THE BEST DOG

One Saturday in early June, Rory and Natalie had taken a break from wedding planning and parent meetings to visit a drive-thru African safaris. They hadn't strictly followed all the instructions for motorists on the drive-thru, and had the pleasure of a monkey running through the open window across the backseat of the Mustang. Not to mention waiting for a giraffe to step on the road and peer through the windshield.

The two had lots of selfies and photos with animals.

And now, the two had left the safari and gone to the park and walk-around zoo. It was the evening, and the herd of Indian elephants had come to the small lake for their daily bath. It was . . . .

"Awesome" said Rory grinning.

"I could come here every day" said Natalie.

"Whoa, I never thought seeing elephants take a bath could be so romantic" said Rory, looking at Natalie. "But everything is, when you're with the woman you love doing things you both enjoy.

"And getting ready to spend the rest of our lives together" added Natalie.

That was the cue for Rory to give her a big kiss, to the disgust of a few six year old boys standing nearby looking at the elephants.

"Wait five, six years guys" said Rory.

The boys stuck out their tongues at Rory.

Rory returned the gesture, while Natalie put her thumbs in her ears and giggled.

Rory, impulsively, thought the moment was right for his big confession.

"What would you say if there was a time when I saw a live animal, especially a small one liked a rat, and thought about how hungry I was and how much I needed it for a crunchy critter snack?"

"I'd think that was funny" laughed Natalie.

"Oh!" said Rory, who rethought the moment and decided to enjoy the elephants.


Rory had been procrastinating on telling Natalie his deep dark secret. And the not-so-dark secret about being on a bona-fide evil-fighting team (and not just a society of haunted-house explorers!). He wanted to tell her everything before the wedding, but when? And how?

Still, Rory felt that the next couple weeks were the best of his life. And he wasn't even on an awesome Team Sabre adventure, protecting the world from supernatural forces of ee-vil!

First, of course, there was Natalie. Rory could have floated on air.

"Yeah, I can float on air" insisted Rory as he pet Krypto one night. "No bloodsucker powers required. In a few weeks, Natalie and me are gonna be inseparable. Natalie, me, you, the condo, the Mustang."

Krypto gave Rory his paw.

"Shake boy, shake!" said Rory, who laughed.


Rory's career was going well too. In spite of dirty looks from Beauchamp and especially Rosetter, Sydney Baker's fourteen home blueprints were going well. And ahead of schedule. Only three or four notes came back from McMurdo demanding changes, including Beauchamp and Rosetter's idea to put two symmetrical one car garages on either side of the "Bungowloft".

Rory thought it was weird, but not actually stupid. Rory suggested changing it, because garages needed to have separate ventilation from the house to avoid exhaust travelling inside. So two garages cost more money. But, since Rory felt bad about changing his coworkers plans, he let it slide. McMurdo sent a note saying "STUPID STUPID STUPID. FIX THE GARAGE RORY! AND SEND ROSETER UP TO ME!"

As for the engineers dealing with the road plan and grading? They accepted Rory on their team and treated him as an equal. After being low man on the totem pole it was cool being given some respect.

But Rory wasn't in charge everywhere.


Architect and engineer though Rory was, the fact that he really didn't have much to do with the actual wedding planning. It was a chick affair. Rory soon realized he was like an honorary member of the wedding planning team, which was dominated by Etta. Which was okay, as Rory felt perplexed by the whole thing.

Between the first and second wedding planning meeting, Rory's Mom and Dad met his prospective in-laws. Rory didn't know how that meeting went, but it led to Rory's Mom showing up at the second and final wedding planning meeting. And an involved argument over roast beef with horse-radish, Yorkshire pudding and garlic mashed potatoes versus fried steak with spring vegetables and Asparagus spears.

Rory's peacemaking suggestion of hamburgers and fries went unremarked. Or his idea of Chicken Parmesan with extra garlic plus garlic bread.

Photographers and location (the backyard or the church hall for the dinner?) went more smoothly. Rory went along. Rory and Natalie had agreed on an old fashioned wedding. So, there really wasn't anything for him to do, was there?

Still, for a minute Rory wistfully imagined how cool it would be if they began by parachuting down outside the old church. Although, on the other hand, Rory realized they could have landed in the marsh and be covered in stinking black mud which would be funny but would make Natalie really sad. On the other hand, Rory also wondered how cool it would be to have a Star Trek themed wedding. No mud problem there. But . . . a plain old-school wedding was awesome too.

Rory had nothing to do with Natalie's bridal shower or her picking out her wedding dress, they were entirely chick affairs. As for a tux, Rory had one, practically new, from Ethan and Sarah's wedding the year before.

So really, all Rory had to choose was a best man.


First there were the also-rans.

Miles Crete may have had no luck as an engineer, but he was good as a mover. He had volunteered to bring some of Natalie's things over to Rory's condo before the wedding.

"You can put it all in the office until after the honeymoon" said Rory cheerfully. "Or the pantry. Or wherever it fits. Man, Natalie, what's with bridal showers and cookbooks?"

"My friends are just trying to help" said Natalie.

Miles took in a whole box full of cookbooks.

"They're also cheap" Miles said coldy. "Hey, Keener, do you want to give me a hand with your fiancée's things!"

"Yeah, buddy" said Rory.

"I'll help" Natalie offered.

"We can do the lifting, sis" said Miles.

"Oh really?" said Natalie.

"Yeah" said Rory.

"If I didn't hate the idea of carrying those boxes up myself, I'd argue the point" said Natalie, with a smile. "I'd sooner unpack my things anyways."

Rory had nearly forgotten his grudge against Miles by this time. As for Miles, he had just now remembered his grudge against Rory. He had seen Rory's new Mustang, and it almost physically pained him. And, worse, Mile also saw Rory's look at the small spot of surface rust that had appeared above the bumped on Miles' Ford Ranger. Miles didn't have the money to remove it, and in his mind any surface rust instantly turned a good vehicle into a "beater".

"I'm getting it fixed as soon as I have the time" lied Miles. "You know what a damn pain rentals are. You know . . . all that paperwork and being picked up and dropped off."

"Yeah" said Rory noncommittally. The excuse was so lame Rory was suspicious. Miles countered by roughly throwing a box to Rory.

There was a jingling as of small items shaking.

"Hey Warp 4 butthead" said Rory angrily, his face flushing "this is Natalie's stuff. If you can't take care of them, I'll take them up myself."

"Sorry" muttered Miles, who actually found himself ashamed. Ashamed enough to remember the offer he intended to make.

"You know, Keener, all things considered, you're a good kid" said Miles.

"I'm older than you" Rory reminded him. "By about two years."

"Yeah" said Miles irritably. "What was I going to say?"

"I dunno" said Rory, as the two started to walk to the elevator with their boxes. "I think I can get a cart from the custodian."

"We're engineers" said Miles. "We don't need help. That's what I going to say. "Well, bro, I always wanted a brother. And I'm glad my sis picked a fellow security guard . . . engineer."

Miles ostentatiously placed down his box. He then gave Rory a slap on the shoulder that Rory supposed was meant to stagger him. Rory made sure he didn't stagger.

"Yeah, I wanted a bro too as a kid" said Rory, a bit unenthusiastically for him. "High five buddy."

They high fived.

"Which is why you're going to have your brother-in-law as your best man?" said Miles.

"How come?" Rory objected.

"Look, I introduced you to Natalie."

"Fought me over her" said Rory.

"Just give me the money, and I can throw you the wildest bachelor party" Miles bragged. "One you're guaranteed not to remember. I can get a room at my girl's club, the cheapest beer, and a few girls guaranteed to go the extra mile, if you know what I mean."

Rory put two and two together, and wasn't impressed.

"You want to hire hookers?" said Rory, disgusted by the idea. "Yeah, I'm sure my buddies want hookers."

"They're married, huh?" said Miles.

"Man, are you a skid!" said Rory.

"You should have gotten out more, learned more about life" returned Miles.

Rory looked incredulous.

"Miles" said Rory after a pause, "I know more about life . . . and death, and even . . . living death than you can ever imagine."

"Living death?" asked Miles. "What's that?"

"Not important" said Rory hurriedly. "But what do you think we are? I mean, dancers are okay. Benny got a dancer in a cake for Ethan's . . . I think, I don't really remember. She was dressed like Princess Leila."

"Dressed like who?"

"Princess Leia. You know, Star Wars, Return of the Jedi. When she's captured by Jabba the Hutt and forced to be a slave."

"Yeah" said Miles, dragging out the phrase, and it was his turn to be unimpressed. Miles only knew of Star Wars by reputation, and it seemed to be a bizarre thing to have some stripper dressed as a space princess at your bachelor party. "But you know, we're going to be family."

Rory thought for a moment, why the frack did Miles want to be family so bad? Rory remembered, Miles hated being a security guard. Did that have something to do with it?

"I don't have much pull, dude" said Rory, "but I can give my recommendation on your resume. I think I've got a lot of friends. Heck, Miles, you're less of a pain than a couple guys working on my floor."

"Hell Rory" Miles replied, wryly. "I have the flash drive with my c.v. right here. But, Rory, I'm telling you if they actually like you, it's because you're a keener."

"I take things easy" said Rory in reply.

Rory had no intention of making Miles his best man, and even if they were never good friends, it meant they were no longer enemies.


The first actual friend Rory turned down was Malcolm Brenner (grandson of Malcolm Brunner). It was easy. No sooner had Malcolm come to give Rory a high five, a handshake, invite him for drinks, than Malcolm offered Rory his present. Offering to do Rory's prenuptial contract free of charge.

"And I'm willing to do it even though I haven't touched family law since the bar exams last year" said Malcolm. "But I can safeguard your condo and car with an iron-clad domestic contract. And make sure your other property stays your property. I'll even try to do something about spousal support too, but that's a tough one. If this Natalie is so romantic, she'll have no problems meeting with a lawyer of her own . . . and signing away your money."

"No way!" said Rory, who did not take that easy. "I even argued with my Dad on that. Natalie's not into me for money. And, frack Macolm! You're talking about her as if she's a money-hungry . . . nuh-uh, I won't say it!"

"Things fall apart" said Malcolm, with shrug.

"Nuh-uh" said Rory. "Not with Natalie.

"Well, how about making out a new will" warned Malcolm. "You know a marriage revokes all existing wills."

"I don't have a will" said Rory.

"Okay, Rory, I warned you" said Malcolm resignedly. "But it's nothing personal against Natalie. It's . . . a lawyer thing."

Rory looked at Malcolm suspiciously enough.

"Don't you believe a girl can love you?" said Rory. "Or do you only think of money?"

"I believe in love" said Malcolm. "Someday I'll find a girl. But I'll settle my affairs. A man who believes in Santa isn't going to want to put legalities in the way of his wedding."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I also wanted to know if you needed a best man" added Malcolm hastily. "You know, if Ethan or Benny aren't coming in town."

"They are" said Rory. "So is Sarah. Besides, I wasn't thinking of Ethan or Benny as best man. I was thinking of my best buddy Krypto."

"Is Natalie okay with that?" asked Malcolm skeptically.

"Yeah" said Rory. "She said it's up to me. And I read online about how a few guys have already chosen dogs as best man before me. He dressed his dog up in a tux and everything."

"You think he should just be one of the guests?" said Malcolm.

"I'll ask Krypto" said Rory. "Hey Krypto, buddy!"

The two men looked as the yellow Lab ran into the room from the balcony where he had been sleeping.

"How would you like to be my best dog?" asked Rory.

Krypto looked blankly at Rory. The way his master was talking, he was offering Krypto a real treat. But something told Krypto it was a treat not to his taste.

Rory went to the T.V. Rory cursored to one of the aps, and played a clip of a bride walking down the aisle while her groom waited at the altar holding an enormous St. Bernard on a leash. The dog was dressed in a tuxedo. The dog even had the ring in the tiny barrel of brandy (what else?) tied around his neck.

"Maybe they were expecting an avalanche!" Rory joked.

Krypto looked at the scene with a, well a cryptic expression. Dogs have pride too, and Krypto thought the St. Bernard looked ridiculous and stupid just heeling there. The people at the wedding were looking at the dog instead of the bride and groom.

Krypto looked at Rory, who was obviously happy with the scene. Krypto looked at Malcolm (not one of Rory's best friends, but not too bad in the dog's opinion) who had a smirk on his sallow face.

Krypto instinctively knew Rory was about to do something very stupid . . . or if not stupid, something that wouldn't meet the approval of Rory's family or friends. Krypto included himself here.

So Krypto did the only thing a good friend could do. He growled and barked to make his displeasure known to Rory.

"I guess you don't like the idea, buddy, huh?" said Rory in a disappointed tone.

Krypto barked in reply.

"You know Rory" said Malcolm. "I think Natalie will want to be the centre of attention when she walks down the aisle."

"Yeah" said Rory. "That would be a crappy thing to do to Natalie."

"Better play one where the dog attends, just to double check where Krypto stands" suggested Malcolm.

Rory went to another video, where a Yellow Lab like Krypto was neatly brushed and sitting at the side of the wedding party. With a neat black bowtie. While a person or two occasionally looked at the dog, they spent most of their time looking at the wedding party.

"That's okay, isn't it boy?" asked Rory. "You'll still be best dog, even if you're not best man!"

Krypto wagged his tail and barked his approval.


This left Rory the difficult choice between Benny and Ethan. Other than Krypto, Rory didn't have an actual best friend. So who to choose?

That was tough! The three were like the Three Musketeers, except with light sabres instead of swords.

Rory tossed a toonie, the largest of the Canadian coins. In something of a jerk move on his part, Rory decided to assign Benny heads and Ethan tails. Because, as Rory remembered, Benny was briefly a brain-eating zombie; while Ethan was a very hungry werewolf.

Rory was a nice guy, but he wasn't perfect. And it wasn't as if they were zombie and werewolf for one year and ten months! Besides, Ethan wasn't going to find out why Rory was choosing him for best man.


"So, Ethan, dude, are you going to be my best man?" said Rory over the tv-Skype connection.

Ethan grinned in surprise. Although Rory's overexcited craziness got on his nerves, Ethan thought it was something of an honour. It meant Rory considered him his best buddy, over Benny. And Ethan had to remember (although he barely did) that Benny had thrown Ethan an awesome bachelor party.

"You still have your tux from your wedding" said Rory. "It's supposed to be old school church formal. Well, for the wedding party."

"Covered" said Ethan. "And I'm making your bachelor party as awesome as mine was. Uh, we'll have it about a week before the wedding this time. On a Friday night."

"So I can spend the weekend puking" Rory observed tersely. "But no hookers, okay?"

"Seriously? Hookers?" said Ethan angrily. "Lucky Sarah's not there to hear this. Rory. You I know it's been ten years since you were a vamp . . . but did it scramble your brains for life!"

"I don't want any hookers!" said Rory, offended. "Ethan, you knew me since I was a little kid! It was Natalie's brother's idea."

"The man's a Galactus-sized hypocrite" said Ethan wryly. "No worries, Rory. I don't even know where you go to hire prostitutes . . . probably online. It's not as if I'd use my seer powers to find them."

"Yeah" said Rory. "But your seer powers. You've gotta do something else for me."

"What?" asked Ethan. "Rory, you know it's a bad idea to look into your future. Yours, mine, anybody's."

"No, it's not that. I want to come clean about everything" said Rory. "What Team Sabre is. And about me being a vamp for one year ten months."

"I thought you were rewriting history?" said Ethan. "Do you really want to tell her about that?"

"I was" said Rory. "But I changed my mind. Dude, I can't escape it, I want her to know everything about me. I can't explain. No supernatural powers to actually prove it happened."

There was a pause.

"I understand, Rory" said Ethan seriously. "As soon as we get over next week, I'll see about showing her everything."