chapter three

Sunlight poured down on Torrance, warmth sinking into her skin. Orange spread behind her closed eyelids and grass tangled in her hair. It was one of those rare days where summer heat lingered over the school grounds and Torrance could pretend that there wasn't a heap of homework waiting for her back at the dorm.

She had a pair of bell bottoms on, the denims one she had begged her mother to buy her at the beginning of the summer. They were worn to death and the bottom hems were stuck underneath the soles of her canvas shoes, muddied and ripped. But they made her feel cool, lying there with her head in Mary's lap by the Great Lake, thoughts empty of any anxieties she had left back at the castle. She wasn't sure how long they had been there, but they hadn't talked for a while. Mary was the only person she could do this with. All her other friends liked to talk too much.

Mary had her back against the tree. Occasionally Torrance would open her eyes and see her dark-haired friend smiling at the sight of the water gently rocking against the shore, her friends working tiny braids into Torrance's hair. "Uh-oh," Mary mumbled, "here comes trouble."

With great reluctance, Torrance opened her eyes to the bright sunlight, squinting and sitting up, disgruntled and annoyed. Tumbling down the hill towards their hidden spot, shrieking with laughter, was Marlene and Dorcas. Torrance gave a good natured eye roll as the plopped down by her side. "Guess what Sirius Black and his lot managed to pull off today?" Marlene asked with a grin, tossing Torrance a packet of jelly slugs. She perked up.

"Surely something childish that cost us dozens of house points," Mary guessed.

"Turned the Slytherin common room into a swamp," Dorcas explained, resting her head in the spot where Torrance was just before they arrived. "Pretty brilliant, if you ask me. Slughorn nearly lost his head trying to turn it back."

Marlene rested her head on Torrance's shoulder as she tore into her candies. "That's not even the best part. They all had to drudge through it this morning and they all got soaked in swamp water. Easy enough to dry yourself off, but that stench was murder. Stuck to their clothes."

Torrance broke out into a large grin, jelly hanging from between her teeth. "Boss." She quite liked the idea of Mulciber and Rosier and Snape walking around with heavy wet robes that reeked like a foul marsh. Who's the mudblood now, she thought to herself.

"Lily wasn't having it though," Dorcas mused, upside down and eyes raised towards her friends. "She yelled Potter's ear off."

Mary snorted. "What does Lily care about a bunch of sopping Slytherins?"

"She's friends with Snape," Marlene explained. "You know that."

There was a beat of silence. Mary and Torrance shared a look, eyebrows raised. They were both secretly ecstatic at the idea that the slimy Slytherin wouldn't be a part of Lily's life anymore, sharing giddy whispers about how it was exactly what Snape deserved and exactly what Lily owed them and herself. Torrance remembered all the tears Mary had shed over the boy, and could still feel whatever hex he cast on her that left her face puffy and stingy. It seemed that Lily was the only muggle-born that wasn't on Snape's list. "Thought they were fighting?" Torrance questioned. "Weren't they fighting last year, and that's why we were all miserable?"

With her lips pursed, Marlene said, "Not anymore. Alas, friends once more."

A groan fell from Torrance lips. She didn't know what the two had fought about last year, but she knew it was severe enough to keep them apart all summer, and she was utterly convinced that something that bad was something they couldn't come back from.

There was something biting in Mary's tone when she said. "Funny thing to see a muggle-born latch onto a Death Eater like that. What excuse do you think Lily will come up with when Snape gets a dark mark?"

Torrance narrowed her eyes at Mary. "Right, let's not go gossiping about her behind her back then, yeah?"

Marlene and Dorcas were still; tense and uncomfortable. Neither one was eager to jump into this discussion; they were the only two of their little group that weren't muggle-born. They knew better than to get themselves involved.

"Oh, come off it, Torrance. You know Snape's a git and Lily's thick for giving him the time of day."

"Why don't you tell her that, then? What am I to do about it?" Torrance snapped back. Mary flinched at Torrance's words, recognizing the thorny yet rare tone. Torrance stood.

"Where are you going?" Marlene asked.

"Suppose I have to make sure Lily's alright," she murmured. "I'll see you lot later."

It wasn't Torrance's intention to lie to them. She really did mean to seek out Lily and to make sure she was okay. But she got distracted easily, watching the portraits on the walls have mindless chatter with one another, sometimes even commenting on her muggle attire and how distasteful her jeans looked, which earned a cheeky smirk from Torrance. Her purposefully strutting had turned into mindless wandering, occasionally checking empty classrooms to them to be just that, empty.

She was thinking of all the things she could say to Lily and all of the things she would have to say to Mary later on. Torrance knew she'd have to apologize, because Mary was right, and she'd have to admit it eventually. But there was something slithery in her tone that set her on edge. Something was sinking in Torrance's gut. She took a turn to avoid the dungeons.

Torrance used to take walks like that when she was younger, before she got really close with her dorm mates. When she felt like the only person in the entire castle who didn't know what they were doing and didn't feel like they belonged. She would take in the small amazments that she now took for granted, like the way the staircases would jerk and knock you over before they switched up their paths, or the doors that seemed to shift and twist and contort for seemingly no reason. They would last her hours; sometimes she'd find herself out of bed after curfew and getting a fair few points knocked off whenever she got caught.

Eventually, her wandering through the castle led her to the library, where Torrance had decided that if Lily wasn't there, she had gone off to someplace she didn't want to be found. Torrance wasn't surprised to find the library almost empty, save a few students who were entrenched in their work and didn't even notice as Torrance poked her head around. There was no sight of the redheaded girl.

Torrance groaned, slumping against a bookshelf for a moment and earning an ire-filled glare from Madam Pince, who was very open in her hatred for Torrance. She gave the older woman a very sour smile before she left.

It wasn't until she barged through the common room door, tired and defeated and grumpy about spending half of a nice day wandering the halls, that Torrance realized she was pretty dense for not checking the common room first.

Lily sat in a puffy arm chair, knees tucked up to her chest as book close to her face. She didn't look up when Torrance took a seat in the seat opposite her. "Good book?" Torrance asked.

""S alright?" Lily replied, gently closing her book and resting it on the top of her knees. "Thought you were out by the lake?"

Torrance shrugged. "Just wanted to come and make sure you didn't use an Unforgivable on Potter. I'm hopeless at Potions without him. Actually, I'm pretty useless at Potions with him. That reminds me, can I borrow your notes?"

She let out a breathy chuckle. "Sure, later. And Potter's fine. Just a gruler."

With careful eyes, Torrance watched Lily. She watched the way her fingers tapped against the cover of her book and the way the corner of her mouth twitched. "You and Snape talking again?"

Lily sighed, not meeting Torrance's eye. "I know you don't like him, Tor," she stared. "He's not that bad, really, when you get to know him."

"Maybe I'll try to get to know him if he ever stops calling me a mudblood." Lily opened her mouth to protest, but Torrance cut her off. "Lily, I know you think he's sweet, but he's only sweet to you. The bloke's really, unbelievably cruel to everyone else. Especially your friends."

Lily opened her mouth to respond, closed it again and shook her head. "I think he has the potential to change."

Torrance decided right then that she wasn't in the mood to argue. Today, she would save herself the headache. "Whatever you say, Lil. Just be lucky it was me who said something, not Mary. She's up in arms."

Lily didn't pick her book back up, but she didn't say anything to Torrance. She just sat there, hands folded over her knees and eventually, Torrance decided there was nothing left to say, so she left. She was thinking about what she could knick from the kitchen.

The month continued on and it seemed neither Mary or Lily were inclined to open up another discussion. There were quick and embarrassed apologies between Mary and Torrance, taking the form in rushed sentences and a hug that Torrance thought lasted just a little too long. She was grateful, though, that there were no lingering issues between the two. And even though Lily was spending more and more time with Snape, everyone had just decided that they didn't notice.

It was amazing to Torrance how quickly she fell behind in her classes. She found herself getting lost in lectures, unable to keep track of whatever her professors were going on about; Torrance was surviving off the notes of her friends, and even those were giving her headaches. And of course, she didn't help herself whenever she put off her assignments until the last minute, electing to rewrite the Astrology section of the Daily Prophet (because they always got it wrong) while she listened to muggle records she snuck in her trunk.

Studying with her friends didn't help. Whenever she ended up huddling over parchments with Marlene or Dorcas, she found herself forty-minutes deep in a story about some Huffelpuff. Lily was more of a help, but she always reserved a table in the library for her and Snape, and Torrance didn't have the energy to pretend she didn't hate him. And Mary, well Mary could be just as hopeless as her.

Torrance huddled up in the corner of the library, feet kicked up on the table in front of her, hidden from the stink eye of Madam Pince. There was an essay due in the morning and she'd had yet to even grasp the concept, never mind start on her parchment. She could've said she was reading, but really she was just staring at the same passage about human transfiguration. The passage brought back a memory of Torrance in her first year, loudly and aggressively protesting against McGonagall transforming a gerbil into a goblet. It's animal abuse! Torrance had yelled until she had fat tears in her eyes. Her face was red at the memory, and the nasty snickering from other students was echoing in her ears.

"Hi."

Torrance's head shot up at the voice that interrupted her thoughts. Remus Lupin was standing in front of her, looking down at her like he'd rather be anywhere else. She could see the reluctance in the way his eyes kept moving around the library and how he shifted his feet around. Lupin was looking worse for wear, skin hollow and yellow. She arched an eyebrow at him, thinking that maybe he was about to ask her why he kept catching her staring at him. She wracked her brain for a lie.

He careened his head around, like he was looking for an excuse to leave. "I was um," he started, tapping his foot against the carpet, "I was wondering if you could help me with my Astronomy work?" Torrance stared up at him blankly. His face reddened. "Erm, Lily said you were brilliant and I've, uh, falling pretty behind." After a moment of hesitation and heavy contemplation, Torrance gestured to the seat across from her. "Thanks."

Torrance was immediately uncomfortable at his presence. She liked the silence and the isolation and now she was stuck next to a boy she knew too much about. It made her feel strange, to sit with someone she barely knew when she knew the one thing he'd probably never want her to find out. She'd been fixated on him lately, too, feeling some type of mix of curiosity and pity. She was fixated on the scars that marred his face, the way he looked healthier when the moon was waxing as opposed to waning, the way the transformations aged him.

Torrance realized a little too late that she had waited too long to say something and Lupin was giving her an expectant look.

"When's your birthday?" she asked, tone neutral.

He furrowed his brows together like it took him a lot of concentration to remember the date. "Oh, um, March tenth. Nineteen-sixty."

"Ech." Torrance scrunched up her nose, tossing her book back on the table. March tenth. What a horrid birthday.

"Is-is that a problem?" he asked, taken back.

She shrugged. "I guess that depends on who you ask."

"I'm asking you."

"Then it's a problem," she replied easily, placing her hands on the table and leaning towards him. "You're a Pisces."

"I'm not really asking you to do the work for me."

"You didn't already know that?"

Lupin blinked, ears turning red. It took Torrance a moment to realize she had offended him. "Sorry," she offered. "How much have you charted so far?"

With a shake of his head, Lupin reached down into his bag for his assignment, and Torrance didn't miss the markings on the crook of his neck. He sat up, handing her a near blank page. Torrance watched him tilt his head down and she knew she embarrassed him. She didn't tell him that the only placement he plotted was wrong. He'd figure it out later. "It's really quite simple," she told him, "once you get the hang of it. The stars don't often change."

She felt his eyes on her as she dug around her bag for her Astronomy text. "I'm, uh, I'm sorry to bother you with this. I know you don't like," he paused, rubbing his hands together. Torrance stared at him with a critical eye. "I know you don't talk to many people."

"I don't mind," she lied simply, tossing her book between the two of them.

Lupin nodded, rocking slightly in his chair. "Sorry about Sirius by the way," he said again, suddenly.

Torrance stared at him for a long time before she said, "S'alright." She didn't want to get into it with him. The incident embarrassed her more than she wanted to let on. "Here," she said, pushing her open book towards him, "once you get your birth time and location, just follow this pattern here. It can get a little confusing, so just let me know if you get stuck."

Lupin got stuck several times, sometimes over the same thing. And Torrance was surprised to realize that she wasn't really bothered to explain it to him again.

It didn't take long for Remus to figure it out, just less than an hour. It was awkward, the conversation between the two of them. Torrance didn't know how to talk to him, and she couldn't push her knowledge of him out of her head. He left her with several thanks that she just nodded to, and the promise to help her with any subject she needed help with, except Potions.

Remus Lupin stayed on her mind.

She stared at the back of his head in Defense on the night of the full moon just a few days later. His shoulders were slumped and his jaw was locked and Peter Pettigrew had inched away from him.

Marlene yawned, loudly and not even attempting to cover it, tearing Torrance's attention away from Lupin. Marlene's eyes were even fluttering shut. Torrance watched her with a bemused expression, raising her hands to Marlene's face and clapping them together with as much force as she could muster. Her palms were stinging by the way Marlene jumped up in her seat, eyes flung open, was worth it. "Wha-," she let out, looking around for a moment before Torrance's laughter grounded her. "Shut it, Drummond."

"What's gotten into you anyways?" Torrance inquired, crossing her arms and leaning back in her seat. "You're usually always eager to stare at Professor Bon-Bon."

Marlene flushed red. Her fascination with their Defense professor had only grown with every lesson. Torrance didn't think there was anything special about him, and she really didn't like that his lesson plan was so lecture heavy, hardly practical at all. "Potter's gone insane," she explained. "Has us practicing at five in the bloody morning twice a week. My arm's about ready to fall off."

"Not before you become the sexiest beater in the history of Quidditch."

Marlene whacked the side of Torrance's arm. "Stop flirting with me, Tor, or I might just have to marry you."

Torrance batted her eyes in this big dramatic fashion. "Professor Bon-Bon will be heartbroken. At least he can avoid Azkaban for another year. Or at least getting sacked."

Marlene crumpled up a bit of parchment and tossed it at Torrance's nose.

"McKinnon! Drummond! Do you have something you'd like to share with the class?"

Torrance struggled to contain her giggles as Marlene turned redder than a beet. "No, sir."

Marlene chewed Torrance out for that. Though Torrance really couldn't hear it over her own laughter.

That night, Torrance found herself in the Astronomy tower, charting the planets and their placements. The air was brisk and seeped into the deepest layers of her skin, thin sweater doing little to protect her.

She was watching the moon, bright and white hang in the sky in the sign of Aries. Torrance had developed a real talent for scribbling down on her parchment while her face was pressed to the cool metal of her telescope. Her hand moved without her thinking about it.

Astronomy had been her best class since first year. She took to it easy. Astronomy existed outside of Hogwarts; the stars hung above her head at home in Scotland the same that they did in the castle. Torrance felt a sort of comfort in the stars that she never really felt with anything else. They weren't complicated, easy to read and easy to pick out of the night sky. Easy to pick them out of the sky and leave them on her parchment, to fold up and keep in her pocket.

For a moment, Torrance pulled her eye away from the moon and looked down onto the grounds, right at the edge, where the Forbidden Forest just began. The treeline was vast and dark and Torrance wanted to look further in there. She wanted to see what was dancing between the trees. She wanted to mark it down on her parchment and keep it in her pocket.


i hope you all like this chapter! again, this is slow burn and for the first couple of chapters, it's really going to focus on friendship and i hope you can all bare with me. thank you for reading and for your reviews! they make me so happy!