Chapter 4. To me, Yuki was Many Things
To me, Yuki was many things.
Right now, as I was holding her from behind, my nose in her hair and her hands over mine, she was wonderfully cuddly.
Right now we both standing by Sengen shrine's omikuji board, observing Chiba's shoreline from the cozy vantage point; though covered by the low gray skies like a pot by its lid, was nevertheless beautiful in its soothingly subdued colors. We both kept quiet, not feeling the need to break the silence.
Even though we couldn't kiss properly yet because Yuki's lip still needed a day or two just in case, I could tenderly peck her cheek, or her chin, or her fingers, one by one. Which I had done to our mutual enjoyment before.
Having survived throughout that tense week of dealing with Yuigahama, I felt something akin to crawling out of a deep and dark hole, with my deprived senses taking in all the sensations with renewed acuteness. And that of course included Yuki. How her hair tickled my face and teased me with the smell of shampoo. How small and thin she was in my arms. How gladly and readily she was leaning into me and caressing my palms. Or how she shifted the weight from one foot to another, and I felt that very physical and very joyful sensation of her her body slightly moving in my against mine.
Enjoying the soft texture of her deep blue dress, the one she wore at Destinyland this winter, was plain pleasurable; for a moment I marveled at how long ago that was. It all could be correctly summarized as that feeling of level happiness I've experienced the night after our first date. And daring and naive request it may be, at that very moment I wished my whole life would be like that: level happiness.
"You don't have much time, really."
"Even if you start dating for, what, less than two months?.. Yeah, about two months…"
Right. Of course. Thanks for popping up in my head and pointing me to your words out of the blue, Sensei.
Not much time. Out of my hands. Snowball's chance in hell. No matter how much I tried to mentally crush those thoughts they kept coming back with a vengeance, pushing out my feeling of happiness with numb mute nothing.
"Hachi?" Yuki's melodious voice reached me, helping me come to my senses.
"Yes?" I hastily replied.
"You're… tense." She turned to me, giving my sour form a worried once-over. "And nervous."
"Uhh… I am?"
Yuki instead gently cupped my palms in hers, then started to slowly and steadily massage them.
"You are." She looked into my eyes. "You have that very specific look on your face again. I had told you already: don't hole up."
"Sure… Thanks…" I was speaking slowly, word by word, trying to compose myself. "How's… Yuigahama?"
Yuki inquisitively squinted.
"I'll bite you."
"If… you want to."
That made her tilt her head in exasperation. Finally Yuki looked into my eyes again, with a knowing smile this time.
"More time?"
"Please."
"Well then," she closed her eyes with a wistful expression, "Yuigahama-san's fine. She's in fact back to the norm faster than I thought. Very curious about us too, but I suspect I'd rather not divulge this soon. We also agreed to spend some time alone more often."
"As friends… should, right?"
"Not 'should', Hachi. As friends like to. Just as we like to spend time together."
That made me pause for several seconds.
"Were you always this insightful before?"
Yuki opened her eyes and shook her head.
"Even if us three had to shoot ourselves in the foot twice to learn our lessons, we still have learned, haven't we? Maybe it's time to become, as you called it, 'insightful'."
"True that." I nodded. "We like to think we're smart after all, right?"
"Precisely. So… what's wrong?"
To me, Yuki was many things. Right now she was genuinely caring and affectionate, and patient, and simply understanding.
I opened my mouth and inhaled the air only for something small and wet poke my nose from above. Then once more onto my face. Then the moderate rain mentioned in the morning forecast chose this exact time to finally begin.
"Eek- Cold!" Yuki shivered beside me. "One second, let me find my umbrella."
"I think mine's closer." I took a small light umbrella from my coat pocket and opened it, holding Yuki closer so we both could fit; took a long time convincing Komachi to lend it to me. "Don't like standing in the rain all that much. You?"
"How weird, neither do I. Maybe we were destined to be together." Yuki faintly smiled. "I doubt you know the area any better than I do, so… oh. There was a small eatery almost right at the park entrance. Kurachan or something to that effect…"
"Ah, right, kushiyaki joint. Should be affordable enough to sit out the rain." I pondered. "You'll get tired standing and walking soon anyway."
"I am improving." She said it in a measured tone yet somehow stressed every word, clearly showing she was mortally offended by the notion. I just smiled at that.
"Well…" Yuki started after we settled on a table furthest from the entrance and ordered our tea and a plate of chicken bits on a skewer. "No more distractions in the way. Shall we… resume?"
I made an effort to nod, to which Yuki carefully covered my palm with hers.
"It's…" Oh hell, I thought. Here goes. "Sensei mentioned you might leave to study abroad for your third year."
Yuki's palm abruptly squeezed mine, her nails almost piercing my skin. Just as I was about to note it Yuki caught herself and tried to gently cover it again. Her hand was slightly tense though. So was she herself.
"I brought it upon myself, didn't I?.." She sadly mused. "And here I thought I'd be mature enough to handle it. I…"
Yuki raised her eyes at me, and the look on her face alone urged me to draw her closer and bring her forehead to mine. She just closed her eyes and put her hands on my chest as she took deep breaths.
"It's… true." My heart sunk. "Not exactly officially true, but Sister was ordered to study abroad for her second year and… given how my mother sees… me… I probably will have it the same."
I fell silent, not knowing what to say.
"I guess…" Yuki resumed. "From your reaction, you brought it on yourself too, didn't you."
"… Yeah."
For some time we kept sitting forehead to forehead. The waitress with our tea grinned and seemingly wanted to say something teasing, but then took a closer look and quietly left.
Time flowed by.
"The tea…" I softly reminded. "It'll get cold."
"No doubt it will." Yuki, smiled, weakly but with a slowly emerging mirth. "I'm better now, thank you."
I reached for my cup, listening to the rain outside absentmindedly.
"Yet another thing to confess," Yuki admitted after taking a sip, "I'm deeply ashamed of my behavior toward you when we just met. Everyone, you, Yuigahama-san, Hiratsuka-sensei…"
"Eh, part of the charm by now."
"Doesn't make it any less shameful. Though I appreciate your comment." She briefly smiled before becoming somber again. " It's… it's just…"
Yuki traced the rim of her cup, gathering her thoughts.
"For the longest time in my life, I…"
She fell silent and bit her lip.
"It's alright. I'm listening."
"Thank you. I… I felt powerless. Like every choice possible was yanked away from me. No matter what I wanted to do, it was always met with resistance. Nothing overt, or explicit, but rather…" She took another sip, looking through the cup. "To whatever I requested or expressed interest in, there always was a list of valid counterpoints. No matter what argumentation I came up with for reasoning, in the end I always was persuaded otherwise. And… even though I shouldn't… I always felt guilt. I reasoned I probably just wanted too much. Then I carefully measured time between my requests so they wouldn't be too frequent. I tried my best to be humble and polite about them."
Yuki stopped and stared at nowhere in particular. Some time later she sipped some more and continued.
"Yet in the end I always lost the argument and, again… felt guilty. Eventually though, when I wasn't feeling guilt, I started feeling… can anger and apathy be even felt at the same time? This is the closest I can describe it."
"… Nihilism?" I suggested.
"Now that you say it… yes, exactly. Nothing matters, nothing's meaningful, nothing would ever change." She sharply inhaled and I saw a lone tear slowly finding its way on her cheek.
"Yuki?.. Are you crying?" In retrospect it was a really dumb question, even if I couldn't think of anything else at the time.
"Sorry?.. Oh. I am." She hastily wiped it off. "My apologies, I won't-"
I tightly hugged her, slowly stroking her hair.
"Nah, I'm sorry. That was a stupid thing to say anyway."
"Oh goodness," She giggled, visibly relieved. "Well… for what it's worth, it was in this exact state that Sensei noticed me and proposed a club where I would find solutions for people. Just a week before you showed up. A coincidence to end all coincidences."
"Seriously?"
"Yes. And that actually helped me. At least I didn't feel so powerless anymore. Can't say the same about being angry at everyone though…"
"That… explains a lot. Good thing Yuigahama was so persistent."
"Yuigahama-san… actually was the first person to hug me." She buried her face in my chest. "Aside from Sister, but in her case the next thing afterwards always was some sort of a prank. Yuigahama-san's hugs were so… different I didn't know how to react… Think of that what you will."
"…Oh." I paused. "I guess… you can hug me whenever?"
"I know as much," Yuki looked up and smiled that precious little smile, "But thank you for offering."
We sat like that some more. The waitress approached us again, this time with a plate of chicken bits on skewers; she did her best to silently convey she'd really like us to order more. I just quietly ordered more tea. She shrugged and left. I returned to cuddling Yuki.
"Wonder how you ended up living alone though," I mused aloud, then realized what I just said. "-oh. Nevermind, it was tactless."
"I don't mind," Yuki looked at me. "As long as it's you. Or someone close."
She straightened her hair, suddenly looking very tired.
"It's a long and daunting story. In the middle of my first year the desperation took the better of me. I wanted to run away, somewhere, anywhere. I almost started packing, but… Sister… found out almost instantly. Laughed at me, of course… a lot. But then she half-jokingly suggested I ask to move to a separate apartment. Judging by her look of surprise when I actually did ask she didn't mean it seriously." She smiled to herself. "I take some consolation in the fact."
Yuki fell silent. The rain outside was steadily drumming on the asphalt. I waited on.
"Asking was the easy part. Mother… didn't take it well. She asked how I could even think of such thing, and why I hated her so much, and what inconveniences I'd have to put the all through. And… " She took a deep breath. "That I was hiding something from her because there was literally no reason I would want to separate otherwise. And what I was hiding. And how I was entirely unprepared for living on my own. And…"
"…You don't have to."
"It's alright, actually." Yuki leaned into my hand on her head. "I feel better now. In the end, when she told me the talk was over and I was dismissed, I was almost ready to kneel and apologize… Fortunately my father intervened and said he'd do it. That was so rare I couldn't even believe it at first. Frankly, me setting in alone in the new place was a breeze afterwards."
"Huh. You probably were scared…"
"I was. I couldn't even sleep the first night because of the noises and emptiness."
"…A breeze?" I couldn't help but raise my brow at that.
"A breeze. Honest." She nodded firmly. "I stand by my words."
It was one thing to read about things like this one. Observing it in practice was not like that at all.
"You know, your mother is… manipulative. Kinda weird… I've read about it, but every time I encountered evil parents or somesuch, I always thought it can't be serious."
Yuki visibly shrank and looked away.
"Can't be helped."
"Can't be helped"
"Can't be helped"
"Can't be helped"
I couldn't even say anything anymore; those words just kept ringing in my head uninetrrupted.
The more I listened to Yuki, the more I experienced a new feeling, the one I also had only read about before, described in a very specific bunch of books: the works of Howard Lovecraft. And the feeling was of existential, cosmic dread against the forces man can't comprehend, nevermind protect himself from.
I technically knew about arranged marriages, in ancient royal families and whatnot. While I doubted it was all that widespread nowadays, I also had to take into account those who did it willingly, to pursue their goals. It occurred to me that Yukinoshita matriarch might be one of them as well. The Yukinoshitas weren't all that noble or hadn't any history to begin with; so it probably was just an ambitious woman marrying a promising man, watching or helping him build his financial success, having his children to be turned into worthy heirs…
A loner I was, I still had knowledge about how humans procreated (no, not just from that stash in the wall rack). So I couldn't help but have this strange and somewhat inappropriate, in a peeking and stalking sort of way, yet morbidly curious thought: when she was making love to him, when she was carrying Yuki, giving birth to Yuki, in pain and struggle, then nursing her at her chest… wasn't she feeling any sort of love, a bond that connects a mother to her child? What was she thinking while saying all those words to her own daughter?
All my life, as taught by our cultural traditions, I kept my opinions about people I didn't know to myself. Whenever I stumbled onto Yuki's family situation, again and again, I always told myself to stop making assumptions because I didn't know anything.
I fully intended to do so this time. But the nagging worm of doubts was already there, eating me from inside.
To me, Yuki was many things. One of them was that she was someone worth being nice to, someone precious, someone worth caring about.
What was she to them?
"Hachi?"
"Oh. What?" I gave a startled reply.
"You were lost in thought for quite some time. Have I… told too much?"
"No… no, you didn't. You have it harder anyway, I think."
"Nothing I can't manage. Besides, talking to you was… therapeutic, in a way." Yuki nuzzled my shoulder. "I have been thinking time to time of what I should do about it. Back then, I was ready to go through it all, to help my father in his work. As I've told you before I'm not really sure anymore. In fact, I think I have some compelling arguments to lay before my mother. Worst case scenario, I'll have to leave for a year, but… I promise I'll wait for you."
"So will I. It's not like she would incarcerate or throw you away for that, right? That'd be too much."
"No, she probably won't." Yuki smiled in relief. "Oh. The rain had stopped. Would you mind some walking?"
"Nope."
After paying for our orders and countering the waitress' stare we exited outside, into the fresh air.
Every rainfall will eventually stop… right?
It was sometimes funny to realize that your perception had shrunk to your immediate surroundings; though the realization itself usually happened right after someone or something from outside your cozy little bubble just barged into it and reminded you that life outside existed. That people lived, changed and experienced things, with you none the wiser.
On Saturday morning a very unique event occurred which didn't normally happen on Saturday mornings: suddenly I was attacked by a happily shouting jumpy bundle of energetic happiness and unceremoniously glomped. The fact that said bundle of energetic happiness also tried jumping up and down while still glomping me didn't help matters much.
This may sound like the Earth suddenly being attacked by jumpy glomping aliens, but in fact it was just Komachi celebrating her acceptance to Soubu High. Apparently she had already went to school to check first thing in the morning and return back. Naturally she already shared her joy with Kamakura, then mom, then dad. I was the last in line, courtesy of waking up fashionably late.
As she was tugging me in all directions at once, musing aloud on where she should get her new uniform and what she was supposed to call me now, all I could do in response was just lightly pat her on the shoulder, say my congratulations and be quietly glad I had one less problem… out of a rather hefty list, but still.
The world truly was a separate entity with its own consciousness and intentions; and one of them was to poke you awake time after time to say that it was moving on whether you wanted it or not, that would be all, thanks, bye. You then would shiver awake, fallen out of your state of ruminating over things past and present, and suddenly notice everything around you with a renewed and refreshed look.
Monday was livened up by one Saika Totsuka entering the classroom with a girl under his right arm. By "livened up" I meant "everyone's eyes homed on him like a flock of doves on a bread loaf". The particular girl in question was our classmate; she was seated at the first row by the window, had flaxen shoulder length hair and an okay face, showed a moderately sanguine personality and wasn't antagonistic to any of the class' cliques. Ondou was her last name, though I couldn't say that for sure.
Ondou (let her be Ondou, for clarity's sake) had a bright smile that didn't fade one bit under the scrutinizing looks. Totsuka meanwhile had a humble yet generally cheerful upturn of lips and did his best to avoid gazes, though I couldn't say he was exactly embarrassed or shy about the whole ordeal.
Upon entering the class he lead his… girlfriend?.. date?.. to her desk, letting her go ahead since the space between desks was too narrow. This was followed by a blindingly exceptional show of gallantry as he helped her take her seat, courteously bowed and started walking to his, his face showing that same slightly shy smile.
When did he learn to do that?..
After I picked up my proverbial jaw I, out of habit, checked on the rest of the class. The boys were expressing a predictable mix of wonder and envy. The girls… showed mild curiosity, being entirely unsurprised. And it wasn't even a "no worries, we'll kill her in the backyard later" sort of unsurprised which, frankly, was to be expected. That only served to amplify my overall impression that I made a wrong turn on my way to school and ended up in a parallel world.
"Hi there Hachiman," Totsuka smiled and waved to me as he was strolling past.
"Y-yo." I hesitated, not quite knowing what to do. The last time something like this happened was actually never. I only could shrug internally at the predicament. "That… uhhhh… was an interesting way of entering the classroom."
"Erm…" Totsuka actually blushed. "Don't remind me. Though that was part of the agreement with Ondou-san."
Huh. So Ondou after all. I was able to properly memorize the names of people I couldn't care less about. That was great. Yuki and Yuigahama would sure be glad I wasn't a lost cause on socialization.
"Agreement, you say… Does that mean you, what, explicitly settled on you walking her to her seat in class?"
"Among other things." Totsuka's smile turned a special sort of polite, the one meaning "no more questions about that if you don't mind".
"Well… Congrats then. You confessed and she accepted. You're one lucky guy, seriously."
Totsuka's smile, while still polite, turned somewhat… strained.
"… It's not her I was going to confess to," he admitted, very quietly all of a sudden.
At the risk of repeating myself:
…Come again?
"I'm… I'll explain some t-time l-later," Totsuka started stammering under my bewildered stare. "It's complicated. Please, Hachiman?"
If there was anyone resistant to a "please, Hachiman?", it sure wasn't me. All I could was shrug and nod dumbly, to which Totsuka visibly calmed down, flashed me an angelic smile, nodded goodbye and went to his seat.
Next two classes came and went without a hitch. During the break right afterwards I felt a familiar presence again.
"S-sup… Hikio." None other than Yumiko Miura was standing next to my desk, thankfully not emanating poisonous aura this time. For that matter, upon a closer look, if she was emanating anything, it was reluctant humility.
"Ummm… Hello?" I carefully allowed. What was it this time?
"Just heard from Yui about what happened to you guys," Miura tried her damnedest not to look at me, "and… sorry, okay? Didn't want it like that."
With that she quickly withdrew to her seat, not even waiting for my reply.
Oh. I've been apologized to. By Miura no less. On second thought, I didn't mind this parallel world at all. Let's just hope this world's Yuki was still my Yuki. "My Yuki"… More than enough make me smile to myself and indulge in gentle thoughts.
Four more classes passed by while I tried to digest this weird Monday and at least try to concentrate on my lessons at the same time. Fortunately, after they ended, my confused soul was soothed by a sight I thought I'd say goodbye forever to. Yuigahama, bubbly and merry as per norm, approached me:
"Yahallo, Hikki! Going to the club today?"
"Yo. Right, going. Let me gather my stuff."
"Okay! Waiting for you!"
When I was putting all my textbooks and notes into the backpack I caught myself smiling. Our next precious three hours in a club, with Yuki smiling subtly and Yuigahama humming something to herself while typing away on the phone were the most precious to me.
Yukinoshita was now Yuki, Miura had been slowly mellowing out, Totsuka was dating a different girl from whom he wanted… People kept changing, things kept happening. An overly self-important part of me wondered if it was because I've contacted them or because of something boring, such as me simply observing them more closely now.
Ultimately, though, all I needed to know good things did happen.
Ever since I've started dating Yuki, aside from all the good and jolly happenstances in my life that were, was that one drawback.
Specifically, I started having a recurring nightmare.
That's right, a bad dream where everything happens according to a fixed script over and over.
In that dream, I would enter my class in the morning as usual and see everyone look at me in bewilderment, anger and contempt. They would all synchronously grab their phones and show them to me, with every single one of them having the same picture of me and Yuki kissing. Their voices would sound all at once in my head. "How did he get her?". "Hikifroggy-kun got a girlfriend". "He's probably coerced her"…
While not exactly enough to wake up in cold sweat with a beating heart, it did make me lie in bed for extra five minutes convincing myself it was all a dream goddammit.
After all, we took precautions and kept quiet. The world clearly have other things to do besides exposing us, right?
Apparently not.
Sometimes I've encountered a phrase about "your nightmare realized". That morning I've seen it with my own eyes.
I didn't even make two steps to my seat when the usual chatter almost instantly died down and everyone's eyes turned to me. I made two steps more, just to dispel this feeling of being on stage before whimsical audience, but the stares followed.
Everyone had the same expression of wonder. As if I've just grown a pair of elk horns or turned into a classic little green alien.
They knew.
Or not, I tried to reason with myself. We took precautions. Yuigahama was an airhead and all but she wouldn't betray us. Sensei was a reasonable adult who sympathized and helped us. Maybe someone just told them yet another embarrassing story from my childhood and the whole class suddenly took an interest in my person. That totally could happen, right? In that case everything was easy: just wait until it all died down. I could live with that.
Just as I was taking my seat I heard a female voice whispering:
"Like, really? He's dating Yukinoshita? No way!"
"Sshh, keep your voice down!"
"I don't care! He probably blackmailed her or something. I wanna know!"
All I could do was just turn my head at them and stare. I wasn't sure what was on my face at that moment but they collectively hiccupped and looked away.
I then turned to everyone else in the classroom, reading them, trying to assess the situation. Those who weren't busy whispering to each other had the same expression of bewilderment from before.
Finally I located Yuigahama. At least hers was different: she looked worried and somewhat guilty. Upon meeting my eyes she hastily stood up and approached me.
"H-hi, Hikki. I'm s-sorry."
"Why are you apologizing?"
"I… it's just, I've received this photo in the morning. Seems like some others had too and shared it with everyone else… You know how it goes… Chain mail… S-sorry…"
She flipped her phone open, fumbled with it a bit and turned its screen to me.
It showed a photo, and what a beautiful photo it was. Against the Tokyo Bay, in the golden light of the setting sun, were me and Yuki. She was kissing my palm, gently holding it with both hers, looking into my eyes with the most tender expression. I was softly caressing her cheek and looking back at her, showing a kind and happy smile, the one I never thought I was even capable of.
The end of our Saturday's date, which we started earlier than usual and finished just before 6 in the evening.
All I could think at the moment was the idiotic stereotypical reactions of all the anime protagonists where they would grab their heads and send a skyward shout of shame. And that I didn't feel like doing it. And that instead I felt nausea slowly climbing up my intestines, a reaction of repulsiveness over the fact someone laid their crude dirty hands on our private moment, our private life.
"I kinda can guess how it feels, Hikki… Sorry again."
"Stop it. You didn't send it. I trust you on that."
"I… just… I feel for you."
"Thanks," I managed a smile. She knowingly smiled back, bowed to me returned to her seat, still looking guilty.
To me, Yuki was many things. Smart, naive, capable, clumsy, sarcastic, kindhearted; a rival, a friend, a girlfriend. To them, Yukino Yukinoshita was the school's untouchable beauty who basically wasn't allowed to date someone like Hachiman Hikigaya. The voluntary prison guards around me would never let that go, not without consequences, they wouldn't.
Not a minute later Hayama and Miura decided to show up and immediately their stares were laid on me.
Miura's face displayed the funniest mix of disbelief and dumbfounded shock, so much so I practically envisioned a speech bubble with an "ah" in hiragana over her head. Some part of me that still could reflect on things noted with dark amusement that the sight was almost worth all the trouble. "In your dreams", hah. How do you like them apples? I told that part to keep quiet for a minute.
Hayama's expression meanwhile was entirely unreadable. His face was stony, the kind which people make when trying their damnedest to remain impassive and neutral because formalities say so but internally being ready to burst. A face that meant I was in for a long and painful conversation some time later.
The cat was out of the bag. I had to take some time to let that sink and at least try to prepare for the consequences, for they would come. Eventual disclosure to everyone involved, most importantly to Haruno-san and Yuki's mother-
Yuki!
All the thoughts in my head were replaced with a big shiny "IDIOT". Her class will know too. Within several minutes tops, most probably already. Nevermind stares from her classmates; we both were used to those. The news would reach her family very soon and Yuki would come to that conclusion instantly. She was a smart girl. Having only recently started gathering the key pieces of her family relationships puzzle, I realized I needed to be by her side. Right at that very moment.
Run, my brain urged me. Run like the wind. Run faster than Melos.
Run.
Serious as that thought was, I didn't make it very far. Just when I exited the classroom, almost shoving someone aside, I heard quick footsteps and suddenly was grabbed by the collar. After being promptly turned sideways I was shoved into the wall. Finally, as firm hands grabbed my shirt, a face came into view. A very angry face of the school's Prince Hayato Hayama.
A pang of fear made my heart skip a beat. Recently everyone was trying to be way too violent with me. Not to mention this particular Hayato Hayama definitely had an ever-growing grudge against me. That, the fact he was taller and stronger, plus that other fact that I wasn't a fighter at all, didn't quite help.
Add to that I've been seeing him angry one time too many recently.
This was getting out of hand…
… or maybe it didn't. I knew this conversation would happen, though probably not in a violent fashion. The general topic of course would be Yuki. Yuki was one of just two things in this part of the Universe that would make him lose his cool and nice demeanor; the other was his decisions and following expectations.
I could say with confidence I had a certain knack at making his mask crack. If you think I took pride in it, I didn't; it meant I had to sometimes walk on eggshells around him because there was literally no incentive for me irk Hayato Hayama, only trouble. For that matter, the same was true for basically every person I had communicated with ever. No incentive at all.
Up until recently.
Because I had asked Yukino Yukinoshita out and she agreed.
And if there were any reason to openly confront Hayato Hayama, it was her.
Also what's with this shirt grab? Hope Ebina-san wouldn't see us like that.
That thought was the last straw: the fear gave up and disappeared. Now it was less intimidating and more of a goofy romantic comedy.
"Uhh… Hi Hayama." I started, evenly, calmly, in measured words. "Would you mind letting me go? You're giving nearby fujoshis ideas-"
"What's your goddamn problem?!" His eyes could burn through concrete. Fortunately no, actually they couldn't.
Now that I thought about it, I may as well keep practicing that peculiar habit of saying what I thought. I've felt a taste of it all the way back at the school festival, that joyfully intoxicating feeling of getting the better of people by just talking. Not to mention, stronger as he was, Hayato Hayama couldn't scare me anymore. Yes, threaten, maybe even beat up, but not scare.
"Currently it's you apparently threatening me and I don't know why, "I replied, keeping up that level intonation. "By the way. Why?"
If it was even possible, Hayama's face twisted in anger even more.
"You know where you can shove you sarcasm?"
Good as it felt, talking people down also could have a nasty side effect of them trying to punch me. Which Hayama really was ready to, and while I wasn't afraid of him, being hit wasn't pleasant either. I had to tone it down.
"Sorry for that," I sighed and looked away, trying to look guilty. "I honestly don't know."
Suddenly all the anger seemingly left him, as if someone deflated a balloon. Hayama finally released me and lowered his face.
"You've ruined it."
"Ruined what?"
"All of it."
"What's 'it'?" You sure took your time, Hayama.
He abruptly looked at me, his face still full of anger. For a second I thought he'd grabbed me again, but instead Hayama just sighed and smiled a weird smile, as if he didn't know whether to be crazy or sad.
"All you had to do was simply to stay friends with her," he uttered shaking his head. "Stay like you were. Not worsen it, not make it harder for everyone. But nooo, you just had to start dating. You had to, didn't you?"
"What is wrong with that?"
Hayama chuckled to himself and looked at me again; his face now was full of smug superiority.
"Guess what? We're going to be married after university."
Oh. Finally. Someone said it. Strangely, that really was all the reaction I could elicit at that moment.
"Yeah, thought as much. She dropped a hint about it." I calmly replied. "Pardon me while I vomit."
His face lost all smugness almost instantly. Bingo.
"I heard someone punched you in the face last week. Did you like it? Because you're asking for it."
That made me feel fear again. For a whole second.
"Sorry-" I reflectively said, then briefly smirked at an opportunity: "-wait. If you punch me I'll get a concussion for sure. And definitely vomit."
Hayama stared at me for a second, then laughed.
"You know what, you're good. I give you that. It almost felt like we'd be good friends for a second." He looked away, his mouth twitching as if he didn't know what expression to wear. Finally he turned back, now looking genuinely sad. "You know, Hikigaya, all this time I tried to befriend Yukino-chan again. To at least mend what I've screwed up. We'd be in this together, if you catch my drift. It's not like I want us to throw knives at each other for the rest of our marriage. I could try to at least be a good friend to her, get to know her better while in the university, but no. You happened. And I lost."
"I'd be fine with losing to an equal," his words from way back resurfaced in my head.
"You did it in less than a year of just being in that stupid club with her. All in all I'd be fine with being somehow worse than you. It's really humiliating, to feel worse than you. But I'd swallow it. But then-"
He looked in my eyes with almost maniacal glint.
"-then you just went and confessed to Yukino-chan. I'd really like to believe you forced her or something, I really would. But nuh-uh. Yukino-chan surely accepted it. Right? Right?"
I kept quiet.
"What do you call her anyway?" The glint in his eyes was replaced by fatigue. "Don't tell me it's Yukino-chan too. I'd take offense to that."
"So would she." I replied after a pause. "That's why we settled on something else."
He sharply sucked some air through his teeth.
"Yeah, go on, gloat at me, why don't you," He exhaled, crossed his arms and looked at me grimly. "The news will reach both our families tonight tops. I can guess it's going to be hard for her. But you know what? You're really good at bringing the best in me. So how about I'll make it faster and just phone them myself?"
That was one of the possibilities I've expected. Given my knowledge of Hayama and his history with Yuki, this possibility was rather high on the list in fact. Because a sum total of his stares full of envy and jealousy, the hints he's started dropping since Autumn, his facade slowly showing cracks were practically a set of red blaring lights.
Being able to predict people's behavior was such a great ability of mine. No, of course not. In fact it plain sucked.
On the other hand, preventing Hayama from doing it would only delay the inevitable. All I could do was make peace with the outcome and follow Hiratsuka-sensei's advice: take care of ourselves.
"Feel free to," I said, having fully regained my inner calm again. "Hope it's not what you did back then that she still has trouble talking about."
An angry twitch of his eye told me everything I needed to know: that did it. I got under his skin. He was petty? Sure, so was I. Now the last knife twist if you don't mind.
"I have to go. Got a girlfriend to console."
I didn't need to turn back to see the look on his face. I just knew I did well.
Even as I was running I kept noticing stares.
Male students, female students, all the same; even the two teachers I've passed by didn't even try to scold me for running, opting instead to look at me like I was some sort of a mythical creature.
People have been saying "bad news travels fast" throughout all of human history. Imagine how fun and convenient it all became when social networks were invented.
Everyone had suddenly rediscovered my existence, it seemed; somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered it they would add it up to what rumors they had after Cultural Festival. I had to remind myself that was counterproductive and not fun at all.
2-J's reception was basically in the same fashion as my own class: stares and whispers. It really drew the point home about humans being generally identical everywhere. Rich? Dignified? Didn't matter: juicy rumors were juicy rumors.
I stood at the entrance and tried to find Yuki whist ignoring the looks. Oh, there she was: already surrounded by overly curious female classmates and desperately trying her best not to look uneasy. I waved at her. She didn't notice, currently making a great effort to fend off one particularly nosy girl who leaned in so much Yuki had to take a step back.
I probably should tell someone to call her and politely wait here.
Then I realized what I just thought and felt a wave of anger, exasperation and giddy mirth. "Politely". "Wait". "Tell someone to call".
Sighing to myself, I firmly walked to the group surrounding Yuki, then pushed my hand past the crowd.
"Yuki…noshita!"
Startled, she turned to me. Then she noticed my hand and without any hesitation got a hold of it. All that was left for me was to just gently pull her out of the crowd. Come to me, Yorda.
The surrounding girls suddenly felt silent, only to then emit a collective gasp of… adoration?
Well, if you think about it, our situation was basically a melodrama played in real life right before their eyes; this made the whole situation even better as they were now more than mere observers. Was it all a romantic stage play for them? It certainly was.
At least it was not disbelief and contempt.
Nevermind. Yuki was with me. Now away from here.
"That was a rather bold gesture back then," Yuki showed me a slightly shy smile when we stopped in the corridor. "I should thank you for your timely intervention."
"No prob…" I sighed. "… I guess."
Yuki took my hand in hers.
"So, what brings you here, my knightly sir?" She tilted her head and managed a teasing expression. "Were you worried about me so much?"
Despite everything I felt my lips turning up into a smile.
"Yeah. And missed your theatrics too."
Yuki smiled again, this time genuinely and sincerely.
"Thank you." She nodded and looked away, looking gradually more sad. After a pause she quietly added: "They'll know… My family."
"Yeah." I reluctantly replied, gently bringing her forehead to mine. "Hayama caught me in the corridor. Literally, by the collar. Had a nice chat."
That made Yuki shudder.
"So you k-know…" She stammered. "Hachi, forgive me for not telling you straight… please… Despite what he may have told you it isn't exactly set in stone. In fact, his parents aren't that eager either. They are perfectly aware there's plenty of ways to keep working relationship without… that… and I do plan to refuse. It's… it's just…"
"It's alright," I started stroking her palms with my free hand. "I get it. I get it."
"Right…" Yuki gently squeezed my hand she was still holding, her body slightly shivering as if she had a fever. She swallowed and continued: "I'll probably be summoned today for that."
"…Oh."
"I've been anticipating it, in fact. You probably can guess how Mother is."
"I can. But… she's gotta at least listen, right?"
"She has to," Yuki's voice became firmer, now with an edge of righteous anger in it. "It's not middle ages anymore. There's no practical need for that. I'll stay in the family business, sure, I'll help and contribute to my father. Just in my own way. I can pick any specialty, enter any college, with few exceptions. I can make my own path and still be helpful. She has to listen… She has to."
"Yeah." I affirmed. "She has to. Maybe I can convince her too. I mean… She plain pretends I don't exist all the time, but… I have to try, right?"
"Unfortunately no assurance for that," She smiled sadly. "That's how Mother is."
I mutely nodded, caressing her hands. There was some time till the bell rang. I won't come into contact with her for quite some time, so I had to cherish this mo-
Wait.
"Yuki? How about we… exchange our numbers?"
She looked at in mild surprise.
"Oh. No point in hiding anymore. Of course. I forgot about it entirely. Though…" Yuki looked into the classroom. "It's in my bag and…"
"Got it. Let's go together then?"
Yuki just nodded with a smile.
Everyone's eyes were glued on us all the time we quickly but carefully entered the classroom and made a beeline for her seat (the last in the middle row, huh); they still were on us as Yuki quickly fetched her phone and we practically fled the room, both eliciting a synchronous relieved sigh as we exited.
Like on a stage indeed.
"So, hhikigaya dot docomo dot ne dot jp…" Yuki typed on her phone's screen keyboard as she was reading the address from mine. "Good thing messaging with Yuigahama-san taught me how to type faster."
"Oi. Is it my fault I don't know how they do that address exchange by touching the phones thingie?"
"Technically…" Her mouth formed into the cutest mischievous smile. "It is. It definitely is in your phone's manual and that means you didn't read it."
"Ugh…"
"Do read it. I suspect it will be a fun and fruitful experience, on par with classic literature."
"Egh. Alright…" I flinched. "So… we can message each other now."
"Indeed we can." She pondered. "Unbelievable… Oh. That reminds me. You've seen that photo, correct?"
"Ugh, yeah." A pang of nausea briefly resurfaced again.
"Have you noticed anything strange about it?"
"… No. Sorry. Was too disgusted."
"Oh." Yuki stroke my hair gently. "I understand… But still. It wasn't a phone photo."
"Huh?"
"The picture is very sharp, the angle of view is small, and judging by relatively non-distorted background it's a tele lens. Not to mention the background itself is blurred. That means rather wide aperture phones aren't capable of, at least as of now."
"…Now I know what Yuigahama feels when she listens to us."
"Goodness, Hachi…" Yuki laughed covering her mouth with her phone. "Seriously, though. It's a rather expensive camera. At least more expensive than your normal student would carry around just to spy on their classmates. Bottom line, though: I have a suspicion. I get it that Sister regularly meets up with you, is that correct?"
"Yeah… Mind you, I'm not glad about that at all."
"I know. Poor Hachi." Yuki stroke my hair once again. "So, when she meets with you next time, mention to her 'Canon 1 DS 70-200 f4 L.'"
"Erm… Canon One Dee Es Seventy Two Hundred Ef Four El." I repeated. "…Will it unlock her true demon form?"
Haruno-san Tensei: Digital Devil Saga. That sounded promising.
"I wonder if you're worse than Yuigahama-san then," Yuki put a hand on her forehead before returning it to my palm.
All I could do was just sigh.
And hug her.
"Wh-" Yuki made a startled gasp. "People are watching!"
"Let them," I firmly countered. "They already know more than we both would ever want, yet they don't know neither me nor you. And you need it."
"Oh." Yuki paused, then hugged me back, laying her head on my shoulder. "Thank you so much. We could be a world away, Hachi… Thank you. No matter what happens, I'll do my best. You have my word."
"Nyan."
This eloquent meaningful message signified a great achievement. Specifically, it marked a start of my and Yuki's message history. I hereby wrote it down in history as a dedicated country-wide holiday.
The aforementioned message was sent by, surprisingly, me, when I was returning to my classroom. After raking my brain cells for some time this really was the best I could come up with. As I returned the phone back into my blazer pocket, I habitually took a look at the class.
Hayama was at his seat; he sent exactly one grim glare in my general direction before resolving to ignoring me entirely. Miura, Yuigahama and the rest of his clique were gathered around him, discussing something in hushed voices. Yuigahama looked at me with an unspoken question and, seeing me nod, nodded back with a smile and returned to the conversation; I could easily guess she had already contacted Yuki, maybe even would visit her on the next break. Several people regarded me with varying looks, as if still trying to comprehend the facts. The only exception was Totsuka: he flashed a bright smile and showed me a thumbs-up. That alone was enough to instantly make me feel better.
A buzz interrupted my thoughts. Fetching my phone again I looked at a notification.
From: Yuki
"(-ω-) (^ФωФ^)∫ purr?"
It took me a few very long moments to fully comprehend what I just saw. Rechecking the message again and again only confirmed the initial observation.
I had just received a string of emoticons.
From Yuki.
Events of this day had finally took their toll on my worn down psyche: the only reaction I could manage in response to that was to double down and very quietly laugh.
"You're texting Yuigahama way too much."
Bzz
"Indeed I am. (^ω^)∫"
Fighting another wave of laughter I typed a response.
"This is silly."
Bzz
"Indeed it is (^ω^)∫. Purr."
"That's a new side of you. I think I like it-"
At this point the bell rang, signaling the start of the next class.
"-and classes are starting. Take care."
And send.
Bzz
"Pay attention to those. Take care."
Bzz
"And thank you."
There we had it. Our first messaging session. Experiencing immense joy while Yuki's family judgement awaited felt somewhat… weird. But we, both after knowing each other in general and these three weeks especially, have learned to take what we could get.
Even when Yuki did receive a message notification, at the very next break in fact, from her mother stating she was to be picked up after school and meet her immediately afterwards, Yuigahama did come to her to console and soothe. That, and several choice messages from me.
Now we waited.
A familiar black car awaited near the school gate; not directly in front so as not to gather too much attention but not too far away. An elderly driver had just emerged, waiting for Yuki to approach the car. I recognized him: it was this driver that hit me by accident all that time back, and it also was him who visited me in the hospital to profusely apologize. He did that on his own accord, as the family lawyer had already come before that with formal apologies, among the rest of other formal things.
We noticed each other and bowed briefly before going around the car to open the door for Yuki. I bowed back.
Yuki turned to us:
"So… I guess this is goodbye for today. Thanks for seeing me off, Yuigahama-san, Ha- Hikigaya-kun."
"No worries, Yukinon."
"You sure I can't go with you?"
"My sincerest apologies," the driver interjected politely (Tsuzuki-san was his name… right, Tsuzuki-san), "but my standing orders were to bring young lady alone. Once again, my apologies."
"No, uhhh… I get it," I scratched my head and smiled guiltily, to which Tsuzuki-san nodded with a sad understanding smile of his own. I turned to Yuki: "Careful there."
She paused hesitantly.
"I…" Yuki looked at Tsuzuki-san.
"Plenty of time yet, my lady," He smiled back.
"Thank you."
Yuki turned back and abruptly hugged Yuigahama.
"W-whoa!" was all she could say on the matter.
"Sorry for startling you, Yuigahama-san. I believe I never thanked you properly for… everything. I honestly don't know what I'd become without you."
"Eh, it's alright. You're kinda scaring me though…"
"I… didn't mean to," Yuki replied, gently breaking the embrace. "To tell you the truth, though… I am scared. I never had confronted Mother like this before, so…"
"Oh…" Yuigahama paused, clearly not knowing what to say. "Don't worry, Yukinon. I'm on your side. Hikki too, you know. It's gonna be alright!"
"Your perpetual optimism, Yuigahama-san… yes, that's what I like about you. Now, if you don't mind…"
With that she approached me and also gave an embrace, more slow and tender, habitually yet very desperately leaning her body into mine and laying her head on my shoulder. Just like when we consoled each other while dealing with Yuigahama.
"I'll use your invitation to hug you whenever, if you don't mind," She gently murmured into my shoulder.
"Sure. Anytime." I replied slowly stroking her hair. "Whatever happens, I'll be there for you."
"Thank you. Thank you so much."
"It's alright. Though you do sound like you're going away forever."
"I'm not. I have all the intention to fight."
"Best of luck."
"I'll need all of it." Yuki smiled and carefully dislodged herself from me. Taking a step back, she bowed to us and seated herself inside the car. Tsuzuki-san bowed to us too and settled himself at the driver's seat.
We silently watched the car pull off and disappear behind a turn.
"Hope she'll be alright…" Yuigahama murmured.
"You tell me," I sighed. "Waiting is the worst."
"What you're gonna do?"
"Dunno. Probably return home and wait for her reply. It's not like waiting by the gate of her family mansion would help… I don't even know where it is."
"Yep." Yuigahama nodded with a faint smile.
"Ummm… Sorry for earlier. She-"
"Oh, geez, it's okay, it's okay," she frantically waved her hands, "Yukinon needed it. You don't have to be all hush-hush around me, really."
"Yeah… Glad to hear that. So… I guess this is goodbye for today. I'll ping you if something happens."
"Got it… Bye then!" Yuigahama waved and slowly walked to the bus stop.
I was left alone at the school exit. A small number of students passed through the gate, apparently not bothered by that pesky "club activities" thing. Some still tried to stare. I noted with dark amusement I had to get used to being noticed now, and a snickering devil on my shoulder added that it was probably going be the least of my problems. I couldn't even disagree.
"Hikigaya-kuuun! I'm heere, don't ignore me!"
Case in point: Haruno-san.
That same Haruno-san who conveniently happened to be nearby whenever something crucial happened to me and Yuki. The same Haruno-san who would then appear and say uncomfortable things with that smile of hers, playful, twisted and just a tiny bit sad. The same Haruno-san who would push the events whenever she felt we weren't going anywhere.
In other words, Haruno-san was inevitable.
Throughout this year I, little by little, had learned to accept her presence, even predict to some degree. Haruno-san, an earthquake, thunder, fire, and a father; that's how classic threats roster now looked for me.
They surely didn't like to delay things, those Yukinoshitas.
And that meant yet another long soul-draining conversation. It was practically a marathon of them today.
But not before I resisted, even just a bit. After all, I was a teenager full of hormones and youth rebellion, was I not?
"Hikigaya-kuun, you don't make a lady wait- hey, where are you going? Waaaait~!"
Judging by the direction I took the obvious answer was our school's bike parking. You're disappointing me, Haruno-san.
"Oh, I get it! If you pretend I don't exist, maybe I'll go away, right?" Haruno-san immediately deduced and adjusted accordingly. "Sorry to disappoint, I won't~!"
That was to be expected. Not that I'd stop even for a second. Not to mention juuust twenty meters or so to my bike-
"Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen!"
The nerve she had to pull that off!..
I couldn't help but stop and stare into nowhere in particular. Nevermind she was loud enough to probably get the whole school's attention, but combine it with a reference so fitting it was repulsive…
Making a prolonged drawn out sigh, I finally turned to her.
"Oh finally! Good day to you too Hikigaya-kun! I still love you very much even if you're an impolite brat sometimes!"
I curtly nodded.
"Let me at least get my bike."
"Mmm… ah, that's where you were going! How silly of me! Go on then."
"Thanks," I uttered before turning my attention to the bike chain.
After I pulled my bike away and walked out of the parking, Haruno-san smiled and moved to my side, matching her pace to mine. I kept walking.
"Mmmm… Wait, are you going to keep quiet forever? It's not polite."
I looked at her, making effort to raise my brow as expressively as I could. She in turn made a hushed sigh.
"Passive-aggressive Hikigaya-kun. Ahh, so cute!~ Does it mean you're not in the mood for talking?"
I simply turned my head and faced forward again. This was actually fun. Not to mention, unlike my short-tempered classmates, Haruno-san was way more resilient, not to mention way more adept at the whole skillful conversation maneuvering business.
Didn't mean I had to go along with it. Sure, she'd still make me lose my cool and feel like I was turned inside out and scrutinized; but why not make it a bit more inconvenient for her?
"Not that I don't feel sympathy for you," Haruno-san resumed while slightly tilting her head to me. "Being uncovered like that before the whole school, having to handle all the jealous suitors Yukino-chan had, even if their number diminished the more they actually talked to her… hard to deal with, Hikigaya-kun, isn't it?"
I kept walking.
"Well, frankly I imagine it'd be just Hayama-kun. Poor boy. What a piece of work he is… " She sighed in sympathy, with genuine sincerity.
"You know, much as Yukino-chan has mastered that cold noble girl persona, she's still sooo easy to read. Oh, if only you saw that godly smile she had when making you coffee… how was it by the way?"
Still no reply for me.
"Though I give you that: you've hidden it so perfectly. If not for the fact Yukino-chan was so happy, there'd have been no way for me to deduce. You're even able to communicate without your phones; that's godlike these days."
"So you did search her phone," I finally said.
"Oooh, a reaction! Score!"
I flinched.
"So you did."
"Ohohoh, evil ol' me. Seriously though, how did you organize the communication? While we're on the subject, when did you make your first date? How do you call each other? Big sis Haruno is starving for the details~!"
She was so audacious it was almost endearing.
"You do realize you're the last person I'd consider telling?" I replied, trying to keep my voice even. Only now had I realized I was very subtly shaking with fear.
"Whyy? That's mean!"
I sighed trying to calm myself down.
"You know, she started sharing the details." I said after a pause. "She's very secretive usually. Never eager to tell anything about herself. It's only now that she began telling me. And very reluctantly, mind you."
"Oh, but isn't it a good thing? That's what lovers do. Trust each other. Don't they?"
"True," I slowly nodded. "It's just… I've also started to form an opinion on you."
"That's thrilling!" Haruno-san's eyes were sparkling now as she turned to me with baited breath. "Hikigaya-kun's always so reserved, so neutral it's irritatingly boring. So what do you think of me now?"
"You as in all of you. Your whole family."
"Even better! So?"
I held another long pause.
"Guess."
Her gleeful expression immediately changed to an exaggerated pout.
"Meanie! Yukino-chan's blowing things out of proportion!"
One more pause, one more sigh.
"Canon 1DS 70-200 f4 L." I really wanted to imagine myself saying a magical code phrase to unveil the demon's true form. At least that would look heroic.
Haruno-san feigned a perfectly stunned expression.
"Your black magic won't work on me, Hikigaya-kun! Stop with this nonsense immediately!"
I turned away from her and concentrated on walking.
Finally I heard Haruno-san chuckle.
"Mommy never loved her much and daddy never keeps in touch… Some of the friends of the family have even declared Yukino-chan doesn't have a single loving bone in her body. Imagine that."
"Not sure what you're quoting though," I decided to reply. "How about this one then: 'People are never able to understand each other. Never completely, never enough'."
"Oh, I know that! It's from Evangelion! Point for me, right? Right?"
That only made me shrug.
"I suspect… no one frankly bothered."
"Bothered with what?"
"To understand her."
"Tall claim here. Some did bother." Haruno-san pointed to herself and frowned. "So you say you do?"
"I won't say that," I shook my head, "that'd be preposterous."
"Good then." Haruno-san showed me a wide smile. "Actually, I sort of like how you're afraid of me so much and see me as a villain. Makes me feel important."
"That's not something anyone should be proud of…"
"Don't worry! I still love Yukino-chan and wish her only the best!"
"If you say so."
"You're so prickly today!" Another pout, then she glanced at her wristwatch. "Oh my, look at the time. Much as it was delightful talking to you I have to go now. Thank you for your time Hikigaya-kun! Bye-bye!"
All I could force myself to do was to curtly nod goodbye and hop on my bicycle. As I started pedaling I never even bothered to look back.
That was it. I had a significant conversation with Haruno-san.
Call me superstitious, but I couldn't shake off the feeling things were to go downhill, fast.
I was supposed to be home an hour ago.
Why was I then somewhere at Chiba-Minato still pedaling like a hamster inside a wheel?
If I were to reflect a bit, which I did anyway some time ago, I'd come to an obvious conclusion I was restless, nervous, anxious and generally didn't know how to handle… all of this, basically. No matter how much I tried to have fun during this week, I couldn't shake off the dread that had been residing in the corner of my mind this whole time. To be honest, cycling was practically the best thing I could offer to myself to somewhat calm my nerves.
Never before had I to wait so listlessly.
More than an hour passed since my meeting with Haruno-san. I had sent two messages and one call to Yuki. The call was met with "the party you are calling is offline or out of range". The messages fell into the abyss of the global digital network, never to be seen again.
This was the worst.
Did they take Yuki's phone away?
Did they take Yuki herself away?..
No, no, no, don't be ridiculous. She hasn't yet done anything to deserve isolation like that.
Or maybe she did. What did I know about rich families? Only what one shy introverted girl's family theoretically looked like, judging by communicating with her and her older sister of dubious disposition, plus also having observed her ice cold mother two times. Yeah, didn't even communicate to the latter. Wait, that all was pretty telling her family was screwed up.
Well then… what would I do?
If I thought about it, the only option I had was basically go to their mansion's gate and wait there. While having forgotten about it before, I could fetch Yukinoshitas' home address from their company, or city-wide address book, or police, or somewhere else like that… For that matter, would police be able to do anything if I told them one of Chiba's richest families kept their own daughter under detention?
I know, I know. They'd shoo me away even if it was commoner family. Or maybe not. There must be some sort of a law prohibiting mistreatment of family members. Maybe I'd even sue my parents for leaving me to my own devices and… fine, fine, that last bit was stupid. The moment the judge saw Komachi I'd lose the case.
I also could catch Tsuzuki-san and… and hope he'd understand. Sure seemed like a sympathizer earlier today, so why not.
Yay. A whopping total of two options.
…I really shouldn't be left to my own devices at times like this, should I? Being a famed monster of logic apparently had its share of drawbacks.
I probably need to have a cup of strong black coffee and calm dow-
Bzz
My phone's notification buzz almost made me jump right there on my bike, which probably would lead to me falling. After steadying my trembling hands I turned to the sidewalk, leaned my bike on a public phone booth and, two unsuccessful attempts later, finally fished my phone out of the pocket.
"Hachi-kun, I never loved you. This whole ordeal was a mistake. Stop contacting me at once."
The phone fell out of my shaking hand.
My legs gave in next and I unceremoniously slumped on my ass.
For some time I simply stared on the road. How no one bothered approaching me was a miracle.
Finally I shakily found the phone and stood up.
She dumped me.
Via email.
There was no indications whatsoever she'd do this, but she did. I always thought she was a reasonable person, but apparently I was wrong.
I was just a temporary plaything to her to pass the time after all. All this year Yuki- why did still call her Yuki-
-Wait.
Trying to calm my heart which was ready to burst from my chest, I unlocked the phone and looked at the offending message.
"Hachi-kun".
"Never loved".
Much as I was ready to die from horror and grief a mere second before, now instead I immediately felt a bout of hysteric laughter slowly finding its way to my throat. God I was a gullible insecure idiot.
Neither me nor Yuki ever said "Love".
Yuki never called me "Hachi-kun".
For I was her Hachi and she was my Yuki.
"Hachi-kun" meant… right, "Hachi" was how I probably was listed in her contacts. Seemed like her family honestly thought my full name was "Hachi".
Well, of course, I realized giving into the giggle fit. Her mother never even bothered to talk to me, nevermind learn my name. Yuigahama's, yes. Not mine.
How petty, ignorant and condescending all at the same time can a person be?
"It's not good to snoop into others' phones. Please return it to the owner."
And send.
Then the hysterically elated euphoria disappeared and the realization hit me.
Giving Haruno-san silent treatment was one thing; this was plain tugging a hungry Siberian tiger by the tail. On the other hand, that zoo somewhere in Russia did have a goat and a tiger living together in peace. I knew that because Yuigahama once shared a mild BL fan art of them as a conversation topic; presented to her by, you guessed it, Ebina-san. Damn fujoshis.
Well, anyway, I was telling it to myself simply to try to make peace with the fact I was sarcastic to the Yukinoshita matriarch. Which left me wondering if she was actually petty enough to send her goons after me… But, well, the Yukinoshitas were supposedly just ordinary construction tycoons. So they probably had no goons to speak of… But her father also was in the politics which meant connection to yakuza…
Now fighting off a wave of panic that came in euphoria's stead, I hopped on my bike again and headed for city's north, to Yuki's apartment complex. Because I frankly didn't know where else to go at this point and my nerves decided more exercise wouldn't hurt
Darkened skies meant it was already past six. I flicked the bike's flashlight on and kept pushing the pedals. Good, keep it up. If you stop you'd have to think again. And if you started to think, you'd come to the same conclusion, over and over again.
That this was all going to hell and you didn't know what to do.
At some point I found myself simply standing among private houses in a neighborhood I'd never even seen before, trying to catch my breath, staring at the nearest phone line pole as if it was the most important object in the universe. At first I wondered how I would get out of here, but then I heard a train passing not that far away and mentally slapped myself on the head. Don't complicate matters, Hachiman. It's as simple as go to the general direction of the sound till you stumble upon the tracks, then pedal along till the nearest station. The rest was easy.
Just as I was ready to hop on the bike my phone buzzed again. I caught myself thinking I very much didn't want to read the incoming message. My very developed imagination immediately produced vivid pictures of me holding a phone with a single message along the lines of "your days are numbered, young man. You don't talk back to a Yukinoshita".
Making a conscious effort to shake those images away I looked at the message. No name, just a number I didn't recognize. That meant it wasn't in my phone book and lalala your days are numbered-
Stop.
Taking a deep breath, I unlocked the phone and tapped on the message.
"Hachi, it's Yuki from Tsuzuki-san's phone. Please come to my apartment. Please"
Please.
Orienting on train tracks and the subsequent road to Yuki's condo didn't even register in my head; to me it was like here I stood in the middle of nowhere and then here I looked at the pin pad by the entrance of her expensive condo. What was it… oh, 1507.
Yuki opened the apartment door and…
…stared, not even at me, still panting because I couldn't wait for the elevator, but somewhere through me.
That look made me forget all my stupid worries at once, leaving me with an unsettling emptiness in my head.
"Oh. Hachi. Good thing you came… I believe." Even her smile was uncanny.
I immediately went in and closed the door.
"My sincerest apologies for calling you like that." Her tone, while indicating she was glad to see me, was otherwise flat, quiet and almost monotone. "My phone was taken away from me, so I had to beg Tsuzuki-san for his."
Beg?..
"It's alright, it's alright." Feeling I should do it right now, I gently hugged Yuki; she stayed very doll-like, not even reacting to it.
"It's alright," I said again, "I'm here. Whatever happened is over-"
"I'm disowned."
…What?
"She didn't even let me say a single word," Yuki continued in that horrible flat voice. "She said I'm an ungrateful little hormonal teenager who allowed herself to be wooed by some man I barely know. She said that wasn't what she expected from me and that she's disappointed. That I negated all the sacrifices she made for me, that there are so many obligations I don't even know about. That someone in my situation shouldn't even dare open their mouth and only listen and agree. She said she would lock me up and home school me because I left her no other options. When I finally refused she said she didn't want to see a piece of mud like me anymore and that I was to be evicted within twenty four hours from that very moment. I'm sorry, Hachi. Please forgive me. I failed. I failed. Forgive me. I failed."
Feeling all the blood drain from my hands and face, I raised my hand to stroke her head, just like I always did to soothe her. Yuki didn't even try to lean into my palm as she normally did; instead she sharply sniffled, and again, and again.
And then she wailed.
To me, Yuki was many things. A frail girl who honestly tried to be strong but neither couldn't nor didn't know how to. An honest girl who tried to live by her admittedly strict set of standards hiding her desire to be appreciated. A kind and shy girl who wanted to be brave, went against a force of nature and was blown away like a candle in a rainstorm.
"As for me, I'm just a substitute."
To them, I realized, she wasn't even fully human. Just a spare part to be used or thrown away when it turned out she wasn't fit to perform adequately.
That was it. That was the final push for me to make an opinion on the Yukinoshitas.
I hate them, for there's literally not a single redeeming thing about that whole family. A mother who readily broke her own daughter out of pettiness. A father who couldn't even find time for her. An older sister who only twisted and tore her psyche, bit by tiny bit.
If someone asked me about the Yukinoshita family, all I'd reply with would be "I hate them".
But that would be later. Right now, as I was holding my girlfriend, reduced to a crying hyperventilating mess choking on her tears and trying to beg forgiveness for her very existence, I felt uncomfortably numb. A single thought weakly pulsated in my head: when I was asking her for a date I never ever imagined it would turn out like this. This was way out of my league. Way above my punching weight. Out of any meaningful proportions. Like trying to punch the Ancient One with my bare fist.
Now what?..