Rock the Ballet:
Chapter 22: Come On Get Higher
One Year Later
One could say Oxford Dictionary's word of the year was "mending." Definition: (n) the small baby steps of Friday date nights between a certain black haired man and a certain doe-eyed brunette; (n) the first inevitable tug Caroline felt when she spotted Markus from across the restaurant, sitting alone, smoking a cigarette (since when did he smoke?); (n) the endless hugs and nights spent in the living room watching Grey's Anatomy with Bonnie, lessening over time as the group began to feel a lift in spirits.
A year has passed. The tensions have lessened, yet a small fraction still remains. Elena has donated the baby clothing and toys to a local donation center. She returned to full-time work at the theatre three months ago, not as a ballerina but as a part of the show management. She has committed Friday nights, after the curtain falls of course, to going out to dinner with Damon. Over time, this came to include Wednesday lunch as well, and a Saturday trip to the zoo. She held her co-worker's newborn daughter, and while she did shed a tear, a genuine smile graced her face as she played with the baby's tiny fingers.
Following the meeting with Elena a year ago, Damon found an apartment a few blocks away from hers. Knowing the immense tensions between Markus and Anthony, Damon invited Armand to room with him. Him moving out was a big wake-up call to Anthony. After a trip to the lobby bar, a flirting session with two blondes, the utter guilt that followed, he returned to his room, called Caroline's number and asked to see her.
He kept his head bowed. Looking into her cerulean eyes meant that this was reality. He had to do this, he had to do this. If not for Caroline, then for Markus, the man who walked the streets at night thinking no one noticed. Anthony noticed, and it killed him.
"You okay?" Caroline reached out to lay her hand on top of his fidgeting one.
Her angelic voice broke his thoughts as he forced a smile, "I'm okay." He slowly slid his hand out from under hers to brush his brow.
Her eyes remained where his hand was, her gut telling her something was wrong. She lightly shook her head and locked her gaze with his, "So you wanted to talk." It wasn't a question, she already knew the answer. If she was being honest with herself, she already knew the outcome as well.
His face fell for a second, eyes reflecting his raging emotions bottled up inside of him, before he forced another smile. His voice cracked as he said, "I..I don't know how to say this, Caroline."
She immediately stiffened at the usage of her full name. She couldn't remember the last time he had called her Caroline. Immediately, her eyes began to burn. Her voice reflected his, just above a whisper as she dropped her gaze, "I know."
He brokenly sighed, reaching out to place his pointer underneath her chin, bringing her gaze back up to his. There, in his eyes, she saw the immense inner struggle. "I'm doing this for everyone. Please tell me you understand. Please. I can't live with myself if you don't."
Her lip trembled as she nodded, hair falling into her face to cover the tears streaming down her cheeks.
His hand shook as he reached out to brush her hair away from her face, "I'll always love you, Care, but I have to not be selfish for once in my life. I can't live with the fact that I'm destroying Markus' life-"
Her gaze immediately hardened as she spat out, "He destroyed his own life."
He nodded, "I know, Care, I know. But you don't see what I have to every day. The man only leaves his room to go to the bar. He hasn't shaved in God knows how long. He looks like a fucking grizzly bear. He doesn't realize that I know he leaves to walk the city at night. He doesn't look at me, Care," he sighs brokenly, "He was like a brother to me for so fucking long and he can't even look at me anymore. And I...I took his only source of joy," she went to interrupt him, but he held up a hand, "I realize what he did was despicable. Care, the man is slowly killing himself out of guilt."
The tears begin to flow heavier as she absorbed this information. The guilt overwhelmed her. Here she was believing that he had been spending the past months with girls on each arm, happily cruising the streets and drinking the night away with joy.
The two had parted ways. Despite the love the two shared, Caroline knew that the love was not meant to be. They would always share a tight bond, she knew. She had spent the following week digesting the information and gathering her wits.
Anthony had returned to the room and after gathering his own wits (and downing a tad bit of liquid courage), he knocked on Markus' door. The ensuing conversation was mostly one-sided with Anthony explaining that he couldn't see Caroline anymore if it meant losing a brother. Markus had remained in the shadows until Anthony openly started crying, releasing all of the pent-up emotions he had been shoving down since he first made eye contact with Markus across that damned table.
It was then that Markus laid a hand on Anthony's shoulder and croaked out, "It's okay."
The next morning, Markus had showered. Anthony was sat at the breakfast bar, idly scrolling on his phone as he drank his cup of coffee. He glanced up when Markus walked in.
With a gasp, he mockingly joked, "Oh my God, I don't believe my eyes. It showered."
Markus laughed, the first time in months he genuinely did so. It felt good to feel human again, to not have to hate someone, to not have to avoid people. "Shut up." He ran a hand through his beard.
Anthony sipped his coffee, keeping an eye on the man. "You should probably shave. Get a haircut too. You look like a hobo."
Markus narrowed his eyes as he walked over to the mirror adjacent to the television. The reflection frightened him. He hadn't looked in a mirror in so long. It disgusted him. He didn't want Caroline seeing him this way.
It took a week for Caroline and Markus to mentally prepare. Overcoming such an obstacle takes time and dedication. They both realized this. So when the time felt right, Caroline went into her contacts and scrolled down to the name she had never deleted or blocked. Maybe it was subconscious that she never did so, but she was glad she didn't as she called.
The deafening silence before the calling tone almost forced her to hang up. Her leg was jerking up and down, fingers tapping against the counter.
And then she heard it. The thing she didn't realize she had missed so much.
"Hello?"
Present
It was Friday, a significant day in Damon's agenda. He hated Mondays and Tuesdays for the specific reason that he didn't get to see her. Spending forty-five minutes with her seated outside a crammed cafe or in a small corner diner meant the world to him. Just holding her hand walking down the sidewalk back to her work was enough to hold him over until Friday night.
It was intoxicating, more so than any drug he had taken.
He felt genuine happiness seeing her smile, despite the constant thought in the back of his mind that she could be holding their babies in her arms. He thought of their children every day. A moment didn't pass that he didn't think of their little angels. He has finally come to peace with the fact that their children are in a better place.
And here he was, hands tightly woven together, the weight of his jacket pocket becoming more immense by the second. He had arrived twenty minutes earlier than usual to their favorite Friday night restaurant.
She walked through the patio door, smiling back to the waiter holding the door as a wordless thank you. It was all too familiar. Granted, it was not the same restaurant, but he hoped to create the same aura.
Elena stopped halfway to the table, taking in Damon's dark blue suit and black tie. She glanced down to her deep blue sun dress before letting out a laugh. "I thought we said business casual for this one?" she joked.
He darted to his feet, knocking his chair over in the process. He sheepishly grinned before pulling out Elena's chair. She gave him a suspicious look as she sat down, allowing him to push the chair in.
"Damon," she said as he fixed his chair and sat down, "what's up with you? You're acting weird."
He looked up, breath momentarily taken away as the candlelight beautifully illuminated her face. Without thinking, he reached into his jacket pocket. "Here," he shoved folded pieces of paper into her hands, eyes begging her to take it to save him from any further embarrassment.
"Okay..." Elena lightly laughed and shook her head in confusion.
She unfolded the papers and glanced over them. Damon watched her face intently.
"Damon, what is this?" She locked gazes with him, eyes beginning to burn.
He folded his hands, praying they weren't shaking too visibly. "It's for you," He quickly grabbed the tumbler and took a gulp of the bourbon he had ordered before her arrival. After gathering himself he lightly grimaced, "I started writing it when I was in a dark place..It's a little rough, but it's how I felt and how I feel now, Elena."
Elena smiled as she glanced back down to the sheet music. She couldn't stop reading the words scrawled across the pages. A little sob broke free from her chest as the first tear cascaded down her cheek. She smiled up at him, "It's beautiful. It's so, so beautiful."
Two Months Later
The theatre was packed. The publicity surrounding the event was immense, as was the general reaction to the announcement. Elena was forever indebted to Bonnie for her work in securing this with the theatre owner.
The lights dimmed. The audience hushed. The curtains opened.
Her face lit up with a smile. She hadn't seen him in his performance getup since the first time she ever laid eyes on him. In his dark jeans, short-sleeved white-collared shirt, black bowtie, and with his ridiculously-spiked hair, he looked exactly the same.
Armand swayed back and forth, a little ritual he did before each song. He gripped his bass guitar as the curtains opened to reveal the mass of people there to see them perform. He glanced over to Anthony, who was too focused on getting into the zone as he spun his drum sticks. He locked gazes with Markus who smirked at him before adjusting the amp to his guitar. It was then that he turned to Damon, who was smiling, genuinely smiling.
The crowd erupted with cheers. After a year of absence, they were ready.
Damon grabbed the microphone from its stand. "New York City!" He bellowed, filling the theatre. The crowd erupted once more. Elena turned to Caroline and Bonnie, the three of them joining in on the screaming.
Damon put a finger to his lips, effectively hushing the theatre. "We have a special treat for you. We're gonna start out a little slow tonight." He glanced towards Anthony to receive the go-ahead. Anthony nodded. "This is a new piece we've been working on."
I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the rush of your skin
Damon's voice sent shivers down Elena's spine. Her eyes began to water when she heard the lyrics she had read two months before finally come to life.
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in
If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what's next
I'd make you believe
I'd make you forget
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
I miss the sound of your voice
Loudest thing in my head
And I ache to remember
All the violent, sweet
Perfect words that you said
If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what's next
I'd make you believe
I'd make you forget
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
I miss the pull of your heart
I taste the sparks on your tongue
I see angels and devils
And God, when you come on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Sing sha la la la
Sing sha la la la la
Ooo Ooo Ooo...
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me, drown me in love
It's all wrong, it's all wrong
It's all wrong, it's so right
So come on, get higher
So come on and get higher
'Cause everything works, love
Everything works in your arms.
His eyes locked with hers. She nodded. He nodded. No words were needed.
If the chapter title isn't obvious enough: Lyric credit to Matt Nathanson