And now it's time for the first mission! It's now time to mash a cynical cartoon and a ridiculous rhythm game together!
The Elite Beat Agency may have been open for business, but for Charlie and her new dancers it was a slow day. The phone lines were still clogged with people asking for anything from blowjobs to bashing the business, but none were legitimate job offers.
While this did bum Charlie out, it also gave her a chance to assess Dorris and Merek's dancing. While one was still taking swigs of alcohol every few minutes and the other was ready to shank a wall if it looked at him funny, they were both very talented on their feet. Any move she did, they could replicate flawlessly and, even more amazingly to her, put aside whatever qualms they had and moved in perfect harmony.
Even Vaggie, pissed over Alastor's insistence that she act as the agency's maid, was impressed by the rehearsal. It helped that Charlie was now giddy with excitement, practically bouncing on her heels as she heaped praise on the two new hires.
"That. Was. Incredible!" she went on, "Where'd you learn to dance so well?!"
"Well…" Merek admitted, "We always wanted to be entertainers in life. Spent our whole lives learning to dance and sing but…"
"A bunch o' dickweeds got us hooked on drugs and so here we are!" finished Dorris, "And now our voices sound like grizzly bears gargling jaeger bombs. Damn heroin shouldn't have been invented…"
"Uh-uh," Charlie wagged her finger, "Here at EBA, we look at what we can improve not what we can't. You should be proud of how talented you are!"
While Dorris crossed his arms and huffed, he could not hide the slight smile on his face and Vaggie got on as well. How such a bubbly, cheerful angel came from Lucifer and Lilith was a mystery far beyond her, but she was more than happy with the result.
Before the new agents could go over more, though, a loud siren filled the building and soon Charlie whipped out her phone.
"Oh my gosh!" she said, "We've got one!"
"A job? Already?" Vaggie asked.
"Yes, I had the program for tracking targets added to my phone, but I'll explain more later. Boys, let's go!" Charlie then rushed outside after giving her girlfriend peck on the cheek and jumped into the vintage black convertible with a stylized EBA written over a gold police badge. While Charlie hopped in the driver's seat, the men were taken aback.
"This is your car?!" Merek gaped, "Where'd you get this beauty?!"
"Um, it's the company car, and from the dealership? You know, where I bought it?"
"In blood?!" Dorris all but screamed.
"In cash?"
The two guys just shrugged at that, remembering they were dealing with a stupidly rich girl, and just accepted it. Their focus turned on who their first client was going to be as Charlie raced down the streets.
Among the many gated communities of Hell, Madoff Manors was somewhere between the nouveaux riche and the major powerhouses. The manors themselves were opulent, but not the grandest. The income being flaunted was substantial with in-ground pools, perfectly trimmed yards and sports cars, but this was not where the heaviest hitters called home. What it did have was a neighborhood full of up-and-comers looking for a way to get into Hell's one percent by any means necessary.
Among these were the Cupid family currently consisting of estate lawyer Von, day-trading wife Esrele and their two daughters. The twins, Jura and Juda, were currently in law school but were better known as the easiest A's on campus as long as you either contributed to their GPA or their family's coffers.
In their four-story, twenty-room estate was another demon. This was Listla, the sole housekeeper of the Cupids for the past four years. True to her name, Listla had been walked over since even before she entered indentured servitude. Day in and day out, she had to keep the manor spotless or lose one of the few privileges she was allowed by her hosts such as her food or sparse collection of music.
The latter was what truly kept her in line. As soon as her duties were done for the day, she would hurry to her quarters and listen to rave music until she fell asleep. Her dreams were filled with her in a bustling nightclub of her own design, spinning out tracks that made the night owls of Hell party until dawn with her raking in the profits all the while. Her favorites, however, were when she saw the Cupids being denied entry to her club because they could not even afford the cover charge.
But each and every morning the sun rose, her eyes opened, and reality reasserted itself. It was back to scrubbing marble floors, dusting everything from the crystal chandeliers to the bottom of the stair rail and keeping a lid on the many illegal activities going on in the Cupids' home. From the missus's insider trading, daddy's frequent counts of bribery and extorting senile clients and of course the girls' patented "tutoring" which they also provided to many university professors.
Today, though, an extra problem was thrown on her. Von approached her as she wiped down the many windows surrounding the house's foyer.
"Yes, sir?" she asked meekly, having to look up due to the three feet of height difference between them.
"You better finish cleaning fast," he said, "Because we've organized a party for our clients tonight at 6."
He then pulled out a comically long list of instructions that unraveled from his hand to the floor. Listla gaped at it as he flung it at her, completely covering her from head to tail.
"I want everything here finished when my family comes home with the guests!"
Listla hid her eyes behind the limp white locks to avoid staring into his eyes as he walked towards the front door. She could still picture the malevolent smirk on his face clear as day.
"And if you miss even one thing… YOU'RE FIRED!"
Him slamming the door behind him sounded like a guillotine to her. The imp looked over the list, staining the paper with tears as she tried to get herself motivated.
"I can't live without this job!" she cried to herself, "Where will I go? I… I can't do all of this in six hours!"
Desperate for something, anything, that would solve her dilemma, Listla thought to an ad she had seen the other day. It sounded patently ridiculous to the point where she laughed if off, but now she had nothing to lose. She let all of her anxiety and fear erupt in one deafening scream that rattled the walls of the manor.
"HEEEEEEEEELP!"
And, unknown to her, her cry registered with the computers at the EBA. While Charlie stormed onto the scene, Alastor sat his new desk with a bemused expression on his face and sipped his jack and coke. He was looking forward to seeing how his newest venture was going to pan out for the first time.
Only a minute after her cry rang out, Charlie's convertible roared past the gated entrance of Madoff Manors and screeched to a halt in front of the Cupid Estate. The blonde and her two cohorts leapt out of the car and landed clear on the other side of the road. As soon as their feet hit pavement, Charlie put up a cloaking field to make the trio invisible and let out the music playing in her head.
(Song: Kasabuta by Li Yilang - Zatch Bell OP 1)
As the energetic drums and guitar started up, all three Elite Beat Agents waved their hands back and forth to the tempo. Inside the manor, the despairing Listla suddenly felt a fire erupt in her core. She did not have time for sulking, she had a bomb of a party to organize!
"Here we go!" Charlie told her backup, "3… 2… 1… GO!"
Ashita e tsuzuku sakamichi no tochū de
Surechigau otona-tachi wa tsubuyaku no sa
Listla took off from the foyer to the supply closet at lightning speed, the entire lot of cleaning supplies soon in her hands.
"Ai toka yume toka risō mo wakaru kedo
Me no mae no genjitsu wa sonna ni amakunai"-tte
With every step she took, Listla skated on oiled rags to polish the floor to perfection while her hands dusted every wall she passed.
Tsumazuki nagara mo korogari nagara mo
Kasabuta darake no jônetsu wo wasretakunai
She continued even down different floors and even outside, somehow trimming the hedges, grass and pavement with her improvised skates!
"All done!" she declared, the clock now reading 2 PM. She glanced at the list and saw the next lot was to decorate the whole manor! Before she could doubt herself again, the fire came roaring back and she took off.
Otona ni narenai bokura no tsuyogari wo hitotsu kiitekure
Nige mo kakure mo shinai kara waraitai yatsu dake warae
She ran to her room and grabbed her a pair of glowsticks before dashing through the house again, coloring the walls as she went!
Semete tayorinai bokura no jiyū no me o tsumitoranaide
Mizu o ageru sono yakume o hataseba iin darō?
As the walls lit up with neon colors that changed as she went, she then grabbed the curtains off one of the many windows and ripped them to ribbons with her hands to make streamers which she threaded across the rooms.
Nando mo kurikaeshita shippai toka
Ōkiku kuichigatta kangae toka
With one final throw, she threw her still full glowsticks into the chandelier. Rather than shatter the many lights, it landed just so between them to make the expensive fixture light up like a disco ball!
Bokura no kijun wa totemo futashika de
Kinō yori nantonaku hohaba ga hiroku natta
"All done!" she declared again, the clock now reading 4 PM. The last major task was to get all of the catering ready. Even thought she was no chef, the fire in her core pushed her forwards into the kitchen.
Senobi o shinagara uchinomesare nagara
Kasabuta o chotto hagasu kedo kotae wa denai
She all but bounced and leapt off the walls as she raided the pantry, grabbing anything she could find.
Otona ni naritai bokura no wagamama o hitotsu kiitekure
Nete mo samete mo shibarareru jikan o sukoshi dake tomete
She slammed pots and pans on the stove, trays in the double-oven and lined the counter with platters and soon stood behind it like it was a DJ booth.
Semete fugainai bokura no jiyū no mi wo kiritoranaide
Akaku jukusu sono toki made nayameba iin darō?
She spun everything she was working on like records, working at such a blinding pace that bits of food went flying. Even still, Listla bobbed her head like she was working records instead of cuisine.
When she looked up, the clock had almost hit 6. A crowd of demons was lining up outside.
"This ought to be entertaining…" Von snickered to himself, looking forward to seeing Listla in tears.
Otona ni narenai bokura no tsuyogari o hitotsu kiitekure
Nige mo kakure mo shinai kara waraitai yatsu dake warae
At 6:00 on the dot, Listla threw open the front doors of the manor and pulsing music was already playing. Multicolored lights started blaring from the door behind her and windows. The crowd outside oohed and aahed in amazement.
"Who's ready to PAR-TAY?!" Listla yelled, dressed in her nicest gown with a pair of headphones around her neck.
Semete tayorinai bokura no jiyū no me o tsumitoranaide
The guests all but rushed inside, thrilled that they were getting a dance party instead of a stuffy ball.
Mizu o ageru sono yakume o hataseba iin darō?
Von and his kin, however, just walked inside and gaped with their jaws hitting the floor. The house had been completely transformed into a high-energy nightclub with neon walls glowing in blacklight, a buffet table of goods lining the back wall of the foyer and Listla herself blaring music from her little turntable in just the way to keep the crowd energized.
"S-She actually did it…" Von stuttered, his wife and kids slowly moving to join the festivities while he just stood there.
"Yes, she's quite the keeper…" a voice said behind him. A multicolored demon in a white zoot suit walked in flanked by two demonesses in nothing but swimsuits on his shoulders. While Von knew he was not invited, Listla recognized him immediately.
"Rawson Incendio?!" she gasped, "You own the biggest clubs in Hell!"
"You bet! And I want you to work for me!"
Von tried to sputter a response, but Listla cheered a massive "FUCK YES!" And all the while, Charlie and her agents watched from across the streets up until Listla ran out of the house with all her belongings in a suitcase ahead of Rawson with tears of joy in her eyes while Von was still frozen to the same spot and the killer party raged on behind him with even Esrele and her daughters grinding the night away.
When Charlie drove back to EBA headquarters, she was surprised to see Vaggie and Alastor waiting outside the building. As soon as she stepped out of the driver's seat, Charlie was nearly knocked to the ground by Vaggie hugging her.
"That was amazing! It all really worked!" she glowed, more happy than she could remember feeling in weeks.
"Yeah! I-I almost can't believe it!" Charlie replied, "But that's one mission for the Elite Beat Agents! Now Listla has a new life and focus on her dreams!"
"Yes, definitely quite a show you've put on," Alastor commented, "But what do we do now? We send a tab to the imp?"
"Of course not!" Charlie rebuffed, "The EBA is a non-profit! And we work on a strictly secretive basis. Once someone has completed their goal, we let them live their new lives to the fullest."
"And you honestly think that will work? What if some gang-banger needs your help pulling off a hit?"
"Then he better have an explanation or else he gets rejected. I can sense the intent someone has when they call. And that girl was frightened for her life and longing for a better life and-"
"Charlie, breathe!" Vaggie intervened, "Don't pass out on me!"
Only now realizing how worked up she had gotten, the demonic princess inhaled deeply and then let the air out. "Thanks…"
"Don't mention it. Now, you've been dancing for six hours. Come inside and rest…"
As the two headed towards the lobby, the boys heading off guessing they had the night off, Alastor started to realize what he had gotten into. In his relatively short but productive time in Hell, he had never been involved in something like this and now it almost scared him.
He was doing charity work.
And now that the first mission is out of the way, I hope you all enjoyed that because there's another reason I wrote this. I wanted a fanfic with something I have never done before: reader participation.
I want to hear what any of you out here want to see show up in a mission? Ideas for original characters, songs for the missions (my only requirements are being from anime to fit the aesthetic and having lyrics), whole mission ideas or even just bits to add in on the side. I'm beyond curious to see what people will come up with. Just leave your ideas in the reviews and I can't wait to hear from you!
