chapter one

"What are you looking for?" Torrance asked, chewing slowly on her Cornish pasty. Torrance was bored and Lily was looking all around the Great Hall, everywhere but at the friend across from her. The redheaded girl had been distracted ever since they set foot on the train earlier in the day and it was fine then but now Torrance was bored. "James Potter?"

Lily had the audacity to scoff in indignation, like Torrance didn't notice that James Potter was always on the forefront of Lily's mind ever since last year's dramatic ending. "I am not looking for James Potter. If I'm ever looking for James Potter, it's because I want to know where not to go," she said, still not looking straight ahead. "Can't believe you're such good mates with him."

Torrance raised her shoulders. "Then who are you looking for?" she insisted, not letting the conversation deflect to her minimal friendship with her Potions partner.

"Remus Lupin," Lily replied easily, raising herself a little in her seat to get a better view. "I swear, those four are up to something stupid," she said, though it was mostly to herself.

"Are you're not just looking for Lupin so he can tell you where James Potter is?"

It was this statement that earned a harsh glare from Lily. It had no effect on Torrance; she had received plenty of these glares from her best friend over the past few years. She said plenty to annoy her. "We're slated to do rounds together tonight, y'know, prefect duties. But I haven't seen him all day or any of his friends and I just know that can't be good."

Torrance hummed, shying away from the conversation and focusing more on the food in front of her. Lily Evans was not, in the least, stuck up or snobbish or anything of the sort, but she did get extremely particular when it came to her prefect duties and Torrance would rather focus on her dinner than listen to her friends anxieties.

So she chewed, enjoying the taste of a warm school dinner after a whole summer of her mother's haggis. And after a few minutes of seeing nothing, Lily slumped back down in her seat with a sigh, resigned to just a few gentle murmurs about how those bloody Marauders were always finding new ways to get on her nerves. It only took a couple scoops of potatoes for her to forget about it, at least for the moment, and ramble on about her course load.

It was the first night of their sixth year, after all, and even though classes were yet to start, Lily had spared no expense in reminding Torrance that this was the year to get serious about her class work. And though Torrance was annoyed with her friend's prioritizing now, she knew that just a few days into classes she'd be eternally grateful for the habits and talents of her friend. It wasn't that Torrance was dim witted; she was actually a tad brilliant, in her own regard. But the girl wasn't really a classroom learner and when she stared at the small printed letters in her textbooks for too long, her head started to hurt. So she needed Lily. Just as Lily needed Torrance to pull her away from the textbooks when her eyes were getting heavy and her hair a bit too messy for a laugh in their dorm that lasted late into the night. They balanced each other out.

Torrance rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hand and muffled a groan when Lily disclosed the classes she had elected to take this term and discovered that Astronomy, by far Torrance's best and favorite class, did not make Lily's list. "I'm sorry Tor! But I couldn't fit it in my schedule! It was either that or Ancient Runes and I'm absolutely rubbish at Astronomy!"

"Yes!" Torrance protested, slamming her palm down on the table. "That's why I needed you to take it! It's the only classes you needed my help in. Now I'm going to feel completely and totally insufficient for the rest of the year. I'll need your help in every class we have together!"

Lily gently rolled her eyes at her friend's dramatics. It was rare that Torrance slipped into her unfiltered antics outside of the safety of their dorm room. "You're better in Defense than I am," she reminded her friend.

But Torrance was ready to protest this as well. "Only the practical portion. And that's only because I've had to block Rosier's hexes every month since second year," she grumbled. "Not every muggle born has a James Potter to protect them from bigoted Slytherins."

"Would you stop bringing him up? And he'd hex them for you, too, if he knew about it," Lily admitted, flushing. Torrance smirked. Sure, Lily put up a big fuss whenever Potter got himself a detention defending her from some prejudiced git, but Lily had quietly admitted to Torrance one night that it was one of the qualities about him she rather admired, no matter how much she insisted she could take care of herself. "He'd never pass up an opportunity to show off," Lily added, quick to toss in an insult before Torrance's smirk could turn into something more.

Their conversation halted at the arrival of Marlene McKinnon, roommate and the ethereal looking blonde of the group. The two girls turned their heads towards her as she took a seat next to Lily. Marlene had this look on her face, lips slightly turned upwards in this little smirk that let Torrance know she was feeling quite pleased with herself. "Where've you been?" Torrance asked, greeting her friend after a whole summer apart.

"Ravenclaw table," she said quickly, dismissing the question as quickly as she could. "I was just talking to Susan Baker, and you'll never guess what I just found out," Marlene said, voice giddy as she struggled to keep it hushed.

She paused, leaning back and crossing her hands on the table. Lily looked back and forth between Marlene and Torrance before she said, "Well, you plan on telling us or just sitting there?"

This brought a rather large grin on Marlene's face. "Noah Brown is going to be our Defense professor. Can you believe it? Noah Brown!" she exclaimed, exhaling like her head was floating above her body. "According to Susan, he should be arriving at the castle before dinner."

"Where is Baker getting all this information?" Lily questioned, arms crossed.

"Susan's boyfriend is Noah's best mate's cousin."

"Don't you mean Professor Brown?"

But Torrance frowned, furrowing her brow together. "Who's Noah Brown?"

"You don't remember?"

Lily rolled her eyes for the second time that night. "He was that seventh year Hufflepuff Marlene fancied our first year. Don't you remember how she cried when he graduated?"

"I was simply heartbroken," Marlene started, letting out a sigh and looking strangely forlorn, "you never do forget your first."

Torrance snorted. "Not much to remember, though, is there?"

Marlene's smirk grew once more. "There will be after this term."

"Ew!" Lily exclaimed in disgust, scrunching up her nose and looking at the blonde girl next to her like she had suddenly grown a new head. "Marlene, he's a teacher now! He's got to be like what, twenty-five now?"

She nodded pleasantly. "The perfect age. You know, that's when they say men reach maturity. Sounds like we might be on the same level."

"Speaking of men and maturity," Torrance interjected, earning the attention of the two girls while her eyes were trained on the entrance of the Great Hall, "there's that prefect and his mates you were looking for, Lil."

For a moment, Torrance was vaguely aware of the chattering from Marlene behind her, but her attention was focused solely on the group of four that sauntered towards the Gryffindor table. Particularly, the tallest one, walking with a limp and a fresh looking scar on his neck.

When Torrance figured out just exactly what Remus Lupin was early on in her third year, she was shocked it wasn't a well-known fact among her classmates. It was so obvious that when she realized it she felt stupid for not noticing it earlier. He was sick every month, with a new excuse from a stuttering and nervous Peter Pettigrew that hardly made any sense and was always quite different from the stories everyone got later from James Potter or Sirius Black. Lupin always looked tired. He had scars that looked very old and small, similar ones that seemed very new. Even then, as his weight was heavy on his left foot and he half-smiled down at his friends, he looked worse for wear. Cut up and bruised. Torrance felt stupid for not remembering the full moon was just the night before.

Quickly, almost too quick to notice, Torrance shot a look at Lily. The redheaded girl was quite close with Remus, the two partnered up for class projects and spent hours tucked away in the library studying together. Torrance was nearly sure, almost completely positive, that Lily Evans knew of his secret. And the look on Lily's face right then and there could've confirmed it for her. But still, there was always the chance, the slight possibility, that Lily remained clueless to her friend's condition. And if that was the case, Torrance wasn't about to be the one to tell her. Not with a secret that wasn't hers. Not with one that big.

Torrance looked back at him once more. Sirius Black was giving him a gentle pat on the shoulder and their laughs echoed down the table. She wondered how he did it. How he could turn into something completely out of his control every month and still smile at friends a day later like nothing happened. She tilted her head, and for a second, just a second, Remus Lupin looked up to meet her stare. He flushed at the eye contact. She didn't, just turned her head away slowly and sighed. Poor bloke.

"Well," Lily said after a moment, "suppose I'll talk to him later."

The three of them lingered in the Great Hall for a while, recounting stories from the summer they couldn't fit into their letters. Lily had done a fair bit of complaining about her muggle sister's boyfriend, and how desperately she wished the two of them could've come and visited her over the break. Both Marlene and Torrance had neglected to volunteer the information that Lily's muggle sister and her swarmy git of a boyfriend were exactly the reason both girls had declined Lily's invitation. The last time they did they were subjected to invasive questioning and dirty looks, but still, they shared a guilty look with each other as Lily recounted her suffering. Marlene's summer was filled with a ravishing tale about a fleeting romance with a handsome muggle boy in her town that showed her muggle music and was an excellent kisser. Marlene told lots of stories like this and they were probably all less than true. Not that Marlene was a liar, but she was a dreamer. The blonde girl had a dreamy habit of taking the mundane moments in her life and mounding them in her mind to be something much more grand and spectacular. Torrance thought it must be nice to live like that, to think everything to be much more grand than it was.

By the time it was Torrance's time to share her summer exploits, they were making their way from the Great Hall to the Gryffindor tower, huddled together and ignoring others that passed by them. Unlike her friends, Torrance didn't have any exploits to share, besides the fact that her break had been dull. But all of her breaks were dull, as Lily and Marlene very well knew. She told them of how Torrance's mother missed them very much, as her mother had loved the other two girls like her own daughters after a few summers of long visits. But other than that, Torrance really had nothing to share. The most exciting, story worthy parts of her life happened at school.

"Did you know there's a serial killer in America?" Torrance offered as they made their way up to their room. "A muggle one. He leaves little clues in cyphers that are almost impossible to solve and sends them into newspapers and calls himself the Zodiac."

Marlene shot Torrance a strange look behind her as she made her way up the stairs. "You're real weird, you know that, right Tor? Tell me you know."

She grinned. "Sure do, Mar."

Upon their entrance in their room, their other roommates, Dorcas Meadowes and Mary MacDonald, squealed with pleasure at the sight of their roommates, Dorcas pulling Torrance and Marlene into a hug as Mary did to Lily. All five of them had been sharing their dorm since the first year, and even though Torrance felt close enough with Dorcas and Mary to spend enough of her free time with them, they didn't really get close until their third year. The year Torrance learned how to be quiet. And she didn't really blame them, but she didn't forget it either.

Torrance settled onto the edge of her bed, leaning forward as the summer storytelling started all over again, and her and Lily were subject to hearing about Marlene's romance once more. Lily gave Torrance a slight smirk ever time there was a new detail or exaggeration that wasn't there the first time around.

The night passed on and the room was filled with laughter. Torrance was happy to see the smiles of her friends after a long summer of nothing. Her face rested against her cheek as she giggled. Lily told stories about that darned Vernon, who spent a considerable amount of time boasting around Lily until he was red in the face. Torrance, much to the chagrin of Marlene, recounted details of the American killer she was so fascinated by. At least Dorcas had an appreciation for it, as she hung onto Torrance's every word and begged for more details. By the time she was done with it, Mary was looking a little green.

It wasn't long before Lily had to leave for her prefect duties, commenting that she would probably be back before any of them fell asleep and not to have too much fun without her while she handed out detentions and revoked points on the first night back. Lily would only be gone for a few hours.

Even with Lily gone, Torrance noted that the atmosphere of the room was far better than it was at the end of last year. When they had packed up their things and head out for the summer at the end of their fifth year, there was always some tense silence between them all, lingering in their room and in the way they talked to each other. No one had argued, really. Just one day, Lily stopped talking and avoiding her friends and everything was just different. Torrance was relieved it, whatever it was, had faded away over the break.

Even though Torrance had told herself that she was going to go to bed before Lily returned, because going from Scotland to London just to go back to Scotland again made her tired. But she found herself in a rather riveting game of Exploding Snap with Marlene that turned into a second, more vindictive game of Exploding Snap with Marlene. So when Lily returned to their dorm, well after midnight, Marlene's eyebrows were almost burnt off and Torrance had gotten hit in the head with Marlene's wand when it flung out of her hand more than once.

Lily flopped into the bed with the third eye roll of the night.

Classes started sooner than Torrance would've liked though, and she didn't want to admit that Lily was right: sixth year classes were harder. She sat in Charms, pulling on the roots of her hair as she thought about how she was already lost on whatever lecture Flitwick was rambling on about because she was still panicking over the fact that she had absolutely no clue what went on earlier in her Transfiguration class. She was immediately overwhelmed, and regretted taking as many classes as she did. Lily watched as the panic spread through Torrance's eyes, halfway torn between pity and amusement.

And Transfiguration was the least of her worries, too. Because compared to Potions, Torrance was a Transfiguration whiz. Potions was, by far and undoubtedly, her worst subject. She dreaded it and she dreaded the judgmental eye of Slughorn, who was always eager to compare her to Lily.

James Potter, however, was eager to see Torrance when she entered that classroom.

They had been partners in the subject ever since second year, when they were told to pair off among themselves and they had both rushed for Lily, only to be beaten by Severus Snape, much to their dismay. So they unwillingly and unenthusiastically paired up together and brewed some of the worst potions Slughorn had ever seen. This was an embarrassment for Torrance but James wore it like a badge of honor. And even though Torrance was kicking herself for less than favorable grades, she really did have a fun time making those horrid potions. James Potter was one of the only people around that time that didn't make her feel loud and unwanted. So they stuck together.

It was a miracle they made it to N.E.W.T level potions together. A miracle, and some less than honorable decisions.

"Drummond!" the messy-haired boy called out when she walked in a few minutes early, side by side with Dorcas. Torrance, with a soft eye roll, gave her friend a quick 'see you later,' and made her way to her usual spot next to James. He grinned at her. "How's my favorite potions partner doing?" he asked.

"Definitely not as cheery as you," she answered easily. "But then again, we can't all be heirs to a hair potion fortune."

James hummed, "My condolences, Drummond." And then, after a moment, he added with a grin, "I always knew you were jealous of me."

Torrance stared ahead. "You've got me there, Potter. How was your summer?"

"Very bland," he said in a thick, performative sounding voice. "Did nothing much but finish up my assignments and keep my arse out of trouble. How about you?"

"That, but actually true," Torrance said, eyes flicking around the classroom. Her and James sat in the back corner, further from the door, giving her a good view of everyone else in the room. Lily sat up front, Snape by her side. But there was a considerable distance between them, a chill that reached her. Dorcas and Marlene sat right behind them, shoulders tense. "Lily was looking for you last night."

This information made James perk up in his seat. "Really?"

Torrance shook her head. "No. She was looking for your mate Lupin. But I brought you up a few times, for good measure."

He collapsed once more. "You're cruel, Tor. Unimaginably cruel."

"I'm taking Scotland's vendetta against England out on you."

"Well, what did she say?" Torrance shot him a raised brow. "When you brought me up! What did she say?"

She shrugged. "Usually stuff. You're always up to something stupid-"

"Objectively false."

"-and asked me to stop bringing you up. Something or another about your ego, probably accurate. She did say you'd probably hex Evan Rosier for me, though, and I think that's the closest thing you've gotten to a compliment in a while." Torrance paused, tilting her head, like she was doing calculations in her head. "So compared to last year, and the year before that, based on your number of rejections and the ratio of insults to compliments, I'd say you have, hmm, no chance yet."

James groaned. "You know you're the worst wingman ever, Drummond." He paused, digesting the information just passed along to him and then he said, "Wait, do I need to hex Evan Rosier for you?"

Torrance waved off the suggestion, shaking her head like it was a ridiculous idea. "Nah, I'm not scared of him. He hasn't tried to hex me ever since Lily became a prefect and started getting him in trouble all the time."

He stared at her for a moment, contemplating and frozen before he relented and said, "Alright," and like that, the subject was dropped.

Slughorn, unfortunately, seemed rather enthusiastic about his N.E.W.T class, seemed to be looking directly at back corner of the room when he said that the course would be extra challenge, and anyone who wasn't up for that challenge might want to reconsider. James seemed to laugh at the challenge poised by the professor. Torrance, though, had paled. She was definitely reconsidering.

Time dragged on as Torrance went from class to class. It was only the first day of classes and she was feeling as grumpy as she normally did about a month into classes all the other years. Charms was fine, but She was eager to get to Astronomy, eager to get to one of only places she didn't feel so horrifically insufficient.

But when she got there, she remembered why it was just another cause for dread. With no Lily or Marlene or Potter or Dorcas or Mary, Torrance would be stuck in the Astronomy Tower alone with a handful of pompous Ravenclaws, all partnered up together while she sat there alone, charting Jupiter's moons by herself.

When she reached the top of the tower, books tucked under her arm and a bit of drag in her step, Torrance wasn't surprised to see mostly blue robes. It was a small class; not many people elected to take Astronomy after their fifth year. There were no Slytherins, though that didn't surprise Torrance much; she had heard a few mumbles from them about how Astronomy was a useless subject that had a muggle equivalent. There were a handful of Hufflepuffs, and only two other Gryfifndors, Ava Fisher and Remus Lupin. Torrance figured if anyone needed to track the moon, it'd be him.

Astronomy was much more boring without Lily and Marlene sat by her side, asking her nonstop questions and giggling over hushed nonsense. Instead, Torrance sat her telescope, alone, eye pressed to the glass and watching Venus, sitting up there in the sky all on its own.