Prompt: Okay, so I don't know if you are taking prompts or not but I was reading A Helping Hand and Effie said Haymitch was so drunk he kissed Chaff full on the mouth. Goodness, I want to read this so bad! Would you be willing to write this (if you have written this could you give me the title so I can read it)?

A Kiss, A Rescue And A Pun

Haymitch was wasted, very wasted, but he could still understand he and Chaff had unleashed the sort of chaos that would hit the headlines of whatever rag was interested in them the next day. They had run havoc in the bar.

The owner didn't look pleased and neither did the Peacekeeper surveying the damage and rubbing his neck. He was sure if the man hadn't been alone, they would already have had their asses dragged back to the Training Center or to the closest drunk tank.

The night had started well enough. He and Chaff had found a table in the corner, mostly out of sight. They had still been forced to sign a few napkins and take a few pictures, they had flirted with a couple of women for fun more than out of any real interest, they had ranted about the Games and their escorts, and they had drunk entirely too much… He thought there had been two empty bottles on the table when the Capitol men had started to make fun of them.

That wasn't unusual. They weren't the most popular victors. They were getting old and they were who they were. Twelve and Eleven were jokes.

Starting a brawl in a bar wasn't that out of character for them either.

The bar was ruined now. Tables were upturned, chairs had been broken… The owner had been forced to close for the night. The Capitols that had been stupid enough to provoke them into a fight had been evacuated. Haymitch had broken one of the guys' jaw and Chaff had beaten the other down to a pulp.

While the Peacekeeper and the owner were busy commenting on the damages, Haymitch snatched a bottle from the floor and inspected it. He wasn't sure what it was, some undetermined liquor, but he took a mouthful all the same before passing the bottle to Chaff who drank without even checking the label.

They had been parked in a corner of the room, forbidden from moving. They could have if they had wanted though. Even drunk as they were, the Peacekeeper and the owner were no more match for them than the two Capitols looking for trouble had been. They weren't scary.

The woman who suddenly burst in the room, blinding in a silver sequin dress and glittery high heels, now…

Haymitch watched, fascinated, as she flashed dazzling smiles around and smoothed ruffled feathers with the ease of habits, promising a big fat check to the owner and charming the Peacekeeper into releasing them in her custody instead of calling for reinforcements. He wasn't sure how she had found them. The grapevine maybe.

He didn't quite care either. He wasn't in any state to think clearly. He only knew if his escort was there, it meant they would be going back to the penthouse and that was all that counted at that moment. He wanted to collapse on the couch. Maybe even try to convince her to climb on his lap. Maybe…

The glare she spared them when she finally turned in their direction dashed his hopes of anything of that nature happening. She was furious. Unfortunately, that was when she was the hottest.

Either Chaff didn't recognize the danger or he didn't care because he stepped forward to meet her halfway with obvious relief. Chaff may have been even drunker than he was.

"Love!" he greeted her with his jolly laughter.

Before Effie could do anything, her face was trapped between Eleven's victor's big hands and he was pressing his mouth against hers in one of his trademark hello kisses. She pushed him away, huffing and sputtering, wiping her lips on the back of her hand, her glare becoming even more frightening.

"Why is it you insist on assaulting me?" she hissed.

"Just saying hello." Chaff slurred, actually looking pained by her rejection.

Yeah, Haymitch thought, definitely drunker than he was.

Annoyed on his friend's behalf because his feelings had been hurt, Haymitch stepped closer, a scowl on his face. "Why do you always have to be a bitch?"

Effie blinked and then pursed her lips, tilting her head to the side, staring at him with narrowed eyes that promised retribution. "Why is it you always have to antagonize me?"

That made no sense to his liquor soaked brain and he wrinkled his nose. "What?"

She rolled his eyes. "Does it ever occur to you I am not partial to being kissed by just everyone? Who knows who your friend kissed before me? Who knows what I may catch?"

"Sissy." he accused. Before he could think twice about what he was doing, he grabbed Chaff's nape and planted a loud peck on his lips. And then he immediately made a face and rubbed at his own mouth. "What the fuck?"

Eleven's victor looked equally puzzled and betrayed. "Why?"

"A perfectly valid question." Effie commented, obviously having troubles reigning in her sudden hilarity. At least she wasn't angry anymore, he figured. She sighed and shook her head at them with open disapproval. "Come on, let's get you back to the Center. I have a car waiting."

Getting to the car was easier said than done. The floor was tricky. It kept moving under Haymitch's feet.

It was better once they were sitting in the limo but not by much. He insisted Effie sat right next to him just in case – in case of what, he wasn't sure, but you never knew – leaving Chaff to sit on the opposite bench, slumped against the window.

Effie clucked her tongue at Eleven's victor's less than dignified posture but didn't call him out on it. She grabbed Haymitch's hand instead and placed it on her lap to inspect the damages. His knuckles were scrapped and bleeding a little.

"Does it hurt?" she asked.

He shook his head.

"Will tomorrow." he mumbled.

She pursed her lips tighter. "I have half a mind to take you both to the Games Clinic. Who knows what sort of injuries you suffered."

"They didn't land enough punches to give injuries." he snorted.

"Don't sound so pleased with yourself." she scolded him, slapping his wrist like a barbaric school teacher. He snatched his hand back with a betrayed look that didn't seem to bother her one bit. "It is the last time I come to the rescue, do you hear?"

If he had been less drunk, he would have pointed out that it was what she had been claiming for the last ten years.

"You always come." he muttered, dropping his head on her shoulder. "I like that you always come."

He could practically feel her softening but he didn't really understand what it was he had said that made her anger melt away.

"Pun intended?" Chaff snickered from the other side of the car.

It took a moment for the joke to register and then he started laughing alongside his friend.

"Idiots." she spat.

And yet it was more fond than angry.

There was a smile tugging at the corners of her lips.