AN: Welcome back! This was not a long cliff, wasn't it? It's a good way to start a Monday, though, right?

Let's see where they're at after the revelation in the last chapter. Enjoy!

Chapter 29

"Daddy?"

Derek turns to his son, watches as David stops coloring his picture on the kitchen table to stare at him, frowning.

"What is it, Nugget?" Derek asks.

"How come I haven't seen Meri in two days?"

Derek sighs loudly. "Meredith has been really busy, buddy. Maybe she'll come around tomorrow or the next day."

He has no clue how to explain to David what just happened. He knows he can't say exactly why they've taken an unofficial break, but even saying they had a fight is reductive. They're in this limbo of avoidance and mulling over whatever they have said.

After her revelation, Derek went home and spent the rest of his night on the couch, nursing a single glass of scotch and staring into his blank TV, trying to make sense of this new Meredith, flashes of her David coming back into his head. He's giving her space, but he's not sure where they're going to go from here. They have to readjust to one another, and it's hard to keep David in the dark.

"You are very sad, Daddy. Meri makes you smile."

Derek gives him the softest, saddest smile. "She does, you're right. She's very special, right?"

"She is. I miss her lots."

"I'm sorry. I'll ask her to come over as soon as she can, okay?" Derek sighs. He knows Meredith will show up for David, she promised him as much, but he also hopes she'll keep her promise.

"'Kay!" David nods, resuming his drawing. After a few scribbles though, he lifts up his head again and asks: "Did you have a fight with Meri? 'Cause when Luke tried to hit me I stopped sharing my crayons with him, but then he sayed sorry and we were good."

"Something like that, David. It's more complicated when you're a grown-up. Small people, small problems; big people, big problems."

"Right," he says, giggling. "Nana always says that."

"And she's right." Derek sighs. "But I'll tell Meredith you miss her and I'm sure she'll come running."

David laughs again. "Meri doesn't run very fast."

At that, Derek finally cracks a true smile. "Oh, she does. When there's a patient she has to save, she runs faster than all of us."

"But she's bad at running in the backyard," David giggles, then sobers up. "She's a good friend, Daddy."

"She is. I love her."

David gives him a puzzled look, knitting his eyebrows. "You love her like a friend or like a prince?"

"Like a prince?" Derek frowns.

"Yeah, like... A prince wants to marry his princess and live happily ever after. Do you love Meri like that?"

Derek sighs, a small smile on his lips. "I do."

"Are you and Meri going to get married and live in a castle, then?" David's eyes widen.

"No," Derek smiles, trying to hide his sadness, though he's a bit amused by David's definition of marriage. Derek figures his mother told him a story at some point, involving princes and castles and that's where he got the metaphor from. Still, he can probably blame his nieces as well for such theory. "And even if we do get married, we're not living in a castle anytime soon. And never without you. You're stuck with me forever, buddy."

"Oh, good," David sighs in relief. "I'd miss you, Daddy."

"I'd miss you, too. Very, very much, David. I love you."

"I love you, too, Daddy. This much," David says, opening his arms wide, almost as if he was ready for a bear hug.

Derek smiles at his son. He is the sweetest little boy he knows. Sometimes he still marvels that David is only his. He has never needed to share him with anyone, yet he's been happy to share him with Meredith.

Now, Derek wonders if they'll have to go back to when it was just the two of them, and his heart aches. His life without Meredith feels empty, all of a sudden. It's filled by David, but there's a gaping hole in it, without her. He hopes they haven't fucked up this relationship too much, so that the hole can be fixed again soon.

The more he thinks about how fast he has moved, the more he knows he was in the wrong. Maybe if they'd taken baby steps instead of skipping straight to the marriage, Meredith might have come around and saw the goodness in her and she could believe in herself more. He doesn't need to be married tomorrow, he can wait for her, but it breaks his heart how little self-esteem she has.

Meredith is an incredible surgeon, and she knows it, she has a large ego and everybody keeps feeding that; in her personal life though, Derek is worried he's been the very first person who told her how much she's worth it, how amazing she is, and how she deserves to be loved. It's no wonder she's having a hard time adjusting to him, even disregarding the incredible grief she must still feel.

When he stops and thinks about her son, his heart clenches. Imagining his last few years without David makes no sense at all. He's not sure how she overcame her loss – if you can ever overcome it – and turned out to be such a wonderful person.

So, Derek believes he has to adjust to her pace, that he's the one that must slow down.

"Will you be happy if Meredith stayed here every day, buddy?" Derek asks, feeling lighter as an idea takes the shape of a concrete possibility.

"You mean if she becomes your princess and you marry her, Daddy?"

"Yeah. Or maybe if we agree and she comes to live with us."

"So I can see her every day and play with her every day and she'll tuck me in at night?" David's eyes widen.

"When she's not working, she might, yes. Just like how I do it when I'm not working. Sometimes it will be just you and Meredith in the house if I'm working, or just us when she's working."

"Oh, like special days. That would be fun, Daddy!"

"Oh, yeah?" Derek smiles.

David nods. "Meri is so fun. She makes me laugh until my belly aches."

"She does, doesn't she?"

"And I always get dessert with her."

Derek laughs. "What if sometimes she has to say no to you? If she lives here all the time, she can't always say yes. She'll be a bit like me, that I say yes only when I think something is good or safe for you, or if you have the right age to do so. What if Meri says no?"

David frowns. "Then can I ask Nana?"

Derek laughs at that, because he knows Nana will say yes, no matter what.

Maybe his plan will work. Especially if he convinces Meredith that David is on board with it. Maybe taking the first step of moving in together can work. They still love each other, they just need to get past this hurdle. And Derek knows they can, no matter how hard he has to fight for her; he knows she's worth fighting for. They will have a conversation and figure this out.

The doorbell rings, interrupting their chat. When Derek goes to open it, he finds himself rooted to the spot.

His breath hitches.

"Hi," Meredith says, her voice soft, barely above a whisper.

She looks sad. Sad in a way that he has never seen her before. Two days ago it had been pure grief, but now it seems like sadness has become a part of her, almost as if she were grieving all over again. Grief weighs down her shoulders and dulls the sparkle of her eyes.

He hates this. He hates that she's doubting herself so much because of him. He would take everything back if he could, even though he knows it was necessary for her to share this, it doesn't make it any less painful to see her like this.

For a moment, they're not saying anything, just staring at one another on their respective side of the door, barely blinking, just taking in each other's presence. They've tried avoidance at work, but now she's here, deliberately, and Derek knows it means something.

"Meri!" David shouts, running to the door, and before Meredith can process it, he's engulfing her in a burrito hug.

Derek sees them relaxing, as Meredith kneels in front of David to hug all of him. She closes her eyes as he buries his nose in her neck, and her posture loosens. She looks lighter. They share a few whispers he can't understand, but he's happy to see them together.

When they pull away, Meredith finally comes inside and Derek closes the door behind her.

"I just telled Daddy I was missing you lots, and here you are! I'm so happy you're here, Meri."

"I'm happy to be here, too, David," she murmurs, her voice shaking, her eyes misty.

"I was making a picture for you, but it's not done, so you can't see it yet." David grins mischievously.

"Why don't you go and finish it, so I can talk to your dad for a second?" Her voice is soft, gentle, music to his ears. He has missed her so much, he can't take his eyes off her.

"Oh, right. You gotta say sorry, Daddy. And you, Meri. So you can be Daddy's princess, but you don't live in a castle."

David disappears back in the kitchen, leaving a frowning Meredith.

"He figured something had happened," Derek explains quickly, trying to smooth things over already, at the first complete sentence they have exchanged.

"Oh," Meredith says, staring deep into his eyes, her voice barely above a whisper.

"And the princess bit...that's just him trying to figure out what being in love means. He has no other means of comparison."

"He thinks I'm your princess?" She frowns.

"Yeah. Because I love you. Like love love, not friend love, or how he loves you. The prince-princess dynamic is the only thing he knows that can compare." Derek sighs, avoiding her gaze. He's fucking this up. It's too big. He wanted to make this smaller, less scary, but instead he's blowing into it, almost to the point it blows up in their faces.

"He's too damn sweet, Derek. I can't…" Meredith shakes her head. "Maybe I should go."

"Stay." He stops her, stretching his arm to stop her, but then holding back. "He's been missing you. I can disappear for a bit if you don't want to see me." His heart breaks. Maybe they do need time apart, and he'd do this for David, even if it kills him inside.

"I do. I want to see you. I just…" She lowers her head to the ground.

"I'm sorry I proposed out of the blue. You said forever and I jumped the gun." Derek admits, sighing. Maybe he can still salvage this. Maybe it's not too late.

"No, I...We've been really fast. Everything has been really fast, and when you asked, I just...That should be a dealbreaker for pretty much everyone, Derek." Her eyes are still cast low.

"Not for me. Not really." Derek admits, his voice soft, trying to convey all his emotions. Yes, he was shocked, and he doubted their relationship for a good half hour, but when she told the whole story, he had no doubts, and he's still in love. Maybe even more in love with her strength of character. "I'm still processing it, but that doesn't mean I don't want to be with you. I just understand how I rushed our relationship unnecessarily. I should have taken different steps."

"I...Derek, you did nothing wrong. I was keeping this to myself all along." Meredith shakes her head, still staring at the floor.

"It's not easy to share your story. I respect that."

"You told me your struggle with David right away, Derek." She still cannot meet his eyes, breaking Derek's heart.

"But you see David every day, you need to know. You had to know. Your David...he's much harder to understand for a virtual stranger. But I'm glad I know about him."

"I'm...It's his birthday in two weeks, that's why I...I just can't…" Meredith's voice trembles, and she blinks rapidly.

"Oh, Mer," he murmurs, ignoring the deliberate distance between them and pulling her into his arms.

Meredith stiffens at first, her body taut as a string, but then she gradually relaxes. Derek breathes her in, closing his eyes, relishing this hug and hoping it won't be their last.

"Oh, good! You guys are sad no more!" David comes back in the foyer, brandishing his drawing, and they both pull away slightly to see him grin wildly.

Derek sees Meredith wipe at her cheeks and put up a smile for David that is as genuine as she can muster under the circumstances.

"We're tabling this, okay? You go spend some time with my very demanding son," Derek says, squeezing her hand, knowing that they need to talk more, but David needs some Meredith time, too.

Meredith sighs, nodding slightly, before she cups his cheek and kisses him gently.

"Thank you," she hums against his lips, her voice cracking. Derek can't help but smile when she pulls away. "I came for him. Because I promised you, and myself, that no matter what, I'd be there for him. So I'm glad we're talking, but I'm here for David, too."

Derek smiles brightly, knowing how wonderful Meredith is, how caring, and how amazing she will be as his wife and as David's first mother figure. He can't tell her any of this yet, but he can dream about it. He can see his life head into that direction, if he plays his cards right. He can see forever with Meredith Grey, no matter how or when it happens.

Derek watches as his two favorite people reconnect over David's drawing, sitting in a huddle at his kitchen table, and he knows that maybe not everything is lost. They hit a rough patch, but they're not completely off the right path.

They'll make it right.

Meredith ends up spending the whole day with David and Derek. Mostly with David. She's grateful Derek lets them be. He gives them the space they need and Meredith is relieved. They can be civil to one another, and that's something. Even if he ends up leaving her, she doesn't have to leave David.

Today, maybe for the very first time in forever, she's with David because she's selfish. She's playing pretend with herself, and imagining her son there, instead of Derek's son. She's picturing blond hair and green eyes, but the same soft giggle and the same burrito hugs.

In the middle of a game of Chutes and Ladders, her phone buzzes, and Meredith excuses herself, asking Derek to take over. She goes to stand outside on Derek's front porch, marveling that it's not freezing cold.

"Hey, Mom," Meredith says, closing the door behind her.

"You took off work. Are you sick?" Ellis' voice is not overly concerned, just business-like as usual, but Meredith can feel the concern buried deep down there.

"I…" Meredith thinks about lying, but then she knows her mother will figure that out. There's not much she can sniff out, but a fake sickness is her specialty. "No, I just...I needed a day off. David has no school, Derek is home, and my head is a mess."

"You took a day off to date Derek?" Ellis groans. She can already see the eye roll on the other end of the call.

"No, I…" Meredith sighs. "I told Derek about David a couple of days ago. My David."

"Oh," her mother says, and Meredith can hear some rustling on the other end, a chair scraping on the floor. "Are you okay?"

Her mother is surprising at times, and this is one of them. Even the call, the concerned call, is a first, but this...Meredith has always known Ellis cares about her, but this new. It takes her back years, and she's not sure what to think of it.

Maybe their relationship is not irremediably destroyed yet.

"I'm not sure. My head is…" Exploding? How much can she tell her mother?

"Did you straight-out tell him or he asked?"

"He proposed. And I told him he doesn't even know me and we argued and then I told him. He was shocked, and I think he took pity on me and didn't yell, but I know he wanted to yell. I'm waiting for him to yell."

"He proposed? You've been together what, six months? Of course, you're basically strangers." Ellis sounds surprised, and Meredith is not sure she did the right thing telling her mother that.

"A little longer than that but that's not the point." Meredith sighs. "Part of me wants to marry him. I just...I'm not sure I can be everything he needs from me."

"What, be a good wife? I'm a terrible wife, Meredith, ask Richard."

Meredith smiles, but it's quick to disappear. "I can't be David's mom," she murmurs.

"Then don't be. Be what you are now, just for the rest of your life. I fucked you up for a good twenty years Meredith, but you've grown into a wonderful woman. I'm sure that if you just love David the best you can, he'll be alright. Derek can be the bad guy."

Meredith's heart squeezes at her mother's words. She's never so open with compliments, or criticism about her own self, but it's always nice to hear. It's nice to know her mother is human. "What if we have more kids? I don't think I can go through that again."

"Then ask him what he wants. Talk. Maybe he doesn't even want more kids." Meredith can see her mother shrug, even through the phone.

"Yeah, I...We'll talk." Meredith sighs loudly.

"Good. He's the only decent guy you've dated so far."

Meredith rolls her eyes. "Mom, you only met Finn."

"And he clearly wasn't stellar. So he's a big improvement. And he's a surgeon. Baby surgeon, but a surgeon. That's worth something."

"Mom!" That almost puts a genuine smile on her face.

"Just...Learn from my mistakes, if anything, alright? Don't let Derek haunt you for years like Richard did with me. Figure this out." Her mother's tone is soft, gentle, nothing like her usual Ellis tone. She hardly ever comes out, but this side of her mother always baffles and awes Meredith.

"Okay."

"Do you want to come over next week. Have dinner with us on that evening?"

"You mean…"

"David's birthday, yes. Do you need to come over?"

Meredith's eyes sting. "I'll...I'll see what we are with Derek, if not...maybe."

Ellis sighs. "I can deal with a maybe."

"Thank you, Mom."

"I love you, Meredith."

"You, too." Her voice cracks. She can count on her hands the times her mother said she loves her, and they all happened in the last six years.

Meredith hangs ups, staring at the raindrops that start falling on the driveway. She pockets her phone, then rubs her arms vigorously. She never understands her mother, but Ellis is always a shrine of surprises.

"Hey, you good?" Derek pops out of his door, a slight smile on his face. "You were gone a while and we finished the game. Davy wants hot chocolate, would you like some?"

"Oh, yes. Please. Thank you."

Derek frowns at her. "Seriously, are you okay?"

"Fine. Just had a very surreal conversation with my mother." Meredith sighs.

"I'll give you a minute, then." Derek gives her a gentle, sparkling-eyes smile.

"Oh, no, I'll come in before I freeze."

Derek chuckles, opening to door to let her in. "Hot cocoa will warm you right up."

"David has the best ideas, of course."

Hot chocolate turns out to be a hit with David, but it also lightens up Meredith's mood. Her mother's words keep mulling into her head, even as Derek suggests dinner and David guilt-trips her into staying.

"Yum yum," David grins, staring at a chunk of his fish stick before he devours it.

Meredith gives him a genuine smile. "You need to eat a piece of broccoli, too."

David huffs and puffs, chewing loudly.

"Mmm, so yummy," Derek grins, winking at Meredith.

"Indeed. Can you believe that I never liked broccoli before I tried the ones your dad makes?" Meredith smiles, looking poignantly at David.

"Really?" David and Derek say at the same time.

"Yeah. I only knew about microwave broccoli, and those just get soggy. But these…"

David immediately grabs a piece and chomps on it, nodding eagerly. "They weal good innfeed," he says, in between chewing.

Meredith giggles at how silly he's being. "Your dad is an amazing cook."

"Mer, really, it's just frozen fish sticks and broccoli." Derek rolls his eyes.

"I'm not just saying it. With you, I've tried things I never ate before."

"Like vegetables?" He winks and David laughs.

Meredith giggles too, and it feels right to laugh with Derek again. He's still him, and she likes this. She loves being with the two Shepherds, sharing a meal and just being happy with them. She would love if everything were this easy.

The more time she spends with them, the easier it seems, and the more right it feels to be here, exactly in this moment, with them. The air between her and Derek has defrosted, and it's the best feeling in the world to laugh with him and David again.

Dinner is a light affair, and after dinner Meredith helps David pick out his pajamas, supervises his shower and his teeth brushing, then tucks him ito bed. David begs her to read a story, and she's happy to read him two books: one from his collection and one from the stack he borrowed at the library. She prompts him to read a few sections, and he struggles in some parts, but so far he's being a great reader.

Meredith lingers for a few minutes in David's room, watching him try to fall asleep, before she heads back to the kitchen and shares a few awkward moments with Derek.

She's not sure how they will act like without David as a buffer.

Derek is sitting at the kitchen table, a thick book open in front of him, a pencil in his hand, a notebook beside him. Maybe she should just sneak out and leave him to studying. He probably has a big surgery coming up and he should focus on that.

"Is he down?" Derek whispers, looking up to meet her eyes.

Sneaking home is out of the question, now. "Just about. We read two books."

"You're too kind to him," Derek smiles, then he sighs. "Thank you for making his day, Mer."

"I told you, I wanted to be here."

"Still, I really appreciate it. And David loves it."

Meredith nods, then stands awkwardly in front of him, unsure about what will happen next, or what she should say. He's the one that breaks the silence.

"I'm sorry I jumped the gun the other day. Again, I'm sorry."

She shakes her head. She hates to see Derek like this. "Part of me wants to say yes, Derek. There are just so many uncertainties, so many things holding me back…"

"And I get it. And I'm sorry if I just sprung this on you. I didn't even know if you even wanted to be married or anything else like that. We never even discussed it. I should have waited."

"That's...you shouldn't be guilty for how you feel."

"But I should wait for you. We're in this together, I can't just skip ahead and want you there with me if you're not ready. We need to discuss these steps together." Derek drops the pencil and turns to her, his eyes full of love and sparkles and making her melt.

"I…" she hesitates, swallowing. "I want to be ready. I think, with you, I want to be ready."

His eyes light up. "Then we'll get there. We'll make smaller steps from now on."

She nods, though she's still worried he's just placating her. She's not sure she will ever fully believe him when he says he loves her, because that's not what people do. Yet, he seems so convinced. "You won't regret me? You are okay with taking on a mess of a person like me?"

"Mere, I only see an amazing, caring woman, a stubborn and talented surgeon, and the woman I love. I don't see much of anything else."

His words and his smile fill her with warmth, even though a tiny voice in the back of her head still tells her she doesn't deserve him.

"What if you get tired of me not washing my mug as soon as I finish my coffee? Because shit like that happens when you live together forever and you're married, and I…"

"I tend to toss my underwear anywhere but in the basket. And God knows David is a walking mess waiting to happen. Will you love us any less?"

"At times, maybe?" she sighs, her awkward smile genuine.

Derek laughs quietly, standing up to pull her in his arms.

"You're amazing, Mere. I wouldn't dream of loving anyone else but you."

She tightens her hold on him, relishing his warmth. When she's in his arms, everything seems to make even more sense, and how can she give up on this?

"Der, are you absolutely sure?" she asks, one last time.

"Yes." His unwavering answer adds the tiny bit of confidence she doesn't have.

"They do you want to move in? I'm not ready for marriage, but maybe...a trial run?"

Derek pulls away, staring deep into her eyes. They are sparkling with love and tears. "Mere…"

"Maybe I can move in, because David has stuff and shit and he doesn't like change and my lease is up soon, so I can move, but yeah, do you…?"

"Yes. I would love to live with you. And I agree, maybe it's easy if you move here, but we'll move if you want to keep your house."

Meredith cups his cheek, stroking his stubble. "You see, my house is a house, but this is a home. I'd love to share your home with you."

"Oh, Mer," he says, tilting his head and leaning into her touch. "You can move whenever, really. Even tonight."

Meredith shakes her head. "We need to tell David. He has to be okay with this."

Derek chuckles. "He was telling me he would love to have you here every day."

"I don't believe you." She smiles.

"I thought about asking, this morning. I thought it could be a good step forward, if you still wanted to move forward, so I tested the waters."

They both chuckle, as they embrace again. Meredith leans into him, into his warmth and his love, and she basks in it.

"I do want to move forward. With you. I love you, you know that, right?" Meredith whispers.

"I know. I'll never forget it. I love you, too."

Meredith kisses Derek, slow and deliberate, feeling him in every fiber of her being. Kissing him feels like coming home. Not to a house, an actual home.

"Don't let me forget that, Derek. I tend to forget people love me so…"

"I won't. I'll remind you, every day." His smile makes her weak in her knees.

"Forever," she says, against his lips, before they share another kiss. She closes her eyes to keep the tears at bay. This feels big, bigger than anything else she has chosen over the years, but it also feels incredibly right.

She didn't choose David Ellis, she didn't choose to lose her baby boy, but she's choosing Derek. And David Langston. And this feeling of home.

"Forever," he hums back, getting lost in their kisses.

AN: I know this might be faster than what Meredith would do, but she's different in this universe. Lighter and more burdened all the same. I hope you won't mind.

ETA for next chapter is still impossible to establish, but hopefully soon. Be patient, and stay tuned! Thank you for reading.