Hi! Well, I am in what is called an amazing mood right now, haha! Uh, why you may ask? (let's be honest most of you skip the stuff in the bold, heck, when I proofread my writing I skip the bold part too LOL) Anywho! I'm in a great mood because A) You all are awesome and B) Because for the first time in my life, I got the Special Ending in DDLC! I spent like, 7 straight hours playing through it and I loved all of it! Except when I realized that Minori, Monika's sister, is actually a character in the parfait girls. I swear to the almighty being Shaggy that I had no idea when I first made the character, so that is a happy coincidence I guess? Anyways, enough babbling. Please, get ready for Chapter 3 of "Deserving?" Titled: "You"
Monika looked around the lunchroom, and sighed quietly to herself. She looked at the normal table she sat at, filled with all of her "friends." frowning at the thought of considering them anything more than acquaintances, and that was pushing it. She hated their self-absorbed and petty personalities, with their minds only thinking about what makeup they should wear, and what boys they should fawn over. It disgusted her, how fake they were.
Perhaps the disgusting part, wasn't them. But that Monika chose to align herself with such disgraceful human beings. But, no matter how many times she tried to politely get rid of them, they always came back to her. Because she was their so called 'best friend.' Sure, it's not because her family has money or anything like that, that is ridiculous.
She rolled her eyes and walked to the back of the crowded and bumbling cafeteria, sighing as she plopped her binder down on an empty table, away from most of the other kids at lunch. She was fairly certain none of the people she usually ate with would notice her absence. She leaned back into her chair and looked at the ceiling, her eyes fixated on the lines separating the squares.
Nobody had talked to her today, not even a hello. Of course. She thought, frowning, No one wants to talk to me unless I engage in conversation with them, so they can ensure they stay friends with the "rich girl" She felt her fist clinch, her chest tighten, her vision becoming blurry.
Damn it Monika, stop it, don't you dare. Don't you dare break down right now. She screamed at herself in her head. She knew she wasn't anything besides a pawn to those who claim to be her friend, a way to boost their own social status, so why was she getting so upset right now? She closed her eyes, and breathed in deeply, exhaling audibly.
Today had already been worse than yesterday, mostly because she had the pleasure of talking to her parents.
"You're up later than usual, Monika, what did I tell you about being so lazy?" Her mother said in a condescending tone, not bothering to look at Monika while she spoke to her.
"Y-Yes... Forgive me, mother. I was irresponsible." She replied in a weak voice, her hands clasped together in her lap, standing straight with her head down, staring at the kitchen floor.
"While we have time," Her father walked in from the living room, dressed in a navy blue suit with a red tie, "We need to talk about your grades, young lady."
Monika felt her heart plummet, she nodded quietly and shuffled over to the table, laying her school bag on the ground next to her, slowly sitting down, her hands laying on her lap, biting her lower lip and watching her father take a seat in front of her, looking at her.
"You have 2 grades that are too low, and 1 that is an utter disgrace to the Nakamara name. You better start explaining, fast," He said, in a cold, intimidating tone.
"W-W-Well... I-I uh... M-My calculus grade is l-low because of us h-having to leave... M-My advanced physics class is low b-because sensei h-hasn't graded my research paper yet. A-And as for my Latin... I-I just... I-I don't..." She struggled to talk, it was like a 100 kilogram weight was laid on her chest.
"You don't what? I don't have all morning to listen to you babble, Monika. Speak!" He growled, getting irritated, his brow furrowing in what seemed like frustration.
Monika shivered at her Dad's assertive, scary tone, holding her hands tightly as to stop them from shaking, "I-I don't... Understand it very well..." She finally whispered, dropping her head, squeezing her eyes shut. Don't yell, don't yell, don't yell... She pleaded in her head. She knew her father would never hurt her, but... She couldn't stand being yelled at.
Her father stayed quiet for a moment, looking at her with cold, unforgiving eyes. "So, you're telling me your sister can pass Latin with an almost perfect grade, with no complications, but you have to make up excuses as to why your grade is so disgustingly low? How am I supposed to respond to that, Monika? Do you think that that is acceptable? Do you think it's okay for your grade to be that low?" He asked, in a monotone, disappointed voice.
Monika felt her eyes well up. She wished he yelled now, instead of him making her feel so stupid and worthless...
She shot up from her seat, grabbing her bag, holding back tears, "I-I'm sorry for being such a disappointing and worthless daughter, I promise I will try to be better, I will do better... I..." She stopped talking, slinging her bag over her shoulder and running out of her home, slamming the door behind her.
She opened her eyes and looked back at everyone eating, laughing, talking, and laughed darkly to herself, shaking her head and putting her face in her hands. She just wanted everything to be simple... To be better...
"Monika?" A familiar voice asked, not that far away from Monika. She looked to her side, her eyes widening slightly, "Are you okay? You look a little upset..." Sayori said, her sea blue eyes filled with worry as she put her lunch tray on the table and sat down next to her.
"S-Sayori?" She asked, bewildered at the sight of her coral haired friend, "You eat at this lunch? Since when?" She asked, never once noticing the girl eating at the same time as her.
"Oh! That's because I sit back here by myself!" She exclaimed, a bit too excitedly for such a sad comment.
"I-I... I'm sorry, if I would have saw you, I would have sat with you a lot sooner, forgive me, Sayori," She responded, looking at her apologetically.
"Oh jeez, I don't care about that! Dummy, I want to know what's up with you! You look really... Out of it today. You're even sitting by yourself, why aren't you sitting over there with your friends like you normally do?" She inquired, pointing the table Monika looked at earlier, causing her to snicker.
"Oh, trust me, they are not my friends. Just... People I hang out with, I guess," She responded, crossing her arms and resting them on the table.
Sayori looked up at her, with almost sad looking eyes, "A-Am... Am I just someone you hang out with...?" She asked, biting her lip, "N-No! Forget I said that! This is about you, not about me!" She quickly stated, putting back on her large smile.
"Oh, come on," Monika rolled her eyes, turning her body toward her, her own large smile plastered on her face, "You're one of the only people in my life I consider special, so not only are you my friend," She booped her nose, giggling, "You're one of my best friends!" She exclaimed, feeling her previous emotions and thoughts of her parents aside.
"D-Did... D-Did you just..." She looked at Monika, a baffled expression on her face, "Did you just boop me?!" She exclaimed, causing Monika to laugh.
"You... Are the most adorable thing I have ever seen, and I've seen a baby panda in person before," She said, smiling at her.
Sayori blushed a bright red, looking down at her feet, which were squirming around rather uncomfortably, "D-Don't say things like that... You'll make me all flustered..." She muttered underneath her voice, barely audible to Monika's ears.
Monika felt her own cheeks burn a little, and she sighed, patting her head, "Did you write a poem last night?" Monika asked, trying to change the subject.
Sayori instantly jumped up, her facial expression changing completely, "Yes! Yes I did!" She said in an accomplished tone, throwing her hand up in the sky as a sign of victory.
"Haha, that's good. I'm glad you're taking this seriously, Sayori. I was a little worried you weren't," Monika laughed a little, rubbing the back of her head, looking down at the girl next to her.
"Uuuuh!" Sayori pouted, looking at her with her cheeks puffed out, "I'm vice president... I have to take stuffs seriously..." She crossed her arms, looking away from her.
"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I passed out before I remembered to write mine last night, so I'll have to spend my Study Hall working on it," She responded, a bit confused by the girls sudden, but admittedly cute, actions.
"Wha-! How is that supposed to make me feel better?" She asked, puzzled by Monika's suggestion of it making her feel better.
"I... Honestly don't know myself, too be honest."
"Did you not write your poem last night because you were stressed?" Sayori asked, her voice getting a bit more serious, "Do... Do you want to talk about why you feel that way?"
"I- You... You want to know about my feelings...?" Monika asked, truly perplexed by the foreign concept Sayori has presented her with.
"Well, yeah, dummy. You're my friend, I want to know what's bothering you."
Monika inhaled shakily, "W-Well... Okay... But, can we talk about it in the club? Lunch period is almost over," She said, pointing at the clock.
"Sure," Sayori replied, looking down at her food, "I just want you to be happy, you know that right?" She asked, not looking at Monika.
This made Monika's heart palpitate, her cheeks redden, and her body freeze. "Sayori... I..." She was cut off by the bell that lunch was over, watching everyone get up from their seats.
"Oh! Guess time is up," She looked down at her tray and frowned, "Dang it... Well, hopefully my teacher won't mind me eating in class!" She exclaimed, grabbing her tray and standing up, "I'll see you at the club, okay?" She said, smiling.
"Of course, I look forward to it, Yo-Yo," She said, causing Sayori to blush like crazy.
"I-I... I really like it when you call me that..." Sayori mumbled before rushing off to her next class.
Monika watched her scurry off, clutching a spot of her uniform that rested above her heart. "The world needs more of you, Sayori..." She whispered, before standing up herself, and walking to her own class.
...
Monika heard the bell ring, and put down her pencil, looking at the notebook paper that laid neatly on her desk in front of her. She sighed, a little upset she didn't time to practice her piano lessons. But, it was her fault anyways, she should have written it last night, and she didn't. And she couldn't disappoint the club by not bringing one, so her hands were bound.
She studied the words on the paper, ignoring the sounds and movement around her, running her fingers along the etched in marks. She didn't know what to write about, and wasted a lot of her spare time trying to come up with anything.
That's when an idea crept into her mind, slowly crawling it's way into her brain and searing it's idea onto it. She would write about what has made her happy, and, of course, the only thing that has made her happy, is Sayori.
She cringed at her writing, reading it through, progressively disliking it more and more each time, but, she had to roll with it. She quickly tucked it away in her binder and gathered her stuff, which was laying neatly on the floor next to her, and quickly scurried out of the classroom, trying to not be the last one to class.
As she grew near the club room, she stopped at a window, less than 10 meters away from the doorway, and stared out of it. The sky was a brilliant blue, the dying leaves falling slowly to the ground, the wind carrying them throughout the school yard, the sun's glistening rays spreading all over the dying grass, allowing it some comfort in it's final days of life.
It kind of reminded her of her and Sayori. Her being the grass, and Sayori being the sun who provided her with light and warmth when she needed it most, when she was suffering, her sunshine would always be there through the cold, harsh days.
"It's pretty, isn't it?"
Monika jumped, snapping out of her trance, looking back at the source of the voice.
She smiled warmly, her body relaxing as her own emerald eyes met with the familiar warm sea blue eyes. "Yes, it is, Sayori. I've always enjoyed fall, the way the leaves turn so bright and colorful. It's just... Relaxing." She responded in a relaxed tone.
"I know, right?" Sayori responded, placing her hand on the glass, "It's... Comforting to see that there is beauty in pain," She said, causing Monika to raise her brow in a surprised manner.
"Wow, Sayori that's... Rather deep. I didn't expect to hear that from someone like you," She walked behind her and put her hand on her shoulder, "But, you are right. To see that even the darkest things, such as death and despair, there is always a side that comes out, bright and beautiful."
Sayori smiled sadly, looking back at Monika, "Bright and beautiful, huh?" She turned around to face Monika, looking up at her, "Kinda reminds me of this girl I know!" She exclaimed suddenly, booping Monika's nose and running off into the clubroom, leaving Monika a red mess.
"H-Hey! C-Come back here!" She yelled, running into the classroom after her.
...
They calmed down shortly there after, partly because of Natsuki and Yuri, well, mostly Natsuki, yelling at us to cut it out so they could read. Which, they respected. Monika walked to the teachers desk and sat down on the chair, resting back on it and looking up at the ceiling.
"That's the second time I've caught you staring at the ceiling, do you just really like ceilings?" Sayori inquired, standing over her, looking down.
Monika smiled up at her, sitting up and popping her shoulder and massaging her neck, "Nah, I just space out sometimes, you understand, don't you?" She responded, her voice soft.
"Mhm! I space out all the time!" Sayori exclaimed, probably too proud of that statement.
They stayed quiet for a moment, the memory of what they said they would talk about lingering in the back of their minds. "So..." Sayori said, grabbing a stool that was a little ways from the desk. "Do you... Still wanna talk?" She asked, placing the stool right next to her, slowly sitting down on it.
"Yeah, uh... Sure, I guess..." Monika looked down, she felt goosebumps prickle up on her arms and her neck. She was so not used to this, she didn't know what to say, or how to start, or where to start from. "I... I don't know what to say... Or where to begin..." She mumbled, her cheeks tinted pink in embarrassment.
"Hmm..." Sayori tapped her chin, "Okay, how about you start from when you first started feeling stressed, then we will go from there, does that sound okay?" Sayori asked, her hand now resting on Monika's thigh, her thumb running from side to side in an attempt to gift her comfort.
"I... Okay then..." Monika smiled, enjoying the feeling of her warm hand on her thigh. "Well, I guess we should start here..." She started from the beginning, when Minori moved away, when her parents began to ridicule her more, when they began demanding for her to do better, to be better. To how much homework she had been given, and how much of it she really didn't understand, to how much her parents kept using her sister as a comparison of what Monika isn't.
She pushed back tears while she spoke, trying to keep her cool in front of Sayori, she took a moment to breathe every few seconds, as to keep her composure. Much to her surprise, even though she thought what she was talking about was boring and taking too long, Sayori sat there quietly, nodding her head, keeping her eyes locked on Monika's, her thumb not stopping it's repetitive, soothing motion once.
After she was done, she looked down at Sayori's hand, and bit her lip, "I know... I'm probably being over dramatic, and I shouldn't be as stressed out as I am, and it's silly that I feel this way... But, even so, thank you for listening..." She muttered, not looking up at Sayori.
Sayori's hand moved from it's spot on Monika's thigh, causing her to sadden, the warmth of it still lingering, the fuzzy sensation of her finger lightly caressing it leaving her wanting more.
But, before she could look up at her, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her shoulders, and a soft head of hair lay on top of her left shoulder. A soft gasp escaped her lips, surprised by the sudden contact, but quickly wrapping her arms around her.
"Monika... That's not silly or over dramatic, not at all..." She whispered, squeezing her ever so softly, "You have more than the right to be upset. Your parents putting so much pressure on you like that... It's not okay," She pulled her head back and looked into Monika's eyes.
"You shouldn't think lesser of yourself because they want you to be something you're not. You're amazing, Monika. Regardless of what your parents, or anyone says. To me, you're perfect. You're smart, pretty, and nice to everyone, even if they aren't nice to you," Sayori stared into Monika's emerald eyes, a stern, assertive stare, "You're my best friend, remember that. Okay?"
Monika felt her heart pound. All those feelings she felt when she thought of Sayori began flooding her mind. Is... Is this what having a true friend feels like? Monika thought in her head, No... No... That isn't right... She looked at Sayori, searching through her eyes, in search of... Something... What is this... Feeling... I... It hurts so much... But it feels so good...
"Monika? Are you okay?" Sayori looked at her worryingly.
Monika snapped back into reality, feeling her right cheek wet with her tear, not noticing it fall from her eye. "O-Oh... Yeah... I just think my eye was open for too long..." She said, and reluctantly let go of Sayori, wiping her face as she looked at the clock.
"Holy crap! It's time to share poems!" She exclaimed, standing up suddenly.
"O-Oh! It is!" Sayori exclaimed, jumping up with Monika, "I'll get mine! Since it's time to share and all!" She ran off to her bag, Monika trailing her with her eyes. The feeling... Won't go away.. But... Do I even want it to?
She grabbed her poem out of her bag, and cleared her throat, "Attention please!" She waited until everyone's attention was on her, "It's poem sharing time, please get your poem and start exchanging them!" Monika said in a cheery tone, everyone nodding and putting up their things, grabbing their papers and walking to one another. Natsuki went over to Sayori, so that meant Monika had Yuri.
They exchanged pleasantries and traded poems. I read through Yuri's poem, and cocked my head, "The Raccoon...?" She muttered to herself quiet enough so Yuri couldn't hear. She was... Confused, and admittedly concerned. Something was off about it, but she decided not to voice her concern. "I like it Yuri, it has a lot of descriptive language and good use of metaphors, of course, you probably already knew that," Monika stated, a big smile on her face.
"A-Ah... Thank you, Monika," Yuri stated, still studying her poem, "Yours is um..." She looked at it a little longer.
"I know, it's not great, but I tried my best in the little time I had," Monika responded, laughing nervously, rubbing the back of her head.
"No! No, it's pretty good. It's just... Is this a love poem?" Yuri asked, rather bluntly.
Monika blushed, "I-I..." She didn't really know the answer herself, "Y-Yes...? But not in the way you probably meant," She stated a little unsure of herself.
"Oh, so it's more about a friend who is really special to you, rather than a person whom you hold romantic feelings towards?" Yuri inquired, looking at her over her paper.
"A-Ah, yes, that's a good way to put it."
"I see then, well," She handed Monika's back to her, Monika doing the same, "It's a lovely poem, and clearly expresses your feelings towards this person. They must really be a good friend," Yuri smiled softly, bowing her head.
"Yeah... They are..." Monika whispered as Yuri walked off.
She next shared with Natsuki, who didn't really care for Monika's use of metaphors and descriptive language, and told her to "Make it clearer next time", she didn't take offense to anything Natsuki said, she knew she had a hard time being nice, which, is okay I suppose.
Then.. Sayori now... Monika felt her heartbeat rise a little, her chest tighten. Most of the time, people don't like showing the person whom the poem is written after, the said poem. But, there wasn't much of a choice now.
"Hi again Monika! Are you feeling better after earlier?" Sayori asked in a hushed tone.
Monika nodded and smiled, "Mhm! All thanks to you, Yo-Yo," She patted the girls head receiving a giggle from the shorter girl. "Let's trade poems, shall we?" Monika proposed, and Sayori nodded as they exchanged.
Monika read through it and cocked her head. This poem was rather... Bittersweet. It leaned to more of the darker side of happiness. How happy she was making others happy, but how hard it was for her to do so. It was... A lot deeper than most of her simple and dorky poems.
"Hey Monika," Sayori asked, looking up at her after she read it, "Who is this about?" She cocked her head, biting her bottom lip.
"O-Oh..." Monika stumbled over her words. Damn it, how am I supposed to answer that? I can't just say her! "It's uh... About a friend of mine, who I cherish deeply," She responded, answering Sayori's question while avoiding it at the same time.
"Oh..." Sayori responded, looking down at Monika's paper, a sad smile playing on her lips, "It's... It's nice. I'm glad you have friends like that!" She said, obviously forcing a smile.
Monika nodded slowly, looking away, "W-Well... You're poem uh..." She said changing the subject, "It's... Pretty deep, Sayori. Like, really really deep. It's surprising to read something like this from someone like you, if you don't mind me saying."
"Oh! Yeah, well," Sayori smiled, "Like you always tell me, just write about what's in your head! And that was what was going on in my head!" She responded, her smile staying up, not wavering.
Monika looked down at her paper, and back to her, "Hey Sayori... Uh... This may be a little out of the blue but..." She gulped, feeling her cheeks tingle, "You can uh... Well, if you um... Ever need to, you can uh... You can always come to me if you... Y-You would like a hug..." Monika forced herself to say, her hand shaking a bit, as she tried to hold it still behind her back.
Sayori's face lighted up instantly, "R-Really?" She exclaimed, receiving a nod from Monika, she quickly jumped on her and wrapped her arms around her, causing Monika to stumble back a bit, "How can I resist hugging you every time I see you?" Sayori exclaimed.
"S-Sayori! Don't say those kind of things!" Monika replied quickly, receiving a giggle from Sayori.
"Don't worry, dummy. We are both girls! It's not like anyone is going to think we're dating or anything!" Sayori said, letting go of Monika.
Monika froze, and she felt her chest tighten up, her hands shaking more than usual. She... She didn't like that. She didn't like the words that came out of Sayori's mouth at all.
And she didn't know why, but she felt like she was going to vomit, "I... I uh..." Monika looked at Sayori, and the other girls who were now looking at her, "Meeting dismissed!" Monika exclaimed quickly, running out of the classroom.
"M-Monika?!" Sayori yelled as Monika ran out.
"We have like, 30 minutes left... Why did she call it so early?" Natsuki inquired, looking at Yuri and Sayori in confusion.
"And she said we were supposed to have a discussion about the festival, not to mention she left her stuff here," Yuri pitched in, rubbing her chin in thought.
"Sayori, what did you say to her?" Natsuki asked bluntly.
Sayori looked back at her, confused, and almost... Hurt. "I... I don't know..." She mumbled. "I'm... Going after her..." She said and walked out the door.
Monika sat on the bathroom floor in a stall, holding her knees up to her chest, her face buried in her thighs.
"Stop..." She mumbled to herself, "Stop it!" She yelled, clinching her fist.
Monika closed her eyes tightly. What Sayori said... She knew she didn't mean anything mean, rude, or offensive. She didn't even say anything that would fit in either of those categories. But... It just hurt... It hurt her so much.
And she didn't know why.
"Monika...? Are you in here?" Sayori asked, walking into the bathroom, her footsteps clacking against the floor, echoing against the white walls.
"S-Sayori...?" She asked out, standing up slowly, exiting the stall.
They looked at each other awkwardly for a moment, "I... I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I said something bad, or wrong. I didn't mean to upset you... I'm sorry for being a terrible friend," Sayori said, breaking the silence. She looked down at the brown tiled floor, biting her lip.
"Sayori..." Monika felt her heart shatter, she hated seeing Sayori look like this. She wanted her to smile, and she needed to make that happen. Now. "It was nothing you did, I just suddenly didn't feel good and I thought I was going to throw up. You did absolutely nothing, silly girl," She said and ruffled her hair.
Sayori looked up at her, a small tear in the corner of her eye. "R-Really...? I didn't... I didn't mess up our friendship?"
Monika smiled, wiping the tear out of her eye and nodding, "Sayori, you would have to like, kill my cat for me to even consider being upset at you, I have no idea what series of events could even propose the idea of our relationship not being like it is right now."
Sayori looked up at her and smiled, a large, wide smile. She threw herself at Monika again, wrapping her arms around her hips. This time, Monika wrapped her own arms around her smaller body.
"So... Do you feel better now?" Sayori asked quietly.
"Of course I do, dummy," Monika whispered in response, "I always feel better when I'm around you."
They held each other a little while longer, before separating and walking back to the clubroom.
Hey! How are you peeps doin? I hope it's amazing and awesome! I also hope you enjoyed this chapter, I put a lot of hard work into it, and I know it could be better. But, what in the world can't be better? Anyways, I'm really, truly happy you have made it this far in this little story I'm writing. You simply being here makes my day so so much better. And thanks to you all who are leaving reviews, you make my day even more better! (great grammar) Anywho, I'll see you all later! Probably Tuesday? Maybe Wednesday. I dunno yet! Have a great day/night and please leave a review or DM me if you have any thoughts, questions, or concerns. Other than that, byeeeeeeeeeeeeee!