Chapter 18: Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life.

Hawkeye sat in the hallway staring blankly. He had just gotten the call from Charlotte, the Colonel had suffered a heart attack, and was in the hospital. Margaret was out at the park with Stacey and the kids. Margaret had just talked to Alvin earlier in the week, and told him that he was going to be a grandfather again. She said he was happy, and would try to come visit at the end of the month.

Picking up the phone, he grabbed the pad of paper and pencil and started to make arrangements to get Margaret to New York. He'd fly her today, and he and the girls would join her as soon as he could. He needed to organize quickly, knowing that as soon as he told her, she'd want to leave.

By the time he got a flight and hotel booked for Margaret, the door opened as Margaret walked in, smiled as she was pushing a sleeping Laura in the stroller. Her baby bump had just started to really show, and she was glowing-or as she would say, covered in sweat.

"What are you doing up?" she asked as Daisy toddled in behind her.

"Daisy, can you go to the playroom?" he asked as Daisy nodded and skipped into what used to be the den.

"Hawk?" Margaret asked as she moved to close the door. "What's the matter?"

"Margaret," he started, knowing he had to tell her now. "Charlotte called."

"Okay?"

He could tell she was trying to figure out what he was getting at. "Your Dad had a heart attack this morning. He's in the hospital. They're not sure he's going to make it."

Margaret stood there gripping onto Laura's stroller. Her eyes quickly lost their shine as she stared at her husband.

"I um, I need to get there," her hands went to her hair and gripped.

"You fly out of Portland in 2 hours. I have a hotel for you, the girls and I will join you tonight," he explained as Margaret moved almost at lightning speed into his arms. She gripped on, and started to shake. "I'm so sorry Margaret," he whispered into her hair, holding her tightly.

They stood there, gripping each other as Margaret took in the news. Pulling back, she looked at him, and took a breath. "I need to pack. Can you please put Laura to bed?"

Hawkeye nodded as Margaret quickly wiped her nose and almost ran up the stairs. Hawkeye sighed and shook his head, picking up Laura from the stroller, placing her against his chest. He felt her snuggle into his chest and looked around. "Daisy, can you come to Daddy please?"

Daisy looked up from her spot with her dolls and moved towards him with a yawn. "Let's go take our nap."

"Okay," Daisy yawned as she took Hawkeye's hand as he moved upstairs with the two girls. It wasn't long before he had both down for their naps. He stared at the bedroom door, and touched it lightly, before moving back towards the phone upstairs. He dialed the familiar number and waited for the answer.

Margaret opened the door just as he hung up the phone, and her eyes were red and puffy. She was holding a black dress and her old dress uniform skirt. "I don't know what to pack." He had never seen Margaret this vulnerable in the 7 years he'd known her.

"Come're," he said softly as his arms opened and Margaret went easily into them. He could feel her belly pressed against his, as it was hardened with pregnancy. "Stacey is coming to watch the girls, Charlotte is going to meet you at the airport. Come on, I'll pack for you." Taking the dress and skirt from Margaret, he headed into the bedroom, as she moved into Daisy's room.

Hawkeye was too late for when he and the girls arrived in New York. With Laura on his hip, and Daisy holding his hand, he walked swiftly in the hospital. Kate was sitting in the waiting room, almost waiting for him. Kate stood up when she saw Hawkeye and shook her head, and Hawkeye slowed his walk.

"She's in the room," Kate replied as she gladly took Laura into her arms. "Go, I'll watch the girls." Nodding, Hawkeye moved quickly down the hall, without knocking he opened the door and his heart broke. Margaret was sitting on Alvin's bed, tears silently falling from her eyes. Charlotte was sitting on the chair, holding her father's hand. Richard was standing holding his wife's shoulders.

"Margaret," he whispered softly as Margaret looked up, and he moved over to her, taking her into his arms, as she cried almost angrily. Margaret was the strongest woman he had ever known, and possibly will ever know.

Margaret loved her father unconditionally, respected everything he was, everything he said, and what he stood for. She followed him every step of the way in her life, and couldn't bare to disappoint him. There was a lot of Alvin in Margaret, the will, determination, strength, temper, and devotion to family. He saw her passion and drive come from Alvin, and even more so, her deep love for her father. The girls were something that he knew made Alvin so incredibly proud; his grandchildren sparked something incredible in him.

The days that past were some of the hardest for Margaret, as she felt he heart break as she said goodbye to her father. She never thought she'd have to deal with her father's death, it never occurred to her that he would ever leave her.

"Maggie?" a voice said softly as Margaret looked up and saw her sister.

"Lottie," Margaret replied as Charlotte moved into the bedroom, Margaret was sitting on the bed, holding an old boot box, opened.

"What did you find?" Charlotte asked as she moved towards her sister.

"Did you know Dad kept every single letter I ever wrote him?" Margaret asked with a slight chuckle. "From sleep-away camp, to the letter I wrote last month," she showed her sister the box, which was filled with envelopes. "Everything."

"Dad loved you," Charlotte smiled softly, wrapping her arm around Margaret. "He never told you how much, but I'm pretty sure he loved you more than me. You were his pride and joy. His little Margaret who followed in his footsteps, and did nothing but good in this world." Charlotte paused as she leaned her head on Margaret's shoulder.

"He never told me."

"But you knew," Charlotte said softly. "It's okay, Mom loves me more than you."

It was true, Margaret knew her father loved her. She rested her head on Charlotte's as they looked through the box of letters. From the letters they moved through Alvin's boxes, as they laughed at what he kept from their childhood. As they sifted through the papers and photographs, Margaret let her mind drift to Crabapple Cove, where her husband and two daughters currently were. He had stayed for the funeral, but both knew he couldn't miss anymore work. So Margaret kissed them goodbye, as she stayed behind, packing up his place. He was her father, it was the least she could do.

"How are they?" Margaret asked as she sat on her bed at Charlotte's, gently rubbing her swollen stomach, ear pressed against the phone.

"Oh they miss you, Daisy has been a handful," Hawkeye explained. "I miss you."

"Me too, I'll be home tomorrow," she touched her stomach, and felt the small human growing inside her move. "What about Laura?"

"Oh, she's quite delighted to just be with Stacey, I'm not sure she's ours," Hawkeye joked. Stacey had stepped up and offered to help with the girls while Margaret stayed behind in New York, much to the delight of little Laura.

"I don't doubt it, she and Stephen are two peas in a pod," Margaret chuckled. "And Dad?"

"Oh he's doing good," he explained "Margaret, how are you?"

She took in a breath, and looked around the room. "I don't know," she laughed slightly, her eyes starting to well up with tears. "I miss him."

"I know," Hawkeye supplied. His heart hurt for her, he hated that she was in such pain. But Margaret didn't know if she was in pain, or was merely missing a part of her soul, her being.

Life had to go on, and so it did. Margaret returned to Crabapple Cove, a little more pregnant, a little more empty, but happier than she imagined at seeing her family again. Daisy was squealing and jumping around telling her Mommy all the things she had done while she was away. Laura clung to Margaret and wouldn't let anyone else pick her up, as the little girl beamed wildly at her and babbled.

"Do you need any help love?" Daniel asked as he looked at Margaret, Laura on her hip, belly protruding, and Daisy walking around her in circles. She was attempting to cook, and the look of pure exhaustion on her face was evident.

Margaret looked at Daniel, and gave him a look of relief. Mouthing her thanks, she looked at Daisy who stopped and flashed a large smile. "Why don't you and Grampa go and take your bath?"

"No thank you," Daisy replied clearly. "I'm with Mommy."

"How about I cook tonight," Daniel suggested seeing that neither girl was willing to separate from their mother at this point.

"Thank you Daniel, I don't know what Hawk and I would do without you," she thanked genuinely.

"It is my absolute pleasure my love," Daniel replied as he leaned over and kissed Margaret on the forehead.

"Come on Dais, let's go get you and Laura in the bathtub," Margaret held out her hand for the little girl to take, as she took it merrily.

Margaret had to admit, being with her girls, her husband, and father in law was the best thing to help her cope with the loss of her father. There was nothing more important to her at this moment in her life than her little family. She was still hurting, feeling empty, as if a part of her died with her father. But that was what her life was now.

As the days passed, and moved onto weeks, she still stopped herself from calling Alvin to tell him of her girls' adventures. Daisy was in nursery school now and loving every single moment. Laura was beginning to walk more freely, on her own, which gave Margaret a sense of joy as she watched her daughters grow up.

"Margaret?" Hawkeye asked one night as she sat quietly in their bedroom, book resting on her lap, as she stared into the empty space. He knew the pain she was in, it was the same he felt when his mother passed. He knew she needed space, he knew she needed someone to talk to, he knew her.

"Yes?" She responded softly, as her head turned towards Hawkeye, who was leaning against the door frame.

"Come on," he nodded his head towards the door, as Margaret looked at him, with a raised brow.

"What?"

"Come on, we're going for a walk," he replied. Margaret looked at her husband as if he was insane. He was insane. It had dipped below zero already, and snow had started to fall. Fall in New England never lasted long, as it quickly turned to an early winter. "Come on," he repeated.

Margaret stared at him for a moment, before she placed her book on the bedside table. Moving slowly, she swung her legs over the edge of the bed, and moved across the bedroom. She kept eye contact, as he didn't break it. He held out his arm to guide her out of the room, as he hand landed on the small of her back, guiding her down the hallway. The girls were down for their afternoon naps-or in Daisy's case quiet time with Grandpa. Hawkeye led her quietly down the stairs, and into the entrance way. He reached around her, grabbing her winter coat, and offering it to her. Margaret quietly put her jacket, toque, and mittens on, as she slid into her winter boots, she looked at her husband again, who was already dressed, and holding her scarf.

"Thank you," Margaret replied softly as he placed the scarf around her neck. Winking he opened the door. Pushing her out, he took her hand in his, and dragged her down the path of the house.

"It's okay to be sad Margaret," he started as they moved towards the wooded area trail behind their house. It had been one his favourites growing up, and where he spent most of his time after Allegra passed. He knew Margaret needed something that separated her from the house and the girls.

"I know," she said softly. "Thank you." She squeezed his hand as they walked the wooded path in silence.