Chapter Two:

It is very certain that the desire of life prolongs it.-Lord Byron

Pregnacy, had to get better, Margaret thought as she sunk into her chair at the hospital she had been working at since the army found out of her condition. She was tired, the weight she was gaining was starting to show, her ankles were swollen, and the constant need to eat was controlling her life.

"Are you okay Margaret?"

"Fine Darlene," Margaret smiled at the nurse. "Just tired."

"You look it. I can cover the rest of your shift if you'd like?" the younger nurse asked handing Margaret a mug of tea.

"Thank you, and that's okay, the little one wouldn't stop moving last night is all," she smiled taking a sip of the hot beverage. "Besides, you look worse for wear than I do."

"I covered Lisa's shift in the ER last night," the woman smiled. "Car crash, was in the OR for hours."

"Your feet will get used to it," Margaret winked standing up. "I have a surgery in a few minutes."

"Well, if you need me, just let me know okay Margaret?" Darlene asked taking Margaret's chair.

"You bet. Can you let Sonya know that you're taking my tomorrow shift because of my doctors appointment?"

"Already did. Now go, Dr. Guilliette doesn't like when his favourite scrub nurse is late," Darlene winked as Margaret chuckled and walked down the corridors of the hospital. The change of pace for her was at some times too much, she was bored, her body wouldn't let her rest at only spending 3 hours in surgery. The head nurse, had been very accommodating to Margaret, letting her take the long surgeries, and introducing her to Dr. Stephen Guilliette, the head of paediatrics. She had quickly become his favourite nurse, she worked quickly, and preferred the same blades as a certain Hawkeye Pierce. He understood her, as he served in the war, coming back months before the cease fire.

"Ah ha, there is my favourite nurse," Dr. Guilliette smiled.

"Good morning," Margaret smiled.

"Indeed it is," Dr. Guilliette replied. "However, in twenty minutes it won't be," he sighed. "Jane Hutching's left kidney failed last night, we need to remove it."

"That poor little girl," Margaret sighed shaking her head. "How was the dialis working?"

"Making no difference, the amount of bile being produced outweighed what we could get out," he replied.

"It just doesn't make sense," she replied leaning back against the scrub sink.

"That it doesn't," the doctor agreed tying his mask around his face. "Gloves!" Tying her own mask, Margaret moved into the OR. The baby fluttered in her belly as she smiled, holding in the urge to touch her belly and calm the child.

Her belly was showing by now, at five months pregnant. The baby was kicking up a storm, and had moved tight on top of her bladder. She still hadn't told anyone, except her sister, who promptly told her mother and father. She left out the father's identity. Charlotte (or Lottie) had been ecstatic, and swore that she and her husband would fly to Seattle when the baby was born. Her mother offered to have her move in, or close to her to help, but Margaret denied, saying it was something she needed to do herself.

She had even painted the spare room in her apartment. It was yellow, she had the alphabet written across the top of the walls and the box with the crib was sitting on the floor. She was proud of herself, and knew if she didn't get these things done now then she wouldn't be able to do anything when she really exploaded.

Dr. Guilliette had offered to help set up the crib, and the nurses she had made friends with offered to help just as much. Lisa was already planning the baby shower, along with the pool, even though she was four months away from delivery.

She still hadn't heard from Hawkeye, BJ had written a few more times, including more pictures. Klinger too, a few of her nurses had sent pictures and Christmas cards, Colonel Potter had sent a package of cookies baked by Mildred. No one had pried about her leaving the army, nor even questioned it.

"Margaret, just take a break," Jean said pushing her friend to her couch. "You just worked a double shift, please, let me help. It's the least I can do."

"Thank you Jean," Margaret smiled at her neighbour.

"No problem. Besides, it's only a casorol," she replied putting the dish in the oven. "And besides I do owe you for babysitting for me last week."

"I wouldn't call that babysitting Jean, Elizabeth and Jacob are 11 and 12, they watched TV and went to bed on their own."

"They are great kids," Jean smiled. "Pull it out in an hour."

"I will, thank you Jean."

"You're welcome. I'll talk to you soon," Margaret smiled as she walked Jean to the door of her apartment.

"You bet."

Margaret smiled and shut her door, placing a hand on her stomach. It was finally winter in Seattle, the snow was falling, and it was cold, not as bitter as it was in Korea in the dead of winter, when it dropped below zero. Wrapping her sweater around her, which it barely covered her now expanding belly. Due in only four more months, she was already bigger than she expected.

She was already picking out names, a list adorning her night stand, James and Daisy on the top of her list. He gave her daisies, the night before they parted, sparking the name in her mind, as her baby would have a name that linked her to her father. But James, James would look like his father, and would both be named after the same book. She didn't know if he'd be okay with being a father, she didn't know if he's not respond, or push her away, or accept her and the child. She was betting on the former, considering the reason he landed in the hospital. She did not want to be the reason for a relapse.

There was a small kick in her stomach and she smiled. "I understand baby, you're as worried as I am. I'll be the best mom I can be," with another kick, she smiled and moved down the hallway.

-

A few days before Christmas, Margaret walked off the plane, holding her stomach as she looked around. Spotting her sister, she waved and moved around the crowed, before embracing the woman, who looked just like her, but with red hair. "Lottie look at you!"

"Look at me, look at you Maggie, you're glowing," her older sister smiled brightly. "It's so good to see you Maggie!"

"Lottie, Margaret is just fine."

"Then Charlotte is just fine," the woman replied as she guided her sister. "Richard is at home with the kids, they can't wait to see you, they're are itching."

"How are they?" Margaret asked as the two pushed their way through the crowd at the New York Airport.

"Oh Gordon is doing really well, Ron is as energetic as ever, and Vince has been thinking about joining the army," Charlotte explained putting Margaret's bag in the trunk of her car.

"Vince is that old?"

"Fifteen," Charlotte smiled. "Gordon is twelve, Ron is eleven and Susan is nearing nine, and Mary-Katherine is two."

"I've been gone that long huh?" Margaret sighed.

"It's not your fault," Charlotte said quickly. "Not your fault. Besides you're here now, and you always kept in touch, what more could we ask for?"

"I suppose not much," Margaret smiled touching her sister's arm. "How's Richard?"

"Good, he really loves this job, and its good money," Charlotte replied.

"Are Mom and Dad coming?"

"You bet, Daddy is coming the day after tomorrow, and Mom is already there."

"Time to face the music huh?" Margaret mumbled.

"Hey, you're carrying their grandchild, Mom is thrilled beyond belief," Charlotte said as she drove down the street of New York. "And even though Daddy wishes that Pierce was in the baby's life…"

"Pierce?" Margaret said loudly.

"Maggie, I'm your sister, I know he's the father," she replied. "Maggie, you spoke more of him in your letters than anyone else."

"Please, please don't tell anyone. It has to be between you and me, promise me."

"Promise," Charlotte replied touching her sister's knee. "Does he know?"

"No, I'm not ready for any of that," Margaret replied rubbing her stomach. "I don't think he is either. Please, I will tell him when I'm ready."

"Okay," Charlotte smiled pulling into the driveway.

Margaret smiled as she looked at the front door, Charlotte's children were standing waiting, with smiles on their faces, Vince holding the baby as they waved. Getting out of the car, she walked towards the door as the kids ran towards her. It was the first time she saw her nephews and nieces since she deported to Korea.

"Auntie Maggie!" Susan said brightly hugging her aunt, as she moved allowing her bothers to give her a hug.

"Aunt Margaret," Vince smiled, hugging his aunt while holding his youngest sister.

"And this is Mary-Kate huh?" Margaret smiled taking her niece and kissing her forehead.

"Is that Margaret?" a voice said from the kitchen, as Kate walked out of the room, towel in her hand. "There is my baby girl."

"Hi Mom," Margaret smiled as her nephews followed her into the house.

"Margaret look at you, you're beautiful," Kate smiled giving her daughter a hug. "Soon my arms won't go around that belly." Margaret smiled brightly as Susan took her sister and they moved to sit in the livingroom.

"Its good to see you too. I've missed you."

"I've missed you too baby girl," Kate whispered giving her daughter another hug. "Now why don't we go sit down, you must be tired."

"I am," Margaret smiled as Kate guided her daughter into the livingroom where her grandkids all sat. "Where's Richard?"

"Hiding," the older man smiled touching Margaret's shoulder. "Maggie, don't take this the wrong way, but you're fat."

"From you Richard, never," Margaret teased back touching his hand. "How are you?"

"Tired. Kids are tiring," he teased winking at his children. "Be thankful that you don't magically have…how many do I have?"

"Five Daddy," Susan replied from her spot on the floor with Mary-Kate.

"Five, who's the five?" Richard teased as he moved to sit down in his chair. Margaret smiled and leaned back into the couch. Her belly protruding on her lap. First Christmas back from the war, first Christmas pregnant, first Christmas that everyone was going to be together, first Christmas in three years he wasn't there. Every day that he never wrote, called, or showed up at her door, or even thought about her, she missed him more. He was her best friend.

Best Friend.

It was a term that she reserved for no one, and yet, she associated best friend with him. He took care of her in her times of need, she took care of him, he made her laugh, she made him laugh, they held hands, and hugged when they needed it, drank together, drowning sorrows of their lives, in the hellhole in which they lived.

He was more than her best friend. He was her everything. Except she wasn't his. A little voice in her head begged her to write to him, to call him, to catch a train to Maine. But the fear that he'd turn her away was greater than the desire to be held in his arms once more, to have her hair brushed by his fingers. The sound of his voice, horse with fatigue, or joyous in laughter.

He caught her once, reading sonnets in Post Op, taking the book with a smile, he sat in front of her and read one, stuck in her head, like it was written for them:

"Margaret, whatcha reading?" Hawkeye smiled taking the book from her hands, with a grin he flipped the page, reading its contents:

"Indeed this very love which is my boast,

And which, when rising up from breast to brow,

Doth crown me with ruby large enow

To draw men's eyes and prove the inner cost,--

This love even, all my worth, to the uttermost,

I should not love withal, unless that thou

Hadst set me an example, shown me how,

When first thine earnest eyes with mine were crossed,

And love called love. And thus, I cannot speak

Of love even, as good thing of my own:

Thy soul hath snatched up mine all faint and weak,

And placed it by thee on a golden throne,--

And that I love (O soul, we must be meek--)

Is by thee only, whom I love alone."

He didn't tease, he just smiled and held the hand she had sitting beside him.

"You know, I've always been more partial to Lord Byron," he remarked with a smile.

"You know literature!?" she asked with a hint of surprise and teasing.

"There is a lot about me you don't know Margaret," he replied before standing up. A poem leaving his lips like he wrote it:

SHE walks in beauty, like the night

Of cloudless climes and starry skies;

And all that 's best of dark and bright

Meet in her aspect and her eyes…

It was one of Margaret's favourite memories of him, he surprised her, poetry leaving his lips, words not filled with annoyance, or horror. Pure and simple harmony of beauty and magic. It wasn't the only time that he'd surprised her, several times, when it was just them, his words would comfort, and present her with an opportunity to learn and love him even more.

"We better get Mary-Kate down," Charlotte replied after dinner as she watched her toddler drift off in Margaret's arms.

"Don't worry about, I think I can handle putting her to bed, for practice," Margaret smiled as Vince and Ron stood to help their aunt stand while carrying their sister. "Thank you. Upstairs with Susan?"

"Yes," Charlotte replied giving her sister a smile. Margaret grinned and rubbed the child's back, as her leg laid over her belly. Charlotte's house was bigger than Margaret expected, but she supposed with five kids and constant moving of family in and out that she needed the house to put them all up. Reading the door which hung two signs, "SUSAN" and "MARY-KATE" on the door, she opened it, and was pleasently surprised at the room. She expected two sides, completely different, but Susan had seemed to adapated to having her little sister sleep in her bedroom, that the crib was pressed against the wall, her bed on the other side, a rocking chair near the window, a toy box and doll house, a tea set, and purple and green walls. Margaret smiled as she moved over to the crib, just as the little girl started to fuss.

"Sssh," Margaret whispered. "How about a lullaby before bed?" with no response, Margaret moved over to the rocking chair, taking the blanket that was folded over top and wrapping the child the best she could. Sitting down she settled Mary-Kate on her side, slowly rocking the toddler. Before she knew it, words were escaping her lips:

"Good evening, and good night, with roses adorned, With carnations covered, slip under the covers. Early tomorrow, God willing, you will wake once again. Early tomorrow, God willing, you will wake once again. Good evening, and good night. By angels watched, Who show you in your dream the Christ-child's tree. Sleep now peacefully and sweetly, see the paradise in your dream. Sleep now peacefully and sweetly, see the paradise in your dream."