I remember when I first noticed that you liked me back

We were sitting down in a restaurant waiting for the check

We had made love earlier that day with no strings attached,

But I could tell that something had changed how you looked at me then

- CIGARETTES AFTER SEX

I tried to focus on studying again, but my mind was occupied with the thought of the woman in Arthur's apartment.

Did the detectives do something to her? And what exactly happened to her?

I stared at the open notebook and pencil in my hand. Then, I abruptly stood up to walk towards my window and peeled the curtain back to look at the streets below. There were people dressed in bright clown masks walking the streets. More people appeared in clown masks every day. You could feel the tension rising between the classes every hour.

I quietly stared at the streets but then suddenly heard a door close next door. Arthur.

I waited a moment, but then ran out and knocked on his door. Numerous thoughts raced through my head and I wasn't sure exactly what to ask about.

He finally opened the door and I got a good look at his exhausted face. I opened my mouth to say something but my mind went blank. He stared at me.

"Can I help you?" He asked.

"Uh, A-Arthur, right? I don't think we've officially met. I'm Victoria and we talked this morning. I'm sorry about your mother. I was here when it happened. Is she alright?" I stuttered but tried to show genuine concern.

"She's not doing the best, but she's doing ok. She had a stroke." He said wearily.

"I'm sorry to hear that." I broke eye contact with him and stared at my shoes. I said nothing but then knew that I couldn't keep what was gnawing at me inside.

"Also, stop me if this is rude and out of line, but… were you involved in the triple murder on the subway that I asked about earlier today?" He squinted his eyes at me and gave me a look of confusion.

"Did you talk to those detectives?" He asked. I looked at him with wide eyes.

"Honestly, I did," I admitted my involvement but then quickly clarified. "But I didn't tell them that I saw you as a clown that night. I just told them about how you were my neighbor and-"

Arthur cut me off. "Do you know what they did to my mother?" He asked me with intense eyes. I paused and shook my head.

"No. I was trying to listen through the wall but all I heard was a normal conversation and then yelling. Then I ran over there and they were freaking out and calling an ambulance." I frowned. "Sorry, that's all I know."

There was an uncomfortable silence. I felt his pain.

"I might have done something… bad." Arthur started. "You know how we do things sometimes and just try to forget about them?" I nodded... hesitantly.

"I think I get what you're trying to say. But if it's not too intrusive of me, can I possibly... come in?" I looked inside his apartment. There were no lights on and you could barely see anything. He looked inside the apartment and then waved me inside.

I sat down on the chair and looked around the room. It was obvious that Arthur's mother had put her own taste into the decorations. The place was fairly tidy but it was obvious that he had also not been worrying about keeping the place clean.

Arthur paced slightly as I looked around the room. "Do you want… tea? I think that's what my mother said to offer guests." I smiled slightly at him.

"Yes, please. I would like that."

He went to heat up the water in the kettle and I decided to follow him to the kitchen. I leaned against the wall near the entrance of the kitchen.

"So what did it feel like?" I asked as he filled up the kettle with water.

"What did what feel like?" He responded back. I rolled my eyes.

"You know. What did it feel like to kill those guys? Did you feel guilty? Sad? Not remorseful at all?"

Arthur stared at the stovetop while he turned the heat on for the kettle. He shrugged. "At first I felt kind of guilty. I was scared of what my mother would think. But then I realized that they deserved it."

I tilted my head, confused. "Deserve it? What did they do?"

"They were throwing fries at a woman on the train. They were assholes." He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms. "They attacked me. So then I attacked them."

"I get it. When I was younger there were these girls in middle school that would torment me all the time. I ended up punching one of them in the face and I think they finally realized that they should leave me alone." I laughed at my own story. "Now I'm just boring. I'll probably finish school and then go into a nice job. Work 9 to 5. Get married. Have kids."

As I thought about my reality I frowned. I sniffled a bit and looked at the kettle. I avoided all eye contact with Arthur. "But can I really do that for the rest of my life? What's even the point? I get my biomedical engineering degree and then do something that I've never even really done for the rest of my life."

The kettle whistled. Arthur poured us cups and steeped the tea. We sat back down in the living room. I sat down into the same chair while he took the couch.

"Enough of my dumb problems. Tell me about yourself." I told him, blowing on my tea to cool it down.

He sipped his tea. "I had a job. Then they fired me. I was a clown."

I shook my head. "I'm sorry to hear that. But now it makes sense why you were in a clown costume when I saw you. Are you going to get another job?"

"Well, I wanted to be a comedian," Arthur continued. "But a certain talk show host recently made fun of me on live television so that probably won't happen." I laughed slightly but then stopped myself when seeing his serious expression.

"Arthur, come on," I playfully hit his leg, "they say any press is good press, right? Honestly, you're the last person I'd expect to be a comedian...but some people really like uh, dry humor." I smirked at him.

He smirked back at me.

"Why are you being nice to me?" He asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I just needed an escape from my routine. I have an exam soon and I've been stressed but also apathetic. Like, I'm so used to the same thing that I want to take some risks. Honestly, any reasonable person would say it's a bad idea to go into a possible murderer's home and have tea with him. But I want the thrill. I want to see what happens." I sipped my tea and tried to read his expression.

We shared a moment of silence. I bit my lip. My mouth felt dry.

"Will you sleep with me?" I said while staring intensely into his eyes.

"...what?" He said quietly. I sighed.

"I know you heard me. I just-" I paused and considered my words carefully.

"I feel like ruining my life but I don't want to ruin-ruin it. I want to do something irresponsible and fun. Something like fucking my weird neighbor who might dress up as a clown sometimes and who may or may not be on Gotham's most wanted criminals' list."

I moved from the living room chair and sat next to him on the couch. I clenched my tea as I tried to figure out his reception to my offer.

"I understand. I'd like that. But I just- I don't think you want to with me," he spoke with a sadness in his voice. "I've never actually done anything like that." I smiled slightly and put our cups on the table.

"Well, I have. And I don't care that you haven't." I gave him a genuine smile and moved closer to him.

He turned his face towards me and put a hand on my thigh. I stared into his eyes, noticing for the first time all the different colors they reflected.

Screw it, I thought as I went in for the kiss. We locked lips and I gave him a slow, passionate kiss.

After a few seconds, I pulled back and took a moment to look into his eyes. He smiled at me and I smiled back. "Just relax and do what feels right," I said while pulling myself on to his lap to face him, "that's the secret to being a good kisser."

It felt nice to have another body in the bed that night.