Hello I'm nervous to post this but know my fellow Flange fans are lacking in content so thought I would give writing it a go.
Just an fyi, covid is mentioned but we're pretending it's all in the past for the sake of my sanity, no social distancing present in this story lol.
Special thank you to IseultLaBelle on here for being my "fanfiction mum", and my lovely friend Amy for encouraging me and proofreading for me.
Hope you enjoy! Reviews always appreciated x
"Don't look now but Fletch just pulled up," Chloe warns, watching over her mum's shoulder as she steers Ange to face away from him.
"Chloe I don't need you being on lookout for me, we're not twelve," Ange laughs, half entertained by her daughter's dramatics, half growing impatient with the pity and gossip from colleagues that Chloe's obvious grudge is doing nothing but fuel.
"Morning," Fletch says awkwardly, shooting Ange a half smile as he passes the two of them heading into the hospital.
Ange sees him heading for the lift and is half tempted to turn around and take the stairs. Don't be so childish she berates herself internally before making her way over.
"Do you want to wait?" Chloe senses the inevitable awkward encounter of the three of them sharing a lift and asks for her mum partly, but also to save herself the discomfort.
"What for?" Ange shuts down the conversation immediately, pretending to be completely oblivious to the awkward tension that Chloe is so afraid of.
"Your funeral," Chloe mutters under her breath as she pushes past her mum to press the button for darwin.
Fletch is first to break the awkward silence after a painful minute of cringing on all sides, "How are you both?"
Noticing Chloe's sigh, Ange interjects before her daughter can make the atmosphere any worse, "We're fine thanks. You? The kids?"
"Good, good I'm glad. And yep, no complaints here. Nicky says you've moved out for a bit Chloe?"
"Yeah thought mum could do with the company," Chloe turns to make eye contact with Fletch, giving him a cold stare that makes Ange despair, wanting nothing more than for the ground to swallow her up.
"More like I'm saving you from having to spend any more time with Cameron than you absolutely have to," Ange corrects, trying to diffuse the situation by changing the subject to a topic they all agree on - their mutual dislike of Dr Dunn, pretending she hasn't noticed her daughter's attitude towards her ex boyfriend.
"Yeah well, added bonus. Shame I still have to work with him all day."
"Rather you than me," Fletch jokes, smile dropping almost immediately when he's met by another glare from Chloe, clearly not up for joking about Cam, or maybe just not up for joking with him.
Fletch sits at his desk looking totally defeated; not scribbling on rotas or frantically typing like he's usually found at work, just sitting staring at a blank computer screen. The desk is empty, the paperwork now decorating the floor. Even the photos of his kids that usually take pride of place on the wall are disturbed, some at jaunty angles, others joining the rest of the clutter on the floor.
Ange had been putting off coming up here for as long as possible, prioritising the mundane tasks on the ward over inquiring about the status of nurses for AAU, but eventually she runs out of excuses and Cameron has bugged her one too many times so she heads up to Darwin. She knows she's being childish, hates herself for it, but she just doesn't want to deal with the awkward interaction with her ex, no matter how professional the reason for her visit is. She expects tension, expects some awkward small talk but the scenes she finds when she pokes her head around the door surprise her. Fletch looks like he hasn't slept for a week, looks like he's one wrong move away from bursting into tears. His office is a mess. Granted he isn't usually the tidiest of people, one thing Ange used to make fun of him for, but this isn't just clutter. This is complete chaos, only caused by an outburst that is so out of character for him.
"Are you okay?" Ange snaps herself out of her trance, realising how uncomfortable she's making it by not saying a word since knocking. She doesn't get a response, so she enters the room gently closing the door behind her. "Fletch?"
"Sorry?" Fletch seems dazed when he eventually looks at Ange. Well, looks past Ange, because there is no recognition in those eyes, almost like he hasn't even registered who he's speaking to.
"What happened in here?" Ange gestures to the office, the papers scattered over the floor, the disturbed photographs, the number of empty coffee cups dotted about the place.
"Nothing,"
"Fletch, look at the state of the place."
"Spring cleaning,"
"Likely story, what happened?"
"I don't really have time for lectures about keeping my office tidy, what do you need?"
"I was here to ask about nursing on AAU, do we have a plan?"
"And by do we have a plan I assume you mean have you sorted it out yet?" he's defensive and she reckons she's the last person he wants to talk to but she persists, she needs to make sure he's alright.
"No, no Fletch I just was wondering where we're at, it's not your fault there's another nursing shortage but it is you who's assigning nurses to wards, I just want to be kept in the loop because we're really snowed under down on AAU."
"Everyone's snowed under Ange, I know there aren't enough nurses to go around. You have as many as I can afford to pay alright? I'm doing the best I can."
"I know you are, I'm sorry. Sorry for interrupting." Fletch doesn't respond, instead goes back to staring blankly at the mess on the floor. Ange knows she should turn around and leave him to it, knows it isn't her place to check in anymore but she can't just leave him. He looks the saddest she's ever seen him; exhausted, totally defeated.
"Are you okay?" she asks tentatively, overly aware of how easy that question used to come. How comfortable it was to be around Fletch, another stark reminder of just how different everything is now.
"Other than keeping up to date with my kids mostly via text and coming into work everyday just to play the world's hardest game of tetris with sorting everyone's shifts, having lost my most reliable nurse? Yeah I'm great,"
"I know, stupid question I'm sorry," Ange moves to close the distance between them a bit, subconsciously going over to comfort him with physical contact before remembering she has no idea where they stand, no idea how he'd respond.
"I don't know how to do this,"
"Do what? Talk to me."
He gestures to his computer in response, but it's clear there is so much more to this than work stress. Fletch drops his head, it's a very slight movement but the sight is enough to break Ange's heart, he's struggling to keep it together. When he looks up his eyes are glassy with tears. He tries to hide it, clearly embarrassed to be falling apart.
"Fletch," Ange forgets her reservations and rushes over to him, crouching to sit in front of him, taking his hands in hers.
He pulls away as he loses it, stands up to distance himself, trying desperately to hide the fact that he's crying.
"Fletch it's okay, you don't have to hide your face it's fine to cry. Come here," she tries to pull him into a hug but he's reluctant, clearly feeling awkward given their current situation. "Okay I'm sorry if that's uncomfortable, just sit? Please?"
He takes a seat back at his desk, Ange pulling up a chair from around the coffee table ensuring to keep her distance, not wanting Fletch to feel she's overstepping.
"Something tells me this is a bit more than just work stress, you've got us through a nursing shortage before and yes, it took its toll but nothing to this extent," when she gets no acknowledgement she dares ask the question she's fairly sure she knows the answer to. "Is it Essie?"
At that Fletch looks her in the eye for the first time, and she immediately knows she's right.
"It just makes everything harder. People say they throw themselves into work to keep busy when they've lost someone, but what happens when work is nothing but a reminder of how much you relied on them?"
"I don't know. But I do know bottling all this up won't do you any favours, Fletch. You need someone to talk to,"
"I'm talking now,"
"I know but, I mean someone who will keep checking in, someone you'll feel comfortable with. I'm not that, not anymore."
"It's not that I don't feel comfortable with you, it was never anything like that."
"I know, I know. We don't have to talk about that right now."
"I don't mind, I don't want you thinking I didn't appreciate you,"
"I'm glad, I'm just not ready, Fletch. It still just feels...I don't know. But I'm going to go, just promise me you'll open up more? You don't have to do it alone."
"And what about you? Are you talking about things? I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"Hurting you."
"Not sorry for ending things?" He looks away and that gives her her answer. "Anyway don't flatter yourself too much, I'm not lying in bed all day crying and eating ice cream straight from the tub wondering how I'll go on without you, I'm fine," she forces a laugh, to conceal her embarrassment at asking such a pathetic question. She hates herself for asking it, for seeming desperate. But she hates herself for being so cut up about it even more, she's been through far worse than this and is just fine on her own. She's angry at herself for being upset, knowing full well if it was Chloe in her position she'd be berating her for beating herself up for feeling. Telling her "you loved him, of course it's hard now it's over", and that breaks her heart even more. She knows exactly what advice she'd be giving Chloe but it's not the same when you're comforting yourself. Ange has always prided herself on her independence, being self sufficient and strong. But she can't help it, sometimes she craves the feeling of being cared for, wishes her relationship with her own mother was more like hers and Chloe's was now. It hadn't always been that way, and perhaps that's why she's so suffocating now, self proclaimed helicopter mum to make up for lost time. She would drop anything in an instant if Chloe needed her, and sometimes she just wants that for herself. Wishes she had someone to lean on, to share the load when it feels like the weight of the world is on her shoulders. She had that with Fletch. Not for long, but she grew to trust him completely and he was always her shoulder to cry on, just as she was his. Somewhere along the way with work stress, grief and a pandemic they lost it. And now? She's forgotten how to be alone.
A knock on the door interrupts Ange's pity party, forcing her to dry her eyes as the door opens to reveal her kids looking far too dressed up to be going straight home after a long shift, much to her dismay. They want to drag her to Albie's. She's busy preparing her excuses when Chloe notices her tear stained face and worry floods her own.
"You've been crying," Chloe states, no doubt in her mind. Ange knows better than to argue, her daughter can read her like a book.
"I'm fine Chloe I promise,"
"You need a night out, get him out your system," Dom interjects, with much less concern in his voice and pity on his face than his sister, thank god.
"I really, really don't but thank you Dom. I just need to go home put my feet up and have an early night that's all,"
"Did something happen? What's he said?"
"I seem to remember you really liking Fletch, why is he suddenly your nemesis?"
"Because he upset my mum!"
"It's not his fault he doesn't love me Chloe,"
"It's his fault he didn't tell you for so long, he let you drive yourself crazy wondering what was wrong!"
"Now that's an exaggeration, and I'm not appreciating the fact you seem to see me as a quivering wreck who can't survive without a man,"
"You know that's not what I mean, but you were so good together and you did so much for him and what? He just decides it's not for him all of a sudden? And doesn't even tell you until you have to ask?" Ange is flattered by Chloe being so fiercely in her corner but can't pretend it isn't the last thing she wants to be listening to right now, she just wants to forget about the multiple awkward encounters today, go home to her book and an early night.
"Come on, just one drink?" Dom presses, knowing that if it was him going home alone would be the last thing he needed.
"I'm fine honestly, I really just need a night to myself,"
"Humour us? Please?" Chloe begs, knowing her mum will never say no to both her kids at once, not when she's waited so long for them to meet, and after that to be on good terms after her secret risked irreparable damage.
"Fine. ONE drink."
Chloe leads the way into Albie's on a mission to do everything in her power to cheer up her mum, part of her doubting whether this is the best thing for her. She feels like she's letting her mum down somehow, she should've learnt how to take care of people the way her mum does by now, god knows she's had a fair few masterclasses over the years. She snaps herself out of it and scans the room for a table, Fletch nursing a pint with Kian catching her eye. The sight of her mum's ex sitting there laughing without a care in the world ruffles her feathers, particularly after walking in on her mum crying in her office.
"Oh. Well that's just typical," Chloe lets out an exasperated sigh, alerting her mum and brother who haven't yet noticed who they're sharing the bar with tonight. Chloe, much to Ange's embarrassment, not-so-subtly points at Fletch's table and Ange can almost see the steam coming out of her ears at the sight, as if he'd deliberately gone out of his way to interrupt their night.
"It's fine Chloe, really, we're not kids. Besides, he has just as much right to be here as we do so please wipe the scowl off your face? For me?"
"Ah she's pulling the 'I'm the mature parent who must not show any weakness to my kids' card on us Chloe," Dom points out sarcastically, but Chloe misses the joke entirely, too concerned about her mum and angry at Fletch to pick up on it.
"Yeah mum and you're fooling nobody, doesn't matter how old you are running into your ex is always awkward."
"Well it needs to not be, we work together for goodness sake, we need to be able to at least make eye contact."
"You weren't this awkward before, what's going on?"
"Nothing! I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not being awkward."
"Something happened today didn't it? What was it?"
"Shall we sit here?" Ange tries to distract her, ignoring her question completely so she doesn't have to confess to her desperate, embarrassing, pathetic conversation, she as much as begged him to take her back, or at least it feels like she did.
"Are you going to tell me what happened or am I going to have to go over there and ask him?" Chloe gestures to Fletch, the expression on her face making it clear that if she was to go and speak to him it wouldn't be a civil conversation on her part.
"Nothing really he was just having a bad day and I was there for him, I thought there was a moment but I got the wrong end of the stick and then I ran away when he tried making small talk."
"What are you doing taking care of him? That's not your responsibility anymore,"
"I know I know but I went to ask about nursing on AAU and he fell apart,"
"Why? What's wrong with him?" If anyone was to ask he's obviously on his mum's side without a doubt. But still, he can't ignore the concern for his friend. Especially when he knows how close he got to Essie while they were going through treatment.
"Just everything getting on top of him. Anyway, this is not what I came here to talk about. What are you having I'll get the drinks in you two sit down and Dom, please try and control your sister. No throwing dirty looks Chloe."
Much to Ange's relief, the conversation soon drifts away from her relationship drama and before she knows it Dom is quizzing Chloe on the latest Cam and Nicky gossip. Noticing Fletch making his way to the gents, Dom quickly excuses himself and follows.
"Fletch!"
"Dom, if this is you coming to poke your nose into mine and Ange's business can it wait? I've got stuff to do that doesn't involve being cornered by my exes kids."
"Oh Chloe beat me to it did she?"
"Been throwing dirty looks at me all day. What do you want?"
"I want to know if you're okay. And to know what happened. You were smitten Fletch, what went wrong?"
"Nothing we just...drifted apart,"
"That would be believable if I didn't know what actually happened. Ange was in love with you and you just went quiet on her,"
"I know, I was wrong to not talk to her about it."
"So why did you feel you had to end it?"
"I just...wasn't happy and I got tired of having to pretend."
"You're an idiot."
"How'd you work that one out?"
"One of your closest friends just died of cancer, you just got over your own cancer, you're stressed to death at work - of course you're not happy Fletch, that's not a problem with your relationship that's just life. And you don't have to pretend to be happy, Ange would have been more than happy to be there for you, I mean she's still here for you even after you've broken her heart."
"It started before Essie died though, it's like we were good and then we weren't."
"What changed?"
"When I got the all clear, which doesn't make sense, that was a happy time! But it just started feeling...wrong."
"Around the same time Essie got the bad news about her cancer?"
"Well yeah I guess."
"Once again, you're an idiot."
"What am I missing this time?"
"You felt guilty for being happy that your cancer was gone, because it didn't seem fair that Essie didn't get the results you did. You start resenting everything that makes you happy because you feel you don't deserve it. Ringing any bells?"
"That's ridiculous. And Dom, never switch specialties - psychiatry is not your thing."
"Is it? Just think about it, and I'm not saying you should get back together, who knows if Ange would even want that. But just take care of yourself yeah? Don't put pressure on people to make you happy just because they once did, the reality is you're just not happy generally Fletch. You lost a friend, we all did. Don't let the grief destroy everything that usually makes you happy, take it from me. I've been there. There are so many people who'd be here for you if you just let them."
