Popular demands on my blog those past three days were asking for Haymitch breaking his penis during sex. Which is apparently a thing I didn't know about. Well, now I am all caught up in penis fractures so… Be careful kids! Also, obviously, this contains crack and smut.

Penis Fracture

"Easy." he hissed, his fingers digging hard into her flesh, curving around her hipbones. "Effie. Easy."

Instead of slowing down, it seemed to spur her own. He tried to impose a rhythm but she was lost to her own frenzy, moving up only to slam down, her hands holding on to the back of the couch. His head fell back with her next move and he completely gave up on trying to reign her in.

He wasn't quite sure where she had disappeared to that afternoon, at her parent's maybe or something of the kind. He thought it had to do with her family, she had said something like that. And as always when she went to see her family, she had come back to the penthouse upset and mad. He had barely had time to place his glass of whiskey down before she had been on him.

It was unfortunate seeing her so mad was a turn on.

She hadn't bothered with foreplay. She had climbed on his lap, had grounded herself on him for a couple of minutes, had opened his pants and tugged a few times… It was almost pathetic how easily she could make him hard. Her dress hid most of what was going on, still tightly laced, and he was sad about that because he had issues with letting women get on top, he didn't like the loss of control, but he did enjoy the view.

She was panting hard, her forehead was clammy and drops of sweat were running down her throat. It was hot. She was hot. He wanted to lick them away but she wouldn't let him do anything except sit there and take it. She was using him and he hated that but he used her more often than not so he figured turnabout was only fair.

And he couldn't quite complain about her riding him. Rough or not.

"Tell me I'm beautiful." she demanded, her hands leaving the couch to grip his shoulders as she switched angles, took him even deeper.

She also came down on him harder and he couldn't have said anything even if he had wanted to because each time she slammed down it took his breath away, his hips buckling up to meet hers. He tried to find some purchase on her dress or waist because he desperately wanted to flip them over and thrust into her at a punishing pace. All he managed to do was bring her down on him even more violently.

It shouldn't have been so good.

"Fuck." he muttered.

"Tell me." she insisted, sounding more pleading than demanding now.

"You're gorgeous." he mumbled, not even aware of what he was saying, too lost to bliss to care. He wouldn't last much longer, not with her being so brutal, clenching around him like she was. "You're fucking gorgeous… So hot… Sweetheart… You're so…"

The popping sound was almost comical because they both froze, sharing a look of horror as his penis suddenly grew limp.

For an endless fraction of a second, he wondered what was going on.

And then the pain hit.

"Get off!" he shouted, instinctively pushing her away. She toppled off his lap and on the floor, her head banging hard on the coffee table. He might have felt bad about it if her wig hadn't cushioned the blow and is he hadn't felt like he was on the verge of dying. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What the fuck did you do?"

It wasn't as bad as being almost gutted but it wasn't exactly enjoyable either.

She scrambled to her knees, watching him with worry. He had instinctively covered himself with his hands as if holding his junk would make the pain disappear. He kept his head propped on the back of the couch and forced himself to take long deep even breaths, hoping it was just a passing thing.

"Let me see." she requested with a wince, and when he refused to move his hands, she placed her palm on his wrist. "Haymitch, let me see."

"You broke it." he lamented, screwing his eyes shut to hide the tears of pain he couldn't quite swallow back. It hurt badly. He lifted his head to glare at her, hissing through clenched teeth."You fucking broke my dick, Trinket."

"Don't be ridiculous. Penises don't break." she retorted but then she made an uncertain face. "Do they?" She gently nudged his hands away. "Come on, let me see."

He hesitantly took his hands away, almost terrified to do so. They both made the same horrified face when they caught sight of his penis. It was bruising fast, taking on an impressive and very scary blue color.

"You need a doctor." she said at once, bolting to her feet and hurrying to the liquor cart. She fished ice from the champagne bucket and brought it back in her handkerchief, not asking his opinion before pressing it against his bits.

"For the love of…" he shouted at the sensation, and promptly shut up when the nausea hit. Whatever was happening to him, it was bad. He had this feeling of approaching doom that never bode well. "Okay, yeah. Doctor. That's a plan. Help me."

Tucking everything back inside was painful and he actually thought he would pass out. He breathed hard through his mouth when she zipped his pants up, wincing all the while. Standing up was another kind of torture, as was walking, and he kept the ice pressed against his groin because it, at least, numbed the pain a little. It left a wet stain on his pants and he wondered if the situation could get any more humiliating.

It soon turned out that it could when she hang back at the elevator doors. "If I go with you they will think… I should… Wouldn't it be better if…"

"Sure thing, sweetheart." he sneered. "Break a guy's dick and then leave him to die."

"Do you want me to come with you? But they will know we…" she stuttered.

She looked so distraught he almost took pity on her. Unfortunately, he was hurting too badly to care. He just wanted to reach the clinic. And fast.

"Stay the fuck here." he snapped. "And if I die, it's on you, Princess. Don't know who put you in such a mood, but you can punch them for me."

He slammed the elevator button and watched her worried face disappear between the closing doors.

He had to waddle to the Games Clinic because he couldn't walk straight.

He had never been easily embarrassed but this wasn't his proudest moment – at all – and it only grew worse when the – very female – doctor examined him and asked pointed questions like: was your partner on top? How hard was she riding you? How stiff are your erections usually? What amount of pain are you in?

It was a brand new fresh of hell that was only topped when she declared he was suffering from penis fracture – which he strongly denied because penises didn't fracture, right? – and that he needed surgery as quickly as possible if he wanted to use it again.

Thing was, Haymitch was attached to his dick… So he signed whatever the doctor wanted him to sign and before he had any time to think it through he was being prepped for surgery.

Embarrassment reached a new level when a nurse shaved his groin.

When he woke up, his head was fuzzy as always when drugs were involved and he could hear the beeping of machines in the distance. It reminded him so much of his first morning after he had won his Games that he started freaking out a bit. The beeping sound became louder and quicker and he figured it was his heartbeat.

"Welcome back to the land of the livings." a familiar voice mocked at his side.

He relaxed, his heart slowly stopping its racing.

"Déjà vu." he mumbled, forcing his eyes open to glance at Chaff. Exactly like after the Fiftieth Hunger Games, his best friend was sitting on a chair at his bedside, a book propped on his crossed legs, looking a bit bored. He made a face. "What are you doing here?"

"Good news and bad news." Chaff snorted. "Your dick fracture made the headlines and everyone decided it was because you were a generous lover which means they're all eager to take you for a spin. And your escort is lurking in the corridor, looking terribly guilty. I'll let you decide which is which."

He made a face. "She's got nothing to do with that."

"Sure she doesn't." Eleven's victor chuckled. "Always thought she must be a tiger in the sack but that's taking the cake. I didn't even know you could break a dick."

"Not funny." he mumbled. The painkillers were keeping the pain away for now but he was sure it would come back with a vengeance later on. "They fixed it, yeah?"

"Guess so." Chaff shrugged. "Still pretty blue, if you ask me. Thought it might fall off but the nurse said it was okay. Finnick wanted to be here, by the way, but he's too busy laughing his ass off 'cause… Only you, Haymitch…"

He took that in stride and then made a face. "Any particular reason you were looking at my junk?"

"Told you, never seen a broken dick before." his friend laughed but he then grew serious and patted Haymitch's shoulder with his stump. "You'll be fine, buddy. Four to six weeks without sex, some pills, and you'll be right as rain."

Which probably meant he would be stuck in the Capitol for the foreseeable future because he didn't think they would let him go back to Twelve before everything was properly mended. Which also meant he would have to be chaste with Effie Trinket around and that would be a problem. He was weak when she was concerned.

"I'm never having a woman on top ever again." he muttered.

Chaff's laughter boomed once more. "They said it almost never happens though. Must have been going at it like monkeys."

"I'm never having sex with an upset woman ever again either." he swore.

"Probably a good idea, yeah." his friend nodded. "It hurt, yeah? Like a kick in the balls or worse?"

"Worse." he winced. "Fucking worse."

Eleven's victor patted his shoulder once more. "You want to see Trinket or what? 'Cause she's been lurking around for a while."

"Yeah." he shrugged.

Chaff snorted but left the room.

"He's all yours, love." Haymitch heard him say to someone in the corridor.

A second later, Effie walked in, trying and failing to look cheerful, a huge bunch of flowers in her arms. She closed the door behind her and set the flowers on the bedside table.

"I thought they would brighten the room." she smiled and then the smile melt and she dropped on the chair Chaff had just vacated, her eyes full of tears. She grabbed his hand between hers and brought it to her lips, leaving a stain of pink lipstick on his skin. "I am so sorry, Haymitch, so sorry… This is all my fault… And I… The pain you must have… And all because I… I am so sorry… And I would understand if… Naturally I would understand if you never wanted to…" The tears spilled and she pulled a handkerchief from her purse to dab at her cheeks. "You could have lost your penis and… I am so sorry… If I were you I would probably never want to touch me again… I completely understand. You…"

"Like I can help myself with you." he scoffed. "Cut it off. You're not the one whose junk got operated on."

She looked up at him, her lips wobbling a little. "I am so sorry."

"Yeah, yeah… Fine." he grumbled. "It's not like you did it on purpose."

She kissed his hand again and then his cheek and then his lips. He grumbled some more but he didn't quite mind the fussing.

"I am going to be so nice to you once you are… Once you can…" She stammered to a stop.

"Get a boner without breaking it again?" he mocked.

She pursed her lips at his language but didn't comment, obviously feeling too guilty to berate him about his manners. "I will be so nice… I will do all the things you like. All my best tricks. Whatever you want out of me. I swear. No matter how dirty. I will make it up to you."

"Stop talking about that before I get hard." He made a face. "And you're never riding me again."

She lifted both hands in a defensive gesture. "I do not think I want to be on top of anyone ever again. I am so sorry…"

"If you're so sorry… Can you sneak me some liquor in here?" he asked hopefully.

He should have known better really.

Apparently, her guilt didn't stretch that far.

The six following weeks were the longest of his life but when the doctors declared him all in the clear….

Effie did make it her life's mission to make it up to him.

It was almost worth breaking his dick over it.