A/N: Preparing you for a painful chapter, at least it was for me. I love reviews. Let me know what you loved about the chapter.
CHAPTER 14 Pictures Change or Do They?
Waking up with Zoe Hart in my bed, always felt like I was in a dream. Even though of late, there had been no sex. I didn't mind that because she was going through a lot. That is when I knew how much I was genuinely was in love with her. My emotional state wasn't that great. I was treading water trying to keep Doc's and Dad's head, above the water. I put my game face on and tried to be there for everyone.
"Hey babe, why don't we start our day at Lavon's. I know that was on your to do list today."
"Okay, I have to be at work at nine so we will have to be quick."
To our surprise, AB was standing in the kitchen making an omelet, shaking the skillet like a professional.
"AB, hi!"
"Hi guys, where have you two been hiding?"
"Uuusss? Are you and Lavon together?" asked Zoe.
"The jury is still out on that one, but I have spent the night almost every night for a week. I know you all have been busy with Annabelle, that poor girl, but everyone has missed you. All of us were good friends with her dad Joe. "
Zoe wasn't really listening. It was like a washing machine, spinning round and round and until she spins out, there is nothing you can do. I have learned to let her go through that process but no one else had to this point.
"But if he's with you, Ruby is going to make him move, so he can see his baby. I can't take that right now."
Both Lavon and I both shouted 'Zoe' at the same time. AB looked stunned. Maybe she wasn't but she looked like it.
"Lavon, here is your omelet. I hope you enjoy it." She grabbed her purse and left.
"No, No No." Lavon went after her. He came back in alone.
"Big Z, what were you thinking? No, what I am thinking, obviously of yourself. When are the rest of us going to learn that we all live in the Zoe Hart saga?"
With that, Lavon left.
"That could have went better, Doc"
"I know, I know. I will fix it."
"Fix it how?"
"I don't know but I will"
I was determined we were going to have a real date today, after doc got off of work.
"Grab your muffin, listen. We need a date. For nearly three weeks, we haven't been on a date. You and me Zoe Hart are going on a real date. We are going to get dressed and go see Annabelle together. I have something for her. Then I will drop you off at work."
I pulled up to Annabelle's house. A light blue Victorian style house with one of those huge wrap around porches. Annabelle was sitting in the porch swing with her dad, Joe.
"Hey Joe. How's it goin?"
"We are enjoying getting to spend so much time with our baby girl. Annabelle has bad days but she keeps us laughing though. Wade she loves the joke book you brought her last week."
Zoe glanced over to me trying to wrap her mind about why I didn't tell her.
"Well Wade brought her something this week too."
"What is Wade? Tell me please."
"Oh here little lady, you can have it now."
Annabelle opened the long flat package. "Wade, I love it! I Love it! Thank you."
"What is it?" her dad asked
She turned it around and showed it to her dad and Zoe.
"It is an autographed picture of Carrie Underwood!"
"Wow, how did you swing that Wade?"
"I have my ways."
"Dr. Hart, you better not let this one go."
"He keeps surprising me that is for sure. Anything we can do for you?
Wade spoke with Wally and we are going to do a fundraiser to help with the medical bills in the next week or two."
"Yeah I am trying to get a headliner for the bar so we can bring in some cash."
"You two have been wonderful friends and doctor to us. We all knew Wade just had to find the right lady to settle down."
Joe and I sat and talked while Zoe sat rocking with Annabelle.
Joe worked at an auto manufacturing plant in Mobile. He made good money and had insurance but nothing that could compare to the medical bills they were already receiving.
I looked over and saw Annabelle's head laying in the crook of Zoe's arm. For the first time, I saw Zoe do, what I do for her. She was moving Annabelle's hair off of her neck, placing it on her back. It soothes Zoe and I think subconsciously she knew it would soothe Annabelle. I loved seeing this soft side of her that usually she only shows me. Now and then she will let it slip out but she forces it down as soon as she notices. Zoe had really grown since she had been here.
"Bye Annabelle, Next time we come over, you gotta give us a Carrie Underwood concert. Bye Joe. Call if you need anything."
"Wade how did you get that picture?"
"I know a band manager that knows Carrie's band manager."
"Oh, umm. Did you sleep with him too?"
"Where did that come from? And why?" I could feel some anger bubbly beneath my surface. I continued trying to keep my cool. "For your information the band manager is a she and No, I haven't." Shaking my head, "You don't make loving you easy, Doc."
I stopped in front of the practice and let her out. I didn't want an answer and she didn't have one anyway. I have been patient. I have been loving. A guy can only give so much. All I expect in return is for her not to be an ass. Is that too much to ask?
I went home, gathered up my painting tools. I headed over to Zoe's house and set about taking off the awful floral wallpaper from Zoe's walls. I was drinking a mountain dew and something caught my eye on her chest of drawers. It was a paper unfolded. I glanced at it. It was from New York Presbyterian.
Congratulations Dr. Zoe Hart. You have been awarded a fellowship with our hospital. You will need to accept this offer by May 15th. The fellowship will begin on June 1st.
Sincerely,
Bartholomew Kasberg MD
Chief of Staff
New York Presbyterian
I sat on her bed. It was all making sense. Why was she trying to goad me and to start a fight. Then it hit me. She needed a reason to take the fellowship. She is self-sabotaging. I know all about that. Why didn't she tell me, She has known at least since yesterday. F***.
Z- Wade sorry about today
I didn't respond. I am pissed. How could she not even talk to me about it. We had time to talk, she stayed the night with me. Now here I was supposed to be setting up a date and I didn't feel like it. I knew she needed to have fun and let go a little but now I was in mood.
I was in no mood to see her fancy shorts and her high heels prancin around. F***.
What am I gonna do? What if she takes the fellowship? All of this has been for nothing. How could she break my heart? I can't smile. My mouth literally won't turn up. How am I gonna get through this?
Z- I said I was sorry
W- Sorry for which thing Doc?
Z- for the snide remark
W- Can you get a ride to my house when you get off?
Z- I guess,
W- Good
Well, I know how to get to Zoe Hart. I have been fawning all over her for close to two months. I love her so damn much that I have forgotten what drew us together, the push and the pull. The flirting, the sarcasm but ...
I ran to the Rammer Jammer when I knew she would be coming by to pick up her lunch order. I was off work ,so I was sitting on the customer side of the bar, talking to Ashlynn, a really hot red head, well it was really light auburn. I wasn't touching her, but I knew someone would be there that would hit on me because there is always someone hitting on me. Word had traveled that I was off the market but for some reason it made the girls want to try harder. The difference today was there was no bar between the flirting.
Zoe walked in and saw Ashlynn touching my shoulder, kind of pushing it, you know flirting. I never touched her, all I did was smile. When Zoe walked up, I didn't even flinch because I had done nothing wrong.
"Ashlynn, this is my girlfriend, Zoe Hart. Zoe this is Ashlynn Burgess."
Zoe smiled and Ashlynn said "Oh so you are the lucky girl"
"Well, I prefer to think he is the lucky guy."
I let the banter go back and forth for a minute.
"So what are you doing off in the middle of the day Ashlynn?"
"I am a catalog model for Lands End, Talbots and a few others so I work on set and am off the rest of the time. I saw that video of Wade giving that pregame speech so I thought I would try to catch him here and congratulate him"
"Congratulate him for speaking. I didn't realize how far he had come since high school."
"Alright, Doc, you want me to get Charlie to make you something special?"
"Me, special, no. I will just have a burger and fries. Can I talk to you for a minute?"
We walked out back. "What is going on with you?"
"What is going on with you?"
"Are you trying to make me jealous?"
"Doc, we both know you don't need any help in that department."
"I said I was sorry about this morning."
"I know Doc. I know. Do you have anything else to say? Because we have a date tonight and I have some things to do."
"We don't have to do anything special just having a whole night together will be awesome.
"Did you check my dad off your list today?"
"No, not yet"
"Don't worry I will go by and check on my dad. I think we are going to need all night long,tonight'
"Oh we are?"
"I don't know Zoe maybe"
I could tell she was confused. I couldn't get into it at The Rammer Jammer, but I walked her back in and got her food to go and handed it to her. I put my arm around her.
"Ashlynn, good to see ya."
"You too Wade"
See ya Doc.
I fixed our dinner at Lavon's. He could tell something was wrong.
I told him not be angry with her about this morning and blurting that out to AB. He was still mad.
"Wade, I feel something isn't right. Lord knows I don't want my best friends to combust right before my eyes. What's going on? Lavon Hayes knows something is wrong."
'Man, you can't tell because she doesn't know that I know. She got an acceptance letter for her fellowship in New York beginning in June. She is on edge anyway because of Annabelle, You, Earl and now this. I think that is why she is acting that way. She is trying to push us all away so she can take the fellowship."
"So why are you cooking her dinner? You need to shake some sense into that girl. If she wants to take it then take it but she doesn't need to destroy every relationship she has in the process."
"'Von, We have said we love each other many times."
I know he could see my eyes reddening.
"She never even mentioned applying for it in the last couple of months. I think we have been together for seven weeks. Lavon, I don't know what I will do if she leaves but I can't be the reason she gives it up either." I paused, continued cooking. "So what is with you and AB?"
"We have been having slumber parties."
"Had you already told her about Ruby and the baby?"
"Yeah but when Zoe said that, it was just more than she is ready to chew"
"Where do things stand with Ruby?"
"As of now, she is staying in Houston, but she said we both have enough money to go back and forth some. All I care about is being part of my baby's life. I think Ruby will come around and move home."
"Well, let me know if there is anything I can do for you. I think I will build you a crib once I get done painting Zoe's house."
"Thanks man, it will all work out. Zoe seems to be head over heels with you too"
"I just don't know if she can get out of her own way to see it clearly."
"Yeah she is fairly neurotic"
"A bit" We both laughed.
I took our dinner and headed to the Gatehouse.
I put a tablecloth on the patio table, lit some candles.
I saw her walk into the carriage house.
W- Zoe dinner is ready, come on
Z- be there in a minute
"Hey"
"hey"
"Have a seat, take a load off. I will bring out dinner"
"What are we having?"
"Penne pasta with spinach, tomatoes in a Cream sauce."
"And my favorite wine, what is the occasion?'
"I thought we just needed a reboot. We have both been stressed. You more than me. I love you, you know."
"Wade what is going on?"
"Let's eat first, talk later. I got you lunch today but forgot to eat myself."
"I talked to Lavon. He and AB aren't official but she knows about Ruby and the baby. He is a little mad at you. He will get over it but it may take a day or two."
"Oh, I just don't want him to move."
"You don't want him to move,Doc?"
She nodded.
"I don't think you have anything to worry about."
We finished our meal and a glass of wine. She suggested we pour another and walk around the plantation. We didn't walk too far but went far enough to finish our second glass of wine before walking into the carriage house.
"Wow Wade, you have done a lot in here. It looks so good."
"Thanks"
She was surveying the room and noticed the acceptance letter.
"Wade"
"Yeah, I know"
"I was going to tell you"
"when?"
"When I knew what I was going to do"
"Oh, so you don't want Lavon to move even though you are thinking about it yourself? Well, isn't that the old Zoe Hart."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Dammit Zoe! You know what it means. You want everyone to do what you want but you don't mind stepping on each one of us to get what you want."
I stopped for a second. I hate being in love. These feelings all on the surface these days. My eyes welling up again. There was a lump in my throat the size of Texas.
"I love you Zoe Hart and I thought you loved me too"
"I never said I was going"
"That's the thing Zoe, you can take the damn fellowship. It is the fact that you didn't mention it. You never in seven weeks mentioned you had even applied and that you were waiting on word. You never mentioned that was still your dream."
"Wade I love you too but I don't know if I can be a GP, it is too hard. It has wreaked havoc on my heart."
"And leaving me wouldn't? You know what Zoe, I can't be the only one fighting for this relationship."
I was so nervous and felt like I could throw up at any minute. She was wringing her hands so I knew she was conflicted, which killed me even more.
"So you call fighting for a relationship, flirting with Ashlynn, Jennifer and whoever else is at the Rammer Jammer when I am not there.'
"Answer this Zoe, did I introduce you to them?"
"Yeah"
"Did I actually flirt or was I just being nice? Did I touch them?"
"I don't know and no I didn't see you touch them"
"Did I leave with you every time?"
"Yes"
When I committed to you, for me it was forever. I have never felt this will before and never will again. I took a chance and it looks like that was a mistake."
"I didn't say I was taking it"
"Zoe, it is not about whether you take it or not. You didn't even mention it. If not in the beginning, at least after the admission of loving me"
My voice was cracking, my hands trembling like they had when I was ten years old.
"Zoe, you have been dreamin up this little scenario of me cheating on you so you would be free and clear to go. Well ,it isn't happening. I am not that guy. I never was. I don't know how you can still not see that?"
"I can't take all of this hurt with Annabelle, your dad drinking because of me." she said.
"You know what Zoe Hart, you came to Bluebell, you took a job as a GP, you slept with me, said you loved me and clearly every single one of those things make you happy. They just don't fit into the picture you had of yourself in the Alumni magazine. You wanna be happy Doc? Change your picture, Change your life."
I brushed passed her and she was just standing not moving. I heard her say my name in what seemed to be a whisper.
XXXX
I pulled out my guitar, my bourbon and sat on my porch.
I guess I was singing softly when Lemon pulled up.
"Wade, are you okay?"
"No Lemon, I am not."
"Can I help?"
"No, but thanks. You need something?"
"Oh it's alright. I have to tell someone or I am going to explode. Last year when George was in New York, Lavon and I had an affair."
"Yeah, I know"
"Did he tell you?"
"No, I am just observant. I see things other people don't for some reason. Do you still like Lavon?"
"No, I have been really happy again with George because of you."
"Does George know?"
"No, you won't tell him will you?"
"I have known this for a long time, so no."
"Wade, if Zoe Hart doesn't realize the man she has before her, then she is out of her ever lovin mind."
"Lemon, I have tried so hard. Finally, after all these years, I could be the person that was inside me. No walls, just me and now, I am going to lose me again and her."
She held me as close as she did when we were ten years old. We both held on a long time. "I love you, and I am here for you always. DO you want me to stay?"
"No, I'm alright."
As she left, I saw Zoe's silhouette halfway between our houses. Probably taking pics so she could say she caught me cheating or something. I took out my phone.
W- Doc, you wanna come over?
Z- I don't know what to say
W- How about I love you wade
Z- Looks like you were being comforted
W- Zoe tell me again why I am the only one fighting for us?
I saw her figure turn back towards her house. I could hear myself swallowing, I sent my bourbon flying. The cracking of glass must have startled her and she came running.
"Wade, are you ok?"
"No doc, I ain't. My heart is like this glass right here. Why won't you fight for us?"
I am in full blown downpour of tears, anger, hurt, sadness and anything else that rips you apart inside, is what is going on inside my body.
"That was Lemon. She consoled me the way friends do, not lovers Zoe, friends. Maybe you have never had any real friends, just superficial ones. Yeah, if Gigi was your best friend and she knowingly slept with the guy you wanted. I would say you have never had a real friend until you moved here."
Zoe was chewing and chewing on her bottom lip. I am pretty sure I saw blood. I moved closer and ran my fingers over her lips. I looked at the finger and it was bleeding. I licked the blood off of my finger
"Baby, I am not trying to make you feel guilty but I have to get this off of my chest. I am not and will never cheat on you. You got that? If you leave it has to be your decision because that is what you want out of life. You will make the decision to be a supersonic space surgeon, work 16 hours a day in a city that doesn't care, where you don't have to care. Where you don't have true friends. Where you can live a lonely existence. Is that what you want?"
I didn't give her time to answer, I was going for the gold.
"Why am I not enough? Why am I not good enough?"
"You are Wade, it's just"
Soon we were kissing through our tears. I think both of us felt like it was the last time. The whole time we were making love, that is what it was to me. I don't know for her, there were tears streaming. I didn't put any space between us the whole time. Our bodies stayed connected so when one of my tears fell on her chest, she completely lost it.
"You can't let me go" she said.
"You are going and we both know it. Shh"
We both continued to cry, it was like the Hoover Dam had been fully opened. I rolled her on top of me as I couldn't stand the sound of my tears splashing on her body anymore. I pulled her hair back with one hand, holding her close to me with the other.
"I can't be the one to stop you from chasing your dreams. One thing I do know is that, I will never stop loving you Zoe Hart."
