a lock of hair and he grabs it tightly to let his little eyes close again. —Go back to sleep my love.— I tell him knowing that he has not slept what he normally uses to.

Last night he was so excited that he stayed awake longer than he should. I focus on his perfect face and I let myself fall into that perfect delusion of having him in my arms, feeling his breathing, seeing that I have my son with me. Without a doubt it is the feeling that I have become addicted to and I never want it to vanish. It is simply beautiful. I do not know what I have done to deserve so much happiness. I do not remember feeling this happy in a long time.

I don't like to remember the terrible nights of pain and despair. That time when I became unrecognizable even to myself. Time in which I preferred to maintain a total state of daze with my other feelings anesthetized and lock them in that imaginary trunk in the back of my mind. However, remembering that time makes me value even more what I have now. I don't know if I deserve it or not but I know that I want it forever.

"You deserve it." I feel my blood freezing when I hear that familiar voice. So clear, firm and perfect... again. My sight flies to different sides looking foolishly. It has been so long since I've listened to him. Actually I had assumed that it was a symptom of madness, depression or even agony but how is it possible that it is here again? And, if it is here still, wouldn't it be the right thing to answer him back?

—Thanks.— I close my eyes, clinging a little more to Phillip's small body and letting a couple of tears fall out of place.

"I will always be with you." Rather than hearing them I remember his words as if it had been just yesterday that he said them to me. Now, with our son sleeping peacefully in my arms it is clear to me that Elliot is here. He's always been. I take a few minutes to enjoy our moment until I feel that sleep begins to invade me again. I get up cautiously to put my child back in his crib making sure he is warm and comfortable. I give him a kiss on the forehead and quietly leave the room.

I lean against the corridor wall to get enough air and meditate for a few seconds before going back into my room. I listen to Kyle's calm breathing and immediately feel calm. I slide over to the armchair by the window and stay seated so I can watch him closely. Contrary to how I woke up, the sheets do not cover much of his body. His back is visible as well as his legs and feet. His blond hair is ruffled on the pillow which he is hugging under his face. I focus on the silence until I can almost hear his heartbeat. I observe him until he is already waking up and begins to move in bed moving his arm through the mattress. I am not there Beresford. He lifts his head and his eyes widen immediately with an expression of fear on his face. I can't help but laugh slightly.

—Good morning.— I say in just a whisper. He gives me one of his warm smiles and moves to get up just a bit.

—Good morning miss.— He tells me with his hoarse and sleepy voice. —What is that lady doing out of bed so early?—

—Phillip woke up.— I explain while I look at the muscles of his torso.

—And did he go back to sleep?— He asks, moving a little more to see me head on.

—Yes.—. I answer.

—Then tell me, what is that lady doing out of bed?— He manages to make me laugh and I can feel how my cheeks have warmed a bit. I'm blushing. He moves his hand making a gesture inviting me to go back to bed, next to him. A pleasant invitation I must admit. I get up from the armchair and walk to the mattress. I slide through the sheets until I am cradled between his arms and his chest.

—Are you tired— He asks, getting comfortable.

—After last night... yes.— I accept without daring to look him in the eye.

—Sleep Livia. I'll be here.— I am in charge of molding my body to his. His arm cradles me even more until I achieve a nice comfort. —Thank you.— I hear him whisper.

—For what?—I ask almost unconscious.

—For making a space for me in your heart.— My eyes widen with the surprise of knowing that I managed to make him know, without mentioning a word, that now within my enormous heart there is already a room only of him.

Months later.

I keep my eyes closed and breathe deeply filling my lungs with the fragrant spring breeze. I focus on the sensation of the sun on the skin of my face, on the singing of the birds and the laughter of the children that play around, immediately identifying the one that I love so much.

—Mommy!— I turn to see my Phillip take a few small steps towards me, tightly holding Dick's hand. Once again my heart begins to beat strongly against my ribs. I will never be able to get used to the enormous joy it causes me to see him, hear him, smell him, have him close. Just thinking about him causes this feeling to which I have become addicted.

—Hold on little man!— Dick complains without letting go of his brother. —You still don't know how to walk and you want to run already!— I can't help but laugh when I see them approach me. I stand up and hurry towards him with my arms outstretched, making his huge smile appear again revealing the two small teeth that barely peek out his pink lower gum.

—Come with mom!— I say when I get to the side of him and bend down to take him in my arms. The little one immediately lets go of Dick's hand and clings tightly to me while I snuggle him against my body. After half suffocating my poor son with a huge hug, he begins to move to separate himself a little and be able to see me directly in the eyes, perhaps looking for that connection that always occurs when we do it. I lose myself in the beautiful blue of his eyes and I can't help but to fill his little face with kisses.

—no!— He complains between laughter separating my lips from his face with his little hand.

—Hey, the food is here!— Immediately Phillip turns to look for Kyle. I look up and I see him walking towards us with a couple of bags in his hands.

—Thank God I was starving.— Elizabeth says with a funny expression on her face as she stood up from the grass.

—Why took you so long?—

—They're not as close as I thought.— Bernie explains as she walks by Kyle's arm.

—Granny— Phillip moves in my arms demanding the attention of his grandmother.

—Hey there my boy.— She approaches us with a smile and extends her hands to Phillip who immediately reaches out to her. Kyle hands the bag to Lizzie and leans over to give me a soft kiss on the forehead. I look up to see him. I never really thought it was he who would stop me from falling, or rather who would pull me out of that bottomless pit in which I lost myself. I feel how he places his arm around my waist and snuggles me slightly against his body while the others are distracted by the hot dogs.

—Are you hungry Phillip?— I approach to sit on the grass with everyone feeling Kyle follow my movements to sit next to me.

—Yes.— Phillip answers me without removing his eyes off the huge bag, paying attention to the food that his sister takes out from it. Though monosyllabic, his language is a thing I enjoy so much. He expresses a lot with only his expressions.

—Richard Stabler!— Lizzie yells as Dick snatches the hot dog from her hand. —That's mine!— They soon get up and start running around the place. Phillip starts to laugh and tries to get up holding on to my clothes tightly.

—Kids don't start fighting!— Bernie scolds from her place. —Stabler.— She complains rolling her eyes at the situation but laughing immediately. —You're not going to be like that, right? No you won't. Come here, let granny feed you.— I smile as I help the little boy to get to Bernie.

—I am sorry Bernie.— Kyle speaks. —He's a full-fledged Stabler.—

—But let's hope he grows up with the character of his mother. Stabler's character is very difficult.— Bernie answers while she tries to stop my little one to put all the bread in his mouth.

—I can't deny that Elliot's character was strong. But I also know how much good was in him. How protective and warm he was.— I still have a hard time talking about him in the past tense, because for me he is still here and always will be. —And I sincerely hope my son to be as good as his father was.— I affirm before putting the food in my mouth. If someone knows about good genes been inherited over bad ones, that's me.

Soon the twins are calmly sat down with us again and we had a delicious picnic with the most delicious hot dogs in the world. I watch Phillip take the bottle of water between his little hands and try to open it without success, a grimace of displeasure is drawn on his face and once again he tries to do it. He turns to see me in frustration, offering me the bottle that he holds weakly.

—Mommy?— He asks me, biting his lower lip. I smile and immediately turn to take out his bottle. To my surprise Kyle is already behind us offering it to me.

—Thank you.— I say accepting it and smiling at him. He walks over and kisses me lightly on the lips before getting up to grab the trash we've made. I can feel the twins' gazes on me but I try to ignore them by putting my full attention on Phillip. I manage to peek out of the corner of my eye and I see them with those knowing looks and a strange playful giggle escapes from their mouths.

—Hey, little bro.—Dickie speaks calling the attention of Phillip, who turns to see him without stopping his drinking task. —Are you ready to go play?— He gets up to approach us and takes him in his arms, lifting him up in the air, making the little one laugh and pull the bottle from his mouth. The three walk away until they reach Alice's statue.

—I love them so much.— Bernie says without taking her eyes off her grandchildren. —It seems like it was just yesterday when I saw you on the beach with your little baby bump.—

I just sigh and look around me. That same place where I spent the most terrible of my nights, the most vivid of my nightmares and the most terrifying hours of my existence now it is the place where I can live happily, where my little one grows up surrounded by a family, where I feel safe... again.

—Thanks Olivia.— Bereniss tells me with her crystalline eyes fixed on mine. —For sharing him with us.—

I enter the apartment with little Phillip in my arms, sound asleep. Kyle takes care of putting the stroller in the front closet and of locking the door behind him.

—Are you going to wake him up?— he asks, caressing his little head lightly.

—No. He'll wake up on his own in a while.— I assure him as I walk to his room.

—It was a long day.— He says as he walks from one side to the other without much sense. I notice him a bit nervous but I really don't know why. I place Phillip in his crib making sure he is comfortable. I remove his little shoes and look for his pacifier to put it in his mouth. He immediately begins to suck on it and I can see how his eyes move under his eyelids. I would like to know what he dreams about. I quietly leave his room to walk to the couch where Kyle is lying with his eyes closed. I walk over and calmly lower myself until I can bring my lips to his.

—mmm...— He replies to my kiss. —Hello beautiful.— He says as our eyes met.

—Hi.— I answer back. —What's in your mind?— I ask him knowing that something is bordering him.

—I want to...— He gets up to face me and lets me sit next to him. —Liv.—

—What's wrong?— He moves stealthily taking my hand in his and fixing his blues on my eyes.

— I love you.— I feel my stomach quiver and my heart races as always when I hear him say that to me. I take a little air to reciprocate but he interrupts me. —Marry me?— I freeze. —I know it seems early but... I am sure of this. Today being with you and your family, I just knew it. It was as if something in the wind had told me that you are the woman I want to grow old with. I love you.—

TO BE CONTINUED...

AN: THANKS FOR READING. I WOULD APPRECIATE TO KNOW YOUR OPINIONS. IT'S COMING TO AN END. FINALLY.

STAY SAFE!