Chapter 25: If She Left
Edyth hasn't brought herself to do much that night. Not that there is much to do. Without a fire, the company settle for snacks in their bags for an evening meal. There are a few mumbles of conversation throughout the cave, mostly indistinguishable echoes, overwhelmed by the rain still pouring outside.
The Hobbit sits with her back against her pack, half lying down and slowly munching on cashews they managed to sneak from Rivendell. One by one she plops them into her mouth, barely giving thought to her surroundings.
She isn't weak. She isn't useless. And she needs to prove that. Prove herself to Thorin bloody Oakenshield. He is right, by all accounts considering he is making his arguments off what he has seen from the two Hobbits. He's only seen them continue to fall down, whether by their own mistake or the ill will of fate. But even Bilbo has managed to save them from the Trolls. And she's done…nothing. Maybe all this time she has been wrong. She isn't the one meant for adventure, maybe it has been Bilbo all along. Maybe-
"Edyth?" The woman blinks slowly, breaking from her long chain of thought to turn her head up. "You're bleeding," Kili comments, holding up a cloth and a bowl of water.
"I'm fine," she mutters, turning her head back to the side.
"It just needs a clean," Kili pushes, kneeling down. "It'll take two minutes."
"It's fine," she declares. "The rain pretty much cleaned it anyways."
Despite her protest, Kili moves next to her side, dipping the cloth into the water. Agitated by the direct ignoring of her request, Edyth sits up, pulling her head away. She isn't weak and a scratch is nothing. If it kills her then maybe she deserves the death it brings.
A soft nudge on her other side draws her eyes to Fili. "Don't be petty," he chides.
"I'm not being petty," she counters, crossing her arms over her chest.
"You are," Fili argues back indifferently. "You're upset and we understand that, but don't say no to help out of spite."
Any argument dies right on her lips. Mostly because he's speaking nothing but the truth. Begrudgingly, she turns back to Kili. But the frown on her features shifts back upwards willingly. She reaches out, knocking her fingers against his arm. "Please?"
He doesn't say anything, only shifting around to rest the bowl on the ground. Her head sways slightly as her face is cleaned off. Once he is done, Edyth leans closer, giving him the warmest smile she can manage. "Thank you," she whispers.
If they weren't here, Edyth knows she would be having a much harder time convincing herself to stay. Thorin's cause – all their cause – gives her good reason, but the brothers hold her in place. The thought of them not being there scares her, not even being able to imagine where she would be. Probably dead by this stage.
Kili gives her a tiny smile, placing the cloth and bowl to the other side. "Of course." He rests his hands on his thighs and Edyth's smile morphs into an amused one.
"Your hands are so different to mine," she notes aloud. She takes on of his off his leg, holding hers against it. Her own fingers are lanky and bony but his are almost double the width of hers, squared instead of rounded. Kili chuckles softly at the comparison, encasing almost the entirety of her hand in only one of his. "Made for mountain life," she muses, tracing the outline of his fingers with her other hand. "Mine are made for…gardening and tea making," she decides. Both of their hands are filthy, tracks of dried mud and stone dust caking them.
"And killing Orcs," Fili pipes up with a chuckle. Edyth grins, knocking her knee to the side into his own.
"Barely," she snorts. "Potluck that was. But I hope it won't be in the future. I'll be slaying them left right and centre with the way you're training me."
"Sure thing," Fili agrees dismissively, drawing out one of his knives are sharpening stones. Edyth rolls her eyes, glaring at the side of his head.
"The lack of belief is astounding," she scoffs to Kili in a whisper which is most certainly meant for Fili to overhear. Fili smiles to himself as Kili chuckles softly, her shoulder jostling slightly at his movements.
"He's a believes it when he sees it person," Kili speaks into her ear.
Edyth turns her head to the side, peering up at him through her lashes. "And what about you? You believe me, don't you?"
Kili doesn't answer immediately but his lips twitch up as he searches her eyes. Perhaps he is debating whether to give a joking or truthful answer. Really, she isn't sure what she wants to hear yet. "You'll be kicking Dwalin's behind in no time."
Edyth closes her eyes, silently laughing and lets her forehead drop to his shoulder. "Thank you," she mutters. Her nose twitches at his hair which has been swept into a mess by the storm. Her own hair probably isn't any better, but it is tied back enough to be out of her face. "I don't know how you deal with having your hair down," she mutters, sitting back up slightly.
Wanting to be distracted by the smaller things, she pours her attention on taming it as best as she can. Only on the side closest of course, she's not a maid. As her fingers rifle through his hair, Edyth finds a neat braid, tucked between the layers that begins just behind his ear. "I didn't know you had this one," she notes quietly, turning it over in her hand.
The bead at the bottom is long and slim, an architectural design engraved. Kili swallows as he watches her fiddle, taking a moment to answer. "It was my fathers," he says just as quietly. "The bead." Edyth stops her hand from moving any further. Kili gives her a brief, mournful smile. "It's okay. He died a long time ago."
"That doesn't make it any more okay," she croaks. Carefully, she tucks the braid back under his hair, smoothing the rest of his hair over it and out of the way. "I think we should get some sleep." Kili nods to her suggestion and she turns to Fili who is listening in but not responding. She pulls the sharpening stone from his grip, earning a glare. "Sleep," she whispers. They've all had a long day and to stay up and longer would be earning them a rough morning.
"You're not my mother," he mutters, sitting back up straighter. Edyth smirks at his childish tone, only raising a brow in warning as a response. Fili tests her but ends up muttering under his breath, shoving his knife away. Edyth tosses the stone back to him. "She may as well have come," he mumbles, shuffling himself forward to lie down.
Edyth follows his movements, lying down next to him, folding her arms and legs up close to keep warm considering she is still damp from the rain. "I'm just looking out for you," she goads. Fili scoffs at the play on his own words but can't help the amused pull at his lips. She rolls back onto her back, staring up at the cave ceiling.
It is a bitter end to the day. No, it is a terrible end to the day. Everything is just lost. There is no desire in her heart to return to the Shire yet her position in the company feels like it has just been tipped off the strong it balanced on. But as odd as it sounds, staying with the company is the easiest path to take. It's set out in front of her, happening right now where her other roads demand choices that she's not ready to make.
Despite craving it, Edyth finds herself still awake an hour later. Turned on her side again, she stares at the side of Fili's face. All the muscles in his face are soft and relaxed. How could one be so calm after playing with death? Is he just so used to this life that it is normal? Surely they don't face this much danger usually but there must be a constant threat that they are used to if they've been able to hold themselves together for this long. By now Edyth feels like she should have broken down at least three times.
Soon she does fall into a peaceful sleep, not even a dream occupying her mind but even less than an hour after that, a hand grasps her shoulder, shaking it. Her nose scrunches at the rude awakening but she opens her eyes no matter how much she wants to them to remain closed. "Bilbo?" she croaks.
Her brother places a finger to his lips, glancing around. "Shh," he hushes. "Come on, we're leaving."
This wakes her up faster than a bucket of cold water. Edyth snaps up, her eyes wide and frantic. "Leaving?" she hisses. Sure enough, Bilbo has all his belongings packed, walking stick in hand. "What do you mean?"
"What do you think?" Bilbo growls. Edyth retreats, her eyes darting around. Nobody looks to be awake. He's sneaking away in the middle of the night? "We're going back to Rivendell." Without giving her any time to respond, Edyth is pulled to her feet. Bilbo begins rolling up her bedroll while she stands there dumbfounded. Fili and Kili are still fast asleep. Edyth's mouth hangs open.
For a second…a second she contemplates the idea.
And in the next, she's gripping Bilbo's arm, tearing him away from both her belongings and the possibility of waking the brothers up. "No," she declares. Her tone is strong but quiet, not desiring to be heard by any others that may be awake. "I'm not leaving."
Bilbo pushes his head forward, gesturing out with his walking stick hand. "Thorin was right, Edyth. We don't belong on the road; out here facing Orcs and Trolls. We belong at home, at Bag End."
Edyth takes a step forward, gripping her brother's shoulders. "And maybe we do." She searches his eyes, trying to find something to convince him. "Maybe we belong in our garden, drinking tea and smoking pipeweed. Maybe we belong at the Merry Inn, drinking with Daisy Cobbler and Bartimus Vector. But…" she trails off, looking around the cavern of sleeping Dwarves, none of which have awoken to their conversation. "But they also belong in a home. And that's what they're searching for now. Do you remember what I told you back in Bag End? They haven't just lost somewhere to sleep. They've lost centuries of culture, history, people buried there, artifacts – one of which is our job to retrieve."
She pulls her hands back to her side, raising her chin. "I'm not going to stop you from going, Bilbo. I would never force you to risk your life but don't take that decision away from me. I've made it, and it may not be respected but its mine. I can't leave, Bilbo. I just…can't."
Bilbo stays silent through her rant, taking in every word she has to offer. Now at the end, he knows there is no argument to be made. "You promise you'll be safe, won't you?"
Edyth bears the tiniest of smiles. "I think you already know that's not possible. But I'm not going to throw myself into a fire pit if that's what you're asking." Bilbo nods, chortling silently. "I'll come home when I can."
Bilbo bows his head is resignation, placing his walking stick at the ready. "I'll see you later on then?" Edyth crosses her hands by her front, nodding. They've never been good at farewells, both Hobbits silently agreeing that this is the end. Bilbo turns around, but as he does so, his red jacket moves slightly.
"Bilbo?" she calls. "What's underneath your jacket?"
Bilbo frowns, pushing away the material. At his hip, inside the sheath of his sword is a blue hue, glowing as bright as a small torch would. Edyth has no idea what it means but she watches Bilbo's face morph into horror. "Oh no."
There is a slight creaking sound, like something moving ever so slightly underneath them. Edyth's feet widen, her arms moving out to the side.
"Wake up. Wake up!" Thorin is already awake, sensing what the two Hobbits are also feeling. Edyth's eyes are trained on a growing line of sand dropping but she kicks out to Fili's boot, knocking him awake.
Trapdoor. That's all that can run through her mind.
"Move!"
Though many listen to her command, there is no time to act on it as the floor beneath them is indeed a trapdoor. The ground underneath disappears, and the entire company falls through and into the inner part of the mountain.