A/N: Hello again, readers! Lovely to see you here again!

I've been pretty scarce with updates lately, but I hope you'll forgive me; exploring New York City can be time consuming! I hope you still remember what happened in the last chapter, because Meredith surely does! :P

Without further ado, enjoy!

Chapter 17

Meredith spots Derek Shepherd walking in the interns' locker room, joking with his fellow interns, carrying a backpack and looking deliciously yummy.

Almost as if it were muscle memory, her brain recalls that she has seen him naked. Very naked. Gloriously naked. The man should walk around naked.

His eyes meet hers and she blushes. Like a freaking schoolgirl.

Oh, boy, she's in deep.

She ducks around a corner, feeling lame. She's an attending, she should know better. She should exercise her power.

She grabs a chart from the nurses' station, instead, and analyzes it if she were the intern on the case.

Berta Moreno, thirty-four. Brought in the ER last night with a tumor pressing on her Broca's area. Suffers from speech impairments and some difficulties swallowing.

"Good morning, Berta, I'm Dr. Grey," she greets, smiling softly. The woman looks so tiny and fragile in the hospital bed, her black hair contrasting sharply with the pillowcase.

"H'llo," she whispers, falling mute afterwards.

The room is completely empty. No flowers, no cards, no people at her bedside. Meredith's heart squeezes in her chest. Berta has a long recovery ahead of her, and nobody to support her.

Her eyes sweep over the chart, her throat constricting when she sees that the tumor originated in her uterus instead, and metastasized. The uterus that was carrying a baby at the time of the diagnosis, two years prior. She swallows thickly.

"We're going to run a few more scans and labs this morning, okay? Sit tight."

"'Kay."

"We know you'll probably need surgery soon, is there anyone we need to call?"

Berta shakes her head firmly, her eyes filling with tears. "Gone. All gone. Murió Manuel y all gone."

"Okay." She swallows, taking a deep breath, pushing back the memories. "We'll take care of you, Berta, you will be okay."

"Gracias."

Meredith nods, exiting the room swiftly, before it gets to her. She sits down on a chair at the nurses' desk as she orders the tests, her hand shaking slightly as she writes.

Her heart stops when she notices the date. And then she remembers the rush she was in this morning, and the fact that she's been practically on autopilot up until now. Now, when her brain finally registers that it's September sixteen, and it's been six years. Six freaking years.

"Dr. Grey." A voice startles her, and she practically jumps in her chair. She looks up to meet the sharp eyes of Dr. Yang. "I'm your intern for the day."

Part of her is glad Berta will have a good intern like Dr. Yang. She's probably one of the best in her class. Berta deserves the best. And she has no idea how she could have handled Shepherd today, of all days.

She hands Dr. Yang the chart, watching as her eyes light up at the prospect of a cool surgery, even though Meredith knows she'd gladly be in Cardio. "Run labs, CT, MRI, then book an OR for tonight after my shunt."

"Tumor's coming out?"

"We'll take it out."

Dr. Yang practically skips down to Berta's room, leaving her to her thoughts. Her dark place. Her rock bottom. Six years of could-have-beens. Six years.

She hears a code blue being called for Berta's room and she rushes there, watching as Dr. Yang is already working the code. Berta's limp body is shocked twice before her heart starts beating again.

"Add a chest x-ray, I'm afraid the metastasis might have expanded to her heart," she orders slowly as Dr. Yang brings away the bed with the tiny woman on it.

This is so not her day.

Luckily, her pager and a car crash keep her from dwelling much longer about Berta and her six-year anniversary, keeping her busy until it's time for her craniotomy. A craniotomy that makes room to an emergency craniectomy on one of the car crash victims, and then her scheduled – but delayed – shunt.

She's exhausted by the time she can track down Dr. Yang with Berta's test results.

Her heart sinks. It has spread.

"Have you told her anything, yet?" she asks Dr. Yang, who shakes her head.

"Do you think they can remove the metastasis from her heart, too?"

"It has to happen before I go digging into her brain." She sighs. "It doesn't look good for her, though."

"That's what I thought."

"You can still scrub in with me if she gets to the surgery, Dr. Yang."

"Really?"

"Yes." Meredith sighs.

"Thank you!" She beams.

That intern reminds Meredith of her own self, seven years ago, when she wanted nothing but surgeries and she was just as green as Dr. Yang, the same twinkle in her eyes as the young doctor in front of her. It was all different seven years ago, when the only thing that mattered was being the best, and tequila.

"You saved her life today," she tells her, because she needs to know that she doesn't give away surgeries, even when she's tired to the bone and her brain is exhausted with grief.

"Who knows for how long though." Yang shrugs, walking away with the chart.

Meredith sighs, walking back to Berta's room. Their eyes lock, and Meredith can see it in her eyes that she knows. She already knows her destiny.

"The tumor has spread to your heart, Berta."

Berta nods, her eyes closing, her breathing slowing down. Meredith swallows thickly at the pain the woman radiates.

"Manuel," she murmurs, her voice barely audible. "Oh, Manuel, cariño," she keeps repeating, before her mouth stops moving and the monitor starts shrieking with a flat line.

Meredith calls a code, pumping Berta's chest furiously, trying to bring her back. She performs CPR until her arms are sore and she's sweaty with the effort, the code team arriving right after.

They pump her full of drugs and shock her heart four times, before Meredith gives up.

The paddles almost fall off her hands as she blinks back tears.

"Time of death, eleven forty-two," she murmurs, her voice cracking at the end.

It's over.

They have managed to avoid their feelings – and each other – for the past three days. Three days when Derek has done his best to clear up the air between him and Meredith, and the attending kept fleeing every time they crossed paths.

He has never been assigned to her service, so that might have helped with her avoidance, but it still means he wants to talk to her. Have a serious conversation about what happened between them. They need to talk about it.

Or do it again, he's definitely open for that option.

He's been in the hospital for close to fourteen hours when he finally sees her.

Meredith is coming out of a patient's room, closing the door behind her back, before she looks around the corridor, apparently lost.

Something is not right.

Derek stares at her from a distance, watching as she scrambles towards a closet, practically stumbling inside.

There's something wrong with her.

Derek has no idea what to expect when he stealthily walks towards the same closet and cracks open the door, but he's sure it was not what awaits him.

He thought of vomiting, a secret phone call to make, even her punching something, but his breath hitches in his throat when he sees Meredith Grey sitting on the floor against a shelf, sobbing her heart out.

She has her arms curled around her bent knees, her fingers clasping the fabric of her scrubs as she hyperventilates.

He slams the door closed quickly behind him, her eyes meeting his for a blink, before she focuses on the wall in front of her. What stares back at him is haunting.

Meredith is not a hardcore surgeon anymore as she falls apart in that closet. She's not the badass Medusa that always scares away interns. This is a broken woman.

"He...he…" She sobs, her breathing so ragged she can't get out a simple sentence.

His heart squeezes in his chest. He crouches in front of her, unsure of what to do.

"Slow, deep breaths," he hums, hoping it can help, but instead she seems to be sobbing even harder.

"He...he's…"

"Slow down," he tells her, unsure if she can even hear him.

"He's dead, he's dead," she repeats on a loop, her voice cracking with a sob at the end. She doesn't say anything more then, practically unable to breathe by that point.

"Shh," he murmurs, stretching to grab a paper bag, then sitting down next to her.

Meredith clutches onto the bag for dear life as the air fills it, then goes back in her lungs. Her eyes close. One of her hands moves away and clasps his tightly; the same hand with which he handed her the bag is now held captive, her fingers squeezing his for dear life as her breathing still comes out in harsh puffs, and silent tears stream down her cheeks.

Derek puts a tentative hand on her back and rubs her shoulders, tracing wide circles between her shoulder blades and her spine, her body taut as an elastic band.

Slowly, her sobs dissolve into raspy breaths, her shoulders drop, and her body sags, slumping against his chest. Derek is taken aback at first, but he's quick to encircle her shoulders with his arm and let her rest her cheek on his clavicle, his fingers sprawled on her upper arm as he feels the wetness seep through the neck of his scrubs.

He has no idea how long they remain locked in this strange, intimate embrace as Meredith's body surrenders and calms down. Her tears disappear just as slowly, leaving his neck humid and his heart wrought. Her hand is still firmly clutching his.

Their eyes lock when she pulls away, and she looks beautiful in this dim light. Raw and defeated, but beautiful nonetheless.

"I'm okay," she croaks, sniffling and wiping away the last of her tears from her cheeks.

"You're okay," he echoes, attempting a small smile as he brushes away a strand of her hair. She mirrors his expression.

"Just a bad day."

"They happen," he murmurs, squeezing her hand. Her eyes widen slightly when she notices that their bodies are still connected; yet, she doesn't pull away. "I'm sorry about your patient," he says, tentatively guessing that she was the one who called the code and lost someone. It seems like he has hit the mark.

"Oh," she hums, for a moment looking genuinely confused, but it passes quickly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He smiles, reaching out to her cheek to wipe away her newest tear. She leans into his touch as if it were normal of them being in this position, almost if he's the only thing that can calm her down right now.

"David is right," she hums, a small smile on her lips, "you're good at this."

He chuckles, he can't help himself. "Wanna try a burrito hug?"

"Derek," she says, shaking her head as her eyes sparkle with tears and amusement.

"I'm not telling anyone, I promise. Our secret." He looks at her intensely, watching as she seems to be giving in. "You look like you need a hug."

"Derek, we – "

"It doesn't matter. I know we need to talk. You need a hug first." He even tilts his head to convince her, and his smile seems to make her cave.

She takes a deep breath, crawling an inch closer to him, their thighs touching, before resting her cheek over his shoulder again.

Derek's arms wrap around her on instinct, and their bodies melt together. It's so natural for them to be hugging like this. He presses his lips on the crown of her head and she sniffles. His arms tighten around her, and a sob escapes her once again.

He closes his eyes as he holds her close while she cries for a bit longer, not an inch of space between them as he pulls her into his lap and cradles her close while she curls up in fetal position.

She surrenders.

Derek has no idea why she's so broken today, why she's barely holding it together, but he's afraid to ask. Afraid that he's crossing some kind of boundary, a line between colleagues, friends or boyfriends. He knows they're not in a relationship by all means, and this, holding her like this, comforting her despair, this feels like relationship material.

"Safe," she murmurs into the crook of his neck, so low he's sure she's not even aware of what she's saying, or that he can hear it. "So safe."

"It's okay, you will be okay," he repeats, having no idea how to fix this. Yet, it seems to be helping.

More time passes as they remain there, and everything else falls away. The floor is not cold and hard, the shelf is not digging into his back anymore, his tiredness is pushed aside; Derek can only feel Meredith's warm and shaky body molded to his. Their breathings are in sync as soon as she calms down and her tears subside, her body relaxing as well while he rubs his hand up and down her spine.

Their faces align when she emerges from his hold, and he can feel her hot breath on his lips. He stares deep into her eyes, marveling at how gray they look today, how deep they can search into his soul with this simple look. Their noses touch. Her skin is clammy and cold.

Her fingers move slowly into his hair, holding him in place as she grazes his scalp, barely blinking.

When her lips touch his, they feel like a breeze. Their kiss is soft and gentle, barely a long peck, but it makes his whole body tingle.

"Thank you," she murmurs, before kissing him again, still soft, still gentle, almost as if it's another way for her to thank him. He's not complaining at all about her being grateful.

"Meredith, what does this mean? What are we?"

She shakes her head. "Not today, please. I can't do this today." He hears the desperation in her voice loud and clear, but he can also see it in her eyes, or in the way she passes her fingers through his curls. "Tomorrow?" she suggests, her lips finding his again.

He gets lost in the gentle kisses that she gives him right after, all his thoughts scattering around, his coherence gone out of the window as she uses her own brand of convincing moves. She makes him dizzy.

"Tomorrow," he agrees.

He's still licking his lips when she untangles from him and disappears out of the closet, leaving his arms empty but his heart full.

A/N: Well, I hope you enjoyed my reinterpretation of the closet scene. I kinda wanted to have the old lady with the annoyed family members as well, but I thought Berta would be more poignant. I am fond of the old lady though, don't forget that! And I'm fond of your love! Thank you for reading again and again, even after months. You guys are amazing!