For someone who's turned repression into an art form, I have very little self-control. I guess the best way to put it is that once I feel like doing something, I don't really think about the consequences - I just do it. A lot of the things that look like self-control from the outside is really just me not being sure I want to do it in the first place.

So when it occurred to me to want my boyfriend to be here, I immediately grabbed the parchment we use to talk.

Astoria: hey, what are you up to?

Draco: Not much. Laying on my couch trying to convince myself that I should catch up on paperwork while I'm awake. Why?

Astoria: I wish you were here
Astoria: I've been thinking about how much I want to try out those handcuffs all day

Draco: … Astoria, why do you hate me?

Astoria: I don't hate you
Astoria: that's why I keep wishing you were here to push me to my knees
Astoria: and order me to suck you until you come in my mouth
Astoria: I need to taste you

Draco: Fucking hell, Astoria
Draco: I was trying to convince myself to do work

Astoria: I'm very bad and not at all ashamed
Astoria: do you want to punish me for it?
Astoria: do you want to handcuff me to the bed?

Draco: yeah, if I was there I'd do more than handcuff you to the bed
Draco: I'd gag you and handcuff your hands behind your back
Draco: then I'd shove you to the floor, rip off your fucking underwear, and fuck you from behind

Astoria: can you gag me with your cock first?
Astoria: I love it when you do that
Astoria: I want you to make me beg for it first

Draco: fuck

Astoria: please let me taste you, Draco
Astoria: I'll do anything
Astoria: I love it when you let me taste you

Draco: fucking fuck

Astoria: you can do whatever you want to me
Astoria: you can handcuff me
Astoria: you can push me to my knees
Astoria: you can tease me until I cry
Astoria: I'm so wet for you right now
Astoria: I want your fingers on me
Astoria: I want your cock in me

There was a loud bang outside, and I jumped, jerking my quill across the page. I was leaning over to write that a car had backfired when I heard pounding on my front door.

I tried to control the smile spreading across my face as I got up. I knew I wasn't doing a very job, but I suspected that he'd be too focused on getting inside me to notice that I looked smug.

When I opened the door, he was already stuffing his gloves into his pockets. Even in the dim light of the street lamp, I could see the intensity in his gaze and the tightness of his jaw, and a pleasant shiver of anticipation ran up my spine.

His lips were on mine before the door had slammed shut, and his jacket dropped to the floor as he shoved me against the wall. The hand that wasn't gripping my shoulder hard enough to bruise was already between my legs and yanking at my underwear. I moaned into his mouth as he reached my clit. "You weren't joking," he managed to get out before leaning down to bite my neck. "What do you think about to make your patronus?"

"Beating the imperius - fuck, Draco, yes." My hands were already on his belt. "What do you - please, I need you."

"Lately? You. Fucking fuck, Astoria." I kicked my underwear aside, and a moment later, he was inside of me.

I was glad we'd both started taking potions - I don't know that I would've trusted either of us to put on a condom right now.

"You're mine," he hissed in my ear, biting down on my neck again. "You're mine, Astoria, you're all mine."

I pulled on his hair, and his mouth returned to mine. His touch was insistent and rough, and just as I was getting close, he pulled the hand between my legs away. "Draco! Why -"

"Because I can." His voice was low and somewhat steady, though I could feel his body quivering against mine as he thrust. "Because you're mine, and I want to make sure you know that."

Something about his tone and the sound we were making as he pushed in and out was making me even more frantic. "I am," I gasped. He was starting to slow down. "Draco, I am, I'm yours, I'm all yours, please."

"Get on your knees," he said, pulling out of me. "And take off your shirt."

I yanked my shirt over my head as I dropped to my knees. His shirt landed on top of it. When I looked up, the sight of his chest sent another jolt through me. Over the past six or seven months, I'd discovered that I liked his chest quite a lot. "Please," I said. "Please, Draco, let me suck you, I need you in my mouth."

I felt his fingers start to twine through my hair as I leaned in. "Do you want me to punish you?" A very pleasant shiver run up my spin, and I whimpered into him. "That's because you're just a little Gryffindor whore."

I let out a snort of laughter, and he let go of me. When I picked my head up, he was grinning.

"What?"

"You're really leaning into that, huh?"

He had to think for a second, and then he started to laugh. "Fuck, I didn't even realize - I guess I am. Do you mind?"

I shook my head. "You're ridiculous, though." I took his hand and let him pull me to my feet.

He immediately lowered his head to kiss me. "I love you," he said after we'd pulled apart.

"Fucking Slytherins."

I sounded about as dismissive as I'd intended to, and his tone when he responded made my heart skip a beat. "You're the one who's been begging for a Slytherin cock in her mouth. Get back on your fucking knees." He hesitated for a moment. "Um - were you serious about wanting to try those handcuffs out?"

I sucked in my breath. "Oh, fuck, yes." I reached down as soon as he'd disappeared into my bedroom. By the time he got back, I was getting close, and I let out a yelp when he grabbed my wrist and yanked my hand away. "Draco, please!"

"I didn't tell you to touch yourself."

The cold steel against my wrists was thrilling. Once they'd clicked into place, his arm circled around me, and I gasped when I felt his fingers on me. "Oh my god, please, Draco, I'll do anything, I'm so close!"

He pulled away from me just before I toppled over the edge - he'd gotten very good at knowing exactly when he needed to stop to keep me on the edge without going over it. At moments like this, I wasn't sure whether I hated it or loved it.

Since it generally led to amazing orgasms, I was strongly in favor of it the rest of the time.

He got to his feet. "Come here - you're not done yet. You said you wanted me to gag you with my cock." As soon as he was in my mouth again, he groaned. "Fuck, yes. I love these fucking handcuffs."

I stopped as soon as he told me to. "Please," I whimpered as he circled me. "Please, please -"

"Astoria?" I opened my eyes. "Er - there are silencing spells here, right? And your door's locked?"

"Right."

"Oh, thank fucking god." He grabbed my shoulder and pushed me to the ground, and I immediately spread my legs as wide as I could.

"Are you okay?" he whispered in my ear. "I tried to guide you down, I know you -"

"Yes," I gasped. "Yes, that was perfect, please, Draco, please fuck me, I need you, I'm so wet for you -"

"I know you are." His nails were digging into my shoulder now, and I moaned when I felt him push inside me again. I was throbbing now, and I needed him than anything, and he knew it. "That's because you're my little Gryffindor whore."

I felt myself tighten around him at his words. From his groan, he felt it, too. "Yes." I gasped. "Yes, I am, yes."

"You're mine," he hissed in my ear. I felt his fingers on me again. "You're mine, you're all mine, Astoria, you belong to me, your pussy belongs to me, you -"

I realized a moment before it happened that he was done teasing me. Then I gasped and closed my eyes as the ripples went through me. "Draco - oh god, fuck, yes -"

"Fucking fuck." He'd picked up his pace as I fell over the edge, and now he buried himself in me. "Fuck, Astoria, you - holy fuck."

As soon as he'd pulled out, he retrieved his wand and tapped it to the handcuffs. I stretched out my arms and then took his outstretched hand. His hair and chest were both damp with sweat. "You're not leaving yet, right?"

He laughed as I started to yank him toward my bedroom. "Are you fucking kidding me?" As soon as we'd discarded our remaining clothes on the floor, he shoved me onto my bed and climbed on top of me. "Of course not. I definitely need to fuck you at least one more time tonight - you drove me fucking crazy."

I reached up to grab his head. "That was the point."

I felt him smile against my lips. "You're such a fucking tease. I love you."

"Well, you weren't at work this time."

"Oh, I'm not complaining." He reached over to grab his wand off the nightstand. "Can you roll over onto your stomach and stretch your arms out? You're probably going to bruise if I don't get it."

I didn't particularly mind that, but I didn't feel like arguing the point right now. A pleasantly cool sensation started to blossom out from the center of my back, seeping deep into my skin as it traveled up to my shoulders and across my hips.

I still didn't think it was necessary, but there was no denying that it felt good, so I burrowed deeper into my mattress. "Fuck," he said as he leaned over to put his wand back on the table. "You know, I kind of wish I'd realized how good this thing is at healing magic when I was in school."

It took my mind a minute to catch up. Then I said, "Wait - you still have your old wand?"

He looked a little surprised. "Yeah - I thought you knew that."

I hadn't known it, and I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about it, either. "I guess I'd assumed you'd've wanted to get rid of it, given - you know, everything."

He shrugged. "Yeah, well. Potter gave it back after they decided they weren't going to charge me - said he didn't need it anymore - and I felt weird refusing the wand that killed You-Know-Who. I'm glad I didn't, even though it took a bit for it to start working properly again. What?"

I'd shot up in bed. "It did what?"

He looked genuinely confused. "Astoria, don't you remember me saying he used my wand at the Battle of Hogwarts last month?"

I shook my head to clear it as much as anything. "I mean, yes, I do, but I just assumed that he meant for, like, a bit or something."

"Nope." He drew out the word.

It wasn't that I didn't believe him - I did. I was just having a lot of trouble processing the information. "What the fuck?"

He stretched his arms over his head. I refused to look at his arms directly and risk getting sidetracked by his muscles. "Do you want a back massage?"

"You're trying to change the subject."

"You're right, I am - I don't want to talk about this. Do you want a back massage?"

"I - sure."

His hands were soft on my back, and despite my burning curiosity, I let out a contented sigh. "If you're curious, talk to your brother." He pressed his fingers down just below my shoulder blade, and I gasped.

"Okay," I said when he'd moved away from that particular knot. I slouched too much, and it always made my back hurt. Knowing it wasn't particularly helpful in stopping me from doing it, for some reason. "But that's kind of cool. Actually."

I heard the smile in his voice. "Yeah, well. I really thought you knew."

When he'd worked the knot under my left shoulder out, too, I reached back to nudge his calf. "You can stop if you want." He ignored me, and his hands felt too good to make anything more than a half-hearted attempt to let him off the hook - if he didn't mind, I certainly didn't.

In the end, he didn't exactly stop as much as just transitioned to something else. I stiffened when his fingers started to trail up my thigh, and I gasped out his name a moment before he reached my clit.

His touch on me was light at first, but when I started to squirm and grind myself against his fingers, he took pity on me and increased the pressure. He brushed his lips against my neck twice before he bit down, and I could feel the nails from his free hand digging into my skin. The small stabs of pain rushed through me, and he started to move his fingers faster. "Are you up to do it again?" he asked as I let out a moan. I nodded vigorously; I was vaguely aware of him chuckling, but I was far more focused on his fingers than his words. "How?"

That permeated the fog in my mind as a question that needed an actual answer. "What?" He pulled back, and I groaned. "Draco -"

"Roll over," he said. "I'm not going to tease you, I just want a straight answer out of you."

"I can't give you a straight answer. I'm not straight." My mind was still foggy, and I wanted his fingers back on me.

He let out a snort. "Astoria."

I shook my head to try to clear it. It didn't work. "Please, Draco," I begged, pushing my hips in the air. "Keep going, please!"

"Do you want me to handcuff you again?" I moaned and brought my hands together, and he grabbed his wand. "I love it when you're like this," he said as he leaned over me.

"Like what?"

He grinned as the handcuffs clicked shut again. "At my mercy, with my come already between your legs."

"You would. Please let me -"

"Nope." He caught my underwear from his second summoning charm and tossed his wand back on the nightstand. "If you want me to stop something, shake your head," he said softly. "I'm paying attention, even if it looks like I'm not." I nodded, and he brought my underwear up to my mouth. "Open up." His tone was clearer and harder now. "I don't want to hear you beg right now. You're mine, and I can do whatever I want with you. I think I need to remind you of that."

I opened my mouth and tasted myself. I let out a whimper that was muffled by the cloth.

"Is that okay?" he asked. His voice was soft again. I nodded. "Good."

Now his fingers were on me. I closed my eyes as he started to rub harder and moaned through my underwear. I heard him curse, and then I felt him slide into me.

"You're mine," he breathed. "You're mine, you're all mine, and I love you so, so much."

I pushed my hips up to meet him, and he let out a groan. "Oh, fuck it," he said, reaching up to my mouth to pull the underwear out. "I'm done with this." He tapped his wand to my wrists. "Get on top of me."

As soon as I'd settled onto him, his fingers were back on my clit. "Why'd you change your mind?"

"I love you - sometimes I want to fuck you without calling you names."

"You're so sentimental."

"Oh, shut up." He pulled me down for a kiss. "Maybe if you were less good in bed, I'd be less defanged."

I threw back my head and laughed. "Excuses, excuses. You were defanged before you'd ever even kissed me."

He grinned. "Yeah, well. Once I fell for you, it was all over."

A pleasant shiver went through me. "When was that?"

"Oh, come on. By your birthday, I was hopeless - you know that. It was a little pathetic. Lean forward - I want to play with your tits." He started to circle his tongue around my nipple.

"Oh my fucking god, yes, like that," I gasped. Feeling him inside me as his fingers and his tongue dragged me closer and closer to the edge wasn't something I thought I'd ever stop loving. "Tell me I'm yours."

"You're mine," he said softly. "Your tits are mine, your pussy is mine, your body is mine." His breath caught in his throat as I started to squirm. "Fuck. You're mine, Astoria, you're mine, I love you -"

And then I felt myself fall of the edge, and I crumpled. I vaguely heard him telling me that he loved me again, but I didn't respond - at that moment, I'm not sure I could have even if I wanted to.

When the pulsing stopped, I looked at him. He was panting, and when he met my eyes, a shiver went through him. "I love how that feels," he said.

"Me too." That made him smile. "I was serious before - I do want to taste you."

His breath caught in his throat as I edged down. "Fuck, yes."

By the time I collapsed next to him, we were both absolutely exhausted. "So you like me being a tease?" I panted.

He hadn't noticed my smug smirk when he'd gotten here. He did notice it now, and it made him laugh. "I fucking love it."

I curled up against him. "I don't think it was pathetic, you know," I told him. "I didn't then, either, even though you're right - I did know." His grip on me tightened a little, and I brushed my lips against his chest. "Did I ever tell you that I knew you'd pretended to be sick rather than just happened to have already planned to take the day off?"

"No, you definitely didn't." He let out a disgusted groan. "Fuck. That's embarassing."

"Did I ever tell you I put the earrings on as soon as I opened them?"

I wasn't sure he was even aware of the smile creeping across his face. It was the kind of smile that happens when someone is doing their very best to try to maintain some element of control over their face and ends up being much more expressive than they would've been if they'd just let themselves smile in the first place. "No," he said. "You didn't tell me that, either."

"Well, I did. And I didn't think you were pathetic. It was kind of nice, even if I didn't know what to do about it at the time." I liked it when he smiled like this, so I added, "I love you." To my surprise, his face suddenly tensed up. "Draco, what the fuck?"

He cleared his throat. "I probably shouldn't be bringing this up right now, but - and I - hadn't meant to ask about this yet, but I - and I know it hasn't been that long - but -"

As soon as I realized what was coming, I immediately rolled over to lay on my stomach.

He sighed. "Astoria?"

"Keep talking," I said into the pillow. "But I think I know what you're going to say, and I feel like I need to have my face in a pillow for it. It's not a bad thing, keep going."

He edged closer to me and started running his fingers down my back. "You're ridiculous," he said. "You're completely ridiculous."

"Keep going."

He sighed. "I just - you make me a happier person, and you help make me somebody I actually like. Maybe it's too soon. I don't know."

"Keep going."

"I don't know. Maybe I - I just - I dont know -"

I rolled over and sat up, thoroughly irritated. "Draco, if you're going to ask me to marry you, then get on with it!"

His face went blank, and I felt a pit in my stomach open up. What if I'd been wrong? What if I looked ridiculous now? What if -

"Yeah," he said. "That's what I want to ask you. I just - I mean, I - oh, stop looking at me like that." I stuck my tongue out at him, and he grinned. "There it is. Astoria, I - would you - like - I want to be with you, and I love you, and - I -"

He was clearly not gaining confidence, so I decided to take him off the hook. "Yes," I said. "Do you have a ring for me?"

He threw himself at me, and I fell backwards onto the mattress. "You're ridiculous," he said in my ear, twining his legs around mine and wrapping me in a bear hug. "Do you know how hard that was to say?"

"Technically -"

"Astoria." I stopped talking and looked up at him. "I really am serious. I don't have it with me, because I was thinking about fucking your brains out, but I do have a ring."

"Is it red?"

"Astoria."

I sighed. "Yes?"

"You didn't even think about it. You just… said yes. And you've had a lot more issues with me than I've had with you. I mean - you get what I'm asking, right?" I gave him a look, and he made a face. "Give me a break. This is kind of a big deal, and I'm just trying to understand."

Which I supposed was probably fair.

"You care that you were wrong," I said. He frowned at me, but he didn't say anything. "I mean - I guess I spent a lot of time thinking about the - I mean, no offense, but whether it was moral to date you, because I really wasn't sure that it was, even though I liked you." He winced. "But then I realized that, like - choices matter to me, and you're choosing to be good, and at this point, I'm sure you mean it. And that matters, too. Draco, I love you, too, but I can't breathe."

His hold on me loosened again. "Sorry," he said, burying his face in my shoulder. "When did you decide that?"

"Over the holidays."

"Oh."

"So I'm sure." My heart was hammering in my chest. "Can I be shallow for a minute?"

He let out a snort of laughter. "You want the ring now."

"I really do."

He groaned, disentangled himself from me, and rolled out of bed. "When I get back, I want to fuck you again," he said, yanking up his jeans. "Apparently having your girlfriend agree to marry you is a turn-on. Who knew?"

a/n: reviews always appreciated, idfk what this even is but thanks for reading