Creating Change
Chapter 1
At first their attempts at conception had been thrilling.
Lemniscate…
Giggles and secret, shared glances in public. Touching hands when they could not do as they wished. She had been surprised, very pleasantly surprised, at his willingness to partake in some risqué encounters. There were some scandalous adventures in the morgue, once in the back of a carriage (neither seemed able to wait until they reached home), and yet another in a secluded wood during a Saturday outing. They were able to maintain some boundaries, however; neither seemed willing to attempt a dalliance in the station house: too many eyes.
Just as fun as the physical act had been, there was also the strengthened emotional bond between them. They had a secret, belonging only to the two of them. She was overjoyed at the little laughs they shared when they remembered a recent encounter. She loved the soft touches of hands, or that a brush of arms could spark a memory, and they would glance at each other, at once bold and shy, but most definitely pleased. And they had hope that their activities would lead to something more.
But recently…
Julia blinked back tears as she stared down at her bloodied undergarments; their (her) third month without success.
William would have to be told.
William arrived home that night with less of the enthusiasm of the first two months. There was no kiss bestowed upon her cheek, but he did ask about her day. She answered with little fire: a body had been found in Station House One's jurisdiction, but a post-mortem revealed natural causes. Her turn to question elicited a similarly neutral response: there had been no cases requiring his attention, so he had time to work on an invention. He didn't elaborate.
He wandered to the window to peer down at the darkened streets below while Julia poured herself a glass of wine. She had a feeling she'd need it. He sighed then turned back to her. "What time do you wish to lay together tonight?"
Lay together… There was no romance in his question. The phrasing would have stung at any other time, but at that point she was more concerned about her response and his reaction. "We can't."
"We can't?"
"No," she answered just as quietly as before. "I'm afraid our endeavours have once again proven unsuccessful."
It took a moment for understanding to strike, but then he uttered a comprehending "oh". He worked to control his expression, fighting not to let his disappointment show. He didn't wish to wound Julia, but she noticed anyway before he shifted to look blandly back at her. For her part, Julia chose not to address it. That would have meant discussing hopes and emotions, and she was not prepared for the fallout she feared would come of that. A change of subject was needed, she decided, and quickly!
"Let's order dinner," she suggested, forcing a brightness she didn't feel into her tone. "They're serving sautéed sole with herbed lemon butter tonight. I must say, the hotel's new head chef is much more adventurous than his predecessor. His dishes have been simply divine. Don't you agree, William?"
"Indeed." Agreement felt like the best course of action. Fine dining had always been more of a delight to his wife than to him. William would have been contented with a much blander fare. However, given the day's disappointment, he decided that disagreeing with Julia was not something he wished. Instead, he feigned interest in the dessert she began describing.
The evening thus passed uneventfully. Julia was particularly lively in her speech, talking a little too much when silence filled the room. She could hear the false joviality in her tone yet hoped her husband did not. He was famously oblivious when it came to emotions at times, and for once she wished that he would not pick up on her true feelings.
Only once she entered the seclusion of the bathroom to prepare for bed did the brightness fall from her. Her shoulders slumped, her mouth thinned, and her eyes dulled. She sighed as she lifted the glass jar containing the fertility treatment from its cabinet. She tipped out her customary dose of one pill into her palm, paused, then added a second pill.
She wondered…
A/N: Many thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed this introductory chapter. More to come soon.
