Chapter Eight- Be thou the rainbow in the storms of life. The evening beam that smiles the clouds away, and tints tomorrow with prophetic ray.-Lord Byron
Joint Parenting. Sure people did it. But those people were in committed relationships, married who made the decision to have a child. They weren't married, they weren't in any form of a romantic relationship. They lived together, with his father, worked together, and were raising their daughter together. It was not the ideal situation, but it was their situation. And he was still coming to grips with it.
Nights were spent rocking the child, whispering stories of his childhood, and the future. How one day, he hoped to give her a brother or a sister, and how when she was holder he'd make her a doll house. Grandpa would help of course. Daisy became his world, he was the one who voluntarily woke up in the middle of the night to rock her back to sleep, as her teeth started to crown. Margaret had offered, and got up many nights but Hawkeye was always there first, holding the baby. He was still scarred at every single cry, every single whimper, and he didn't know if that was going to ever change, his heart sped up while holding her, and some days he couldn't stop but wondering what if he was doing the wrong thing. But then, the little girl smiled at him, and everything was okay. Better even.
The months had started to pass quicker than at first, and soon Thanksgiving was upon them. Margaret had grown accustomed to living with Hawkeye and Daniel, where working a few hours a week had become the greatest part of living in Maine. Her parents were shocked at first, they knew and Charlotte had calmed down her father who couldn't understand why she chose to move to Maine.
Daniel had talked to his brothers and sisters-in-laws, who were eager to come and meet their grand-niece, so the Italians were invading Maine for Thanksgiving weekend. Not only was Margaret afraid, but so was Hawkeye, who needed to show to his family that he was okay. They all knew he wasn't when he returned, and had kept their distance until Christmas when they invaded Maine. This year Thanksgiving was Maine and New York for Christmas.
So now Margaret was panicking as she was expected to be at Thanksgiving, but didn't know if she had the right to go to her sisters for Christmas, on Hawkeye and Daniel's first Christmas...Daisy's first Christmas. Or if it was appropriate to invite her family, if her Dad would even come.
Life was more complicated than it seemed on the outside, the biggest change was over, they were in Maine, but all the little things of raising a child together when not being together as a couple was complicated.
Should they tell their friends? Hawkeye hated keeping it from BJ, and when he wrote letters, he'd purposely leave the page of Daisy's exploits out, until they were both comfortable explaining to everyone that there was now a little Margaret running around his house. Okay not running, crawling, she was just learning to stand on her own, and her smile was getting bigger and bigger as the days went on.
Now teething Daisy was no longer a ray of sunshine, as she cried and wanted to be attached to whomever she could. The amount of crying scared Hawkeye, he didn't want to make her quiet from fear. He know that it wasn't his fault with the baby that time, but this time it was his baby...
Those fears haunted him, and Margaret saw that. She saw the fear on his face, every time he picked up the crying child.
"Are you okay?" she asked touching his shoulder as Daisy laid in his arms, hand in mouth staring up at her father.
"Fine Margaret," Hawkeye replied.
"Don't lie to me, I can see it in your face."
"I'm afraid of her sometimes," Hawkeye revealed. "I love her, but she scares me."
"She scares me too, what if she ends up just like you!" Margaret joked sitting down next to Hawkeye. "I think being parents is supposed to be scary. Listen Hawkeye, we were in the worst possible situation, and she came out of that. We saw children come into the world, and children die, and I know she reminds you of that a lot, but can you really say you would rather your life without her?"
"No, she is," Hawkeye paused looking down. "I love her. And I love you."
"I love you too," Margaret smiled patting his leg. "I'll go put her down, and then we can have dinner okay?"
"I'll put her down," Hawkeye responded standing up, adjusting the child, who blinked her blue eyes at her parents.
"Sweet dreams baby," Margaret whispered kissing Daisy's head.
"Say good night to Mama," Hawkeye urged the baby who waved her hand, ironically at herself laying her head on Hawkeye's shoulder.
"Margaret?" Hawkeye asked one night, as they were sitting at dinner. Daniel had taken Daisy for the night.
"Yes?"
"You're happy here right?"
"You know," Margaret said placing down her wine glass. "I always imagined your hometown to be too small for my liking but I wouldn't want to raise Daisy anywhere else."
"Good," Hawkeye smiled.
"What else is on your mind?"
"Nothing, just thinking, that maybe one day, Daisy might like a little brother or sister."
"What are you saying Hawkeye?" Margaret asked, looking at him, her blue eyes piercing his.
"I would like to give this thing a try, for Daisy's sake. Two parents, who are together. I don't want her to have to choose between Christmas with you or Christmas with me, and..."
"We'll give it a try. But Hawkeye, if this doesn't work, I don't want Daisy to suffer," Margaret replied with a serious look on her face. "We're two totally different people Hawkeye, and I want my little girl to know that despite anything, her parents respect each other too much to hurt her."
"I agree. She is my number one priority, and I love her."
"Good."
Dinner was finished with the two talking, Hawkeye of his day at the office, and Margaret with her stories of working in Seattle. There was still so much to know of one another, of how they grew up, of their lives before Korea, and even during Korea. For them, it was a different experience of just dating, no sex. They were backwards, they had had their baby first, and then dated. As for falling in love, it was a scary thing for both parties. They had both been burnt, and Margaret knew that this was really her last chance at love, because she would not let any other man be Daisy's father. And no woman would Hawkeye ever trust with his daughter other than her mother. It was now or never, and they needed this. Daisy needed to know her parents were in this for the long one.
Thanksgiving day came quicker than Margaret anticipated as all of Hawkeye's family filled the house. Children of all ages were running around, women of all ages in the kitchen, all arguing over who was going to be making each dish. The little town of Crabapple Cove seemed to explode with festivities. Dinner was being held in city hall, and it seemed a tradition. Margaret had been around people who entire life, but those of the same family who seemed to be interested in how she was raising her daughter was new. Several were making comments as to having the baby out of wedlock, but that didn't bother her that much. She never did anything in order, or to the cultural norms.
Hawkeye seemed to be in bliss, like he belonged to be surrounded by family, and children. He was always smiling around them, even in Korea, the kids were usually his first priority, and would do anything to make them smile. Daisy rarely left his arms, when she did it was to Daniel or Margaret, or to her crib. By the time dinner rolled around, Margaret was sitting with Daisy on her lap, sitting beside Hawkeye, who had his arm around her shoulders.
"Sorry about this."
"Don't be, we have to get used to it don't we?"
"That we do," he chuckled taking the fork that Daisy reached for. "You're too young just now baby." Sitting in silence for a moment, Hawkeye looked over at Margaret. "What are you thinking?"
"A lot of things," Margaret replied. "We're doing the right thing?"
"Yes, we are. It's no longer about just us."
"I know. I'm glad you're in this with me," Margaret smiled grabbing his hand and squeezing it.
"Not as much as I am," Hawkeye mumbled before he stole a quick kiss and kissed Daisy on the cheek. "New York for Christmas together."
