Joy

There were only three things I disliked about having Mara Jaffray as my second roommate. Number one is her alarm always goes off at five thirty in the morning so that she can revise all of her notes from yesterday before getting ready for school, no matter how many times Patricia and I ask her not to. Earplugs don't work either – believe me, we tried. Number two is that she's not in Sibuna and wasn't coming to our midnight reunion. Translate that to instead of just switching on the lights and only worrying about trying not to wake up Victor, Patricia and I were forced to stumble around in the dark, tripping over Mara's suitcase and stubbing my toes against the dresser as we tried to make it to the door. Number three is that the school makes it a priority to keep housemates together for their classes, which means Mara almost always knows when Patricia and I have a test coming up. Whenever we're goofing off instead of studying she just fixes us with this, 'you know better look', that somehow always gets us in line.

We finally made it out into the hall and I exhaled in relief, massaging my throbbing toe through my fuzzy pink socks. Patricia tugged on my sleeve to get my attention and I turned to see Amber tiptoeing down the hall to join us.

"Where's Nina?" Patricia whispered as she clicked on her flashlight.

"She just woke up, she'll be up in a minute," Amber whispered. Please note, when I say whispered, I mean it in the loosest possible sense of the word.

Taking extreme pains to avoid creaky floorboards, the three of us snuck up to the attic to find Alfie, Fabian and a tired-looking Eddie waiting for us.

"Hey boo!" Amber whisper-called happily, doing a weird little happy-tiptoe-jumping thing over to Alfie. Patricia gravitated over towards Eddie and I mentally weighed my options. Choice A: ignore how awkward it was going to be since Fabian knows I have a crush on him and go over and talk with him since he's one of my best friends even though he and Nina are back together. Choice B: uncomfortably stand off to the side and be jealous that everyone but me has a boyfriend/girlfriend.

'A' it is.

"Hey Fabes," I greeted with a nervous smile. His gaze shifted to me and my heart fluttered. Why, why, why did he have to look so cute in pajamas and an old bathrobe?

"Hey Joy," he smiled, turning towards me. "I heard your parents took you on a cruise to the Caribbean, how was it?"

My smile shifted from nervous to downright luminescent as it threatened to take over my face. "Oh It was amazing Fabes, I mean honestly I didn't even know water could be that blue!"

He shrugged and explained, "Well the water itself isn't actually blue, it's just the reflection of the sky and the Caribbean waters appear that way because the sunlight is scattered by the water molecules and it reflects off of the sand and reefs near the surface–"

I cut him off with a wave of my hand. "Save the science, we both know it bores me."

Fabian laughed and a bubble of happiness swelled in my lungs. It's just so easy with him. We talked about our classes this year, and I could sing when I learned we had all the same ones. We swapped stories of our vacation, the words simply flowing from my mouth. He made sure my dad was still doing OK and I assured him that his program was running smoothly. My mum found him a rehabilitation center after the events of two years ago came to light. Turns out she didn't look kindly upon men kidnapping their daughters and had been this close to winning a divorce. However, the divorce lawyer convinced the court my dad suffered from a mental illness and dad got off the hook with twenty four-seven therapy. He just got out of full-time care two months ago.

I was perhaps a step closer to him than what was entirely appropriate since he had a girlfriend when Amber started clapping and we turned to see Nina stepping into the attic. She laughed and did a little mock bow, before straightening up and looking around. Her gaze landed on Fabian and she smiled before noticing how close I was to him and her eyes narrowed. I received the message loud and clear. Step away.

But I locked my jaw and stood more firmly in my spot, daring her to move me. Two can play at this game.

Tension seemed to crackle in the room as an oh-so-awkward silence filled it, before Alfie finally broke the atmosphere. "Come on everyone, circle up my feet are cold!"

I didn't need to glance down to know he wasn't wearing shoes. Nina's piercing green eyes bored into mine and as the other four Sibuna members formed a circle on the floor Nina marched over and sat down so she was on the left of Fabian. Since I was now the only one left standing I figured I had about four seconds to choose a spot before it got awkward. Well, awkward-er. Choice A: take the spot across from Fabian and Nina that Patricia saved for me and keep the situation from turning nuclear, or Choice B: sit down where I am and be next to Fabian because I don't care what Nina says and I'm not giving him up that easily.

Before I could make up my mind however, Patricia called my name and patted the spot next to her. "Come sit next to me," she insisted, and I read between the lines. It's not worth it.

It made me feel like someone was wrapping a hot wire around my lungs but I forced my feet across the floor and took the seat next to my friend.

As I relaxed into my position I saw the defensiveness trickle out of Nina's posture and she unhooked her arm from Fabian's to raise her right hand to cover her eye. "Sibuna everyone, welcome back!" she smiled, and as the rest of us performed our ritual she drops her hand to link it with Fabian's. A pounding filled my ears as a surge of white-hot jealousy clawed its way up my throat but I swallowed it down, forcing my expression to remain neutral.

The sound of my blood rushing through my ears took several unbearably lengthy minutes to quiet down, and by the time I was able to return my focus to the conversation Amber has begun talking. "I want to establish some goals for this year," she declared. "Here I've made a list." The blonde reached into her bright pink bathrobe pocket and pulled out a neatly folded piece of bubblegum pink stationary. She opened the paper, cleared her throat and read her list. "One. We should figure out more about Nina and Eddie's, Chosen One Osirian relationship. Two. Be on the lookout for anything creepy or supernatural that Victor might be up to. And three. We need two codes: a code word, and a code phrase."

The rest of us looked at each other in confusion as Amber put the paper back in her pocket. "Um, codes for what exactly?" Patricia asked.

Amber rolled her eyes. "For Sibuna emergencies, duh," she explained, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "What happens if someone gets kidnapped again, like how you were grabbed by Rufus or Joy was taken out of school two years ago? The word we can text to each other. The phrase we can say in conversation or on the phone or something. Both mean the same thing: drop what you're doing, get Sibuna and help me my life is in danger."

"Amber do you really think that's necessary?" Fabian asked.

The blonde gave him such a withering look you would've thought he'd just suggested she run downstairs nude screaming, 'Victor I love you.' "Yes Fabian, I think it's necessary," she snapped in a tone that left no room for argument and the group collectively drew back a bit. Amber can be scary when she wants to.

We dissolved into a heated debate of what the word should be, everyone having multiple suggestions before eventually settling into the two final contenders. Nina, Fabian, Amber and I were backing 'pepper', while Patricia, Alfie and Eddie were holding firm at 'shazam'.

"Four to three is majority," I argued. "The code word should be pepper."

Patricia folded her arms and scowled. "But it's something we're all going to be potentially using so it should be a unanimous decision."

"Not to mention it was my idea to have a code word in the first place. I should have final say on what it is," Amber piped up.

"Well it's a word none of us are probably ever going to use so the fact that it was your idea doesn't hold much weight," Eddie shot back.

Nina gave a low whistle to get everyone's attention and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Show off.

"How about we just flip a coin?" she suggested. "Anyone have one?"

Thankfully Alfie apparently had started carrying around fifty pence pieces in his bathrobe pocket in case he ever spent the night at school and had a vending machine emergency. With a flourish, he pulled one out and we passed it around the circle to Nina.

"OK, heads," she showed the heads sighed around to everyone, "Is pepper. Tails," she again displayed the side to the group before continuing, "Is shazam. Everyone in agreement?"

A somewhat in sync nodding of heads followed, everyone's eyes laser-focused on the coin in Nina's hands.

Balancing it on her thumb, Nina flipped, caught, and slapped it onto the top of her hand. She blew out a breath and cautiously peeked at it, face splitting into a grin as she removed her hand and slid the coin off. "Heads," she declared victoriously.

Patricia and Eddie groaned and Alfie half-heartedly tried to keep arguing but the code word had been confirmed, settled in the fairest way possible and there was nothing he could do.

"Now that that's out of the way, I vote we use a different method of picking the code phrase," Nina announced and I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from sneering. Of course she wanted to just come crashing in and change everything. That was her way after all. But of course, everyone turned to her expectantly.

"What'd you have in mind Neens?" Amber cocked her head.

Before answering, Nina walked over and grabbed a notepad off of a shelf. "Can I borrow your pen?" she asked Amber, holding out her hand expectantly.

Amber gave a dramatic sigh, but pulled out the pen that was keeping her long hair in a cute little bun. Nina then tore seven strips of paper and passed them around the circle. "We each write down our favorite code phrase, we go around the circle and read them out, and then I'll pull a random one out of my bathrobe pocket. If anyone wants to take theirs out in favor of a better one, or change theirs, they can do that before I pull one out. Sound good to everyone?"

No one seemed to have any objections but I just couldn't help myself. "Why do you get to choose the code phrase?" I raised an eyebrow and innocently tilted my head, doing my best to keep my expression nonchalant.

Nina pulled her lips back into a tight smile as her laser-like eyes turned their gaze to me. "It doesn't have to be me Joy. But since it was, my, idea, I just assumed I would. And look at that, you're the only one who seems to have a problem with it being me."

"I'm just saying we should get to choose who it is. We're a group democracy after all, not a dictatorship," I smiled, keeping my face as sweet as possible. "Why can't Fabes do it?"

Nina's gaze cut through the air to land on Fabian and I was surprised her eyes didn't slice him in two. "Do you want to do it Fabian?"

Sensing danger, he immediately shook his head, adorably stammering out that he was perfectly fine with Nina doing it. Her eyes flashed back to me. "Any other complaints Joy?"

I wanted desperately to come up with some biting response, but my mind went blank. I swallowed my pride and stiffly shook my head, smile still frozen on my face. The group released a collective breath, and we passed the paper around the circle. Nina uncapped the pen, scrawled her idea, and passed it on. Fabian wrote down his idea, passed it on, and so on and so forth. Once Eddie finished and handed the pen back to Nina, she capped it, cleared her throat, and read out her idea. "I've been studying a lot of anatomy recently."

I fought the urge to scoff, and turned my attention to Fabian who read out, "I'm doing my biography on Alan Turing."

Amber raised a hand. "Who?"

"He was an English mathematician and lead the team who cracked the Nazis' Enigma codes during World War II," Fabian explained, and I had to look away when Nina laughed and planted an affectionate kiss on his cheek.

Amber abstained, but Alfie was pulling for "Elvis has left the building," I had come up with "What goes around comes around," Patricia submitted, "My twin brother and I were thinking," and Eddie decided on, "An eye for an eye."

Nina gathered up all the scraps and shuffled them in her pocket. She reached a hand in and pulled out a folded little piece of paper. Opening it up, Nina scanned it, a scowl rising to her lips before she reluctantly read out, "What goes around. Comes around."

A smug smile pulled itself across my lips and I desperately fought to keep my glee from being to obvious, though I was pretty sure I failed miserably.

Clapping her hands to draw our attention, Amber tossed her hair and flashed a million watt smile. "OK everyone I think that's enough work for one night, we do have first day of classes tomorrow after all, and we want to be in bed before Victor catches us. Anyone else have anything they need to bring up?" We all either shook our heads or somehow agreed we had nothing to add and Amber nodded happily. "Alright then, I will leave it to our fearless leader to send us off. Nina?"

Nina gave a small laugh and covered her right eye. "Sibuna."

We mimicked her, the low whisper of, "Sibuna," echoing through the attic. Unable to help myself I asked, "Why didn't you send us off Amber?"

The blonde stared at me in confusion. "Nina's our leader. And our leader starts and ends all official Sibuna meetings."

"Who made Nina our leader?" Since my bathrobe sleeves only came to just past my elbows I moved my hand behind my back so no one could see me clenching my fist.

"Well, I am the Chosen One Joy." I turned to see Nina's eyes narrowed dangerously as she practically dared me to challenge her position.

I forced my fist to relax and pretended to raise my hands in surrender. "Hold your fire, Chosen One," I rolled my eyes. "All I'm saying is I wasn't part of any election."

"Maybe because there was no election," Nina snapped, folding her arms as she glared at me.

The rest of the group had shifted to form a sort of half-circle around Nina and I felt my throat close up. They had her back. They always had her back. Why couldn't they have my back? Fabes owed me didn't he? I saved his life last year! I wanted to come up with some biting comeback but the sight of them all standing there, united, made me feel sick. My throat was dry and my mind went blank. I couldn't think of anything to say so I just numbly shrugged my shoulders. "My bad, I guess," I mumbled, not really looking at any of them.

Nina's posture oh-so-slightly relaxed as I backed down. "Alright then. Good night everyone. And guys, be careful sneaking back downstairs, make sure Victor doesn't see you and Alfie please, please, please try not to wake up Jerome."

Fabian and Eddie made noises of affirmation before Patricia pulled Eddie over to say good night as Alfie complained he wasn't that noisy, but Nina didn't seem to hear him. She glanced at me, saw I was still looking, and then turned to Fabian. "Sweet dreams," she smiled, batting her eyelashes up at him. Without even giving him a chance to respond she placed a hand at the back of his neck and pulled his lips down to hers. I wanted to look away, but my eyes seemed to be frozen into my skull as it felt like fire was being poured on them. Fabian seemed all too happy to kiss her back, if not a bit surprised at the suddenness of it, and put his hands on her waist to pull her in until she broke away a couple seconds later. Flashing him a smile, she turned on her heel and walked to the door, giving everyone a wave as she walked out, leading to a quiet chorus of, "Bye Nina."

I swallowed past the lump in my throat, waited four seconds to give her a head start, and then took off down the stairs, socked feet skirting the floor as quickly as I could manage without falling over until I reached my room. Taking a deep breath, I pressed my head against the cool, wooden doorframe, soaking it in before twisting the handle and darting inside. Navigating my way through the pitch black past a gently snoring Mara I dropped my robe on the floor and collapsed into bed, my eyes still burning with the image of Nina pressing her lips to Fabes'. I knew, I just knew she did that to prove a point to me. The way she looked at me, right before she did that, Nina wanted me to see. She wanted me to see and know that he was hers, not mine. But that would change. It had to. That feeling I got in my chest every time I saw him, the way he made my heart speed up, my palms tingle. It couldn't just mean nothing.

I flipped onto my stomach and shoved my face into my pillow, trying to erase the kiss from the inside of my eyelids. To have something else to do I replayed the moments, or more specifically the fight, leading up to it. If it hadn't happened, or if I had won, would things have gone differently? Would Nina have resisted from flaunting their relationship in my face like that? Speaking of, why didn't I win? I'd had little to no problem winning the majority of our conversations/arguments last year. What had changed?

I ran over almost all of our confrontations from last year for what felt like an eternity, ignoring when Patricia entered the room and stumbled into bed as I analyzed and re-analyzed and re-analyzed our conversations until I realized last year I'd been able to count on someone – namely, Patricia – backing me up. And she, along with the rest of Sibuna, had been completely silent. They seemed to have resigned themselves to letting Nina and I fight our own battles, and no matter how small the issue may've seemed, that was what everything always was between us: a battle. A battle for a bedroom, a battle for a spot on a team to clean up a dusty old library, a battle for a boy's heart. A battle for who would pull a code phrase out of their bathrobe pocket.

If I were a different girl in a different life, I might think that it was ridiculous how any conflict between us always managed to get blown completely out of proportion. But these were my friends and this was my life and Fabes was my crush and I was not OK with Nina messing with all of it. I had tried to resolve these issues last year, I really had, but it takes time and patience away from a problem to mend your issue with it, and since Nina dating the boy I'd liked for three years was the problem, I wasn't likely to get space any time soon, especially considering I lived with both of them. I hadn't fixed my problems and now here they were, writhing and spitting like a nest of snakes ready to kill, and I knew on some level I had to fix this before all my friends left me in the dust again for Nina, just like they always did, like they always would.

Don't back down, I decided. Only pick fights you can make seem reasonable, and once a fight has been picked, don't back down.