A/N: This was a little longer coming than expected, but it was painful to write. I hope you like it, and I hope to be back with more very soon. Thanks ever so much for all the reviews and love. You're all too kind and sweet and I adore you.

xx-Kitten

Brightest Nights or Darkest Days

By Kittenshift17

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Katara's eyes prickled as she watched him finish pulling his shirt over his head before he walked away. She told herself she wasn't going to cry, but it quickly became a lie as the first tear escaped to trickle down her cheek. Wiping at it, annoyed with herself, she squared her shoulders and reached for her discarded clothing. She wasn't going to let this make things more complicated.

He'd been angry at her last night, and he'd had sex with her this morning, and no matter how relieved she was that he was no longer angry, and no matter how thrilled she was about the sex, she couldn't deny that they weren't ok and that things were only going to get harder. She couldn't bring herself to regret having sex with him. Not when it had been so nice and felt so good and had made her tremble with what she no longer doubted was love. But neither could she look past the many obstacles standing in the way of her ever pursuing anything more with Zuko than friendship and this fleeting tryst. They were two different people with two different destinies. Destinies that would lead them far from each other before this war was done and though the idea made her heart clench in her chest and made her want to throw a tantrum the likes of which she hadn't thrown in many long years, there was no denying the truth.

They were doomed to separation when the time came for him to return to the Fire Nation capitol for the sake of regaining his title. There would be little point fighting in the war and bringing down Ozai if Zuko couldn't take his place as the rightful Fire Lord once Ozai fell. The world, Katara imagined, would be far worse off with Azula in charge after Ozai. At least Ozai remained in the capitol and didn't venture into the field himself.

Another tear trickled down her cheek as she stood, using a little of her bending to clean up the mess of their lovemaking before she dressed herself once more. To prolong the need to see Zuko again so soon, no matter how she wanted to fall into his arms and cry and tell him that they'd find a way to make it work and that she never wanted to let him go, Katara stooped and packed up their bedrolls. She stuffed everything back into their packs as best she could and she didn't make eye contact with Meng, Kuzon, Iroh or Zuko as she passed through the main room of their igloo on her way to begin saddling the rough rhinos.

Meng, oblivious to the tension in the air, greet her warmly.

"Morning, Katara," she said, ever upbeat and cheerful.

Katara's lips twisted.

"Hi, Meng," she said, feeling suddenly tired once more. It was barely dawn and she'd been awake for a good long time last night thanks to her bending and her fight with Zuko.

"Are you excited?" Meng asked. "Iroh says that if we make good time today, we should reach the ferry port to begin the crossing into Ba Sing Se."

Katara's heart clenched, hating the idea that so soon she might be ripped from Zuko's side. She was excited to see Aang and Sokka, yes. But she was nervous about it too. She'd changed a lot in the time they'd been parted. She'd fallen for a boy that her brother and her friend still considered to be the enemy.

"Sure, Meng," Katara replied, her voice flat. "Should be great."

Meng paused when Iroh, Zuko and Kuzon all looked over at her, obviously picking up on her morose mood.

"That's the spirit," Meng said, smiling brightly and Katara's left eye twitched before she realised the girl was being purposely dense for the sake of trying to put her in a better mood. Obviously Meng had no idea that it wasn't just the idea of being unheard or ignored by her friends through the night that was bothering her. Then again, the girl often proved more perceptive than she let on, so maybe she thought that Katara and Zuko were still fighting and was trying to offer distractions.

"Why don't you come in and grab some breakfast?" Meng offered. "I made porridge. We need our strength if we're pushing hard to reach the port today. And you had a bad night, so you'll want a boost, I think."

Katara's stomach turned at the thought of food, but the faintest twinge under her bindings reminded her that she'd just had sex and that unless she wanted to have a baby in the middle of a war, she would need to drink her moon tea. Sighing as she finished loading the rhinos with their bedding, Katara nodded and let Meng lead her over to the fireplace.

She didn't look at any of the others as she went about making her moon tea, and she barely touched her porridge, despite the effort Meng had put into it. She wasn't hungry for food. Not with her heart in her stomach, nervous at seeing her friends and torn over what to say to Zuko. She was dreading having to climb up on the rhino with him all day. She didn't think she could stand the idea of touching so much of him again so soon, knowing that she might never touch him so intimately as she'd just done in the furs, ever again.

Katara knew her morose mood was infecting everyone else, even Meng, when they all packed up the rest of their camp in relative silence. She couldn't get a read on Zuko's mood, though he didn't seem completely angry. She supposed he was feeling the same way she did. Regretful that they'd given in to one another when it had turned out to feel so utterly wonderful, and hurt that despite that, they might never be able to do so again. Katara glanced at him when they were packing up the last of the cooking pots, freshly washed and dried after breakfast.

He met her gaze unflinchingly, his golden eyes unreadable as he looked at her. Katara opened her mouth, though she had no idea what to say to bridge the gap that seemed to be widening between them despite how close they'd just been. She closed it again when no words came. She had nothing. She wanted to cry and she wanted to shout and tell him that there was a way to make this all work and that she didn't care what Sokka or Aang thought and that she didn't care what the Fire Nation people might make of their Crown Prince dating a Water Tribe peasant.

But she knew it would make no difference.

Instead, she closed her mouth and she looked down at her hands where they shook, trying to stuff a much-too-large pan into the tiny space left in the top of her pack. Tears of pain and sorrow and frustration slipped free, unbidden, and Katara dropped the pan to press her face into her hands, trying to hide them before Zuko could see.

She felt him come closer. His chi rushed the length of hers as he gently took away the pan and stuffed it into his own pack, and she was sure he was just going to leave her be to cry out her feelings. She wasn't expecting it when he moved her pack aside and pulled her into his arms. Katara buried her head against his chest, her whole body shaking with the power of the sobs that tore free of her and she hated the way her chi and his tangled together so intimately, making her feel so safe when it was all a delusion.

"I'm sorry, Water Bender," Zuko said into her hair, squeezing her tight enough to make her ribs ache. "I didn't mean for this to happen."

Katara hiccupped, trying to find her voice, trying to tell him it wasn't his fault and that they'd find a way. All that came out was a strangely empty-feeling mewl and he squeezed her tighter, crushing her to him and making her want to crawl inside his warmth and never come out.

"Nephew?" Iroh's voice intruded on them a short time later. "It's time to leave."

He spoke so softly, and he sounded so sad, that Katara had a terrible sinking feeling in her stomach that Iroh knew she and Zuko had slept together and made things a hundred times harder for themselves.

"Come on, Water Bender," Zuko whispered, releasing her slowly. "Let's go."

Katara almost smiled that he didn't have more to offer, that he didn't give her words of reassurance that it would all be okay, or that they'd find a way, or that he'd never let her go. She hoped he didn't regret sleeping with her. As much as she was hurting at the idea that being torn from him would now be so much harder, Katara didn't regret it.

"I don't want to lose you," Katara managed when he'd let her go and stepped back, picking up both their packs and heading for the rhinos.

Zuko stopped and turned to look at her. He didn't smile, and Katara would swear she saw his lower lip tremble before his eyes narrowed.

"You won't lose me, Katara," Zuko told her quietly. "We're Reiki Kazuna."

"We're best friends," she pointed out.

His mouth twisted at that, a pained expression.

"You're my Water Bender," he managed hoarsely, his voice tight with emotion he refused to show and Katara wanted to cry even more.

"What do we do?" she asked, trying to figure out how to make everything better.

Zuko shrugged his shoulders helplessly, his eyes hardening in a way that made her think they were prickling with tears he refused to shed.

"You have to go back to the capitol," she said quietly. "And I have to stay and help Aang. But if you have to leave before he has enough time to train, he's still going to need a Fire Bending teacher. Maybe, after your father accepts you as the prince and his rightful heir again, you'll be able to come back."

She hated how hopeful she sounded.

"I have to dismantle the Fire Court from the inside," he reminded her. "And after the war is won, if we win, I have to rebuild my Nation, and you have to rebuild yours. This can't… work…. Katara."

"It can," she said stubbornly and his lips twisted again, this time into a sad and angry little grin that she hadn't seen on him before.

"How?" he asked. "You tell me how, and I'll do it, Water Bender. How do I get to keep my throne and my Nation and my life and my heart all at the same time?"

Katara cried harder when a single tear slipped from his good eye, his voice thick and hoarse with emotion.

"I don't know," she whimpered, shaking her head.

And she didn't. She didn't know how to keep him when the whole world seemed to stand in their way. She had too much to do to save the world and then rebuild it, and so did he. Maybe he'd been right. Maybe this was all they would get.

Katara took in a steadying breath at the thought. If this was all they had left, then she didn't want to ruin it with tears or regrets or pain. She would save those for after he'd gone back to the capitol and she couldn't crawl into his arms at night. It wasn't a solution so much as it was just prolonging the inevitable and perhaps creating more memories to ache over when they were parted, but Katara was determined to enjoy whatever little time she had left with him.

If this was all she'd get, perhaps for the rest of her life, then she wanted to make it memorable, not miserable. Wiping her eyes and her nose on her sleeve, Katara squared her shoulders and closed the distance between them. Reaching for him, she pressed herself to him, pulling him down and kissing him hard on the mouth.

Zuko dropped their packs, his arms curling around her instinctively. Katara threw everything she had into the kiss. She poured her hurt and her love and her misery and her hope and her entire heart into kissing him. She pushed her chi against his with all her might and Zuko pushed back. He kissed her like his life depended on it and Katara felt more tears slipping down her cheeks to mingle with his, his fire rushing through her, and his chi making her heart race.

They kissed until they were breathless, and then they kissed a little longer and Katara resolved that if she had to let him go, it would be with memories so fierce and a love so strong that he'd survive everything the world might throw at him in her absence.