Chapter 4 – Heroes

Sabrina was tormented. She knew something was off with Jesse Putnam, the second Harvey and her friends told her about him attacking them last night, when she was fighting Batibat. She could not help but feel guilty, they had troubles because she was not there to protect them, because she was tied up with her witch life – and she could not tell them anything. Not yet. But what Harvey depicted, about feeling Jesse last night when he was drawing in his room, left little doubt to what was going on at the Putnam's. Jesse was possessed. A demon had taken over his body and he was fighting to stay afloat, alive. She needed to help him, help her friends, help Harvey. She refused to sign her name to the Book of the Beast, it was because she refused that her powers were evil-bound. She was not evil, and she would put her powers at the service of her friends, of her boyfriend – they just do not necessarily need to know about it. So, she brushes it off, downplays it as imagination inspired by scary movies when Harvey asks her what she thinks. She wanted to keep him safe, but all she did what make him mad. He knew what he saw down in the mines when he was younger, Uncle Jesse saw the same entity – monster? – and that is why he was mad. He was certain of it. Before giving in, she needed to be absolutely sure that her instincts – and weirdly enough, Harvey's – was correct. After an astral-projection in Jesse's room, with Ambrose's reluctant assistance, there was no doubt left that it was indeed a demon, that needed to be cast out of Jesse Putnam's body. So that he could heal, hopefully. It would make Susie and her father happy to get their Jessie back, it would appease Harvey to know that whatever bothered Jesse is gone, give him a sort of closure. They would not know it was her doing, but she did not care. She did not care about glory, about gratitude. She just wanted them safe and happy. Plus, she had to be up to the task, she had to face evil forces, as much as she could, before her showdown with the Dark Lord, she insisted on defeating to free witches and warlocks from his malevolent influence. She did not have a hero syndrome, thank you very much. She was just taking her responsibilities as a young witch in the making, a Spellman, moreover.

She did not know exactly where to start. The Mines? It is where it all started, it could not harm. Without looking back, she ran to Harvey's, apologizing, for not believing him, for dismissing him, officially accepting the possibility he may be right, and wishing on the inside he'd let her take the lead without asking too much questions. But he knew her too well he saw something was "fishy" when they were at school, and he could feel it now too. She had to act quick. "I want to go into the mines… to see if I can find some clue as to what might still be affecting Jesse". Of course, she'd face resistance from him, he tells her about security and the Mines being a giant maze, but what matters to Sabrina are the words that are unsaid, the worry in his eyes, the pleading almost, to let him go with her. He would not phrase at first, because teenage boys have their own insecurities and then "anything could happen to you down there, you could break your ankle, a demon could eat you." All of a sudden, he stops, his eyes bulging. She knows, she can feel the demon too. She remains calm, she had to. She couldn't torment Harvey more than he already was. Then was the moment she dreaded, he felt – erroneously – that she was not taking him seriously, that she would not rely on him, and then came the final call: "I am coming with you". She did not want that. "I don't care what you want. I am not letting you go in the mineshaft alone in the dead of night".

She knew it was dangerous, she knew he was putting himself on the line for her – maybe he did not know to what extent – but she couldn't stop her heart from swelling at seeing him taking charge so courageously. Maybe he was the actual hero, not her. She knew, more or less, what she was up against, what she was seeking to face and went head on, because, well, that is just what she does. But him, he went along having no idea what was down in the Mines, no idea what risks it entailed. He just went there because it was the right thing to do, the chivalrous thing to do. He could not imagine leaving his girlfriend doing all the work, taking all the risks. He had to protect her, little did he know she was actually protecting him. Sabrina did not care, what mattered to her, was his intention to be by her side, no matter what. He's always been by her side, ever since they were kids, and long before they began dating. They were friends, best friends, and she hoped this would never change. Her mind quickly wandered back to that song, I am holding out for a hero 'till the end of the night, Bonnie Tyler might be still, but fortunately, Sabrina had found her hero. Harvey. Sweet Harvey. That would be a cool superhero name. Maybe she should suggest it as an idea for his comic books. The adventure in the Mines was not all lovey-dovey. Ms. Wardell was around, for allegedly protecting Sabrina, although the latter wanted none of it. Harvey had seen the Dark Lord a second time, but Sabrina was fast to rule it out with making him focus on a rock that sort of resembled a demon of some sort. How could she do otherwise? Harvey was terrorized, he was barely breathing, terrified at the idea that they were in danger and there was nothing he could do against a demon he did not how to face. She needed to reassure him, to make him believe there was nothing harmful around and that he did not put her life in jeopardy. All as well. That is what Harvey had to know, this is what he deserved to know. There goes another lie, she thought, but it was for the greater good. Indeed, she was no fool, she felt the Dark Lord's energy. It was more than that, for some reason, she felt connected to him, pulled to him. She shrugged it off, it must be the case with every witch. After all, that tie was intense as her Auntie Zee taught her on multiple occasions. She did not sign her name away yet, but she was still a witch. Surely it was sufficient. Before their excursion was over, Sabrina needed to tell Harvey one last thing: "You came down here with me anyway. And that, makes you the bravest, Harvey Kinkle". And that sweet kiss. She was not sure whether she did it for him, or for her, but she had all the feels. Their lips connecting was like coming home after a long time away, the familiarity, the warmth, the security. All of it. If she had to lie all her life, to keep that intact, she would. No hesitation.

Not too far from the Mines, at the Academy, Nicholas Scratch had embarked in a long week of Mortal for Dummies. He watched those movies, mortal teenagers were fond of, with all the drama, the intensity, the angst, but also the tenderness, the endearing naiveté, the charm. The love. It was everywhere, in their looks to each other, in their gestures, in the way they held each other's hand, the way they kissed, softly. He is not even sure he'd ever kissed someone that softly, he thought while he was watching that handsome actor kisses his hot co-actress. Did Sabrina Spellman kiss Harvey Kinkle that way? He did not want to think about it, about Spellman's lips on another man's. He would think of her lips day and night, red, full, but he wanted them for himself. He now understood the conversation he had with Luke the other night, it was difficult to fully explain what "love" was. He knew what it was not. That is easy. Everything he's lived so far with everyone he laid with, that was not love. That was lust. At the same time, since he had difficulties identifying love, he was not sure what his feelings for Sabrina were. They were not lust – at least, not just lust. But was that love? He scoffed. They cannot be. I barely know her, but at the same time, I want to know her better. I constantly do. His readings of classic mortal love novels did not help. The writing was up to standard, but it felt almost too surreal, having these characters showing to everyone their inner thoughts, their most secret places. It was emotional nakedness. He never had any problem with nakedness, one only had to look at his body to understand why. But letting the guard down like these mortals are doing? Showing vulnerability? That is something he was not sure he would ever be able to do that, it would leave him a target open to hurt, to abuse and he could not let that happen. No one in their mind would. Is it what Harvey Kinkle did? Showing vulnerability? There was nothing heroic in admitting your weaknesses, your darkest fears to someone else and he read in some magazine he found in the mortal part of Greendale that mortal girls were looking for a hero. It did not make any sense. Besides, this simply was not him. He wanted to get closer to Sabrina, understand her, know her better and get her to do the same with him. At the same time, he needed not to completely change, she was not a mortal. She was half-mortal. What he needed to do were small adjustments.

He was not surprised to see her at their seminar the next morning. After all, she did resolve the Acheron Configuration. They sat as the High Priest was lecturing the Academy on the etymology of the word "demon", when all of a sudden, she interrupted their teacher asking whether witches were allowed to perform exorcisms. He was astonished. Her nerve. Then again, maybe she did not know that witches were not allowed to perform exorcisms, that these were catholic rites put forward by the False God and the False Church, she is half-mortal after all, Nicholas thought. When the High Priest told her so, she did not back down. She interrupts him, again. Nicholas was surprised, no one has ever done it twice in a row. Maybe not even once. "My friend's uncle is being possessed by a demon, Apophis". Sabrina adds for good measure that she is afraid it would shed light on the witches of Greendale. Nick smirks at that, he understands the tactic. The only thing she actually cares about are the mortal friends and this uncle she seems to care about as if he were her own. Why did she care so much, about anything? About anyone? That must be her mortal side, Nick concluded. He was listening to Father Blackwood's explanations on Apophis and his action as a demon – he was not learning anything new up to that point – while maintaining a discrete side look on Sabrina. If he was completely honest, he had a hard time not looking at her when she was in the same room.

Sabrina was oblivious to Nick's stares. Instead, she was engaged in a heated conversation with Faustus Blackwood. When he tells her that Uncle Jesse will not be alive for long, she snaps: "then something has to be done, and fast". The worst was yet to come, though. Blackwood tells her that Apophis would jump to another body, one he has been in contact with. A lump forms in her throat, and she can barely pronounce. That would be my friends. She did not mean to say it out loud, but she did. She could not care less. She had to regroup, and quick. "If witches cannot perform exorcisms, then what can they… we do?" Nick did not miss a glimpse of the conversation, he did not miss the worry in her eyes when Father Blackwood told her there was nothing she could do for that uncle, he did not miss the softness in her voice at the mention of her mortal friends, he did not miss the slip in the tongue when she referred to witches at "they" before correcting herself. Deep down, she still perceived herself as mortal. How could it be any different? Nick's mind went back to her immersion weekend at the Academy, the Weird Sisters had been ruthless, he'd been nicer but he could still feel she was not at ease with him, probably when he questioned her father's choice to marry her mother. I hate it here, he could hear her voice resounding in his ears, in his head. He tried though, offered to talk to Prudence about the harrowing, sneaked her father's journal out of the Library when Cassius was sleeping – no sleeping spell involved. She had been receptive, thanked him politely, but nothing more. And he needed more. Maybe I should try a different approach. And what better time that now? The High Priest had just dismissed the class. Nick waited for the rest of the students to leave the room and stayed behind as Sabrina was gathering her belongings. One last stare, and off he went:

- Hey. Wanna talk about it? He would try impressing her by his advanced knowledge in anything witchcraft related, certainly an area in which dear Harvey Kinkle would not be able to help.

- What? I don't have time for this.

- Whatever is on your mind.

- I wish I could Nick but I've got…

- Let me guess. Friends to save, demons to exorcise? He hoped he was not too obvious about the bitterness in his voice when she basically told him she did not have the time of the day for him, and that she would instead spend every second she has on helping and saving her mortal friends, her mortal boyfriend. She just chuckled, not even rewarding him with an answer. He decided to shrug it off, and went on:

- You're a rebel Spellman, that is how I like my witches.

- Nicholas, to be clear, I have a boyfriend. That word again, Nick thought. Call me Nick, I told her to call me Nick. Nicholas seems so formal, he thought. He did not want to admit that his full name escaping her mouth did things to his body, it would be too pathetic and would run astray of the smoke-show persona he'd built for himself over the years.

- Yes… but you also have two natures, you go to two schools, why not date two guys? I am down with sharing.

Wrong thing to say? Nick was cursing himself. He thought that maybe if he went on flirt mode warlock-style, the adjustment he thought about was he would try and show her that it was okay to explore with more than one person. But the look on her face when she mentioned it said it all. She was down with double-timing. He could have stopped at asking the question. Instead, his smug confident-self had taken over and he told her he was "down with sharing". She did not even bother answering him, the despise in her eyes worth a thousand words. Damnit. Why did he have to be such an idiot? He knew, Luke explained, he researched for himself, he knew that mortal love was precisely about everything but sharing, that loving someone was wanting them all of yourself. If he must be honest, he wanted Sabrina for himself, he had lied when he said he would share Sabrina. He just wanted a part of her, a small part, the one that would once in a while say his name with the same fondness she pronounces Harvey Kinkle's. He needed that part of her, he just did not know how to proceed. She seemed as stubborn as it can be, and a hopeless romantic. Her reaction to his proposal just confirmed that. Initially, he thought he'd begin with getting a part of her, showing her what she could have with him and sweep her off her feet as time went. Harvey would age, eventually. He would not. In the meantime, that would also give Nick time to figure out how to commit to one person and one person only. That would require time, because the reality was that he was somewhat a sex addict, and he liked having multiple partners. It would be painful to settle into a mortal The Notebook type of relationship – yes, he had watched the Notebook and it is an okay movie for whoever is into romance, love and drama, which he was not. It was only for educational purposes that he watched it. Twice.

He needed to make things right with Sabrina. He could not let her believe that he was this long-life flirt, unable to do anything else but hit on her. She was taken, that is was mortals say. Fair enough. He would be her friend. Just her friend. He could do that. For now. He would still be able to go see sex demons – and Dorcas, and Dorian, and whoever else he was seeing – while he would get to know Sabrina better, subtly showing her that he was good for her. Better than that Harvey Kinkle tool. Three days later, she was at the Academy with one of her aunts, apparently seeking to see the High Priest. He approached her, gently brushing his hand over her shoulder. Sabrina turned, looking at him questioningly at him. Here goes nothing, he thought:

- Sabrina, can I speak to you for a moment, please?

- Hello Nicholas. Sure. I have a bit of time until my Aunt Zelda is done examining Lady Blackwood. She is her midwife.

- Oh, is she? Midwifes were highly respected in the witching community. They gave birth, almost the same as the actual pregnant women.

- Anyway, what is it you wanted to talk about? If it has to do with your sharing proposal, I must say I gave it a thought and… Nick's heart was at his mouth, would it possible that she would give in? His blood was boiling in his veins.

- You did?

- Of course not, Nicholas, she said, rolling her eyes. I could never do that to Harvey, I love him. At that very second, Nick's heart plummeted from his mouth down to his stomach. Damn Harvey again, with that fondness in her voice. He was not sure he was able to show his discomfort, as she shot him an odd look. He had to take back control on the situation.

- About that, Sabrina, I wanted to apologize. I do not know why I said that. I mean, I do know, that is because that is how we do it in the witching community. But you come from a different background, with different boundaries. I respect that. I am not entirely sure what it entails, and I might say the wrong thing once in a while, but know that I am trying. Friends?

- Yes, I'd love that Nick. Sabrina was genuinely happy, her first friend at the Academy. Sure, he did try to flirt with her a couple of times, and yes, he did question his parents' relationship, but people changed, right?

- I don't know how to say that… She did not mean to ask the next question, but she needed to know. For some reason, it mattered to her.

- Just dish it out Spellman, Nicholas told her with a light chuckle.

- You remember the first time we spoke, you mentioned my father... and I am sorry for what I am about to say, and if I got the wrong impression…

- I did, we did. Nick dreaded what was to come, he understood what she was aiming at.

- I couldn't help but notice that you sort of disapproved his marriage to my mother. She was not able to look him in the eyes when she finished, she lowered her head focusing on her shoes, giving Nick a perfect view on her blonde hair and her black headband.

Nicholas remained silent for a bit. He did not what to say. He felt horrible, seeing Sabrina that vulnerable in front of him. She seemed hurt. He hurt her and that made his own heart ache. He hoped he would never make her feel that way again. He regretted his reproachful tone the second he used it when they referred to Diana Spellman. He was an idiot. How could he be so heartless to disapprove of someone else's mother? She was her mother, and he treated her and her memory as if she were just a tale we tell children late at night:

- Sabrina, I… He sighed, he knew this would be a make or break moment. I am so sorry. You are right, I was judgmental, and I apologize. I was an idiot, wrapped in what I have always learnt, not taking the time to question it. I never meant to hurt you. It is just that… We have always been taught to stay away from mortals, from engaging meaningfully with them. So, I did. I did not think that the idea I have – had – of mortals, would hurt you or anyone for that matter because I was always surrounded by people who were like me. But, I need to change. It is not right. Noticing your reaction that day, and seeing the hurt in your eyes now, I realize I was a heartless brainless idiot, because I had to hurt you to realize that these things could hurt. It is so stupid; the reality is I admire your father. He was such a skilled warlock, probably the brightest. He died young and yet his legacy is impressive, I've always wished I'd live up to his accomplishments – before I ever met you. And here I went, judging his personal choices, judging him for marrying your mother, who by the way, must have been a great person. She got Edward Spellman ready to give it all up for her if he did not get to marry her, and she gave birth to you. Quite a woman if you ask me.

Sabrina had looked at Nick with a creeping smile as he spoke, the first warlock – besides her family members – to rethink his position on mortals, on mixed unions and begin to accept her for who she was, instead of simply tolerating her in spite of who she was, which most of the Academy did. She surprised Nick when she wrapped her hand around his neck and pulled him in a hug, whispering a muffled "thank you Nick" in his chest. His senses where all over the place. The touch, as his arms wrapped around her waist, naturally; the smell of her hair violently penetrated his nostrils; the view on her signature black headband; her hands on his skin setting him on fire. It lasted for less than a minute, but his heart was racing. It was the first touch, an innocent touch – at least, her intentions were innocent. Never did he react to the touch of anyone, to a mere hug, in such a way. He was not sure he could stay friends with her. Not long term. He needed to focus on something to regroup, anything.

- So, now that we're friends, tell me more about Harry.

- Harvey. His name is Harvey Kinkle.

- Right, Harvey. He insisted on the name he disliked so much. He knew the name well, it gave him nightmares, but he decided on Harry just to mess a bit with her.

- We've been together for over a year now. He's kind-hearted, loyal, brave, caring and handsome. He's my safe space, I can always run back to him whenever I feel restless, stressed. Things are easy also, we have no drama going on. He's just, so… stable, steady. Yes, Mister Perfect, got the memo, Nicholas thought.

- And does Mr. Perfect know your true nature?

- He does not. Yet. I plan to tell him, but I do not know what his reaction will be. Actually, I did tell him once before I erased his memory, Sabrina confessed biting her lip.

- Why? I thought he was caring, kind-hearted and whatever else you said.

- He is, but he also is a mortal. I guess I fear his reaction, I cannot be without him.

- What would you do if he knew and asked you to renounce to our world? Nicholas asked the question, and feared the answer. This would potentially determine the level of devotion she had for Harry.

- I would not be able to leave this world. Nick sighed. I have a mission, and I won't back down.

- A mission?

- You'll understand soon enough. Let's just say that when you said I was rebel, that was an understatement far from the truth.

Part of Nicholas was amazed at that little blonde girl in front of him who seemed so vulnerable – had recoiled even – when they talked about her parents, and was now fully confident, willing to get herself into Satan only know what:

- Fine Spellman, but just know I don't like being kept in the dark for too long. If you need help with your mission, you know where to find me. Oh, and if Harry is stupid enough to let you go just because you're a witch, well, you also know where to find me.

- Nick, his name is Harvey. Har-vey.

- Whatever. I'll see you around Spellman.

As he left, Sabrina joined her Aunt with one question in her mind: Would Harvey ever leave me because of this? It cannot be. He is brave. He would process and we would only get stronger. She repeated that multiple times to herself, ignoring the little voice in her head – her heart? – that told her that Nicholas knew it all, and was still willing to befriend her.