A/N: Very long chapter ahead, but it should be okay since it's Syaoran's pov...right? *Hides in shame*
WARNING: A little heavy kissing, descriptive masturbation session and sexual fantasies (first part of this chapter), mild dirty thoughts ...you know, just normal Syaoran stuff in this fic. ALSO, a Syaoran that may give you whiplash from trying to keep up with his confusing thoughts and indecisiveness on his feelings.
With that being said, enjoy the chapter!
"Resisting Isn't Always Easy"
Wrong. Syaoran felt so wrong about everything he had been doing these last weeks.
He could not understand how he knew feeling and looking at her this way is wrong, but continue to do so. He knew thinking of her this way is wrong, yet…it felt unfeasible to stop.
What the hell is wrong with me?
He knew he was doing this to himself—or, at least letting her make him do this to himself. He wanted to stop feeling this attraction towards her. Really, he did, but it felt impossible not to at this point. But why? He just wanted to know why.
And then a thought crossed his mind; of course it was impossible to. She was always here, flaunting her cheerful atmosphere around his home, leaving him with no choice but to think of her. He just wanted to know why it was so hard to control himself. Why could he not stop thinking about her emerald eyes? Her cute, button nose? The little creases that would form on her forehead when she looked at him, surprised? Her laugh? Her smile?
At the thought of her smile, he could not help but think about her lips. The same lips that had made him lose all control of himself a few days ago.
Unconsciously, his hand began to move up to his lips, but he stopped himself before it could. With the trembling hand, he dropped it to his pants, unbuckling them slowly. Without much thinking, he bit his lip lightly, imagining her teeth doing it as he unzipped his pants.
He remembered how soft her lips had been; exactly what he expected them to be. Her skin had been so soft underneath his fingers that he craved touching more of her.
He stepped in the shower, enjoying the warm water cascading on his skin. He grasped his aching erection tightly and began to pump slowly, wanting to get rid of this forbidden feeling fast.
He imagined how her skin would taste against his tongue…
His hand started pumping faster at that thought as the hot water added to the desire in his body.
Hot…
Sakura…
Water…
Against her skin.
He stroked faster as his palm tightened around his arousal. He thought about how tight she would be. He was almost sure that he would not last long her first time.
What?
At that thought, he thought about her first time being with him. And then another time in this shower where he could freely take her however he wanted to without any guilt. And then at school…
Shit…
His muscles coiled, feeling his release come close. Just when an image of her in that uniform sprawled out on top of his desk painted itself in his head, ribbons of cum tainted the shower floors, washing down the drain with the water.
His panting breaths came out louder, heart beating against his chest hard. It was only when the water began to turn cold that he noticed how long he had been in the shower fantasizing about the girl again. This had been the eighth time he stayed in the shower this long, fantasizing about her. He needed to stop this.
He quickly showered and got out, drying off before putting something on to wear for bed. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he felt himself become wide awake, thinking about her again.
Great.
Syaoran sighed, realizing his new tactic not working this time, which only pissed him off. If rubbing himself to oblivion would not work, he wondered what really could help. He never had trouble falling asleep after a nice release from his forbidden fantasies.
He wondered if it was the fact that he had reverted back to his usual self with her today. He had not meant to be so rude and inconsiderate of her tonight. He just felt frustrated with himself. And, her for being there. He felt disgusted with himself for feeling this way about her. He could not help but realize he was acting just like those men at the office who had been talking and thinking about women like that.
He had to admit they were spot-on about some things. The description they had of Sakura had been so right. And that is what made him feel disgusted with himself.
Young, cheerful, innocent, and beautiful with her alluring behavior. They had said that these type of women were the freaks in the bedroom; that they were wild and sexy.
He could not picture Sakura being that way though. She had not even kissed anyone until his lips tainted hers. She had said that she was trying to save her first for the man she loved, and he had taken that from her. He was the one who took her first kiss, so there was no way that she could be that type of person.
Syaoran closed his eyes tightly, hoping the image would disappear of her on top, riding him into ecstasy. She was not like that. Sakura would never do anything like that, so, Syaoran knew they had to be wrong. They had it all wrong at that bar talking about women like that.
Even though he knew this, he could not understand why they had planted these ideas in his head of her. He did not understand why they would suggest getting a young girl to fulfil his needs.
His fists clenched under his head, remembering one of them say that he might already have one or two toys. He never liked the idea of men talking about women as if they were objects; like they were not human.
And then, it hit him.
He had been doing the same thing, thinking about her like that in his fantasies. In a way, he was objectifying Sakura. He had never done that to any woman before. He never thought about specific women in his fantasies. Every girl in his fantasy had normally been nameless and faceless, but now…all he could think about was Sakura in every fantasy. She was not even legal. Or compliant. Or obedient.
He felt like he was losing a part of himself, by the mere fact of him giving in to her wishes. She was making him more compliant and obedient. And Illegal. He knew it was wrong, so he did what he thought was best, pushing her away. He figured scaring her away with his crude behavior would make things a lot easier for him; give him that sense of control again.
Yet he still failed tonight. He still gave in to her request after she threatened to leave if she could not get her way once again.
At the thought of their conversation tonight, he remembered her request.
Masamoto.
He felt himself annoyed at the thought of another man being present in her life. She had said that that man cared for her more than he does. Nothing had irritated him more than that when he had been doing all he could for her. He had been giving her everything she wanted and more. He was giving in to everything she wanted.
For crying out loud, he had even agreed to change the contract when she asked him to. She was changing things about him that he had let no other person change. Yet, she had the nerve to say that another cared for her well-being more than him.
He scoffed at the thought, wondering what he could do to put her in her place; let her know that he cared more than this Masamoto man. He wished he had a last name to go with that so he could get some background information on the man himself. He knew one thing for sure; he had to get rid of him since he was trying to interfere with things.
"He's the closest thing to a father," she had said.
Father my ass.
He knew Sakura could be dense and off with her thinking sometimes. For all they both knew, the Masamoto guy could be wanting a lot more than a "father-daughter" relationship.
Syaoran could feel his irritation increase at that, though he found no reason to explore why. He just wished the man did not exist right now because he was making Syaoran feel things he had never felt before about a girl.
He mentally groaned, realizing his thoughts of encouraging himself to continue pushing her away to regain some form of control, yet he was also thinking about making her realize he cared more for her now. Perhaps he was confused himself of what he wanted. What did he want?
After some thought into that question, he came up with him wanting to keep their arrangements the same and a secret.
He remembered how he felt, seeing her in his classroom today. He had known that she would be in his class because he saw her name on the roster, but being around people she knew felt like they could be exposed at any time; that everyone would know they had some secret affair going on because high school screamed drama.
He could not help but fear that they might be found out sooner than normal, and articles would surely come falling from the sky. Then, the press would be on his case again, asking about his personal life, Xing's personal life, and he could not have that.
He wanted to keep Xing protected from all of that. He wanted Xing to live a remotely close to normal life here in Japan while he could. He did not need the media to know about their personal life. He would tell them all they want about his businesses, new sells that would go out, what he had planned for the corporation—anything, but his personal life, which included Xing, was off limits. He did not need Xing dragged into this like they had with the last nanny who had said that she was involved with Syaoran.
Syaoran sighed, closing his eyes to get some sleep, but all the thoughts kept swimming through his head, bothering him. Them being found out, Sakura in his fantasies, the guys at the office being semi-right about him having a young girl under a spell, Sakura changing him into something he did not want, this Masamoto guy. Everything would not stop.
He sighed for the umpteenth time, trying to count sheep in his head, hoping that it would make him fall asleep.
It didn't work.
The alarm clock ringing in Syaoran's ears served no real purpose. He had already been awake for thirty-minutes now, but he could not find the energy to get out of bed.
He knew something had to be wrong with him lately. He never did anything like this, nor had he felt this way before Sakura came. Since she arrived, he had been feeling emotionally and physically drained.
Sighing, he still sat up from the bed and stepped out. He went to the bathroom to brush his teeth before he slipped on his workout attire. He left the house for a quick run and workout at the gym.
As usual, he finished in two hours and headed back to the house, hoping that Sakura would be awake. He still wanted to talk to her about this arrangement and the Masamoto guy.
For a moment, he thought about apologizing for his attitude last night. He knew his demeanor towards her was unnecessary. She had not done anything to deserve the cold-shoulder—besides being so damn attractive and hard to resist. He cringed, thinking about his weird behavior yesterday after class. He did not know what he was thinking when he grabbed her hair, and kissed it. He felt beyond disgusted with himself.
He sighed, shaking his head from the thoughts. He needed to get himself together before seeing her. He took a quick shower and dressed half-way for work. After finishing, he headed to the kitchen, knowing she would be coming out her room soon. He had not seen the note on the table when he got in either, so she still had to be here.
Not too long after that thought, he heard her room door closing.
His heart began to beat faster in his chest, anticipating her arrival. Probably in the skirt that made his mind imagine too many things it had no business imagining. Like, his hands sliding under it to touch her, to feel how soft her skin is; to pull her skirt up, and—
"Syaoran?" she called, interrupting his lewd thoughts.
He wondered when he started to think this way.
He turned in her direction and she began to fidget nervously under his gaze. "G-good morning," she said nervously, yet in her normal cheerful voice.
His eyes raked over her subtly before he looked in her emerald eyes. "Morning," he said with a slight nod.
"I was just about to leave so I can catch the bus," she said, awkwardly pointing to the kitchen door.
"The bus?" he questioned, caught off guard by that information.
He saw her hold the straps of her bag tightly and then nodded. "Yeah, the bus stop down the street from here. I have to ride it to get to the train—"
"Train?" Syaoran asked incredulously, not believing what his ears heard.
"Uh…yes, sir," she said in a small voice.
"Oh, no. That is just unacceptable," he said in a finalizing tone, though he did not mention what.
He had not thought about how she had commuted to school yesterday. He wondered what made her think those sources were okay. The bus and the train? He could not help but wonder if she knew about the creeps using those sources as well.
His insides churned, thinking about another person touching her without her knowledge like he had seen happening to women before there.
"No," he said, while shaking his head.
A frown tugged at her lips. "W-what do you mean? Why not? The bus and train are both reliable sources to commute—"
"No. Do you know the kind of disturbing things that happens on those sources?" More images of creepy old men touching her disturbed his mind. "Fuck no, Sakura. It's absurd that you would even think to go against me with this. You aren't using those sources as your transportation anymore."
She huffed, appearing annoyed with him. "Just because you can afford a vehicle doesn't give you the right to talk down on others who rely on these sources," she said in an agitated tone.
Taken aback by her tone, he walked towards her, brows scrunched together in confusion. "Excuse me?" he said, raising a brow at her, offended that she had back-talked him again. He could not get used to this type of behavior, despite her always being this way with him.
Her mouth opened slightly, causing his eyes to remain on them for a moment too long before they shifted back up to hers. "I…I just think it's not fair for you to chastise me for using a reliable source of transportation. It's not like I have much of a choice," she said, nervously moving back from him.
Seeing her move away from him like that made him move towards her slowly for some reason he did not even know. "You're not using those sources anymore when you have me," he said, hearing the possessiveness in his own tone.
"I—"
Syaoran cut her off. "I take Xing to school every day. I could drop you off too," he said, cornering her against the wall by the door.
He was not even sure where he was going with this anymore. He could tell his control was slacking again though.
"That's not necessary when you've already done so much," she said timidly. It made him wonder if she had thought about what he had said last night.
Syaoran sighed loudly, annoyed with her stubborn behavior. "Sakura," he called sternly.
She stiffened, looking up at up hesitantly. "What? This wasn't on the contract. And you never said that I have to obey everything you tell me to do," she said defiantly.
"This is for your safety. Why can't you just see that?" he asked, pinning her with a his glare.
Her eyes widened, and mouth opened slightly, but nothing came out.
When his eyes lingered on her lips for a second too long again, the thoughts of pushing her away and not getting himself into trouble disappeared like they had a few days ago. He found that it was too hard to reason right now with her mouth looking that enticing.
Deciding not to linger on the thought too long, he moved closer to close the space between them.
"I—"
Syaoran closed the gap between their lips, pressing his lips against hers gently. He did not want to push or force anything like he had the first time. He wanted to leave the option open for her to pull away if she did not feel comfortable with this like he had not. He just found it too hard to resist.
For a moment, she did not respond, almost making regret wash over him, but her lips began to move against his expertly.
Fuck…
Knowing that she wanted this just as much as he did, encouraged him to lick her lips, asking for entrance. When her mouth opened, his tongue eagerly slipped past her lips and he brought his hand behind her neck, pulling her face closer to his.
He knew he needed to stop this. She had been the one to stop it last time, so he wanted to be the more mature, rational adult to this time, but found it was impossible.
The more their tongues participated in the tango, the more his mind rationalized how much this was better than his fantasies; that he did not have to keep pretending to do the naughty with her. Though their kissing was not as explicit as the carnal desires in his fantasies, the feel of her soft lips caressing his own was enough; the way her soft tongue would caress his own set his body on fire just as much as the fantasies. And, it did not feel like he was using her as an object either. She felt…real.
His body pushed hers against the wall harder as his lips became more demanding, kissing her like it would be his last time; though his heart told him it was only the beginning. He was finally succumbing to the desires that had built up for so long—or, at least it had felt long since she had been here.
He had not had the physical touch of a woman since his former wife, so he reasoned that could have added on to it. At least, that is what he was trying to convince himself of this desire being so strong. Never mind the nagging voice in the back of his mind telling him that he had not even desired his former wife this way. All of these feelings were a first for him.
He wanted to do so much more than kissing her, in so many ways. But, how? How could he explain himself to her this time? How could he explain this desire for her without feeling like a creepy, old man prying on a younger girl?
He had never felt odd or insecure about his age, but now, he wished to be a lot younger than 23. He knew 23 was not old, but it was too old to be involved with a high schooler—even if they were in their last year. He had frowned upon older men going for younger women, but now he was doing the same…
Something gripped the front of his shirt tightly, stopping his lips from deliciously devouring hers. He pulled back, staring down at her flushed face as she pant softly. He dropped his hands to her waist, pulling her body flush against his to get some form of desired stimulation down there.
When he leaned down to rest his forehead against hers, she flinched away for a moment, but he chose to ignore it and pin her with his eyes again. "You're not taking the bus," he said in a finalizing tone again, but much sterner this time.
She closed her mouth and murmured, "Okay…if it's not a problem. I just thought it would be dangerous for our situation..."
Syaoran did not let her go, not wanting to feel the loss of her body yet. "It'll be fine," he said, brushing the thought of someone catching them off. No one knew what car he drove anyway, he assumed. "I really need you to keep quiet about this arrangement though," he reminded. "You can't say a word to any of your friends about it either." For a moment, she looked guilty as if she already had, causing fear to rise in him. "You haven't told anyone already, have you?"
She frowned, releasing her tight grip on his, now wrinkled, shirt. "I said that I wouldn't…" she said softly. Her eyes always gave away her dishonesty. "But, there's still Masamoto-kun that I have to talk with about my living circumstances…"
At the mention of the man, Syaoran grew irritated. He sighed, shaking his head. "Sakura," he called when her eyes would not meet his.
"Yes, sir?" she asked, looking up at him immediately.
He held back a smile at her natural response. "You don't have to address me like that here."
A blush spread across her face and she nodded. "Yes, sir—l mean, Syaoran," she stumbled over her words.
A small smile tugged at his lips and he leaned down to kiss her again. Before he could, she turned her head away. "Uh…we should wake Xing, or maybe he's already awake and—"
Realizing his increasing mistakes at the mention of his son, he released her body, moving away from her. "Okay."
What the hell am I thinking?
He made a move for the exit until he felt something grab the sleeve of his shirt, stopping him from ending his own misery.
"Was everything alright last night?" she asked hesitantly. "I know…I may have said some things out of line, but…it was only because I felt frustrated."
At the mention of last night, his eyes softened as he looked away. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I just…had a lot on my mind."
"I see. I shouldn't have disregarded your kindness like that either, so…I'm sorry as well. I guess I just wanted to talk with you," she said, hands fidgeting with one another.
Syaoran turned towards her, staring in her eyes seriously now. "Why?"
She swallowed. "Because…at school…um…" She looked as if she were thinking about what she wanted to say. "I just didn't expect you to be my teacher this year, and then about the Masamoto situation, and then you being upset because I had not texted you back in enough time, and…I guess I just wanted some clarity between us…to clear the air maybe," she finished.
At the mention of her ignoring his efforts of wanting to know she had been safe, he became irritated. He had been aware that he did not have a right to know of her whereabouts all the time, since he had taken it off the contract, but he had not thought that she would truly not let him know.
He had a small amount of hope that she would at least have the decency to let him know. He regretted giving her what she wanted because it put him at a disadvantage. He was not even sure why he wanted to know she was safe anymore.
He had thought it was because he wanted to have someone there for Xing where he could rely on a little bit, but he was beginning to think it was for other reasons now too.
At the memory of her ignoring his text and how he felt at work yesterday had upset him. Really upset him. He had given her the phone for that reason, so why could she not just use it?
A simple, 'I'm home safe,' would have done her some justice, he reasoned. But, no, he had to find out from Kenta because she insisted on not wanting to tell him anything about her.
"I hope it doesn't happen again," he said.
She frowned. "I didn't intentionally ignore you. Out of courtesy, I will let you know when I am back with Xing though," she said.
That was not what he wanted specifically, but he could work with that for now if that is what made her comfortable. He knew questioning what she and her friends had done yesterday would be out of line, so he stopped there. He nodded. "Okay."
"Uh…are you going to be getting off late tonight too?" she asked hesitantly.
For some reason, he wanted to tell her no, that he would be home early today to spend time with Xing—them. But, he knew he could not. "Yes. Don't wait up for me," he said.
She frowned. "Okay. Masamoto-kun wants to meet up on Thursday after school, so…I'll have to go without you if you're going to be working late everyday this week," she explained.
At the thought of them meeting up alone, Syaoran was on the defense. "No, I'll find time that day. What's his name and number?" he asked, seeing it as the perfect opportunity to get the man's information. He wanted to find out everything he could before meeting him.
She looked at him suspiciously before giving him the man's number, but leaving out his last name.
"And his last name?" Syaoran asked after writing down the number she had given.
"Why? Are you trying to dig in his personal information like you did me without my permission?" she asked.
He frowned at that. "I just want to know who I will be speaking with when I meet the man," he said, neither denying nor confirming that information.
"Nakumura," she said as if she knew he would not give up.
"Masamoto Nakamura," he repeated.
"Also…I think you should know that…" she trailed off, making his patience decrease.
When she did not continue, he looked at her with a raised brow. "What is it?" he asked, trying to hold down the irritation in his tone.
She shook her head as if she had changed her mind about it. "It's nothing."
He sighed, feeling an unpleasant stir rise in his chest at that. He shook his head, getting rid of the thoughts of forcing her to tell him what was bothering her. "I'm going to get Xing ready. I have to stop by a university this morning, so—"
"Did you know that I'd be in your class?" she interrupted.
He raised a brow, wondering why she had wanted to know that. "Yes," he answered honestly.
"How? I thought you were—"
"Daddy? Sakura?"
Instinctively, Syaoran stepped back from her, even though they were not in each other's personal space anymore. He turned to the direction of the voice and stooped down to the little boy's height.
Xing walked over to him and wrapped his arms around Syaoran's neck as he rested between his legs. "I was wondering when you would come to wake me," he said quietly.
Xing turned to Sakura with a sleepy smile on his face. "And Sakura's still here?" he asked, voice rising a little in excitement. "I thought you said that she said that you said that she wouldn't ride with us," he said.
Syaoran smiled a little, wondering how Xing came up with those words so fluently. He ruffled the little boy's hair, making him pout. "She's going to ride with us from now on and she'll ride back here with you and Kenta after school," Syaoran said, smiling at him.
Xing gasped dramatically. "Really?"
Syaoran nodded.
"What about…Daddy?"
"I'll take you this morning."
"But, not after school to hear about my awesome day again?" he asked quietly.
"We can talk on the phone about your day, if Sakura's fine with that," he said, looking up at her for confirmation.
But like the pervert he had been becoming, he almost looked under her skirt, wanting to get a glimpse of the color of panties she had on.
She shifted uncomfortably but nodded her head confidently. "O-of course!" she said, staring at Xing.
"See? Nothing to worry about because I'll hear all about your day. Now, let's get you ready?" Syaoran asked.
"Yes! I'm so excited to see my new friends again!" he said, wide awake now.
Syaoran smiled, and then sent Sakura a nod before they left the kitchen with Xing talking about his new friends.
"Be good, okay?" Syaoran said, ruffling his hair one last time before he would join the other kids.
Xing nodded with a huge grin on his face. "I love you, Daddy," he leaned over to whisper in Syaoran's ear as he hugged him tightly.
Syaoran's lip curved a little. "Love you too, squirt."
Syaoran released him and stood up, turning to the teacher who had a noticeable blush on her cheeks. "If there's anything that he needs, just call my office. I know I mentioned before, but his Japanese isn't the best, so any extra curriculum courses you feel he may need to take, just let me know," he said professionally.
She nodded and smiled. "Alright." She turned to Xing. "We're mightily excited for it to be so early in the morning," she said, grabbing his hand so they could walk inside the classroom. Xing was quick to respond to her.
Syaoran watched them get inside safely before he sighed and walked back to his car. When he settled inside, he turned to Sakura, seeing her stare out the window, looking a little dazed. "What's wrong?" he asked, cranking the car after sensing her mood.
She turned to him with a blush on her face. "N-nothing," she stuttered.
He raised a curious brow. "Are you sure? What are you thinking about?" he asked, staring at her intensely, hoping she would cave.
Her mouth opened, but nothing came out.
"Tell me," he pressed.
"Why did you kiss me?" she asked suddenly.
Clearing his throat, he said with as much confidence as he could muster, "I wanted to." He could hear the hesitance in his own tone though.
"Why?"
"Because I like it."
"Oh…why?"
Syaoran sighed, feeling slightly annoyed with that question. It was like when a kid would keep asking question after question about an answer that was never-ending.
"Because I'm attracted to you. Is that a problem?" he asked.
She always kissed back when he would initiate it, so he hoped it would not be a problem.
She shook her head slowly. "I like it too," she said shyly, attempting to keep her eyes away from him.
"Look at me."
She looked at him shyly, biting her lip, a nervous habit she had. He had to hold back a groan at the sight. Her flushed face made matters worse for him.
Damn it…
"How about we do it more often, then?" he asked, not even bothering to reason why he would ever suggest a thing.
"I…I don't know if that's a good idea," she said uncertainly.
"Do you want to?" he asked.
"I-I do, but…" she trailed off, fidgeting with her hands nervously.
Without thinking, Syaoran reached over to grab her fidgeting hands. "We don't have to," he said softly. "It was just a suggestion."
When her eyes widened and looked at him, a small smile tugged at his lips and he removed his hands from hers.
He recalled her being the one to suggest that he loosen up a bit and have a little "fun" in life. So, he reasoned he could start here by having "fun" with her. Besides, it was only kissing. He promised himself that it would be nothing more than that. Just kissing.
With a seventeen-year-old. A high schooler.
And that made him feel weird. He certainly did not feel normal anymore. He had never did, said, or asked things like this before she came around. And this sense of protection that he felt for her did not feel normal anymore either. He did not want anything bad to happen to her, nor did he want anyone doing anything to her, besides himself…
It was easy to picture her giving him everything first. Oddly enough to him, it felt good to think about; to know that he could be her possible first for everything.
He cringed at the weird stir in his chest at the thought and pulled out of Xing's school parking lot and headed to Tokyo High.
Sakura did not say a word as he drove, so the ride was quiet and tense-filled, as usual.
When Syaoran pulled up to the school, he unlocked the door for her.
She turned to him. "Are you coming to school today?" she asked.
"Why would I not?" he asked.
"I don't know...I just thought..." She shook her head with a sigh. "Never mind. I'm just going to go. Thanks for the ride."
She opened the car door and grabbed her bag. She waved before walking off after shutting the door.
He released the breath he had been holding. He was aware of him confusing her if it were not obvious enough. He knew it was not fair, but he was the confused one, so how could he help her understand what he could not?
He could not believe he had asked her to allow him to continue their physical contact. What was he even thinking at this point? He wondered if she thought of him as a perverted creep too. He just wanted to know why it was so hard to control his hormones whenever she came to mind.
He sighed, pressed on the gas, picking up speed away from the school.
He did not need to be thinking about her right now, but how? How could he not when she almost always occupied his mind these days? He could not help but think this was becoming unhealthy.
Tokyo University was the only thing he needed to be focused on right now. After all, this was the university that decided to work with the school and his company.
He had ended up donating a large sum of money from the company to pay the university, so he wanted this to work. He did not want this to go in vain.
He knew he would benefit from it more than anything, whether it be promoting his family name. He had already owned hotels, restaurants, and even had his own brand of accessories, so what harm would come of being an experiment? At the end of the day, his name would come out on top, just what was expected of him.
And that is what he needed to focus on.
Syaoran arrived at Tokyo high a little early today, wanting to prepare himself for the upcoming class.
Today was the real deal. The first day of class was always a breeze and the easiest. Reading off a sheet of paper about what he expected from students and what they should expect from him and the material was easy. All of that was easy, but he knew today would be different.
He would be considered an official "teacher" who must teach a class about a subject he had more than enough knowledge on.
This was his first time being a teacher, yet everyone expected him to be great, just as he could be with everything else he did. However, that came with experience. He had never even had much experience with teachers. Everything was done at home with a personal teacher for him. He had never even had the experience or feeling of going to an actual school with normal students until now. And he certainly did not expect his first time to be in the front of a classroom.
He was glad he could give Xing, at least, this much at a young age, away from Hong Kong where he knew he would not. Yelan would probably hound Syaoran into letting Xing do school at home to give him a head start on managing the family's assets.
Syaoran sighed, arranging the papers on the desk. Everything was already tidied, yet he continued to fumble around with the papers to try and make things perfect. He liked his work station to be neat but felt like everything was in chaos.
He inhaled a deep breath, and then exhaled it. He had never felt this anxious about anything in his life until now. He wondered where this was coming from. Even when he had to do public speeches, he never felt the jitters.
The door slid open, revealing some of the students. His nerves began to jump, but he held up the facade that everything was fine.
"Good morning, Li-sensei," one of them said, giggling like a normal schoolgirl.
He almost cringed at the stereotype he had just placed upon them. He knew that Sakura was a schoolgirl, but she was not giggly.
"Morning," he said briefly.
One of the girls walked up to his desk, looking down at him with a mischievous glint in her eyes. At that look, he felt this sense of relief wash over him that he did not encounter girls like this during his time of schooling at that age. Granted, he was sure that he would never show interest, but it seemed annoying.
"How are you?" she asked, looking at him shyly, though he could see the heated look in her eyes. It did not faze him one bit.
"Good."
"That's good. I was wondering if you like it here so far? I know it's only the second day, but I heard that it's your first time having the title as a teacher. I mean, you've had the title of so many other things, but teacher…I've never heard of that one. So, do you?"
More like you read...
"Yes."
Syaoran was glad when the doors slid open again, more students appearing, which forced this one to move on.
Unconsciously, his eyes searched for a head of auburn hair and a pair of emerald eyes. Disappointment washed over him when he did not see her rushing in like all the other students had. More than a handful of them came to his desk to talk about anything they could conjure up. But, as usual, he gave short or one-worded response.
Where the hell is that girl?
As soon as the thought crossed his head, he heard her laughter along with a few others before it suddenly stopped as soon as she walked through the classroom doors.
He frowned, wondering what had been so funny before they had gotten here.
"Good morning, sensei," each of them, except Sakura, greeted him.
If she couldn't be any less obvious...
"Good morning," he said, nodding towards them.
He was tempted to speak to her directly, but thought better of it. Instead, he just watched her and the other girls, whom he assumed were her friends, walk to their seats.
Once everyone settled down and the class began to silence, he knew that it was his time. He stood from the desk, clearing his throat to get rid of some of the tension in the room, but it did not work. "I'm not planning to make this a hard rest of the year for you all, so if we could all cooperate with one another, things should go according to plan," he started off.
Everyone's attention was directly on him, making him feel superior to all of them. For once, he did not like the feeling. "First things first, I would like to see where you all are regarding the topics we will cover in this class."
No one said anything. Exactly what he wanted.
"I need everyone to take out a sheet of paper."
There was a lot of noise and movement going on as the students rummaged through their bags to get the sheet of paper out.
Syaoran's eyes landed on Sakura, who was sitting in the back of the classroom, whispering something to the girl she had been with every time he saw her here.
Seeing her not pay attention annoyed him for some reason. He knew better than to chastise or point her out for disregarding his demand to pay attention in class. Or, to him. It would just draw attention to them, and people would start to become suspicious.
His eyes shifted from her direction, only feeling himself become more annoyed with her. "On the sheet of paper, I want you to write down words that you think of when you hear the word business. There is no right or wrong answer, so feel free to put down honest responses. This will count as your first assignment grade under participation," he said.
Everyone began to write on their sheet of paper, including Sakura, he noted. She had a concentrated look on her face as her brows scrunched together, teeth chewing on her bottom lip as she wrote on the sheet of paper.
When he realized he might be staring too long, he looked away to avoid getting aroused in front of the entire class. That was not something he wanted to live through. He could not understand what she had been doing to him lately. He felt like she was doing it on purpose, at this point.
When Syaoran looked at her again, he knew that he needed to have some alone time with her. He reminded himself it was not to corrupt her and her innocence.
He did not have to stress about work or family with her, nor did he think about anything to stress over, thanks to his thoughts being filled with her. She made him feel like the Syaoran that never existed.
He sat down in the chair, waiting for the students to finish writing down the work. He reached over into his pocket, grabbing out his phone. What he had in mind would be cruel, but he did not know any other excusable reason to find time with her after class.
He typed a quick message in his phone and sent it. It took approximately five seconds before her phone chimed in her bag, drawing the entire class's attention on her.
Her cheeks turned a bright red as she scrambled to grab the phone in her bag.
Syaoran stared at her, feeling a little thrilled at the rise he had gotten out of her. "Out," he said, pointing to the door.
She looked up, eyes wide in shock. "W-what?" she stuttered.
"Get out of my class. You're dismissed for the day," he said in a strict tone.
"But, I—"
"Out," he demanded, voice rising a bit.
Her face turned from apologetic to hurt to angry quickly, and he had to stop himself from apologizing after seeing her reaction.
To do that, he reasoned that she had brought this upon herself. He had warned her about keeping her phone off in his class anyway, so she asked for this. That is what he had to tell himself to get rid of this guilt feeling a few times, at least.
"Go to the principal's office, and we will discuss what to do about your disrespectful behavior in my class after class ends here," he said.
Her face turned to one of distraught before she huffed and grabbed her bag. She grabbed the piece of paper off her desk and walked to the front of the classroom.
She sighed exasperatedly, locking eyes with him briefly. But, he caught the look in her eyes that asked, 'what the hell your problem is?' She placed the paper on the desk and walked out of the classroom.
As soon as the door closed, Syaoran turned to the other students. "I hope this issue doesn't occur with anyone else." He held her paper up, showing the class the paper.
He could see some of the students swallow nervously.
"She turned this in, but I'm not going to accept it." He balled the paper up, throwing it in the trash bin by the desk. "I am doing this to help you. I'm not receiving anything in return, so the least you could do is show respect of what I ask. I'm serious about you all becoming responsible adults because you're going to have to learn. I said phones turned off or on silence in my class, so I expect that from you all. There will be consequences for your irresponsible actions, even in the real world. Is this understood?" he asked.
Everyone was quick to respond with a tight, "Yes, sir."
A sense of pride rose in his demeanor, and the fear of teaching began to wash off. "Pass your papers to the front of the class and give them to the person on the left," he instructed.
As everyone began to pass their papers to the front of the classroom, a huge weight lifted off his chest. With Sakura gone, it felt like he did not have to impress anymore. Of course he wanted her attention all the time, but he just…he was not sure what he wanted.
He accepted the papers from the person on the left and stacked them neatly on the desk before he turned back to the classroom. "Today's topic will be on what a business is," he said. "Would anyone mind sharing a few things what you put down on your papers?"
When hands began flying up, Syaoran knew that this would not be as hard as he thought it would.
The official first day was over, and successful. He covered all the material on the lesson plan, and all the students were following along quite well.
Though stiff in their responses, they still participated and loosened up a bit overtime. There was always at least one person out of the bunch who commented, or asked questions about anything they did not understand.
Syaoran was headed to the office Kaho Mizuki had given him now. He had insisted that it was not necessary, but she pressed on the issue that she wanted him to feel comfortable here by having his own personal space.
His time at the school was relatively short. Only an hour and a half, or maybe an hour before the class started if he decided to come early. Okay, maybe three hours, but still not long enough to have an entire room for him, he had reasoned.
He felt grateful for it though. It would give him extra time away from the business world and possibly focus on other things, like Sakura.
Syaoran could feel his heart beat a little faster at the thought of her. That is where he was going right now; to see her. She had not shown up to his classroom after class, nor was she in the principal's office like he instructed her to be. Kaho had informed him that Sakura was waiting at his office door. He already had his–
Syaoran halted in his tracks, seeing her not in front of his office door, but by another man's door, talking and laughing joyfully. Something he had never made her do before.
Staring at her face, Syaoran noticed a blush staining her cheeks as she gave the man those shy, alluring looks she always gave him.
His eyes shifted from her direction to the man in front of her who was laughing at something she had said. He had gray hair and brown eyes behind the large circular glasses. He looked a little older than Syaoran and much kinder than him.
Syaoran eyed the man up and down subtly, searching for any flaws on the man. When he found none, he became annoyed with the both of them interacting with each other. He wondered just how many men Sakura had in her life that she was interested in. First, this Masamoto Nakumura guy and now this snow-rabbit-looking guy, who by the way, looked too old for her. Way too old.
Syaoran walked over to the two calmly, not wanting to rise any suspicion. "Miss Kinomoto," he called.
She turned to him, eyes wide. "Sy—Li-sensei!" she squeaked.
The color of her cheeks turned a darker shade of red as if she were embarrassed for getting caught.
"I told you to be back in my classroom as soon as class ended," he said, glaring at her a little. He wished she could just do as she was told sometimes.
"I'm sorry—I'll see you later, Yukito-san," she said quickly.
Her frantic behavior around the other man caused a disturbing feeling in him. It made him wonder if she really was interested in the man. Syaoran was almost sure the man was not into girls.
Syaoran looked at the man one last time, seeing a smile on his face that made his insides churn. Before Syaoran could comment on their interaction, he walked to his office door, expecting her to follow him.
Sure enough, he heard her footsteps behind him, anticipation rising in his chest.
When he turned to her in his office, he saw her standing at the door, almost hesitating to stay in. "Close the door," he said, looking down at her hand holding the knob tightly.
She released a shaky breath, closing the door behind her. She leaned against it, making him feel irritated with her. "I told you that you had nothing to worry about around me," he said, aggravated.
Why am I so annoyed?
She frowned, walking further in the room so she could look him directly in the eyes. "Why would you embarrass me like that?" she asked, sounding offended now.
Taken aback by her attitude, Syaoran raised a brow, staring at her like she had lost her mind. "Excuse me?" he asked, sitting in the chair behind the desk.
"Y-you…you're the one who texted me, and then followed after to chastise me in front of everyone one. How dare you—"
"Who the hell do you think you're talking to?" he asked, raising his voice over hers.
She did not say anything, clenching her jaw. She was angry. It was always easy to tell how she felt.
"It sure as hell isn't me. Now I told you to keep your damn phone off in my class, yet you disobeyed me—"
"You're not my father, so I don't have to obey anything you tell me to do," she said under her breath.
He could not help but wonder where this attitude and behavior was coming from.
Feeling offended by her actions, he slammed a fist on the desk a little hard, receiving a jump and squeak from her. "Sakura," he called in a stern tone.
She did not say anything for a while, looking down at the desk.
The desk...
The desk...
The desk...
An image of her sprawled out on the desk naked, painted itself in his head. Exactly what he had been trying not to think about.
Shit...
"Look at me," he said.
She continued to stare at the desk, rebelling on purpose now.
"Sakura," he called in a warning tone.
She looked up at him, almost with fire in her eyes. Slowly, the fire faded as her cheeks began to turn a bright red. She started to fidget with her hands, and he could not help but feel a sense of that authoritative characteristic poke at him again. "Come here," he said without thinking.
Before Syaoran could comprehend the reason behind his demand, the guilt was already trailing behind his uncommitted actions.
Her throat bobbed as she swallowed. Slowly, she walked towards the desk, going behind it where he sat. She kept a good, annoying distance between them as she dropped her bag to the floor.
"I... I just don't think it's fair that my grade is being affected when you sent the text—"
"While your phone was supposed to be turned off," he interrupted.
She huffed again, folding her arms stubbornly.
Syaoran knew he was being an asshole, but he could not help but pull on her leg a little. Seeing the stubborn, feisty side of her was a little exciting since she was always nice.
He leaned forward slightly, grabbing her hands. He pulled her body forward, so she could stand directly between his parted legs. The closer her body was to his, the more the guilt and his conscious reminded him how wrong this is.
For a moment, she hesitated to let him pull her close, but she stopped when his hands tightened around her wrists. "Your grade will be fine," he said softly.
He pulled her down, making her sit on his lap. As expected, she attempted to scramble from his lap, apologizing profusely, but he held her down a little tightly by the hips. Syaoran knew he was pushing this a little, but wanted to see how much she wanted him, even though the predicament was risky.
His eyes trained on the door knob, hoping that no one would barge in right now. But, there was this thrill he felt at the thought of them possibly getting caught in such a compromising position.
He could not understand that feeling, having never been one to get a high out of getting in trouble. He dropped his hand to her bare knee, making her jump. "L-Li—Syaoran, wh-what are you doing?" she hissed, grabbing his hand tightly as her eyes shifted to the door.
He used his other hand, bringing it to her hair, so he could pull her head down towards his face. "Showing you that I am not your father," he said, and then closed the gap between their lips.
It took her a moment to respond before he asked for entrance. As soon as her mouth opened, his tongue slid in her mouth and the guilt wilted away. She turned over in his lap a little, grabbing his shoulders painfully tight. He realized it was not a resisting act though, which meant he was in trouble. Crap…
He held back a groan, releasing her hair so he could drop his hand to her thigh over her uniform skirt. Wrapping his hands around her legs, he shifted her body, so she could face him directly and straddle his waist. When she complied to his desire of this position, he had the sudden urge to place her on the desk and take her already.
Unconsciously, or maybe very consciously, his hands began to slide under her skirt slowly, never leaving her smooth thighs as their tongues tangled with one another's.
When his hands almost reached her rear end, she let out a soft moan and pulled back to catch her breath. From the look in her eyes, Syaoran could tell that she wanted to continue doing this.
Shit.
"Would a father do that?" he asked in a velvety tone, placing a kiss on her jaw, and then licking it lightly. "Or this," his hands slid higher until they were directly on the cheeks of her behind.
Before he had the satisfaction of giving them a firm squeeze or light smack, she was already trying to stand. "I-I-I—" she stuttered, struggling against his grip.
Syaoran released her to put her out of her misery. "S-sorry! I don't know if I hurt you…and if I kissed too—"
"You were…fine," he said, not sure what to tell her to explain himself. He knew her questions were coming. "Just…don't ever think of me as your father. That's weird," Syaoran said hesitantly, realizing it made him feel older than he is too. "Think of me as a man you're attracted to." He pulled on her hand to make her sit on his lap again.
She shook her head vigorously as if to get rid of her flustered state. "Okay, but…my grade. I didn't get a zero on the assignment, right? Because it wasn't my fault, and I really don't want to start the semester off with getting zeros on easy assignments. And…I didn't get a zero, right?" she asked, sounding worried.
Syaoran envied how she could pretend that he did not have an affect on her. If she were the one initiating any of this, he knew he would not be able to control himself one bit, let alone form a coherent sentence.
He snaked his tongue down her jaw to her neck slowly, enjoying the feel of her skin against his tongue. Her breath caught in her throat as if she were trying to hold back a moan, making him feel accomplished. "You didn't get a zero," he said, kissing her neck lightly.
She released a sigh of relief. "Why did you call me in then?" she asked.
His grip tightened around her body, pulling her directly against his crouch. She gasped, feeling his arousal constrained against his pants.
"Because you need to be more responsible and aware," he said, coming up with an excuse on the spot.
He knew he could not tell her it was because he wanted to see her and do this too. Besides, he had nothing that could excuse him calling her out like that in front of the entire class. He knew he had been wrong for that, but he was not ready to admit that to her.
"By being in this predicament?" she asked in a small voice.
Syaoran looked at her to see a blush staining her entire face. He realized she really was inexperienced with this kind of stuff. "Have you ever had a boyfriend before?" he asked, purposely changing the subject.
He needed to get answers out of her about the gray-haired man she was speaking to before they had come in here.
"No..." she trailed off awkwardly. "Mostly because my brother fought every guy off, so none were really brave enough to stick around."
He glanced at the clock, seeing that it was only 3:30pm. "Why? Have you never been interested in anyone after the fact?" he asked, secretly hoping she would say no.
Instead, her cheeks turned a shade darker red before she covered her face, releasing a soft, weird sound.
He did not like that response. "Have you, Sakura?" he asked, sounding bitter at the obvious answered question, yet he just wanted to hear it from her.
"Yes..."
"Is it the man you were just talking to outside my office?" he asked, cutting straight to the point. She did enough beating around the bush for him to as well.
Her face softened as a small, genuine smile formed on her lips. "Yukito-kun?"
"Who is that?" he asked, unconsciously holding her tightly.
"My English teacher, but he's a lot more than that to me because he's been a great help. He was Touya's best friend, so he was always around," she said softly.
"You're interested in him," he said, rather than asking.
"I—umm..." she stopped, looking down at her hands in her lap.
Syaoran let out a forced, sarcastic huff. "Spoiler alert, it's never going to happen, so give up on him. He's your teacher, if that's enough to make you see how weird and wrong that is," he said, feeling irritated suddenly that she had not denied that statement.
She frowned, attempting to stand from his lap. He held her a little tightly. "And you're not? Let me go," she said quietly.
He frowned, releasing his hold on her at the serious tone. She slid off his lap, grabbing her bag on the floor by the desk. "I'm leaving—"
"Kenta is going to pick you up," he said, standing from the chair.
"No thank you," she said stubbornly.
Before she could reach the door, he grabbed her wrist, turning her body towards his again when she tried to escape. "Yes, he will," he said, staring at her intensely.
Syaoran could not believe that she felt like she had the right to be upset with him when she had just told him she were interested in someone else after kissing him like that. If anything, he felt like he should be the upset one, which he was.
She tried to pull her arm back from his, but he held her tighter. "I said no thank you," she said, raising her voice a little.
Syaoran reached into his pocket with the other hand, grabbing his phone out. He dialed Kenta's number and then placed it against his ear. Kenta answered on the first ring and Syaoran instructed him to be at the school to pick Sakura up while staring at her to make a point.
Once the call ended, Syaoran released her arm. "It would be nice if you could show a little gratitude sometimes, instead of acting like an ungrateful brat," he said tightly.
She gasped and then glared at him before storming out of the door.
Not fazed by her, what Syaoran liked to call them, tantrum, he walked back to the desk, sitting in the chair that faced the computer.
He did not understand why she felt upset about hearing the truth. Surely, he did not feel the least bit happy about her saying she was interested in someone else. So, he thought, maybe she deserved to feel the way she felt right now.
"Yes, sir," Syaoran said, looking as interested in the meeting as much as he could.
The reality of it all was that he was not in the slightest bit interested. They had been discussing the merge and financial issues for the last four hours. Quite frankly, he was ready for this to be settled, yet at the same time, not entirely. Once things were settled, he would have to be thinking about moving back to Hong Kong to run the main company after the school year ended.
He was not ready to think about that yet when he was living life the way he wanted to. A little bit, at least.
He glanced at the clock, seeing that it was close to nine o'clock. He thought about Xing. The little boy was probably sleeping right now. He did not even have the chance to talk with him today. He knew Xing would be upset with him.
It was not like he had not wanted to talk to the little boy, but he could not just stand up and say, "I have a kid back home who needs some attention."
Work came first, then family. That is how it had always been in the Li family, at least.
Syaoran silently sighed, listening and commenting on the necessary topics for the rest of the meeting. It was ten o' clock when he sat back down at his desk.
He unlocked the drawer, and then pulled it open so he could reach for his phone. He had not picked it up since he received a call from Kenta earlier, informing him that Sakura and Xing arrived home safely.
At the thought of Sakura, he wondered if she still felt upset with him for telling her the truth. An unpleasant feeling stirred in his stomach at the reminder that she was interested in someone else. And then the thought of her being involved with another man came to mind.
This was an unfamiliar feeling, so he decided to push the thought to the back of his head as much as it would allow him to. He hated feeling possessive about things, but a person? He had never felt this possessive about a woman, let alone, one who was not even his. He knew that she would never be his, so he could not understand why he felt that way.
He thought back to his time with his former wife, trying to remember a time where he felt possessive of her. He quickly realized there had never been a time, even when she had tried to flaunt other men in front of him to make him jealous. He never cared since he had never really felt any romantic feelings for her though.
Surely he did not feel any romantic feelings for Sakura…right? He wanted to say no, but was beginning to think that answer might be incorrect.
He groaned out loud, feeling frustrated with himself and this feeling he could not describe. He knew he would never be with Sakura. He could not be with her. Not that he wanted to, he reasoned, but something felt different with her, and he was not quite sure what it could be. He needed to stop this now before things got too out of hand. The kisses were already too much.
Despite those thoughts, his fingers still began scrolling through his phone, looking for her contact. He stared at her name for a while before he pressed it. He hit the call button immediately, not wanting to change his mind at the last second.
After the first two rings, he had already come up with an excuse as to why he was calling. After the fourth ring, he could feel himself becoming annoyed. He was used to people being at his beck and call immediately, but with her, she always made him wait…and sometimes she would not be at all. He knew she was not sleeping at this time of the night.
The call went to voicemail, making his fingers clench the phone against his ear. He rang her again, becoming infuriated at the thought of her actually ignoring him.
Nothing.
The fourth time she ignore his call, he almost lost his mind and sought to go home to check on her.
"Hello?" he heard her voice answer softly after the fifth time he called.
His heartbeat sped up at hearing her voice, to his annoyance. "You're awake," he stated blandly, trying to mask his irritation.
"You called..." she said.
Syaoran sighed, deciding to not make this call any more painful than he was already trying to make it. "Xing's sleeping, isn't he?" he asked, even though he already knew the answer. He was just hoping for another.
"Yes." Her response was short and clipped, which only meant one thing.
"You're still upset with me?" he asked, almost making it sound like a statement.
No response came.
He ran a hand through his hair with his other hand, feeling frustrated. "Is that why you didn't answer my calls?" he asked testily.
"I wasn't near my phone when you called."
"Do you have to lie?" he asked, the volume of his tone increasing a little. He looked at his door, being sure no one was there to see him lose his normally calm composure.
"With all due respect, you're not giving me much of a choice," she said it so calmly and respectfully that he could not tell if she were being sarcastic or serious.
"I mean…you are the one who said that I couldn't let anyone know we live together, right? Despite my friend worried about my situation."
"No, you can't. And, I mean that," he said sternly.
Syaoran remembered the Tomoyo girl who seemed to be her good friend. He knew his parents knew the Daidouji's since Daidouji Corporation had been a well-known company in Japan, so he did not want to risk that.
"Was there something you needed to have called so many times?" she asked.
"For you to drop the attitude because there will be consequences behind your actions if you don't," he threatened, though it was empty. Half-empty, at least.
She was silent for a moment before he heard a soft sigh. "Like kicking me out? Okay."
He frowned, deciding to ignore the comment. "Are you going to bed soon?" he asked.
"I would think so—"
"Wait for me," he said.
"What?"
"I'll be home soon. I just need to wrap up a few things here, and then I'll be on my way. So, wait for me. I want to talk about a few things," he said.
Before she could respond, Syaoran had already ended the call. He knew he was being a pain in the behind, but not as much as she was being for him.
A/N: Thank you guys so much for the support! I think I responded to all of the reviews, but I'm sorry if I missed anyone since I did them through my phone because I get them directly there through my email. Know that I did read them all and appreciate every last one of them because they're my driving force in posting here :D.
But anyway, what'd you guys think? I lost brain cells rereading and rewriting Syaoran's point of view for this chapter. I didn't know I had the man so difficult! But, yes, he's just as confused as Sakura since everything's new to him too(kind of), despite him having a wife before and kid. I guess in a sense, he's been sheltered too and a little closed off from people, which is why he's very aloof.
Uhhh, he's definitely falling ten times faster than Sakura and realizing it, unlike Sakura lol. But, yes, he's a pain in the butt. He will get better overtime though :). I need to get a little rest because I've been editing this chapter since last night after I finished my assignments. I'll try to get another chapter out before the end of weekend!
SIDE NOTE: Masamoto is from the first chapter, her old boss who laid her off, if anyone's forgotten and think he's out of nowhere :). Also, Sakura is going to have guys her age interested in her life too versus all these older men haha :P.
Ja ne!
