A/N: *rips her own heart out and throws it at your feet.* I'm sorry. Agni, I'm sorry for this. This was probably the hardest chapter I've ever written.

xx-Kitten.

Brightest Nights or Darkest Days

By Kittenshift17

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Zuko woke with the dawn and with his arms full of Waterbender. He almost wanted to groan – though in annoyance or yearning, he couldn't decide. He knew his silence during the night had upset her. He knew she was second-guessing everything as surely as he was. He also knew his days of sharing a sleeping bag with her were numbered.

They would reach the ferry that would carry them to Ba Sing Se today, he suspected. By this time tomorrow Katara might be reunited with the Avatar and her brother, leaving no time or inclination to continue tolerating him. He was angry with her, he'd decided. Angry and annoyed. She'd let this happen. She'd come out of nowhere and thrown herself at him for that kiss in the alley and since then she'd done nothing but distract him and manipulate him to a point where he'd considered forgetting his throne and his birthright for the sake of running off to some silly tea-shop and fucking a fistful of kids into her until they were old and had grey hair, and his father's disgust and his sister's treachery meant nothing because he'd build a better family, all his own.

She'd fucked him up and she was going to walk right out of his life and back to the Avatar and her brother and her tribe and the rest of the stupid world. So, Zuko was angry. He'd let her stew, knowing that saying something – anything – might give her cause to continue to trust him, which he wasn't sure he wanted. Groaning into the tangle of her long hair, Zuko thought seriously about jerking back and rolling away from her. He needed to let off some steam and a good long firebending practice would do him good, he was sure.

But he couldn't quite bring himself to do it. She was so warm – filling him with fire and making him feel alive. She was sound asleep now, despite spending most of the night caught up in fitful tossing and turning that had been accompanied by muttering and whimpering as though she were in terrible pain. He didn't like knowing his anger could do that to her, but he also didn't like what she'd done to him in return, so he'd stubbornly refused to wake her to end the nightmare or offer her comfort.

But with her fast asleep, Zuko couldn't resist the feel of cuddling her to him a little more snugly, his arms tightening around her. Her chi was curled against his own, enveloped by his and making him feel warm and content and happy in a way he couldn't recall ever feeling before he'd wound up crammed into the sleeping bag beside her five weeks ago. Zuko sighed again, clenching his teeth and squeezing his eyes closed, willing his body to forget the notions it stirred with as he reached wakefulness. He silently cursed the curvy little Waterbender for feeling so good pressed against him.

He hated her for it because he was convinced that she surely must've just been manipulating him to turn him to the good side. The voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Uncle insisted that she wasn't the type of girl who would ever manipulate anyone into feeling things just to get her way. That voice reminded him that this wasn't Mai or Azula he was dealing with. This was his Waterbender. She was kind and humble and occasionally sarcastic and sweet in a way he hadn't realised anyone actually could be. She was too innocent and too soft-hearted to ever willingly seek to hurt him lastingly. She would never use him for her own gain the way Azula would.

He knew it, and yet his bitterness was niggling at him. The blue dragon inside his nightmares whispered of treachery and deceit and betrayal. It whispered that he was just a pawn to Katara, and Zuko loathed that part of himself all the more. He loathed that it existed, and he loathed those responsible for its formation.

Shuffling a little against the pretty girl in his arms, Zuko lifted his head far enough to peer over her shoulder, trying to see her face. He felt a strange little twist in his gut when he realised she was smiling contentedly, her cheek pillowed on his arm, her shape spooned by his own. She looked so innocent in sleep, he noticed. Innocent and beautiful and vulnerable. He hated the way it stirred a part of him to protect her. He hated the way the sight of her contented smile made him want to forget his anger with her and let go their awkward interaction of last night. It made him want to slowly wake her up with kisses peppered across her tanned skin and Zuko fought the urge for several long minutes as he watched her before giving in and resting his mouth against her bare shoulder.

She didn't wake as he lightly traced his nose across her skin, breathing in the sweet scent of her, even if she did still smell faintly of river water.

"Zuko," she hummed softly; contentedly.

Zuko froze, his stomach flipping with guilt, not wanting to be caught nuzzling her when he'd been a jerk to her during the night. He held his breath, thinking she must've awoken. When she turned her head in his direction, her eyes were still closed, he realised with a faint hum of amusement that she was dreaming about him.

The very idea warmed him even more than the rising sun did and he pressed another kiss to the top of her shoulder, sighing out the breath he'd been holding and tightening his hold on her even more, wanting to keep her close. He was loathe to let her go, as he knew he soon must, and he realised with a fierce sort of sting that the idea of parting from her was more painful to him than anything he'd endured up until that moment. Even more painful than his burned face, or his banishment. The idea of being parted from this little Water Tribe peasant hurt in a way he couldn't explain and as he watched her sleep, he couldn't help thinking that leaving her was going to be the hardest thing he would ever do.

Harder than taking down his father. Harder than turning traitor to his family. Harder than the time he'd turned his back on Uncle and parted ways with him before the blizzard. Certainly harder than leaving Mai had been.

Maybe Kuzon was right. Maybe he would be a fool to let last night's event ruin what he'd had with her. Even if it had been a ruse on her part to convince him to join the Avatar, rather than trying to capture him anymore, it had worked. He'd fallen for it and he'd made his decision to switch sides. He was still going to train Aang in Firebending. He was still going to return to the Palace to reclaim his birthright, and he was still going to help the Avatar end Ozai's reign of terror.

He'd made his decision last night in the river; he'd planned on claiming her body as surely as he hoped to claim her affection and her attention. If he was going to suffer when he had to part from her, so be it. He didn't want to suffer in the time he had left with her like this. Fugitives travelling together. Friends determined to make the world a better place. Lovers whose kisses ignited his soul. Reiki Kizuna.

If he had to endure the bitterness and the jealousy of thinking she might prefer her brother and her friend over his own company, Zuko would live with that. He wouldn't like it, and he would likely be a surly jerk about it, but he'd put up with it. He wasn't sure how she would treat him when she was reunited with her friends, and if he was honest with himself, Zuko could admit that much of his anger with her last night had stemmed not so much from her throwing him off her when they'd been in the middle of something, or even the way she'd tried to get the attention of her friends. No, it had stemmed from the icy feeling of rejection to realise that the moment she'd spotted them, she'd shoved her off him like she'd been caught with her hand in the cake-tin.

Shaking his head, annoyed with himself for the way the thought irked him all over again, Zuko focused on the girl in his arms. He trailed a line of kisses over the top of her shoulder, nosing her hair aside and kissing his way up the side of her neck. She made a soft sound, though whether in sleep or sudden wakefulness, he didn't know. He was too busy tracing a burning line toward her mouth, intent on waking her with a kiss that might make her forget what a jerk he'd been during the night. Twisting the arm she'd pillowed her head on, Zuko gently turned her head in his direction a little more, pulling back slightly to roll her toward her back, to better reach her lips.

She grizzled, half-waking, and Zuko shook his head fondly, his mouth twitching on a smile at the very idea. When he traced kisses over her cheek before tentatively pressing his lips to hers, she blinked her eyes open slowly. He knew. He was watching her, waiting for her reaction. She blinked sleepily, her mouth pulling into a happy smile at the sight of him looming over her and kissing her, obviously not yet recalling their fight.

Zuko smiled back, dipping to steal another kiss from her lips, this one lingering a little longer, their chi sliding together deliciously. She kissed him back lightly, one of her hands coming up to tangle into the hair at the back of his head and Zuko pushed his luck, licking her lower lip softly, wondering if she'd open for him. She did; her lips parting and her tongue tangling with his. Zuko's fire fizzed in his blood, his body coming fully awake with a resounding roar of need – only too eager to continue what they'd started in the river.

She pulled him down on top of her a little more firmly, rolling further until she was stretched on her back and Zuko loomed over her, kissing her hotly. His whole body was alive with need and the feel of her tongue stroking his own made his eyes cross behind their closed lids. She arched under him slowly, rubbing her chest against his and Zuko broke from her lips, tracing a burning line of kisses along her jaw and down her neck. He grinned at the little mewl of delight that escaped her, her hand in his hair tightening needily.

"I thought you were angry with me?" she breathed when Zuko smoothed his hand across her stomach, slipping it under the hem of her shirt and tracing soft patterns over her silky skin.

"I am," he replied just as quietly.

"Funny way of showing it," Katara muttered, drawing in a sharp gasp when his hand trailed higher, sliding past the sarashi she wore to cup her soft flesh hungrily.

She squeaked when his fingers pinched her nipple, rolling it carefully. Zuko nipped her neck and she mewled again. He claimed her lips once more, pressing down on top of her a little more firmly, and Katara's hands traced over his back, her legs shifting restlessly until she managed to pull him until he was fully on top of her, his hips resting in the cradle hers made and her legs wrapping around him.

Balancing carefully, Zuko began tugging at the hem of her shirt, intent on getting her out of it, wanting to pick up right where they'd left off during the night. When he pulled the garment off over her head, he tossed it to one side. Vaguely he was aware that both his Uncle and Kuzon, as Firebenders, would be as awake with the dawn as surely as he was, and he was dimly aware that they'd likely interrupt any minute to insist they all got going and that they could make it to the ferries by nightfall.

Zuko didn't want to go. The minute he left the sleeping bag, everything would change. He knew that. He knew it and he didn't like it. He didn't want to let his Waterbender go and he didn't want to go to Ba Sing Se. He knew he was properly fucked that she'd so quickly wormed her way under his skin and that he'd prefer to forget his crown and his family and his duty to his Nation. He wanted to stay there in the sleeping bag with her and fuck her until neither of them could move. And when he'd recovered, he wanted to do it all over again and he never wanted to stop. Knowing that leaving the bed meant he'd have to stop, possibly forever, made him reckless.

The same recklessness that had gripped the pair of them in the river swept over him and Zuko groaned into her mouth as her chi rushed over his needily, his hands working to unwind the sarashi wraps from around her. When he'd freed her of the fabric Zuko ducked his head, kissing his way across her now bared chest without stopping to try and get a good look. He'd get a good look when he was spent. Katara's fingers tangled in his hair and Zuko felt the way she trembled when his mouth closed over her right nipple, suckling her flesh and making her arch in pleasure.

His whole body throbbed with need and he rocked his hips against the junction of her thighs, feeling the amount of heat pouring from her body and rushing into his, filling him with fire and need and a yearning so acute, it stung.

"Oh, Zuko," Katara whispered, her eyes closed, her breath coming in sharp little gasps as he tormented her silken flesh.

He laved his tongue over her nipple, licking and nipping the little pebble before releasing one and capturing the other, making her mewl once more. The others would likely hear them, but Zuko was beyond caring. He felt reckless. He felt desperate. He felt like if he didn't take her now, he might never get the chance again and that would surely be the mistake he'd regret for the rest of his life. Shuffling his weight slightly, he worked his fingers into the waistband of her underwear, slowly working them down her legs, intent on getting her naked.

She returned the favour, her breath little more than gasping pants as she unfastened his britches and pushed at them, trying to rid him of them. The nip of the cold morning air was enough to ensure they kept the covers in place, but the heat in his groin and the fire in his blood throbbed and burned with his need.

"Are you sure?" he asked her carefully when he'd managed to kick his pants off, rolling back off her far enough to pull hers down and throwing them aside, too.

She shook her head, biting her lip even as she reached for him. She pulled him back down on top of her and kissed his lips, her skin soft, her body warm and yielding. Zuko's heart was racing inside his chest and he just knew that any second now the Universe would conspire against them to try and keep him from what he wanted. He didn't care. Her brother or the Avatar could walk in on them right that second and he wasn't stopping. His sister could show up and try to kill them and he'd have to tell her to take a number and wait in line until he was good and done.

"You need to be sure," he said seriously, breaking their fervent kiss and pulling back just far enough to speak.

She wrapped her legs around his naked hips once more, sliding slightly against the furs of the bedroll and Zuko hissed in a sharp breath of his own when his throbbing, aching length brushed her core. Fucking hell, she was giving off so much heat he wondered which one of them was the real Firebender.

"Please, Zuko," she whispered against his lips, her blue eyes half-lidded with lust, her ankles locked against the base of his spine, her legs urging him forward, pulling him closer, trying to bring him as close as could be.

Zuko kissed her hard, then. He claimed her lips in a bruising kiss and he shifted slightly, aligning himself at her centre and feeling the warm, wet welcome that awaited him. Agni, he was on fire. His chi was bubbling and fizzing, his power rushing through his blood and his body thrumming with fire and desire and a fierce burn in his chest that he didn't dare acknowledge, let alone name.

A low whimper tore from Katara as he slowly pressed forward, pushing home.

And fuck, she felt like home.

Zuko's head spun and he closed his eyes, breaking their fervent kiss to bury his face in her neck, just knowing that until the day he died he'd never feel heat and warmth and happiness the likes of which he felt right in that moment. The shuddering breath she drew made him think she was crying and he prayed to Agni that they were tears of happiness and not pain or regret because he couldn't catch his breath to look.

Her arms slipped around his neck, pulling him down on top of her more firmly. She tightened her legs around his waist and Zuko groaned when he slid impossibly deeper, every last bit of him completely sheathed inside of her. Like a blade slotted home into its scabbard, everything about being inside of her felt right. It felt good.

It felt like home.

He was in trouble, he realised, blinking open his eyes and having to blink them a second time to chase away the sheen of moisture there. He was in deep trouble because there would be no going back. He'd fucked girls before, but it had never felt like this.

His fizzing, bubbling, simmering chi seemed to suddenly settle, like flame and water perfectly in balance, somehow pressed together without the steam or the explosion their opposing elements often produced. It was like perfect balance. He felt whole. He felt like he couldn't catch his breath but also like he'd taken the very first breath of real air he'd ever drawn.

The little sob that tore from Katara's throat had him lifting his head slowly, pulling back far enough to meet her gaze and he found he'd been right. She was crying. Her eyes were open and when they met his they seemed to say a thousand things she'd never voice. He wondered if his own gaze conveyed as much but before he could ask, she smoothed her hand over his scarred cheek, gently cupping his face and Zuko sighed contently, leaning into her palm and letting her see how at peace he felt in that moment.

She gently pulled him down to claim his lips again and Zuko thought that if he were to die right then, that would be fine and he'd do so with no regrets.

Her tongue brushing against his own drew a reaction from him and Zuko swallowed the whimper she emitted when he withdrew from her slowly before sheathing himself once more. He built to a steady rhythm, feeling the push and pull of her chi against his own and feeling like every withdrawal tugged at a part of him that had left his body and made a home for itself within hers. Every time he returned, it felt like home, and every time he withdrew he felt the most powerful urge to return once more.

He was completely fucked. And for the first time in his life, Zuko didn't care.

Katara's lips were soft and her hands were gentle and he knew without needing to open his eyes or vocalise it that he wasn't just fucking her like he'd fucked the other girls in his past. This was more than that and whether they were Reiki Kizuna and linking their lives together irrevocably or not, he knew this was more than just sensation and effect.

She tested his self-control more than once, her grip on him slowly tightening, her body clenching and her hips rolling into his every thrust. The sound of a soft gasp that didn't belong to her caught his attention when he fought to remain in control just a little bit longer and Zuko gritted his teeth when he glanced toward the edge of the wall that portioned off their sleeping chamber within the igloo.

The shape of his uncle's form could be seen through the ice, though the old man had already turned away so as not to interrupt them, and Zuko couldn't be more thankful had the sky split open, struck his father dead, and granted him his birthright without the need to ever leave Katara's warmth. Oblivious to the vague interruption, Katara broke under him with a low, breathy moan and Zuko's whole body trembled with the effort it took to keep in control just a few seconds longer as he revelled in the sight of her pleasure-wrought expression and the power of her body and her chi and her brilliance.

When her eyes fluttered open at the last second, Zuko would swear he could see flames dancing in the oceans of her eyes and he followed her over the edge with a soft groan, his whole body tensing as he drove into her as deep as he could get, his body trembling and shuddering with the power of his release.

He never broke from her gaze as he went over and she smiled contently, her eyes full of wonder and something he didn't dare name. When his arms trembled and his elbows gave out with the power of his release, she traced a cool hand into his hair, nails scratching softly against his scalp and making him wish they were alone and could remain right there, together, forever.

But it was wishful thinking and no amount of feeling like he'd finally come home could make him forget that he had responsibilities and that all too soon they would have to part ways, however briefly. And he was determined in that moment that any separation between them would be brief.

"Zuko," she murmured quietly, pressing her lips to his forehead adoringly as he tried to catch his breath, his cheek pressed to her chest.

"Katara," he whispered back, having nothing further to say right then, needing nothing more.

They laid there quietly together, each catching their breath and Zuko felt his heart begin to slow until he realised he was probably crushing her. She made a sound of protest when he slowly withdrew from her, rolling off her and onto his back in the bedroll beside her. He didn't even think about it as he looped one arm around her, pulling her into his arms once more and cuddling her to his chest. She burrowed into him, nuzzling her face against his chest, and Zuko glanced at her and smiled gently, feeling better than he could recall feeling since the night weeks ago in that hotel room.

She smiled back at him softly.

"If you're ever angry at me again," she said quietly after a time. "Feel free to express it like this whenever you need to."

Zuko snorted in amusement.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked softly, recalling that the last time he'd been intimate with her, she'd breathed fire and he'd left burns in the shapes of his hands upon her flesh.

"No," she said softly. "Not at all… that didn't feel like what happened in the hotel room."

No, he supposed it hadn't. In the hotel room, he'd been pushing his chi against hers, and she'd been pushing back. This hadn't felt like that. He hadn't tried to push his ability to fire-bend through her. He'd just wanted to revel in her and make her feel good. Closing his eyes briefly, Zuko let his mind drift and simply held her, enjoying the feel of her warm skin pressed to his own.

He felt at peace in that moment. He felt almost like nothing in the world mattered but her and him and whether they'd ever be able to do that again.

But it didn't last.

All too soon his moment of peace ended and the sounds of his uncle making tea and Meng beginning to chatter from beyond their secluded room in the igloo reached his ears. Zuko opened his eyes slowly and his gaze strayed to Katara, watching the way she twisted slightly, propping herself up on one elbow as she regarded him. He regarded her in return and he had a sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach that no matter how good that had felt, they really shouldn't have fucked.

She didn't say anything while she held his gaze and Zuko's brow furrowed slightly when she reached out hesitantly and traced the tip of her index finger around the outline of his lips. She looked sad, he realised, and he knew in that instant that just as he'd found glorious happiness while they'd been joined, she had too. And just as he'd realised that it was going to cause bigger problems and more pain down the line, she'd realised it too.

What had uncle said? That the sun and the moon were destined to chase one another across the sky, meeting ever-so-briefly in moments of brilliant beauty that took away the breath of all who saw before the dance flowed on.

He'd been right.

Zuko didn't know why that bothered him, since Uncle was almost always right, but the idea that they'd eclipsed, meeting fleetingly in their glorious dance before once again beginning to track each other across the sky, made him sad.

"We're not okay, are we?" Katara asked him quietly and more than anything he wished he could say they were.

His lips twisted into an unhappy frown as he slowly sat up and pulled away from her heat, and he answered her as truthfully as possible. He shook his head regretfully as he pulled away completely and rose to his feet, reaching for his clothing as he did so. He couldn't look at her when he gave his reply.

"No," he said. "No, we're not."