Prompt: Hi! If you're still taking prompts, I'd love it if you made a hayffie (post mj where they live in district 12) about the bed frame breaking during sex and Effie hurting her wrist? And she can't fix the frame herself and Haymitch is too lazy to fix it? And she won't give him any lovin' because she's too proper to do it on the couch? So they have a stand off...Kudos if you make it smutty ;) Thank you and i love your work!

AND

Prompt :PLEASE please please do one where Peeta is the one that Goes to Haymitch For advice on sex and they have THE TALK

Of Accidents, Talks and Educational Books

Effie sat on the stool in front of her dressing-table, her back turned to the mirror, wrapped in nothing but her silk dressing gown, and stared at the blatant mess in the middle of the room. Haymitch was standing a few feet away, his hands buried in the pockets of the sweatpants hanging low on his hips, equally staring.

"Never did that before." he commented after a while.

His voice was smug and amused.

"You are far too proud about this." she chided him. "This is a disaster. What are we going to do?"

Their bed was in pieces. The bed frame had broken in the middle of sex. Simply broken. And everything else had collapsed under them. A piece of wood had gutted the mattress. It was simply a mess.

Not to mention it was a frustrating mess because the scare it had given her had prevented them from finishing.

"There's always the bed in the guestroom." he shrugged.

She made a face. She had been sleeping in that bed for a while when she had first sought refuge in Twelve. "The mattress is hard. And the bed frame is so plain…"

Haymitch rolled his eyes. "Short term solution. You can always order something. Not like you spend your time filling the house with stupid ordered shit, right?"

She chose not to comment on the sarcasm.

In the last five years, she had, indeed, endeavored to make the house a little more homey and that included changing furniture and adding some welcomed accessories and baubles.

"Alright then." she sighed. "Make the switch."

It was his turn to make a face. "Will need help."

"Well, I wasn't going to sit here and watch you work." she huffed.

He shook his head. "Too heavy for you."

And that was when she cringed, understanding what he wasn't completely willing to word. "Oh. Is that really necessary?"

"Depends. You want to sleep in the guestroom or on the couch?" he mocked.

"Point taken." she granted, hurrying in getting dressed, leaving to him the delicate task of fetching one of the children.

How he would explain a bed randomly breaking in the middle of the afternoon, she didn't know.

It soon turned out he hadn't in fact explained.

She didn't know why she was surprised.

"And it just broke?" Peeta asked a few minutes later, surveying the damage with raised eyebrows. "Just like that?"

"It is the strangest thing!" Effie lied, her voice bright and cheerful. "I was in the study, Haymitch was in the living-room… And suddenly this huge noise… Why, I have no clue what could have happened."

"Don't be afraid to lay it thick." Haymitch mumbled in her ear as he walked past to take a hold on the broken bed post.

"It's lucky you weren't in bed." Peeta commented innocently – a little too innocently.

She let them work, busying herself with undressing the bed in the guestroom and fetching fresh sheets from the wardrobe down the hall for later use. Their voices filtered through the open door anyway.

"What?" Haymitch snapped.

"Nothing." Peeta was quick to answer, laughter in his voice. "Just… How do you break a bed?"

Effie pursed her lips, knowing it wasn't a story they were likely to live down.

It took several seconds for Haymitch to answer.

"Hypothetically?" he asked and Effie shook her head at his antics.

"Yeah." Peeta said, laughing for real now. "Hypothetically."

"Two people pulling on the headboard at the same time while pushing in the opposite direction." Haymitch deadpanned.

Effie's cheeks flushed crimson and she glared in the direction of their bedroom, unable to believe he had actually said that.

"Really didn't need that visual." Peeta audibly winced.

"You asked." Haymitch replied.

For a while, all she could hear was the noise of pieces of woods being moved and the squeaking of metal as they worked on putting what was left of their bed apart.

Suddenly Peeta cleared his throat. "Is it any good?"

"Nah, we just like breaking furniture." Haymitch scoffed. "Now, I didn't need that picture in my head, boy."

Haymitch sounded absolutely disgusted and it made her smirk in amusement. He liked to pretend the children were absolutely chaste.

Peeta didn't seem concerned about hurting his sensibilities though, he sounded more curious than anything. "So to do that you would… Like… Both face the headboard, right?"

"Didn't I give you a sex talk on the Tour?" Haymitch immediately answered with a clear cringe.

Effie's smirk deepened. That talk had happened at her request and she had never laughed as much as when Haymitch had come back with the tips of his ears red in embarrassment.

"You shoved condoms at me, explained how to put them on and then asked if I knew where to put it. And I'm quoting here." Peeta chuckled. "Hardly what I call a talk. You know Effie gave Katniss a detailed explanation about condoms? With bananas. She made her practice and everything."

And hadn't that been the most embarrassing moment of her own life, Effie mused.

"Waste of condoms that I could have put to better use." Haymitch retorted.

"Anyway." Peeta was quick to reply. "Forget it."

For a moment all she could hear was the sound of hammering and things being pulled apart. She pretended she was tidying the wardrobe not to have to admit to herself she was eavesdropping.

"Yeah." Haymitch sighed a long suffering sigh after a long time. Reluctant too. "Both facing the headboard."

There was another long silence.

"How did you convince her to… You know… From behind." Peeta said, after clearing his throat. "It's a little… I don't know disrespectful?"

Haymitch's laughter rang clear and loud.

Effie clucked her tongue quietly, certain the boy was red like a tomato and that Haymitch was making fun of him.

"Oh boy…" Haymitch snickered once he had calmed down. "Nothing… disrespectful about that. Some women like it better. Effie…"

"We're so not talking about what Effie likes." Peeta squealed, sounding more like his sixteen year old self than the man he had become. "She's like my mom. Seriously. No."

She didn't need to see to know Haymitch was rolling his eyes.

"Fine." he snorted. "Just saying. Easier to find the right spot."

"It's just…" the boy insisted. "When they do that in movies it's always… dirty."

"You say movies, you mean porn, right?" Haymitch sighed, sounding pained. Probably because having a sex talk with Peeta hadn't been how he had been planning to spend his afternoon. "Look, real sex is never like porn. And there's nothing wrong with dirty as long as everyone's comfortable with it, alright? Dirty's half the fun." Haymitch's voice was wary as if he would rather have been anywhere else than where he was, talking about that with Peeta. "You just… throw the idea out there and see if everyone's on board. Just make sure everyone enjoys it."

He was very careful not to mention Katniss, Effie noticed with amusement. Katniss was too much like his own daughter for him to be comfortable discussing that.

She took pity on him and announced her arrival with a cheerful shout of his name before stepping in the room, pretending to check on their progress.

He shot her a look of such gratefulness that she knew he was aware she had been listening.

"It's sad how little that boy knows." he told her later, once they were lying on their newly assembled – and hopefully more resistant – bed.

"You weren't so knowledgeable yourself." she pointed out. "I was instrumental to your sex education."

He ignored her.

"I feel like we should do something, though. It's sad to think they are having boring sex." He made a face at his own words. "I so don't want to think about them having sex, sweetheart…"

"I will order a book for them." she decided. "Or better yet, I will have Johanna send them a book. Nobody will question that and we can remain blissfully unaware."

"Good call." he approved, smirking at her. "Want to test the bed?"

"Are you sure it won't break this time?" she deadpanned.

She was already laughing when he pounced on her.

They could be accused of a lot of things but certainly not of having boring sex.