Of unsent letters and broken hearts

by teenagerwritingfiction

A series of letters Remus wrote to Sirius and vice versa between 1981 and 1994. They both know that they'll probably never send the letters, but they write them anyway. They're the only Marauders left, they've just lost two of their best friends, their lives have been changed forever; so they seek the comfort of the person they love the most, even if that person is unreachable.

6. Sirius to Remus: 6

Dear Remus,

It's never quiet here. There's always crying and screaming, crying and screaming, crying and screaming. The only silent creatures are the Dementors, and honestly, I prefer the screaming.

It's been years and I haven't died. There have been plenty of times I wished I had, because it would make everything easier. There have been plenty of times I thought of escaping, but for whom? Harry is better off without me, it's my fault his parents are dead. Peter is gone, Voldemort is gone, most Death Eaters are in prison or too scared to do something. No one needs me outside.

I shouldn't be here, though. I'm innocent.

I would tell you about things that happened, but nothing really happens here. The days just pass, they are a blur.

I'm innocent.

I'm writing you for my own sanity, I guess, scribbling another note in the margins of my first two letters. It won't be long.

I don't know how long it's been. Five or six years, I think. Crouch died about a year after I got here. Others have died too, but I didn't really know them. Bellatrix is still alive. I guess life really isn't fair.

I just want you to know that I'm innocent. That I miss you. That I'm sorry. That I've been so stupid, thinking we could trust Peter. For thinking, for one moment, that you could be the spy. But I'm innocent.

I don't know if this letter is even coherent.

I love you. I wish you were with me.

No, scratch that, I don't, because you don't deserve to suffer like this. You deserve happiness, you hear me? One Marauder must survive, at least. (And I don't consider Peter a Marauder anymore after his betrayal.) I need you to be happy, Remus. When you get this letter, I will be dead and you will be the only one left.

So please move on. James and Lily wouldn't want you to throw everything away. I don't want you to do that either.

I love you.

Love, Sirius