Chapter 9
She had thought their discussion at the hospital had cleared the air. She had thought they'd reached an agreement to dedicate more time to their relationship. She had thought he'd meant it when he said he loved her.
Yet perhaps he had reconsidered, taken time to really think about what it would mean to be tied to her for life. No biological children if he stayed with her. And likely no adopted ones, either, a conclusion he would quickly come to if he considered how the adoption boards would see her. Multiple arrests, a woman working in what many viewed as a sordid profession, an estrangement from her first husband, and engagement in political activities.
So, she was spending another evening just as she had passed many before. Their dinner was cold, and she was alone in their suite. They had yet to resume their marital relations, so she had dressed up for him in a lacy nightdress with a plunging neckline bordering on the indecent, another desperate purchase from Oscar Ducharme. She'd hoped to entice him, clinging to the chance that intimacy would somehow magically fix their marriage and make him want to come home to her. But as the minutes passed, she just felt ridiculous and vulnerable, shivering in the cooling air of the room.
Eventually, the sound of a key scraping in the suite's door lock reached her. She almost dashed to the bedroom for something more substantial to wear, yet knew she wouldn't make it in time. Being caught, drawing even more attention to herself, would surely have been even worse.
"Julia…" His gaze immediately gravitated to see her seated on the settee. He winced at he took in her attire first, then her guarded countenance. "I take it you didn't get my message."
"What message?" she stiffly replied, fighting with all her might not to haul a cushion in front of herself.
"Higgins!" he hissed, then sighed, advancing cautiously towards her. "I wanted to take you on a walk. I have something to show you." When she didn't soften, he sat beside her and took her hand, absently noting the chill in her fingertips. "I have a surprise for you."
"You do?" Despite herself, she could not help the glimmer of hope igniting inside of her, foolish though it may have been.
He nodded, squeezing her hand. "I think you'll like it. I'd very much like to show you tonight."
They set off at a good pace. William was buoyant with glee at his secret, and Julia could not help her spirits from rising. The exercise soon warmed her in the mild, late-summer evening, and she shucked her jacket, which William immediately took from her. As he led her along Queen Street, onto Yonge Street, across Gerrard Street and up onto Jarvis Street, he maintained a steady stream of factual observations, occasionally raising their joined hands to point out an interesting feature on a building. She was constantly amazed at the breadth and depth to his knowledge, and that night was no exception. Still, not to be outdone, she supplied some information of her own, occasionally jumping in with a titbit before William. She had to stifle a giggle at his affronted expression.
"Lamport Avenue," he proclaimed as they stepped onto another road, after about forty-five minutes of walking.
His pace quickened, the proximity to his surprise ratcheting up his nerves. There were five houses lining the road. He pulled her past all of them and onto an undeveloped plot of land. Still, he did not stop until he reached one of the tall trees lining the vast expanse of grass. Dropping her hand, he darted behind a tree, rummaged in a bush and returned with a picnic basket and blanket.
"William?" she uttered his name both in exclamation and in questioning. She could not help her smile when she watched him proudly shake out the blanket before the tree, and then set out their meal. She was glad that she had not eaten alone at their hotel.
He took her hand, gallantly leading her to sit on the blanket, then handed her a glass of lemonade. A little unease had begun to creep in, and he turned to her, suddenly serious. "I know our previous attempt didn't turn out very well. But what do you think of this place?"
"It's very nice," she began cautiously. "But why is it important that I have an opinion of this…" She struggled for a word. "This piece of grass?"
"Well," he breathed deeply, then took the plunge. "I'd say it is rather important that you approve of the location for our house."
"Our house?" She looked around at the tall, leafy trees, the handsome house across the road, the blooming flowers lining the sidewalk. But…" she trailed off. Such beauty… For me? She was suddenly too choked to continue.
"Julia?" He immediately became concerned, seeing the tears she was struggling so hard to keep at bay. He'd been braced for objections to the location of the plot, not upset. He grasped her hand. "What is it?"
"I just…" She sniffed, grateful when William handed her his handkerchief. "I didn't think you still wanted to build a house for me, especially after everything that's happened."
"Explain 'everything', Julia," he asked, slowly, cautiously. He had a fair idea, but he wanted to hear it from her.
"Because all my attempts to provide you with a child have failed. I don't deserve a house if I can't give you a family. And please don't pin your hopes on adoption," she rushed to add, giving voice to another, persistent fear. "I have a poor reputation that the adoption boards will not like. I truly fear that I will let you down again."
"Oh!" He was panicked again by her distress, needing so desperately to make her understand, finally, truly, understand how he felt. He grabbed her other hand tightly. "You are my family, Julia. I want a house for the two of us to make our own, together. Having children, not having children, your place in my life will never change."
Eventually, she raised tearful eyes to his. "Do you truly mean that, William? I'm so scared that you'll wake up one day and resent me for everything I've taken from you."
"No, no, no!" And he could no longer bear the distance between them. He pulled her to him, tucking her against his side and cocooning her in his arms. "You haven't taken anything from me. You've given me so much. The privilege of spending every day with you feels like a gift in itself." When she remained silent, wary, he continued. "We can look into adoption one day, if we feel it's right for both of us," he stressed. "But for now, let us enjoy each other's company. We were drawn together for a reason, let us rediscover our joy at being together."
"Joy…" With glistening eyes, she craned her neck to bestow upon him a gentle smile, then burrowed back against him, whispering, "I would like that very much."
He placed a lingering kiss upon the crown of her head, and then they lulled into silence. William continued to hold her close, securely, wanting to make her finally realise that she was cherished, while Julia calmed, and her tears lessened.
"So, what do you think?" he eventually asked gently. "I've spent the past few weeks scouring Toronto, but this seems perfect. Yellow Creek is just behind those trees there." He lifted a hand from her waist to point, while Julia eventually understood that the reason for his recent absence was not as she had feared. "The distance is such that we can both cycle to work if we wish."
"It is a beautiful setting," she offered, slowly allowing herself to imagine William's model house come to life in front of her. She sat up straighter, wiping her eyes and gazing around them. "We could picnic here, like this on summer evenings."
"Indeed!" He was grateful for her participation, for trusting him. "And unlike the hotel, we can arrange everything and decorate it to suit our needs, though I grant I may cede to your superior taste."
She began to buoy, a teasing glint in her eye. "You'll even let me hang Mr Denton's painting?" She referred to the picture that her husband, inexplicably, seemed to detest.
He huffed in mock exasperation. "I'll even suffer looking at that monstrosity every day." He squeezed her against him. "But only for you."
Fin
A/N: Thank you so much to all who stuck with me through my first multi-chapter MM story. Thank you for the comments, and feedback and encouragement.
As promised, here is some of the research that I did.
I did some research on late 19th Century/ early 20th men's shaving. The Sharpologist website gave some information about how men shaved at home, and Shaveworld detailed the history of the razor. Vinolia shaving soap was sold in cakes or sticks in the UK (I found an old advertisement), so I'm hoping they were sold in Canada as well.
Hellebrin, a cardiotonic glycoside, does come from the green hellebore (Helleborus viridis), and can cause ventricular tachydysrhythmias (fast, irregular heartrate). Hellebrin is, apparently white in colour. The green hellebore is not native to North America, but 'The Cambridge British Flora', published in 1920, lists its presence in North America (hopefully it was also present a few years earlier...).
Chromium is used in some tanning processes, which can cause environmental problems if released into the environment.
I also did some research into chasteberry, which was used by Miss Clark and Julia to create their hormone treatment in the show. I could not find any reason why the rabbits died in the show, as I could not find any information to indicate that chasteberry, in some doses or preparations in poisonous (that's not to say that it isn't, just that I failed to discover any information). I therefore decided to exaggerate some of the possible side-effects of chasteberry (including dizziness, upset stomach, headache, and heavy menstruation), given that Julia doubled her dosage.
Needless to say, my search history is a little odd after all that!
